Rogues & Rascals in Goose Pimple Junction (Goose Pimple Junction Mysteries Book 4) (16 page)

Straightening her back and squaring her shoulders, Caledonia opened the front door, expecting to find Penny standing there with a sourpuss expression on her face. Instead, she found no one.

She opened the storm door, took one step outside, and got the shock of her life. Penny was lying on the porch, facedown, a bright red spot spreading across her ugly white blouse.

Caledonia’s hand shot up to her mouth to cover a scream. She scanned the street and then stepped back, moving so fast she twisted her ankle and fell off her two-inch-heeled sandal and onto her bottom. She scrambled backward like a crab, trying to put distance between herself and what looked like a dead body.
Bad Penny’s dead body.
Penny could be snide and rude, but who would want to kill her? Now she felt bad about all the little slights she had directed toward Penny. Lord, maybe her mother was right when she said a woman must always be pleasant and gracious.

Her mind raced. What should she do? Was Penny dead? She tried to think. What would Suzanne Sugarbaker do? No, she was the dumb one. What would
Julia
Sugarbaker do? Caledonia closed her eyes and took deep breaths. She got to her feet and limped down the hall to the kitchen, pulling out her cell phone on the way. Sinking into a chair, she dialed 911. Bernadette picked up.

“Nine-one-one, what is your emergency?”

“I think there’s a dead body on my front porch.” Her voice was shaking now along with her hands.

“Caledonia? Is that you? What dead body? What you talking about, girl?”

“It’s Bad Penny. Miss Penny. Penny. I think she’s been killed.” Caledonia dropped her face into her hand.

“You went and killed Miss Penny? I heard y’all couldn’t stand each other’s guts, but you don’t have to kill a body just because she’s hateful—”

“I didn’t kill her! Would you just tell Johnny and have him get here as fast as humanly possible? This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

“Yeah, well, I bet it makes the top ten for Miss Penny too.”

“Aunt Bea!”

“All right, all right, all right. Hold your horses one sec while I put out the call.” She returned several seconds later. “He’ll be there in a jiffy. Are all your doors locked?”

“Oh, Lordy, no.” She half-ran, half-limped to the back door to lock it.
This can’t be happening.
She hurried to a side door next, feeling panicky and dry-mouthed. Down the hall she ran, her breathing rapid and shallow. Her skin felt cold and clammy. As she reached the front door, she heard a faint siren getting louder and louder.

“I hear sirens, Aunt Bea.”

A police cruiser jerked to a halt in front of her house.

“He’s here now, so I’m gonna hang up. Thank you, hon.”

Two more cruisers followed right behind Johnny’s. Before she knew it, three officers were on her front porch kneeling over Bad Penny.

Miss Penny! On my porch!
Dead!
She shuddered, listening to the chief barking orders to his officers. Caledonia felt she might faint until Johnny stood and walked to her. She opened the storm door for him and crumpled into his arms.

“Now, now, Caledonia. It’s all right. You’re all right. Everything’s gonna be just fine. Come on.” Johnny put his arm around her shoulders and led her to the den. She sat in an overstuffed chair, shaking. She felt like she was sitting on one of those old motel massage mattresses—she felt jittery from the inside out.

He knelt down, patted her hand, and looked in her eyes. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Caledonia told him everything she knew, right down to falling on her behind and dialing 911. “Can I make a phone call, Paul? Can I call a friend?” Caledonia had nicknamed Johnny “Paul” because everyone said he looked like Paul Bunyan.

“You’re not under arrest, and you’re not on
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
.” He smiled at her, attempting to lighten the moment. “But yes, of course you can call a friend. I’m going to call a bus for you too. Get you checked out for shock. Nobody else is home, right? Where are the boys?”

“No, nobody’s home but me. I gotta call them. I don’t want them coming home yet.”

“Breathe, Caledonia. Sit right there and get your breathing back to normal and then make your calls.” She did as he asked and then called Pickle.

He picked up on the second ring. “Hi, Mama—”

“Listen to me, Dylan Everett Culpepper. I want you to go to the school and wait for the Peanut while he has basketball practice. Then take him to the bookstore with you. You hear?”

“Well, Mama, I can’t. I gotta be at work at three o’clock.”

“Ms. Louetta will have to understand. This is an emergency. I’ll explain later. You just do as I say. Do
not
come home. And I want you to keep your brother with you. You hear?”

“Mama, what’s wrong? Why can’t we come home? What’s the emergency? Why can’t you pick up the Peanut? You don’t sound like yourself.”

“Right now I wish I were anyone but myself.” She paused for a moment, and then a thought struck her. “Well, anyone but Bad Penny or myself.”

“Miss Penny—?” Pickle started to say.

“Lookit, I’ll explain later. Y’all just stay at the bookstore until I come get you. Promise me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Pickle sounded unsure, but he knew better than not to mind his mama.

She nodded, hit end, and called Tess, who said she’d be right over. It wasn’t until after Caledonia had hung up that she realized she hadn’t wanted or needed to call her husband.

By the time Wynona switched back to her car and stowed her gear in the trunk, the rain was just a fine mist. She parked in front of Miss Penny’s Dress Shop and was greeted by a new face from behind the counter.

“Hiya. Can I help you?”

“Well, yes.” She held up a finger, signaling the woman to wait a moment, and walked to a rack of dresses, taking one to the register. “I’d like to buy this.”

“You sure are decisive. You don’t want to try it on first?”

“I was in earlier and tried it on. I decided I couldn’t live without it. Tell Miss Penny I came back for it, will you?”

“Will do.” The woman took the credit card from Wynona. “Who are you again?”

Wynona slapped her forehead. “Silly me. My name’s Trixie.”

“Well, I don’t know any other Trixies around here, so she’s bound to know it’s you.”

“I was in here with Caledonia Culpepper this morning.”

The woman pursed her lips. “Oh. That explains Penny’s surly demeanor earlier.”

“Them two are like oil and water, aren’t they?” Wynona took the card back from the cashier.

“Boy, I’ll say. They’ve been sworn enemies for as long as I can remember.”

“It got kind of heated in here earlier. I could feel the hate emanating from Miss Penny, that’s for sure. And she was rather vocal with her feelings.”

“Yeah, she gets that way around Cal. That’s why I was surprised when she said she was going over there.” The woman put the dress in a bag.

Wynona froze. “Over where?”

“Over to Cal’s house. That’s where she is now. I tried to talk her out of it, but she was bound and determined to give Caledonia a piece of her mind. I guess she wanted to continue whatever was started this morning.”

“Why? What’s the point?” A niggling feeling began at the back of Wynona’s brain.

“Honey, there ain’t no point. It’s just the way them two are. They’ll go to their death fighting and hating each other.”

“How long ago did Miss Penny leave?” Wynona shifted her weight from foot to foot.

The woman consulted her watch. “Oh, I don’t know. Within the hour.”

Wynona took the bag and headed out into the misty, gray day thinking,
No, that can’t be
.

Mama always said . . . Every day is just a roll of the dice, and snake eyes are just a way of life.

P
ickle led his little brother Peanut into A Blue Million Books shortly after three fifteen. He’d called to tell Louetta that he’d be a little late today but apologized again once he got there.

“Peekal, it’s fine. I wonder what’s got your mama all worked up? You reckon we should check on her?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, Mizz Louetta. She said for us to stay here until she comes to get us. I figured it’d be okay since I was due to work anyway. Peanut can sit in a chair and read. Would that be all right?”

“No. Let’s put both of you to work until she comes. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”

“Yes, ma’am,” both brothers answered.

Just then, the bell over the door tinkled, and Jimmy Dean sauntered in with a smug look on his face. Louetta’s eyes narrowed, but she kept her composure, remembered her manners, and tried her best to be civil.

“Hello, Jimmy Dean. Anything we can help you with today?” She wouldn’t allow herself a smile. One need only take politeness so far.

“No thank you, ma’am. I’d just like to browse.” He strutted off toward the back of the store, turning to actually wink at Lou.

She turned to Peanut and whispered in his ear. “You g’won over there and stick to him like stink on a hog, you hear? I don’t care if he knows you’re watching him. You just glue your eyes on him and let me know if he tries to walk out with anything he didn’t come in with.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Peanut pumped a fist in the air and scurried off on his important mission.

Louetta shook her head in disgust. “Those people oughtta spend more time giving their kids home-training instead of going around spending money and strutting their stuff. I tell you what, I see one thing his daddy’s teaching his son—if his lips are moving, you can bet he’s telling a tall tale. I reckon Jimmy Dean will make a stellar lawyer like his daddy. I’m of a good mind to—”