ROMAN (Lane Brothers Book 5) (9 page)

“He…”

“He called Miah last night and gave up the location when he realized he would die if he didn’t get out,” she says after a moment spent in silence.

“Dammit, he’s so Goddamned stubborn,” I hiss, sitting up with a curse. “I told him this would happen and I begged him to get out. I begged him! And he still chose his damned honor over me.”

“Oh, Mel, I know and you’d better believe I’ll give him a good talking to when he’s healthy again, but you have to understand that he’s just so…he has a lot more driving him than honor and duty, honey. There’s so much about his past that you need to know to fully understand a man like my Roman.”

I know that. I have always known that, but the man would never give me the chance to know more. He’d spend hours after we made love asking me everything under the sun, and yet my questions always went unanswered.

Most times when I would ask him about why he grew up with Judith and George and not his real parents, he’d clam up and try to distract me by making love to me till I was too boneless to form a coherent thought.

“I need to shower.”

“Honey, don’t be upset, please. It isn’t good for you and the baby. Stay in bed for a little longer and wait for the doctor to check you out again.”

“No. I need to get up and get my life organized. I have a job and a house to pack up and…oh! Uncle Jim. I forgot all about him,” I groan, leaping up with a start.

“Pop already picked him up and he and the boys are all at the hospital right now. Just—”

“I can’t just lay here all day. I need…I need to do something,” I whisper.

This is me. When I’m upset or stressed I get to work. It’s something that’s saved me time and time again and I need it right now. I need to do something, lose myself in something, or the anger and grief trying to claw its way up will strangle me.

She finally sighs and helps me up, shaking her head and giving me a narrow-eyed glance.

“You’re not going back to that house where your daddy died and that’s final. I’ll have some people go on over and pack everything up and clean it out nicely. You just make a list of the things you want to keep and I’ll have the rest put into storage. As for where you think you’re going, I won’t let you leave the property, so get that right out of your head.”

Shoot. And here I thought I could run to Will and Lon to lick my wounds.

“Mama, I’m going to be honest here. I am beyond overjoyed that Roman is safe and he’s going to be okay. He’s the father of my child and I love him. But I’m done pinning my hopes on him. He’s a great guy, but he sucks as a boyfriend.”

“Oh, Mel. Look, I know that things will be awkward and I understand that your first instinct is to leave, but the boy just survived a beating and almost got the job done. At least go and see him when he gets home.”

“And after? I can’t just live here indefinitely when we’re not a couple anymore. That would be too difficult.”

Mama bites her lips and considers the dilemma for several minutes before a bright smile spreads over her face and she beams back at me.

“The cottage. You can live in the cottage and still have boh independence and safety while Roman recovers and you figure out how to navigate things. It’s great and there’s enough room for the baby and it’s close enough that I can visit you. Not every day! I swear I will control myself.”

I’m laughing and hugging her. Then I pull away with a chuckle that she echoes.

“You can visit whenever you want. Now come on. I need a shower and then you’re taking me to that hospital.”

Roman

I’ve been awake for the last half hour and it’s great to be alive, even with all the pain. I guess Jerry was right. Pain is better than no pain at all.

“Look, he’s finally stopped playing possum,” someone grumbles when I crack my eye and see my brothers, Jerry, and Jim standing beside me, all grinning down at me.

Miah still looks pissed off, but he wouldn’t be Miah if that permanent scowl I’ve seen lately isn’t plastered on his mug.

“I was taking inventory, asshole, that’s all,” I croak, lifting a hand to my left eye.

“Leave it. The doc said it would be okay, but you have to wear the patch for a week before we’re in the clear with your vision.”

That’s Wyatt, always handing out orders, no matter what the situation. It feels so good to see them all again that I feel my eye tear up and soon I’m bawling like a freaking wimp as my brothers all surreptitiously swipe at their own eyes.

Jerry is crying like the baby he is, of course, and I even see Jim’s eyes moisten a tad before he clears his throat and starts getting official.

“We’ve apprehended almost all parties involved from the evidence you supplied to us, Lane. The only people missing are Lynn, Dyson, and one very low-level flunky that the agency will get to in due course.”

“Cleo?” I ask.

I see Jared grin like a fool and I have my answer right there. The weight that leaves me just knowing that crazy witch is in custody and facing some serious charges makes me giddy. I smile at them all before I remember something.

“Something was up with Dyson.”

“Yeah, he beat you half to death and made it out before we could return the favor,” Jace snarls, getting a high five from Jared.

“No, I mean…” I stop and shift with a hiss before continuing. “He said some stuff last night that made me rethink his involvement in this thing. He said I almost cost him his position and that he couldn’t die before he fond ‘her.’ I thought he was talking about Cleo since they were cohorts, but after the second time, I think…I think he was there looking for someone.”

No matter what his motivations, I can’t let myself forget some of the atrocities I saw him commit. But I know that the person he portrayed himself as was a front and that he was there for a bigger reason than wanting money and death.

Dyson, if that’s even really his name, had his own mission. I want to know what it is.

“Isn’t Case still on Lynn?”

“Nah, man. He lost her yesterday and is still looking.”

“Miah…there’s still another person I never discovered. Whoever it is, he’s the mastermind behind the weapons smuggling. He’s not behind the terrorism, but I heard enough from Cleo that I know there’s a man who supplies military-grade weapons. We need to find him before Lynn does or this could all just start again.”

They all look to Jerry and I grin when he takes a step back and starts muttering about ungrateful wretches.

“I have no clue who he is. Lynn and Cleo were the only ones who spoke to their contact, but I do know one thing. The guy is military and still active.”

“That could be the SEAL mole,” Wyatt points out and I shake my head.

“No, we’ve questioned him already and the idiot has no idea about the weapons,” Jim says with a sigh. “It would have been great if they gave you a little more time.”

“To what? Get himself killed, Jim? Jesus, would you just listen to yourself. My brother almost died last night and you’re still not satisfied. Do me a favor and get the fuck out if you can’t be grateful for everything he’s done here,” Miah snarls, taking a menacing step towards the senator.

“No—”

“He’s right, Uncle Dobs. Be grateful for what you got and go do your job. Maybe earn the money you rake in?”

We all turn and I feel my heart explode in joy when Mel walks in with Ma, her sweet face pale but just as beautiful as I remember. I’ll take the memory of this moment to my grave with a smile.

“Melissa, sweetheart—”

“Sweetheart my ass.
You,
I will deal with when I have the strength and patience to look at your face after what you put me through.”

“But, darling, you need to understand—”

“Oh, she understands just fine, Jimmy boy. Now stop upsetting my sister and get your ass out of here before I lose my temper,” Miah growls.

“I…”

She frowns darkly and I see Jim deflate before closing his mouth in defeat.

“Right now all I can think about is that Roman and I need to talk,” she growls, scowling so fiercely that I see poor Jim swallow before taking a step back. “Boys, if you don’t mind.”

They all give me one last look and kiss Mel before Ma smiles sadly at me and herds everyone out. I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when Ma doesn’t make a move toward me and Mel stands stiffly at the door before closing it and coming closer.

“Baby girl.”

It’s all I can manage to say before she’s rushing towards me and throwing herself into my arms with a tearful laugh that hurts my ribs but feels too good to deny.

I’m crying, too, because Mel isn’t one to show her emotions so easily. It tells me just how overwhelmed my girl is right now. For me.

“I am so glad you’re okay. It almost killed me when you didn’t call me back and…”

“Shh, baby girl, shh, it’s okay. It will all be okay now,” I croon, kissing her hair and face and any part of her I can reach before she pulls away with an embarrassed laugh and swipes at her eyes.

“Sorry. I…I guess I’m just hormonal. I—”

“I know about the baby, Mel. Miah told me.” I smile, reaching a hand out to her when she steps back and her smile drops a notch.

Her eyes are moist again and I see her battle back tears as she walks over to the window and stands there for a minute or two, just staring at nothing.

When she turns back I know that something is wrong.

“I came here today because I needed to see you and prove to myself that you’re okay. I needed to know for sure that you are really out and safe and they can’t hurt you anymore.”

“Baby—”

“And I also came to tell you about the baby because I knew that you’d be happy to know…but…but I can’t do this anymore, Roman. I have more than you or me to think about now, and I can’t be in this situation again. I know I put out this tough vibe and want everyone to see me as if I’m strong and indestructible, but the truth is that I’m not. I’m just me, and I hurt as much as anyone else does,” she says softly as silent tears run down her cheeks.

“I know that. You think I don’t know?”

“I think you do. I think you know me better than any other person has ever known me, so it hurts even more knowing that you see the real me and yet you so easily discarded me when my use ran out.”

“No! No, that’s not true, Mel. I wanted to protect you.”

Her lips twist and I see her anger when she looks me dead in the eyes and shakes her head.

“Really? Because from where I’m standing my boyfriend left me all alone in a little cabin out in the woods and went off to fight demons that I had to face on my own. You fought for everyone else but me. You left me, Roman, and after I begged you to come back because I needed you, you denied me.”

Her words hit home and I almost choke on my own self-hatred. She’s right. I was so busy fighting my own demons and trying to prove myself worthy of the life I’ve been given that I failed her. Again.

The knowledge makes me feel sick and I gasp in a breath when she smiles sadly and lays a hand on her flat belly.

“This baby is the best thing that ever happened to me, and for that and many other reasons I will probably always love you, Roman. But I can’t do this with you anymore. You’re a knight who will forever be on a quest while I’m just me, a woman who wants more than to sit at home waiting for you to come back to me, or to one day hear the news that you died for someone else.”

“I can change, Mel. I swear—”

“I don’t want you to change, Roman. I’d never want that. I fell for you because you’re kind and strong and compassionate enough to really care about other people. I love that about you. It just makes for a bad boyfriend, and right now I need more than to focus on something I can’t have.”

“You have me!” I yell, feeling my desperation spike when she removes the little butterfly chain I gave her the night I promised to come back to her.

“You don’t have me. Not anymore. I gave you a chance and you blew it on a mission,” she whispers mournfully and I feel myself break.

I’ve never broken, not once in all the time I was running ops or when Dyson was beating the crap out of me. My personality and the training I endured always kept me in control and gave me the ability to stay solid when I should have shattered.

But I can’t fight against this or close myself off. I feel every moment of my agony when she kisses me gently and lays the chain in my open hand.

“Your mom said I can stay in the cottage, and I think that’s for the best while Jim and your brothers finish this.”

“Mel.”

“I’ll come and see you, and I hope that we can be friends.”

Friends? She wants to be friends when I love her so much that I know my life will never be complete without her? Does she really think a man as determined as me will accept her walking away when I know she loves me?

I feel myself nod and give her what she needs right now. One day, when she needs me again, I will be there for her, that’s the vow I make to myself and one I will keep no matter what.

“Okay, baby girl. Okay. I want you to know that I love you, Melissa Dobson, and that I always have. I won’t ever stop.”

“Roman…”

“Now go on home with Ma and get some rest before she comes and adds to my injuries.”

I want to touch her and lay my hand on her belly, just to feel the child we created and know that my family is safe, but I resist, knowing that I have to earn that right.

I will earn that right.

I have to, because that angel walking away from me as I lay broken and empty is the only thing that kept me alive and made me keep fighting when my body tried to give up on me.

“She dumped you, huh?” I hear from the door and I look over to see Miah leaning against the doorjamb, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

To anyone who doesn’t know him, he looks all relaxed and easy on the eyes, but I know better. Right now my brother is seething and the target of his rage is yours truly—his best friend. Hi brother.

I deserve his anger and I expect recriminations and blame. He surprises me and closes the door before taking a seat beside me and shaking his head.

“I should be so angry right now. You lied to me, Roman, and you betrayed our code. And yet I can’t be angry, not when I am so damned glad you survived.”

I snort and grab his hand, squeezing tightly.

“I’m sorry. I know you won’t believe this, but I want you to know that if I had another chance to do it over, I’d change almost all of it. I made decisions that were unfair to everyone I love, and I understand the backlash I should be getting.”

Miah grunts and sits back, propping one booted foot beside my cast.

“That woman has been through hell these last few days, and that’s without the shit she suffered in that cabin—alone, scared, and worrying about your useless hide. You have a lot to make up for with her, Roman.”

“I won’t just go off anymore.”

“Roman, going off at all now is a bad idea and you know it. When you have a woman and she loves you enough to bear your child, you owe her a lot more than half of yourself. I gave up the job even before Clari got pregnant, and I don’t regret it one bit. I have responsibilities that mean more to me than being the big bad hero, and I thank God every day that Clari sees enough in me to want more than half of me.”

“What would I do if I left the job? It’s all I know, all I’m any good at. I like the police work, but let’s be honest, it’s not a mission. I love the mystery and thrill of the chase and—”

“Well then keep doing that and let Melissa move on, Roman. The woman just told you to let her go because she loves you enough not to hold you back or change you. Let that be enough,” Miah murmurs, looking me dead in the eye so I know how serious he is. “Commitment is a calling that no man should take lightly, and if you can’t want more than seeing your family more than two weeks of every month, then let her go.”

“I think I have a lot of thinking to do,” I finally answer.

“Yea. Good thing you’re bedridden for a while then, huh? Now get your ass some rest. Wake me when you get hungry and I’ll have Lon bring you some of Ma’s soup. She’s making it special for your dumb ass,” Miah mutters, leaning back in the chair and closing his eyes.

“Were Lon and William Sparrow really there? It’s still sketchy, but I could swear I saw those ugly assholes hovering over me like two of the nastiest looking nurses I ever saw.”

Miah chuckles and cracks one eyelid, his expression full of mischief.

“Yea. Just imagine how impressed Mellie will be when she hears that her white knights saved your ugly ass. Why, I think Will may have a real shot with her now that he’s turning away from the dark side.”