Authors: Cynthia Dixon
Chapter 1
“Let’s get this thing going, ladies!”
I had done it, finally. I had finally served that no good, abusive bastard his walking papers. It’s like for the last ten years I wasn’t able to breathe, but now the smoke had cleared, the sun had come out, and my life was my own again. In the month since I packed my bags, I had joined a gym, gotten a new job as a mortgage underwriter for a local bank, and completely changed my look. I didn’t want Jason to recognize me or have any chance of finding me.
“Phones off, ladies, and leave them in the car.” I had gone so far as to leave mine off and at the office so I wouldn’t be tempted to turn it on. Jason had a tracking app he used to keep an eye on me all the time. I didn’t want any of my friends to check in or post photos on social media. I needed to be able to relax and unwind.
I had decided on The Barn as the place to go party. It was a country/western bar that had line dancing on Friday nights. It being a Friday night, and with no cover for ladies, we were going.
We all hopped out of Lucy’s giant black Suburban. I still couldn’t believe all nine of us fit in there comfortably and still had room for our bags. I stepped out and tucked my blue plaid shirt back into my jeans. The outfit was casual, a plaid button-down, jeans, and a pair of cowboy boots I’d had since college, but I made it a point to gussy up the rest of the look. I’d spent an hour carefully styling and curling my long chestnut hair and meticulously applying my makeup. I looked hot, felt hot, and, thanks to my new trainer Kimberly, had the stamina to dance all night.
We entered the smoky bar and I was instantly giddy. I had to contain myself not to sprint to the bar for a beer. Out of habit, I first scanned my surroundings for Jason. We had driven out ninety minutes from Elk City and the odds that Jason did the same were zero but, as the saying goes, old habits die hard.
The coast was clear.
I approached the bar as the DJ fired up a new song. As badly as I wanted to cut loose, I needed that beer first to celebrate. “One Bud Light, please.”
“Let me see some I.D., lady.” The bartender was a surly sort with a heavy Texas accent and a beer gut, but I happily plucked my driver’s license out of my wallet. At thirty-three, I’d take it as a compliment as long as I could. He handed me my beer and I turned to lean against the bar and people-watch. My friends were chattering away next to me, but people-watching diverted all my attention.
I had forgotten what it was like to be around other people having fun. Jason had found any excuse to keep me inside and away from my friends and others as a means to “protect me”, which was code for him not wanting other guys looking at me. I had to give up a lot to please him.
“Hey, Jordan? Anyone in there?” asked Courtney, the loudest of the crew.
I turned to her and smiled. “Yeah. I was just soaking in the feeling of freedom for a minute.”
“Well, don’t take too long. We’re ready to boogie.” She ran her hands through her short black pixie cut, the result of one too many color changes. While the reasoning was funny, I had to admit she looked good in it. She was one of those women with very petite features and doe eyes that didn’t need a lot of hair getting in her way. I had a feeling she would end up keeping it for a while.
“You guys go ahead. Once I finish this, I’ll come join you.” My friends all abandoned their drinks and lined up on the dance floor just in time for the next song. As badly as I had wanted to dance when we arrived, I was content to veg out for the moment. It was going to take a bit to reacquaint myself with being social. But I still wound up shaking my ass a little anyway; the song had a good groove to it.
I shifted to find a seat and stepped on somebody’s foot, dropping my drink. “Excuse me. I am so sorry.” I looked up to see who it was I had walked on and came face to face with a genuine hunk.
“It’s no problem, miss…?”
“Mrs.” —whoops, not anymore— “sorry, Ms. Jordan Padalecki.”
The cowboy’s gentle smile tugged at something inside me I had thought didn’t exist anymore. Was that attraction?
“So, not missus then?”
“Ah, no. I’m in the process of divorcing so I’m still getting used to the change. And your name is?”
He offered me his hand to shake. “I’m Garrett Winstead. I can’t say I’ve ever seen you around here before. I’m pretty sure I would have remembered someone like you.”
Someone like me? What did he mean by that? “I’m not. I live in Elk City. My friends and I just came out here for a night out.” I shook the spilled booze off my hands.
When I looked up, Garrett had tipped back his Stetson and smiled at me. I was struck by how handsome he was. Garrett had that good ol’ boy charm that disarmed and gave you that warm and welcome feeling. There was no shortage of those in Oklahoma, but something behind Garrett’s warm brown eyes and exceptionally long lashes made him feel different than the others. There was also something a little darker about him.
“Let me buy you another one. What were you drinkin’?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head to regain my focus. Looking at the label on the mostly empty bottle, I was surprised to find a Bud Light in my hand. I just held the bottle up; the words were escaping me at the moment.
Garrett flagged down the bartender and ordered me another one.
“Jordan! Come dance with us!” Courtney yelled to me over the pounding country/western music. The opening bars of a Florida-Georgia Line song filled the large wooden space. My friends whooped in excitement and huddled up to dance.
Garrett nudged me and handed me my beer. My shoulder was warm where he touched me and my insides lit up at the gentle press of his hand. It had been way too long since I had felt any touch like that from a man.
“I’ll be back after this song, okay?” Reluctantly, I peeled myself away from him to join my friends. Ladies night was the whole point of coming here. It wouldn’t be right of me to bail on them, no matter how out of sorts I felt about coming out among real people again. Going out was my idea.
I didn’t dare turn around. I could feel Garrett’s eyes on my back the entire time, but I couldn’t bring myself to check. Was he actually watching me or was I imagining it?
It didn’t matter. The music swelled up around me, and the movements and the joy from all of my friends were contagious. The shackles of my worries, fears, and anxieties dropped away from my body and I was weightless. This wasn’t alcohol or a drug; the high I experienced from just being, and enjoying the energy of good people and awesomely bad music flipped a switch inside me.
“We missed you, Jordan,” Courtney shouted.
“It’s true. This was a great idea. Welcome back, girl.” Lucy pulled me in for a bear hug. Lucy was a gym rat and super strong for a woman so lean. I think she adjusted my back.
A sweet, vanilla scent came off her skin. “What perfume are you wearing?”
Lucy let me go. “Alien. You like?”
I leaned in close again and inhaled deeply. “Yeah. I might have to rip off your fragrance choice.”
The song ended and the DJ switched the music to an old Shania Twain number. I snuck a peek over my shoulder. Garrett was watching, and he smiled at me when I noticed. Feeling bold, I blew him a kiss and waved. He smiled broader, and if I didn’t know any better I could have sworn he was blushing a little.
A pointy chin rested on my shoulder. “Ooh! Who’s that?” Courtney had snuck up behind me. It was my turn to blush.
“Just a guy who bought me a drink. No big deal.” I feigned nonchalance, but I was actually giddy inside.
Courtney scoffed. “No big deal? Come on, Jordan, I saw you blow that kiss. Do you know him?”
“When would I have been able to meet a guy like him, an hour from home no less, when I was married to Jason and not allowed to leave the house?” Besides, if I had known Garrett before, I would have made it a point to get out sooner than I did.
Courtney flashed a Cheshire Cat grin. “Fair point. He is rather yummy. I don’t think any one of us would be mad at you if you went back to the bar and flirted with him. Judging by how he fills out those clothes, he would probably be a good time,” she said with a wink.
A nervous giggle bubbled up and burst from my mouth. Courtney wasn’t subtle, not by a long shot, but I was no virgin. I shouldn’t be shocked by her innuendo.
I looked back over at Garrett again. He was resting his head on his fist and, judging by the smile on his face, clearly enjoying our shenanigans.
“Go over there and talk to him!” Courtney nudged me towards the bar. “You could use a night of fun with a hot guy.”
Oh my god. Was she suggesting a one-night stand? I wasn’t even legally divorced yet. “I’m not so sure…”
“Go on! The best way to get over one guy is to get under another!”
I laughed so hard that I snorted. “You know that’s not true, Courtney. You’re so gross.”
Laughter twinkled in her eyes. “I love you, and I want nothing but for you to be happy, and divorcing that dickhead was just the beginning. The next step is to cut loose and have a little fun. If you’re truly not ready, then flirt for flirting’s sake.”
She had a point and raised a good question. Was I ready? I hadn’t been in love with Jason for a long time. The marriage had felt like a trap I couldn’t figure out how to get out of. Everything I was passionate about was laid to the side. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. Maybe I was ready to test the waters a little.
There was the fear side of it too. I was afraid of being alone, afraid that nobody would want me besides Jason. His words were so insidious that I actually believed him when he told me that I wasn’t worthy, and that no one would want me.
I had to prove him wrong.
With Courtney’s blessing I marched back up to the bar. What was the worst that could happen?
Chapter 2
The October air in Oklahoma was cool and crisp. The windows of the shops along Main Street were decorated with carved Jack-o-lanterns, grizzly skeletons, and wart-riddled witches. Garrett and I walked past the flower shop which had an amazing fall set up of yellow, orange, and russet leaves, authentic looking scarecrows, and blocks of hay that looked a little too perfect.
“This was nice. Thank you for the walk.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets as a brisk wind blasted us.
“No problem. There is only so much of that music I can take.”
“Then why do you go to that bar?”
“The beer is cold and they serve the best hot wings in town. It’s worth a little bad music for some A-plus food.” He scratched at the stubble on his jaw.
“That makes sense, I guess.” My stomach rumbled at the thought of the missed opportunity for quality bar food. It rumbled so loud that my impromptu date noticed.
“Hungry? There’s this all-night diner that serves a pretty tasty chicken plate if you want to go.”
Did I just get asked out? “I’m starving. Let’s go.” Looks like my impromptu date just became official. “And I’m freezing, please tell me they have something hot on the menu.”
Garrett nodded. “Try their chili hot chocolate. I’ve only had it once since I’m not really a chocolate guy, but it’ll get the job done.”
We walked up on a diner that didn’t look like anything much on the outside. The exterior had an old-timey feel, with wooden clapboard siding that had been aged to a dark gray-brown from years of weather exposure. Only a small sign hanging above the doorway gave us any indication what was inside the building, because the tint on the window was so dark.
Inside told a whole different story. The furniture was a mix of sleek, modern leather booths in a soft blue color, and dark wood tables and chairs. There was an eclectic mix of vintage antique product signs, metal clocks, and a giant buffalo head towards the back of the restaurant, decorating the cream colored walls.
The chalkboard sign at the host station read “Seat Yourself,” so we grabbed two menus and slid into a booth. Garrett sat across from me, and even with the width of the table between us I still was acutely aware of his body.
A perky server pulled up to the table with her pad out. Her white-blonde hair was pulled back tight off her face and I couldn’t stop staring at the color of her lipstick. It was a pink worthy of Barbie herself. “What can I get you guys?”
Garrett took the reigns and ordered for both of us. “A hot chocolate for Jordan and I’ll just have a Coke, please.”
The server slipped her pen into her ponytail and scampered off to get our drinks. I was impressed with the amount of energy she had at nearly midnight. Oh, to be in my twenties again.
We picked up our menus. I wasn’t sure what I wanted yet, and couldn’t decide because I kept creeping looks at Garrett over the top of my menu. I was curious about my mysterious stranger. He must have been doing the same because for a moment our eyes locked and I wondered if he felt the same electricity pass between us as I did.
I discreetly rested my foot on his under the table, testing the waters for some sort of connection that either proved I was right or crazy. When he smiled at the contact and didn’t move away, my stomach did a little flip. Maybe he felt something too.
The server returned and dropped our drinks off. Garrett ordered his food first, but I still couldn’t make up my mind. “I’m not sure. I’ll just have what he’s having. I’m too hungry to think about it.” After she took our menus and left, Garrett and I were alone again and the silence felt awkward; at least for me.
“So, what do you do?” Not the most creative question, but with any luck I could get the ball rolling.
“I own a beef ranch about ten miles outside of town. In the last two years we’ve cleared a couple of acres for vegetables. We’ve been experimenting with a few different things, but so far have only managed to successfully grow a fair plot of sweet potatoes. My hope is next year to get the black-eyed peas to take.”
I listened intently, but silently panicked when he said “we”. I stole a look at his left hand. Not even a tan line of a ring, but not everybody wears one, and I’m not that kind of girl. “We? So you have help?”
Garrett took a sip of his Coke before continuing. “Yeah. I live alone,” he paused to swallow. I had a feeling he did it for my benefit as well. “But I have about ten guys working for me from March until the middle of November.”
“What have you tried planting so far? I have a pretty successful garden at home, maybe I can help you figure out what’s wrong.” Plants were my thing, but holy shit, that was bold.
Garrett smiled sweetly at me. “I’d like that. If you can come out to the ranch and take a look, I’d really appreciate it.”
The server came back with our food and we ate in silence for a while, only making the occasional eye contact, smiles, and even touches. Our fingers brushed as Garrett passed me the peppershaker. Hopefully the pink and heat I felt creeping into my cheeks wasn’t too noticeable.
When we had finished, Garrett offered to pay the bill.
“I can get mine. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s my treat, Jordan. I’ll take care of this.” He picked up the slip and strode over towards the counter to pay.
I threw a ten down on the table. The least I could do was get the tip since he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Thanks for dinner. Next time will be on me, okay? I’d be more comfortable with that.”
Garrett slipped his hand into mine as we walked back towards The Barn. “Next time. I would like that.”
I leaned in close to him to get in on some of his body heat. The daytime was still comfortably warm, but the nights were dipping down into the forties and there was a raw chill in the air.
We reached his truck too fast for my taste. I hesitated in leaving him to get back to my friends. I wasn’t ready to end the night yet. “Thank you again for dinner. You were right about that hot chocolate too. I think I can still feel it in my belly.”
I tipped my face up to look into his eyes. I found myself pulled into their dark depths to place I had never been before. I wanted to kiss him then. I wanted to so badly that I felt like if I walked away, something would be missing.
I didn’t have to wrestle with the choice for long. Garrett bent forward and planted a slow, gentle kiss on my lips. He looked at me, questioning if he could go further. It felt like a cliché, but with that one kiss something sparked inside me that I thought was dead.
Standing on tiptoe, I slipped my arms around his neck and put my mouth on his for something a little longer and far less innocent. I needed him. I needed that kiss like I needed air, water, and food to stay alive. My lips moved over his, carefully pushing forward. I wasn’t sure how far this would be allowed to go until Garrett’s tongue swept over mine.
I moaned and opened myself to him, encouraging him to take what he needed from me. Pressing my body to his felt right. I wanted this to go further.
His hand splayed over my lower back, bracing my body against his. I could feel Garrett’s breathing hitch as he pulled away.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. Catching my breath after that was going to be tough.
“I don’t want to take this too far. Not yet.” He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his Levi’s.
I couldn’t believe it. Garrett was rejecting me! “I thought… Didn’t you… I wanted…” My body was on fire in that moment, and I was embarrassingly wet between my legs. Disappointment hung like a wet towel around my shoulders.
“I understand, I do, but I don’t think it’s right. I’d like to make a proper date between us. Don’t get me wrong. I’d fuck your brains out right here in the bed of my truck, and I have a feeling you’d let me. You are a very beautiful woman, Jordan. I just feel like I want to do right by you and not treat you like I picked you up in a bar.”
It was a sweet sentiment and I couldn’t help but smile at the thought. I was going to see him again. When, I couldn’t be sure, but that fact alone made me excited. “I’d like that. And I want to come by and see what’s the matter with your soil. There has to be a reason why things aren’t taking well.”
We exchanged phone numbers and a promise to meet up again in a few days. I would have to drive out here at least an hour, but I didn’t mind. If it meant that I could be close to this sexy man again, then I’d make it happen.
Chapter 3
I wound up being the designated driver. By the time I got back inside the bar, everybody was loaded and dancing on the bar. After a little finagling and coercing I managed to tempt all eight of them into the car and got back to Lucy’s safely to sleep it off.
On Monday, I got back to the office and powered my phone back on. It’s surprising how little I missed the little electronic ball and chain after a weekend without it.
“Holy shit! This is insane!” I had a full mailbox, over a hundred missed calls, and a SIM card full of text messages from Jason on my phone. Most of them started benign enough. “I miss you” texts and voice messages just checking in on me. Then, as the content went on, I could tell he was getting both angrier and drunk.
You can take your divorce papers and shove ‘em you fucking bitch!
You ruined my life. No man is gonna want you, you useless whore!
I’m sorry, baby. You make me so mad. Just come home and stop pissing me off and things will be better.
You’ve been fucking around on me, haven’t you you little slut? You belong to me dammit!
That was the one that made my stomach turn. I belonged to no one, and I couldn’t take anymore of his shit. I went to hit delete for all the voicemails and the texts, but stopped. I forwarded everything to my attorney and decided to let him deal with it. Jason was not my problem anymore, and I couldn’t let him snake his way back into my head while I was working so hard to purge him out.
I sat back and stared at my desktop. A photo of the two of us in happier times smiled back at me. We were in Mexico on vacation, I looked tanned and happy in my pink and white eyelet bikini. I was piggybacked on Jason for the photo. He looked so handsome with his tousled blond hair and aviator glasses. I remembered how his lean body felt against mine as we took advantage of the hotel suite, and my skin crawled.
Without hesitation I deleted the photo and replaced it with a field of poppies; the red color against the blue sky looked so bright and cheery, and nothing like my mood after studying that old photo.
My phone binged; a new text. My thumb hovered over the screen as I debated whether to open it or not. What if it was another threatening or begging note from my ex? On the other hand, it could be from Garrett. We were supposed to meet up this afternoon at his ranch.
“To hell with it.” I swiped the notification to open the app and held my breath. My heart skipped—it was Garrett.
Call me when you leave and I’ll give you the address. I look forward to seeing you.
A second text rolled in after that one.
I’ve been thinking about you all weekend. Want to do dinner after?
Grinning like an idiot, I quickly replied yes. The rush of a new…— was it a romance? Whatever it was felt amazing and renewed me. My past was shedding away and I was emerging as a person that I thought didn’t exist anymore. That, in and of itself, was a confidence booster.
The workday dragged a little bit. I passed the time finishing the mortgage paperwork that needed to be finalized this week and taking a walk during lunch. Monday was normally my short day anyway, with my day ending at two, so it shouldn’t have been too bad.
By one forty-five, I was a kid in the classroom watching the second hand slow down as it ticked on toward the final bell. I fired off a text to Garrett to get his address and checked my email in the meantime.
Most of it was the usual, memos about break room etiquette and cleaning the microwave, an upcoming corporate training event for the bank staff, which didn’t include us underwriters, and buried towards the bottom was an email from Jason.
“Nope! No way.” I trashed it. “You are not getting to me anymore, you bastard.” I spent the last ten minutes of my shift visiting my boss about getting a new email.
I finished up a call to my cell carrier to get a change of number as I pulled into Garrett’s driveway. Steam shot out of my ears in irritation; I would have to go into a store to take care of it, it didn’t matter that my ex husband was basically stalking me.
I stepped out of the car and slipped my phone in my back pocket. With a deep breath I grabbed my kit and shoved all of my drama to the back of my mind into the To Be Dealt With Later pile. “New beginnings, kid. You can do this.”
Garrett’s house was nice. It was an old two-story farmhouse that looked like it had some exterior work done. The white wraparound porch was welcoming and looked freshly painted. There was a pretty gable detail inset over the front door. The shingles were painted a soft yellow, like a chick, and the trim was a crisp, clean white.
I approached the heavy front door and knocked. My stomach churned and my heart was beating a million miles a minute. I wiped my palms on my pants before knocking again.