Romance: New Beginnings (Young Adult and Adult Romance, Christian Christmas Fiction book as a Love Story) (Second Chances Trilogy 3) (9 page)

Chapter 16

Jackson woke the next morning still unable to think of anything but the woman he’d met the night before.
Tori. Michelle’s sister?

He started packing up his library, only to grow frustrated a few hours later. He couldn’t concentrate on anything except those pictures.

Jumping back in his car, he made the ten minute drive back to Tori’s house and parked in her driveway. Glancing at his watch, he realized it was already 12:30 p.m. and he hoped she’d gotten some much needed sleep the night before.

She’d seemed confident in her ability to assess her situation because she was a nurse, but Jackson had seen the dark circles beneath her eyes and felt the frailness of her body as he’d helped her back to her house. She might have finished her chemo, but she was by no means out of the woods. Now her body had to strengthen itself and heal!

He sat in his car for five minutes before he finally got up the nerve to go knock on the door. He’d thought he had the past locked away. Sure, Sara had dragged some of it up, but he’d firmly put it back in place again. Now it was coming to the forefront, but in the form of real life people. Not so easy to put away when confronted with living, breathing memories.

Climbing from his car, he walked around the hood of the car and then he had a sudden image of himself driving a truck. Mentally smacking his head, he stopped and looked at his beautiful Mustang. He loved that car! But it was completely impractical for where he was moving. No! He needed a truck, or a SUV of some sort. Something with four wheel drive and plenty of space would be ideal.

Adding that to his to-do list, he sighed and then finished the walk to the front door, surprised to see the inner door open and Tori standing there watching him.

“Hey!” he told her with a crooked smile as he drew close to the screen door.

“Why are you here?” Tori asked without prevarication. She knew she was blushing at the complete fool she’d made of herself the night before. She’d gone against everything she’d always told her patients and pushed too hard too fast. She’d suffered the consequences as well.

“I wanted to make sure you were doing okay,” Jackson said, and then added, “I was in the area and thought I’d just swing by.”

“You were in the area?” Tori asked, narrowing her eyes at him in disbelief.

“Well, yeah! After I turned into this subdivision, I was definitely in the area.” Jackson smiled when she gave a short laugh at his humor. “Can I come in for a few minutes?”

Tori backed away from the door, “Suit yourself. I have puppies to feed.”

Tori turned and slowly made her way to the kitchen and out onto the back patio. The puppies immediately got excited with most either licking her feet or jumping up at her legs and begging for attention. Shelby, was lying in the shade of the big tree and only lifted her head as Tori began a one-sided conversation with the pups.

“Who’s hungry? I have puppy chow wet, or puppy chow dry.” She poured dry food into the two bowls, wetting one of them and giving it a brief stir with the wooden spoon left on the patio for just that occasion. When she set the bowls on the concrete, the puppies pushed and shoved each other, trying to get around the bowls.

Some of them tried the wet food, only to immediately switch bowls, opting for the crunchy dry morsels. Others did the opposite. Before long, each puppy had located its personal preference and was eating happily. Tori watched for a few minutes and then a movement at the backdoor snagged her attention.

Jackson stood there watching her and the pups, “They’re good eaters.” He didn’t know what else to say, and having looked at the pictures again, he knew he couldn’t leave without knowing the entire story of what had happened his senior year.

“Yeah.” Tori grabbed a can of dog food, opened it and dumped it into a smaller stainless steel bowl and then carried it to the opposite side of the patio. “Shelby, come on girl. Time to eat while you can.”

Shelby brushed up against Tori’s legs as she stopped to get petted and then quickly devoured her food before the puppies were finished. Tori sat down in one of the patio chairs, needing a small break before she headed inside to tackle the mound of laundry that had begun to pile up. Grace and Jane had both offered to handle the task, but Tori had adamantly denied needing help to manage her household chores. She’d done it throughout her illness, and now that she was cured, there was no reason she couldn’t continue to do so. It might take her a little longer this week, but she’d get her chores done.

“So, satisfied that I’m better than yesterday?” Tori asked, eyeing the man who was seating himself next to her. She still couldn’t get over the niggling feeling that she knew him from somewhere.

“You seem to have a little more energy today,” Jackson commented, watching her and not commenting on the fact that she wasn’t wearing that blonde wig today. Her hair looked like it had begun to grow back, but if she’d just finished another round of chemo, what little growth there was would soon fall out once again.

Tori leaned her head back against the chair and that’s when she must have realized she didn’t have the wig on. Jackson watched as her eyes popped back open and a blush quickly rose to cover her entire face and scalp. When she hesitantly raised a hand to her head, wanting verification of what she already knew to be true, he rushed to assure her it didn’t matter to him.

“Tori, don’t let it worry you.” Jackson watched as she looked at him with shame and humiliation burning in her face and he wondered at the cause.
Had someone made her feel badly about herself because she’d gotten sick and the cure had made her hair fall out? They should be shot!
He realized he was furious on her behalf and while she struggled with her embarrassment, he struggled with his anger.

“Who was it?” he asked in a quiet voice.

Tori could hear the anger in his voice and found herself puzzled by it. This man didn’t even know her, yet he was angry, and it didn’t appear to be at her, but her circumstances.

“Who was what?”

“Who taught you to be embarrassed because you got sick?”

Tori gasped and ducked her head. Swallowing, she struggled to push the hateful words that rushed to the surface back where they belonged. In the grave. They’d never actually been said to her. Just in her head.

“Tori, it’s not your fault you got sick. You know that, right?”

Tori nodded, “Of course I know that. I worked on the oncology floor, remember? I can’t tell you how many times I had this same conversation with a patient. What I don’t understand is why you think you need to have it with me?”

Jackson watched her and then softly said, “Because you are sitting there, embarrassed and wanting nothing more than to rush back inside the house and lock the door. Tell me I’m wrong?”

Tori looked at him for several long moments, before finally shaking her head, “I can’t. And before you go psychoanalyzing me, I know in my mind that getting sick wasn’t my fault. But you didn’t grow up listening to your mother criticize every little aspect of your life. Or with the knowledge that whatever you did was never going to be good enough to appease her.”

“No, I didn’t grow up that way. My parents were wonderful and very supportive of my siblings and me.”

“Lucky you,” Tori threw out before she could stop herself. She wasn’t jealous, just matter of fact. She did think people who’d grown up with a support structure around them were lucky. The fact that she’d never known that was also a fact. One that unfortunately seemed to govern how she made her decisions and thought about herself far too often.

“Why are you really here?” Tori asked, sensing that he wanted to ask her something. Her energy was starting to flag and she only had a few more hours before Emily would be walking in the door. She needed to accomplish something worthwhile today. She had to!

“Those pictures in your living room,” Jackson began and then stopped.
How was he to go about this?
“Tell me about your family.”

Tori looked at him and then back towards the house before asking, “Why? They’re just pictures.”

Jackson shook his head, “No, they’re memories.”

“Yes, but they’re my memories and most of them aren’t at all happy.”

“Tell me.”

Tori was again puzzled and queried, “Why? Why do you want me to tell you about people from my past that have been dead for a while now?”

Jackson was quiet for the longest time as he struggled with how much to reveal. Deciding to go for broke, he quietly looked at her and murmured, “Because I knew your sister. I was planning on marrying her before that woman who called herself your mother stole her away in the middle of the night.”

Tori gasped and clutched her chest.
That’s where she knew him from! Oregon! Jackson was JD! The starting point guard for the basketball team and her sister’s boyfriend!
And that made him…
She watched him and then a new horror began to take shape in her mind and she pushed herself from the chair, headed for the house. “You need to leave. Now!”
He has to leave; I can’t let him stay here. Can’t let him know the truth!

Jackson was intrigued by her response to his statement that he’d known her sister. She was in a full-blown panic, and he was at a loss to understand why. “Tori?” he asked, following her back into the house where she made a point of going to the front door and standing by it.

“Please, just leave.”

Jackson could hear the emotion in her voice and knew he couldn’t leave her upset like this. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on around here, but I’m not leaving without some answers. Why don’t we sit down and talk for a few minutes?”

Tori shook her head, “I have things to do. Please…”

Jackson reached out to her, touching her on the arm, shocked at the tingling sensation that contact created. When Tori pulled her arm away from his touch and wrapped it around herself, he realized he needed to assure her he was safe and didn’t mean her any harm.

“What kind of things do you need to do?” he asked, trying to put her at ease.

“Things. Chores.”

“Dishes? Laundry? Vacuuming? I could stick around and help while we talk.”

Tori looked at him and laughed, “You’re offering to help me clean the house so that I’ll talk to you about my dead sister and mother?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Why do you want to talk about them?”

Jackson was silent for a moment and then told her, “Because when your sister disappeared, it changed my life. Irrevocably. I looked for her for months afterwards.”

That statement brought Tori’s head up and she saw him for the first time; really saw him. She looked into his green eyes and what she saw there had her caving in.
He needs closure!

“Fine. Are you any good at laundry? If I don’t get a few loads done, Grace and Jane are going to take over and do it for me.”

“And that would be horrible why?” Jackson asked, following her slow progress to the laundry room.

“I’ve managed to take care of myself and Emily for all of these months, I can do so now. I’m cured and I need to get on with my life.”

Jackson watched her start loading towels into the washer, gently pushing her out of the way after seeing what her intent was. When he had all of the towels loaded, he added detergent and fabric softener to the machine and then turned to ask, “What’s next?”

“You’re really going to stick around and help me clean the house?” Tori asked, watching him with a bemused look upon her face.

“Sure. But first, you are going to take a break and get your breathing back under control.”

Tori opened her mouth to answer, but then sighed and nodded resignedly. Trudging back to the living room, she lowered herself onto the couch and relaxed into the cushions.
I really need a nap!

“So, you dated my sister in high school, huh?” Tori mused. “I knew she was dating some basketball star, but I think I only saw you with her once. We didn’t exactly hang out with the same crowds.”

Jackson seated himself on the couch and nodded, “I vaguely remember you opening the door to me once or twice. I was shocked because I didn’t even know she had a sister until that moment. You were a grade behind her?”

“Two. I was a sophomore when we left Oregon.”

“Where did you go?” Jackson asked, not ready to ask the ‘why’ yet.

“To here.” Tori let the silence simmer for a moment before she said, “Why don’t you ask what you really want to know?”

“Fine. Why did your mother pack you all up and leave town in the middle of the night?”

Tori laughed, knowing it would have come to this sooner or later. Might as well be sooner. “Because she was embarrassed. With a baby on the way, she couldn’t face her friends in town. My mother didn’t like being embarrassed by her children, so rather than staying, we moved. To a new town. To someplace where there were so many people, no one even glanced twice at a pregnant teenager.”

Jackson was stunned, “You mother wasn’t a very nice person, was she?”

Tori gave a half-laugh, half-snort, “My mother was the most selfish, narcissistic person on the planet. She cared about nothing but herself, and that her daughters didn’t embarrass her or draw attention to themselves. I tried to become a shadow, the less I was seen or heard from the better off I was. Michelle on the other hand flaunted her beauty, always wanting to be in the spotlight. My mother couldn’t stand it.”

“You said yesterday that they died around the time Emily was born. What happened?”

Chapter 17

“We were hit by a driver trying to elude the police; a high-speed chase that ended when the driver slammed into our car on the highway, going over a hundred miles an hour. By the time my mother saw him coming towards us, there was no time to get out of his way.

“My mother was killed instantly, but Michelle lived for a few hours, and I suffered only minor cuts and bruises. Emily was born, Michelle died, and I was left to pick up the pieces.”

Jackson looked at her and quietly told her, “You fought back and won. How old were you?”

“Sixteen. I’d just turned sixteen the week before this all happened.”

Sixteen!
“Did they catch the driver?”

“Yeah. He died at the scene. The newspaper said he was drunk and had illegal drugs in his system, but I don’t remember much else. Emily was born a few weeks early so they kept her in the hospital. When they released her, I brought her home.

“My mom had a small life insurance policy that paid for this house and my nursing degree with some to spare for Emily in the future. We’ve made it work.” Tori watched him, waiting for him to ask her who the father was. When he didn’t, she was unsure of how to proceed.

“Thank you for telling me what happened. After all of these years, it helps.”
Michelle was forced to leave me. She might have been cheating on me, but she hadn’t left me willingly.
Why that made a difference, Jackson couldn’t say. Somehow, knowing that she hadn’t been the one to leave, made her defection and unfaithfulness less damaging.

“So, what’s next on your chore list?”

“A nap,” came out of Tori’s mouth before she could stop it. Covering her face with a hand, she tried to find a way to take back the statement, but Jackson had definitely heard it.

“That sounds like the most intelligent thing you’ve said. Have you had lunch yet?” he asked, making his way into her kitchen as if he did it all the time.

Tori slowly followed him, “Yeah, I had some soup earlier.”

“Good. Now, off to bed with you. I’ll take care of the dishes while you rest.”

“Don’t you have other things to do?”

Jackson smiled at her and she was amazed at how handsome he was, “Nope. I am at loose ends for the next few weeks. I’m moving up to Montana, and short of packing up all of my worldly possessions, I have nothing to do at all.”

Tori yawned, unable to stop it, and saw him hide a smile. “I shouldn’t be this tired,” she murmured to herself.

“I heard that.” Jackson watched her and then asked, “When did you have blood work done last?”

“Oh, please don’t play doctor right now! I’m so tired of being poked and prodded and having my every breath watched as if it was going to be my last. I’m cancer free. My body has been pumped full of chemicals for the last time. I just want to be normal again.” Tori didn’t realize she’d started to cry until Jackson pulled her against his chest and rubbed her back.

“It’s alright. You’ve done a remarkable job so far, you just need a little help to get over this last setback. I only asked because it’s what I do. I can’t help it.”

Tori sighed and then pushed away from his chest. His very strong, warm chest.
I didn’t realize being held could feel so good!
“I’m sorry. My reaction was a little over the top, even for me. I know you’re only doing what any good doctor would do. Trying to find a reason for the symptoms and treat it.” Tori was silent and then offered, “They drew blood when I was in the office a couple of weeks ago. I was supposed to go back last week, but then I started coughing and they just prescribed some antibiotics over the phone and told me to come back in when I felt stronger.”

“Why didn’t they send someone out to draw your blood?” Jackson watched her and then answered it himself, “Because you told them you were capable of coming to the hospital.”

Tori nodded tiredly, “I am. Just not today.”

“Or yesterday, or the day before that…”

“I’m getting stronger each day. I really am. You should have seen me the first time I met Grace and Jane. It was the day after my last chemo and I was so sick. I’m surprised they didn’t just call the ambulance and make me deal with it. But they didn’t. They stuck around, starting helping me take care of Emily. That was only a few weeks ago, but it seems like months.”

Jackson took her elbow and led her towards the bedroom where he’d found the oxygen bottle the day before. “Take a nap. I’m sure I can find plenty of things to do around here. I’ll be here when you wake up and we’ll talk some more. I really think you need to have your blood work done and I would be happy to drive you to the hospital myself.”

“We’ll see. Jackson, you don’t have to stick around. Emily knows how to get in the house and will wake me up when she gets home.”

Jackson nodded his head, “Okay. I’ll take care of the dishes in the sink first. I’ll leave my number by the phone.”

“Thanks,” Tori told him, opening the door to the bedroom, and eyeing the bed with longing.
I just need a small nap and then I’ll finish the laundry. It was nice of Jackson to offer to stick around, but I’ve been doing things by myself for a while now. I can handle it.

*****

Tori slept soundly, stretching and then glancing at the clock before sitting up in the bed, alarm bells going off in her head.
Where was Emily and why hadn’t she awakened her? It’s 6 o’clock. She should have been home hours ago!

Tori stumbled from the bedroom, her thin tank top and sweatpants forgotten as she searched for her missing child. “Emily?! Emily?!”

“Momma, what’s wrong?” came the tearful reply as Emily came barreling in from the backyard.

Tori grabbed her, hugging her close, “You didn’t wake me up. I thought something had happened to you.”

“Jackson said to let you sleep,” Emily told her, hugging her close.

“Jackson was still here when you got home?” Tori asked, still holding onto the little girl, not only to calm her fears, but because the room was spinning and she was afraid of falling down if she let go.

“Momma, you’re squeezing me really tight,” Emily complained as she tried to extricate herself from the hug.

“Emmy, momma needs to go sit down on the couch. Can you help me before you go back outside?”

“I’ve got her, sweetie,” Jackson said, moving Emily away from her mother at the same time he bent and picked her up in his arms.

Tori squeaked in surprise and then looked up into his strong face, “Why are you still here?”

“Because you still need help. Couch you said?”

“I can walk.”

“No you can’t.” Jackson leaned down and whispered in her ear, “You might be able to fool Emily, but you were seconds from crashing to the floor. I could see it on your face, so stop trying to pretend otherwise.”

Tori sagged against his chest in defeat, “Fine. Yes, the couch would be lovely.”
Before I start liking being held in your arms too much!

“Now, Grace said she and Michael would be over around 6:30 p.m. with a couple of pizzas, to which Emily and Dani screamed in delight, scaring the puppies in the process. I’ve switched out the laundry a few times, the dishes are done, and,” Jackson leaned over to look her in the eyes, “I dusted and swept the carpets.”

He sat her down on the couch and then pulled a blanket over her lap. When he stood up, he got his first good look at her and tried not to cringe at what he saw. Her skin tone was very pale, almost translucent in places it was so white, but it was the evidence of her cancer that had caught his attention.

They hadn’t discussed what type of cancer she’d had, but now it was obvious.
Breast cancer!
The thin tank top she wore, didn’t conceal the scarring or healing skin that was evident beneath the white fabric. Pulling her blanket up over her shoulders, he tried to focus on something else, not wanting to embarrass her or himself.

“”Emily helped me fold the towels and put them away. I think she must have corrected me ten times about folding them the wrong way,” he said, trying for anything that might ease the tension that had suddenly filled the room.

Tori knew exactly what had happened. She’d seen his eyes fixed on her chest and knew without even looking down what he would have seen. Her tank top was thin; having been washed so many times the fabric was almost washed away. She knew he would have seen the deformity and disfigurement caused by the removal of her breast, as well as the shadow of the healing incisions.

She watched his reaction and when he deftly changed the subject, she was both relieved and hurt. The counselors at the hospital had tried to help her deal with what she viewed as the loss of her femininity. Her doctor had already started talking to her about reconstructive surgery, and now that her chemo was completed, that was the logical conclusion.

After the surgery, she would look just like she had before. Only she would know the true toll the cancer had taken on her body.
Only one functioning breast. The inability to have children.
The list was probably longer, but those things were the only ones that mattered to her.

Pulling the blanket up under her chin, she dropped her head and struggled not to let his reaction matter.
So what if he didn’t think her attractive! It wasn’t like she hadn’t spent the last nine years doing without a man around. She didn’t need a man to define her. She had Emily and that would be enough. It had to be!

Jackson watched the emotions flow over Tori’s face and knew he hadn’t covered his reaction very well. Sitting down on the edge of the couch, he gently tipped her face up to meet his eyes, “Tori, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. You told me you had cancer, but not what kind.”

Tori shook her head, looking away from him, “It doesn’t matter. Really. I should have put my sweatshirt back on.”

“Tori, you can’t hide what happened.”

“Oh yeah? Watch me. And why does any of this matter to you? Before yesterday, you didn’t even know I existed. Well, I mean…I guess you knew I existed, but you didn’t know anything about me.”

“Stop being so defensive! You are an amazing woman and a survivor. Stop feeling sorry for yourself!”

“Um… if I’m interrupting something, I can always come back later,” a small voice said, drawing both their attention to the front door.

Jackson had called her doctor who had readily agreed to send a nurse over to draw her blood. Jackson suspected that the last round of chemo had left her anemic, but without bloodwork to back it up, the problem couldn’t be adequately treated. “No, no problem. Come on in.”

Jackson stood up, prepared to battle with her over this decision. When all she did was give him a look, he hid a smile and then moved back to allow the little nurse to work.

“Hey, Tori. Doc said you weren’t feeling too hot.” She proceeded to tell Tori which tests had been ordered and promised the results would be ready later on in the evening. It seemed everyone at the hospital knew Tori and were willing to go out of their way to help her, if she would simply let them.

“Thanks, Stacie. I didn’t mean to put you out…”

“Girl, would you shut up! We’ve all been trying to help you for months now. I’m glad to see someone finally took charge and is helping you regardless. You can’t get better if you keep running yourself down. You know that!” she offered as she packed up her supplies.

“Yeah, yeah. I do. But once you’re on this side of the bed, then we’ll talk. I’d much rather be the nurse than the patient.”

“Wouldn’t we all. Hey, I’ll run these back to the lab. Take care of you and that little one.”

“I will. Stacie – Thanks.”

“No problem. Nice to meet you,” she told Jackson as she headed out the door as quickly as she’d arrived.

“Friend of yours?” he asked, preparing himself for the fireworks.

“We worked together at the hospital for a while. She got tired of that environment and went to work as my oncologist’s staff lab tech. She loves her job now.”

“You sound jealous,” Jackson pointed out.

“I guess maybe I am. The hospital environment is interesting, but now that I’ve been out of it for so many months, I’m really not looking forward to going back to it.”

“So don’t!”

“Just like that, huh? And where else would I use my skills? For the last five years, all I’ve done is work with cancer patients. Michael offered me a job at the new pediatric clinic he’s opening, but I don’t think I could handle working strictly with kids. In fact, I’m sure I couldn’t handle it.”

“Yeah, working with sick kids everyday would be hard.”

“There she is,” Grace called out as she entered the house carrying two pizza boxes. Michael entered behind her with a large bowl of salad and a covered container of dessert. “Did you sleep well?” Grace asked, coming over and giving Tori a hug.

Tori smiled and nodded, “I did. You guys didn’t have to bring dinner over.”

“No problem,” Michael assured her. “I’m actually using it as an excuse to talk to Jackson here.”

Grace smiled at the men and then shooed them out the door, “You boys go have your talk and watch the girls play.” Once the men were out of the house, Grace turned to Tori and asked, “Feel up to a shower before dinner?”

Tori moaned in response, “Oh that sounds wonderful. How did you know?”

“Does it really matter?” she asked with a quirk of her brow.

“No. No, it doesn’t.” Grace helped Tori back to the bedroom and went in search of clean clothes while the woman took a shower, using the shower stool for support when she grew tired. She wasn’t sure how Grace had known that was what she needed, but it had been exactly the right thing to help refocus her mind and energy.