Romancing the Storm: Second Chances (7 page)

When the summer ends and school begin, I feel as if Blaine has abandoned me. I quit asking Cara if he calls and I'm not sure I care. I've stayed faithful to him, and I miss him so bad it hurts. I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. Judah has been my rock throughout this whole ordeal. He's working more and now that I'm working we're not able to get together as much as we did during the summer.

Cullfield has a harvest festival every year. The park transforms into family fun with food, 4H competitions, horse rides, and games. The whole town shows up for an entire couple of days of fun. Judah and I meet there as we always do. I bake two pies and Judah helps to organize the games. So many people ask if we are a couple.

"Hey you," Judah says as he leans over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. No wonder people think that. I smile and squeeze his arm.

"I'm glad you made it home in time for this," I say. His work let him go a day early so he could be here.

Country music filters throughout downtown. Those willing can cut a rug. Judah grabs my hand, and we head to the dance area too. The fast-paced tune keeps us moving to the beat. I enjoy the exercise.

The next tune slows and couples melt together as the sun sneaks down causing long shadows. I willingly fall into Judah's arms as we sway back and forth. I'm ready to make the move and stop the insanity of my loneliness. No word from Blaine since May. Nothing. He's all but abandoned me. Maybe Cara is right, I should just move on. I'm slow at moving, though, obviously. I giggle at the thought of it. The song stops and Judah pulls me to the picnic tables, and we grab a bite to eat along with a few friends. We laugh and enjoy the company as we have done all summer.

Cara runs up to us, her face flushed, and she's out of breath. She bends over for a moment to catch it and stands up. "Sorry. Gracelyn, come with me," she says and eyes Judah tentatively.

"What?" I ask not wanting to move.

"Please. You'll be happy you did," she says. Again her eyes swing to Judah, and she shakes her head ever so slightly.

"Okay." I stand and keep hold of Judah's hand. Whatever it is he can come, too.

"I warned you," she says as she leads the way to the other side of the park. We walk upon commotion, and I drop Judah's hand just as we arrive because everyone's eyes turn expectantly to me. I look around and don't understand until...

Someone moves to the side, and there stands Blaine, grinning and in conversation, oblivious to me. My breath catches. Blaine looks up and sees me and his face lights up. My heart skips a beat. I glance to Judah, who stands beside me, his lips drawn tight. He shifts his eyes to me and back to Blaine. Too late, Blaine moves closer, and I take off in a run, heart pounding, to him.

"Gracie," Blaine says as he opens his arms, and I fling myself into him. He holds me tight for a moment and grins at me.

"When did you get back?" I ask.

"Earlier today. We came in for a break. We're heading back though in a week or two."

I lace my arm through him as others come up to offer well-wishes. My heart is happy to have my love back and yet I feel conflict when I glance at Judah. He stares at me, his face devoid of a smile. He shakes his head and walks away. My heart pulls for him; I want to run after him. But Blaine pulls me along in the opposite direction.

"So how have you been? Tell me what's gone on in my absence," he says to me.

My mind flits the adventure, feeling it best to keep it to ourselves. I decide to tell Blaine about it and leave out the kiss. "Oh, I've had a few adventures here and there. Did you know I got the job at the school? I teach kindergarten half a day five days a week," I say.

"Yeah, Cara told me. I'm happy for you. Do you like teaching?"

I look at him and smile and nod. We move around the park seeing his friends and family. He has tales to tell and eager ears to listen. I'm stuck. I look around for Judah, and he's disappeared.

We make our way to my house after the festival at the park winds down. Blaine takes me into his arms the minute the door shuts. "I've missed you," he says as he smothers my face and neck with kisses. I smile, it feels good to be in his arms.

He carries me to my bedroom, and he takes me as if we haven't been apart any. I try to ask him what he's done and he just continues not wanting to talk about it.

We make love for a couple of hours, and I think he's going to stay the night. He rises and dresses. "I need to sleep in my bed," he says.

"Wait, you haven't told me what you've been doing these past months," I say trying to keep him there.

"Eh, that can wait," he says. I want him to invite me to come with him, but he doesn't. He kisses my head and thanks me for the wonderful homecoming and disappears out the door. "See you tomorrow."

I stare after him. Why am I not happier to see him? Why do I still feel cold and lonely? I hope Judah is okay.

Blaine and I go back to our old ways only he's a little more preoccupied this time. I try to understand, he acclimated to life in Africa, and this is just a short visit. We finally sit down to talk about our future.

"How long will you be gone this time?" I ask.

He shifts his eyes and throws his keys on the table. "I don't know. We're part way through the projects of the water works, training on sanitation, and on the medical needs. Those are plenty," he says.

"So what were your days like?"

He shrugs. "Neesha and I set up for medical appointments. The water team is building the pipes and digging wells, securing fresh water. Dad and his colleagues work with the people," Blaine says not looking me in the eyes.

"Who's Neesha? Is she single?"

He chuckles. "Everyone on the team is single, Gracelyn. Her father is a doctor too. She and I help with the patients," Blaine says.

"Is she cute?"

"Why all the questions about Neesha?"

"Just wondering," I say feeling jealous.

"Neesha is a good friend. She's unattached; she's a nursing student, so she's doing this for schooling, sort of like an internship. She's great, though, with people," Blaine says.

"I have a question. In your letter, you said
don't wait up for me
. I wondered what you meant by that exactly. Some seem to think you were giving me a way out," I say.

"Like who?" Blaine narrows his eyes at me.

"Cara. Judah," I say.

"So you read my letter to them?"

"I told them about it. You didn't exactly divulge anything personal in it," I say.

"I wasn't sure when we'd be back. This trip was a spur of the moment thing. We're here for a couple of weeks. I guess I wanted you to have the option to have your life instead of waiting for me," Blaine says.

"Are you wanting this chance as well?" I ask.

Blaine shrugs.
Wrong answer
. I stand up and put my hand on my hip. "Really? You don't know? I've sat here for months, missing you, lonely, wishing I'd hear something, and this is how you answer me?"

"What do you want me to say? I don't know how much longer we'll be over there. Do you want me to invite you to come along? Is that it?"

I blink at him. "I want
us
to be. In college, we had plans. You don't have trouble sleeping with me when the urge hits, but when the rubber meets the road you want your freedom to go and do what you please. I want you to love me enough to want me by your side all the time. That's what I want," I say on the verge of shouting. Maybe this is it. A tremble runs through my body as I gear up for the showdown.

"I didn't ask you to come along because this is a great sacrifice. I have to sleep in a shanty. We have mosquito nets over our beds. We don't have running water. Not exactly the comforts of home. I didn't expect you to have to make those sacrifices. We're still young yet, Gracie. We have all the time in the world," he says.

"Whatever," I say and walk off. I'm tired of it. He wants to go out and live life separately then let him. He jumps up to follow me out the door. It's getting dark, the nip in the air brings goosebumps to my arms.

He catches me, grabbing my arm and turning me to him. "Hey, don't walk off like that. Let's make the most of our time while I'm home," he says as he attempts to pull me back to the house.

"No," I say pulling out of his grasp. He's all fine when he's horny and wants a little satisfaction. I'm too easy to give it to him.

"Let's go visit the mill," he says and tries to head in that direction.

"It's too cold," I say. I stomp up the road like a spoiled child.

"Okay, what do you want? What do I need to do to make this right?" he says.

"Ask me to come with you. Let's plan our future," I say. I'm mad that I've let Judah go like I did all for a dream that only I seem to have.

"Okay," Blaine says.

"Okay? Okay, I can come to Africa with you?" I ask not believing what I just heard.

"Yes, I was going to ask you anyway. Come to Africa. You'll have to quit your teaching position. And the living arrangements aren't the best, but we can fit you in somewhere," he says.

I turn and grab his hand, and we head back to my house. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, why not. I can't promise you'll be staying with me, though. Or that you'll even work with me. They may need your assistance in the water team. I just don't know, but yeah, come back with me," he says smiling and drawing me to him.

I soar in my heart as we remove our clothing and make love once again in my bedroom. He keeps telling me how he can't guarantee we'll have a lot of time. But I figure he will try his best to help us be together. He leaves afterward and tells me to head to get my vaccines for Africa at the clinic.

I pick up the phone and call Judah. "Guess what? I'm going to Africa with Blaine," I say excitedly.

"Good for you," Judah answers with a flat voice.

"Isn't this great? He wants me with him," I say.

"Yeah, great. Whatever Gracelyn. Just forget me, please. I can't take this. So if you don't mind, I'm hanging up. Good luck with life." And the phone goes dead. I'm now crying and wondering what just happened.

"Judah, please talk to me," I say as I stand in front of him. He just came in from work. The fatigue on his face is stern, his posture slumped.

"I'm tired Grace. I'm sorry. I don't think there's any reason for you to be here. Just run along and be with your boyfriend. Don't you have to pack?" he says. It's so unlike him to be so cold towards me. The last time we saw each other Blaine had shown back up in my life. I feel sorry.

"Please, you're my best friend. I want your blessing," I say.

"Blessing? Why? I was your teddy bear while Blaine Boy was away. You tossed me to the side the minute he reappeared. I'm used up. That's okay. You go to Africa and find yourself and your awesome relationship with your boy toy. I wish you well," he says with a cold stare in his eye.

A tear burns my eye, and I blink fast to make it go away. I feel hurt by his brisk reaction to my news. I want him to wish me well with a smile. But I know better. I know how he feels and me being here with this news is like pouring salt in a wound.

I reach up and hug him anyway. He's stiff and won't reciprocate it. I back away, tears in my eyes. His eyes mist as well as he shakes his head. "Don't go," he whispers.

"I have to," I cry. I can't take it, and I turn and leave before something happens.

My eyes burn all the way home. I slam the front door and march into my room and pack my bag furiously. Why is this affecting me like this? I scrub the stray tears from my eyes. I will face my future with Blaine with a happy heart.

Blaine drops by the night before we're to leave. "I think we'll be leaving without fanfare this time," he says.

"Good, I don't care for a going away parade. I just want to leave," I say. I'm sad because I took a leave of absence with my teaching position. If I were a full-time teacher I would have been under contract and unable to do this but as it is I can walk away. I cried when I said goodbye to the students.

"Okay, see you in the morning," Blaine says and leaves to pack.

I can't get Judah off my mind. He's hurting, and I hate it. I hate that we are parting company on a wrong term. The knock on the door startles me.

"Judah!" I cry as I fling it open, and he enters with a sheepish look on his face.

"Listen to Gracelyn, don't go. Don't do it," he says his eyes pleading with me to come to my senses.

"Judah, why not?" I say throwing my hands out to my sides.

"This," he says and grabs my arms and brings me to him roughly. He plants his lips on mine, and I struggle to loose his grip, but he has me and I can't get free.

He's kissing me, his hand rubbing up my back. A part of me melts into his embrace. He feels safe and good. I never wonder with him. He's never made me question anything with our relationship, not like Blaine.

But Blaine! I manage to back up and break the kiss, even though I want it too. "Stop, Judah," I cry backing away and shaking my head violently.

"Really? You want to tell me you didn't feel something that there's nothing between us?" Judah says.

I shake my head, blinded by the tears. "Judah, please. Why are you doing this?"

"Because Gracelyn, I love you. I love you, and I would never leave you like Blaine did. I love you and if I did leave I'd be calling, texting or writing you every second I could. I think you love me too. Think of all the times we've had together, especially this summer. In the cave, you said you didn't care if we were stranded on the island together. You said you would be happy, and you and I would make it together. I think that's a good reason to let pretty boy go and stay here with me," Judah says while standing his ground."

I'm weary. "Please just go. I love Blaine. I want to be with him. I'm leaving with him tomorrow," I say as the tears flow freely over my cheeks.

"Yeah, you look super happy. If you were so happy why were you so depressed all summer? Why did you kiss me back all those times? Why are you so upset right now?" He backs to the door.

I shake my head. I can't give sound to my voice.

"That's fine. You think about all I said here just now. If you can go then you're as cold as Blaine and deserve the life he'll give you. I just pray you come to your senses. You know where to find me," Judah says and with that he walks out my front door leaving me standing there crying.

I slide down to the floor in a heap and cry my eyes out. I keep asking myself why I'm feeling this way. I have a rock in the pit of my stomach. I should be happy about leaving with Blaine. He's been my boyfriend for a long time. We have plans. He happily asked me to come to Africa with him. He's looking forward to it. Am I?

I crawl to my bedroom, climb on the bed and hug my pillow until the tears stop falling and sleep mercifully takes me. In my dreams, I'm running away from Blaine and to Judah. My heart reacts and I can't leave him. But then I can't let Blaine leave me either. I have to go with Blaine; I just have to.