Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) (38 page)

He grimaced as he stood up and started pacing. “Yeah. Stephanie and I …yeah. I wanted to marry her. Everything revolved around her. I wanted to go to the same college as her, but didn’t make it in. My grades weren’t good enough, so I focused on the college closest to her without causing my parents too much pain in their wallets. It was a couple hours away, still too far for me.

“Our second year of college I bought her a ring — not an engagement ring. We agreed to wait until after college when we both had jobs, but the ring was more like a promise ring. Anyway, towards the end of the second semester, I used the last bit of my money I had in savings, which wasn’t much for a college kid and got a room at a nearby hotel that wasn’t too cheap looking. I bought roses and spread the petals from the door to the bed and some on the bed. I bought champagne, cheap champagne because I was running out of money. And I went to her dorm room to surprise her and…a guy opened the door. He asked who the hell I was and I did the same, but told him I was her boyfriend. He claimed the same. Stephanie stood behind him, shaking, but couldn’t get her words out. I pulled her into the hallway and made her explain. Turns out she had dated the guy for most of the school year and I had no idea. Even at Christmas she was able to keep up the charade. I thought she was visiting family she hadn’t mentioned before — turns out it was him.” He huffed. “So there it is. My sob story. Man, depressing, huh?”

I chuckled. “Not depressing. I guess it’s nice to hear why you are the way you are.”

“The way I am?”

“Umm,” I searched the room with my eyes trying to think of how to put his philandering. “How you…
date
a lot.”

“Yeah. Well, I guess some things in our past make us who we are.” He looked back at me, his eyes serious. “What about you. I know your mom is pretty demanding. What else is there that drives you, Vanessa?” He sat down in his chair again and pulled my chair close to his so we sat with our knees touching. He placed his hands on my knees as he asked, “Tell me something about you that I don’t know.”

I sat there for a moment debating on telling Matt my little secret about how I grew up. If I told him this, he would probably be completely repulsed by me and I would know where I stood with him. We would both be on our merry way and just co-workers. Maybe I was telling him this more so to push him away and I’d stop wanting something more from him. I pressed my lips together and cringed. “Umm, well, I have a bit of a secret.” I bit my lip, looking up into his eyes.

“Oh yeah? You didn’t used to be a guy or something,” he teased.

“Umm, no. I actually used to be…well,” I took a deep breath and blurted out the rest, “on the heavy side.”

“The heavy side?” He asked.

Just tell him, Vanessa.
I chastised myself. Get it over with. “Yeah, I was a pretty heavy teenager. My mom was so embarrassed by me that she sent me to every fat camp that ever existed. One was in Europe, which is actually where I lost all the weight.” I chuckled nervously as I placed some hair behind my ear and looked around. I couldn’t look at Matt right now. I just wanted to get my story out. “My counselor spoke French and I didn’t tell him that I also spoke French. That was part of my rebellion.” I gave a small laugh.

“What did he say?”

“He said I probably lost all my weight because I was finally away from that hideous woman who was pestering me. I knew he meant my mom. I can’t do anything right in her eyes.”

“Nothing?”

“Well, marry a doctor. She likes to show off, so when Charles proposed to me, she was elated.”

“What about your job? Isn’t she proud of you for graduating college and being so persistent with your career?”

My eyes flashed to him and I almost laughed. “Oh, God no. That actually was a huge thorn for her. My Dad gave me a pat on the back though.” I smiled remembering that for once, I felt I did something right in his eyes. “That’s more than he’s ever shown me,” I confided under my breath, gazing into space, I was trying to keep my eyes dry, but the tears were welling.

“Do you have any pictures of you then?” Matt asked in a caring tone.

“I…umm, there aren’t any.” I said sadly. I was a little glad he wouldn’t see me that way, I was so depressed all the time.

“What do you mean ‘there aren’t any’? They were your teenage years, you have to have some.”

“No, actually if there are, my mom shredded them. I didn’t mind her doing that either, though. I don’t want any pictures of that. They were tough years.” My eyes teared up and Matt rubbed my back. Great, now he really sees my weakness.

“So you stress eat? Was that what was happening at the office that day I barged in on you and you were eating that sandwich?”

I rolled my eyes, embarrassed that he remembered that. I guess I must have looked pretty bad. “Yeah, I had met Charles out for lunch and he was with his…very perfect co-worker.”

“So you stayed with him because of your mom?” I nodded. “Wow.” He gave a low whistle. “Well, I’m glad you finally dumped his ass. You can’t keep trying to live up to some type of image she wants for you. You need your own path.”

I ignored his statement, knowing that I still have to break up with Charles completely and tell my mom.

“Is that why you strive so hard at work?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you strive really hard to be the top dog. Are you competing for something I’m supposed to be aware of? Is there a prize I don’t know about?” He teased.

“No, no prize. I just….I finally worked my way up to a position where I wanted to be and then you came along and were ‘
given’
everything. I had finally earned the respect I’ve been craving my whole life and you come in and are given it.”

“Respect you’ve been craving your whole life,” He repeated thoughtfully.

Embarrassed, I stood up to get away from this conversation. I said way too much, but Matt grabbed my arm and pulled me to his lap. He wrapped his strong arms around me.

“Is that why you seem so competitive at work?”

“I’m not competitive. I just…” I stopped not knowing what else to say. I was completely embarrassed that I had just opened up all my inner thoughts and feelings. My plan had been to spend my day chatting with single guys and here I was pouring out my guts to Matt, the guy who gets everything he wants in life.

Matt patted my leg as he pulled me in tighter. “I think you try so hard to act so authoritative. You try so hard to command attention. If you would just “be” like you are right now…”

“Be?” I interrupted him. Slightly defensive, yes, but also I wanted to know what he meant by that.

“You’re just being yourself right now with me. I’m enjoying being with you. I don’t feel like you’re trying to make me listen, trying to top me or something.”

“I don’t do that,” I insisted defensively. “I just want to get everyone’s attention. I want them to listen to me and my ideas.”

“I think you’re going about it the wrong way though,” Matt told me softly.

“What do you mean?” I looked down at my ring and started to fidget with it. This whole conversation made me terribly nervous and squeamish. If he felt this way, what did the rest of the office think of me? He put his hand on top of mine and gave my hand a small squeeze.

“You come across as bitchy instead of a helpful HR person. You’re so busy trying to make everyone listen to your policies and the handbook. They’re just people that want to be able to go to you for help with their issues.”

I bit my lip trying to absorb what he was telling me. “I didn’t think I was doing that. I just wanted everyone to…” I stopped knowing I was going to repeat what he just said. “I just worked so hard to get to where I am and I want to make a name for myself in the HR community with my peers.” I shrugged knowing that wasn’t the point of my career. “You’re right, I’ve kind of lost focus, I guess.” I bit my lip and then looked around before settling on his warm blue eyes. “Is that why no one lets me call them by their first name?”

Matt smiled, raising his eyebrows he asked, “Did you ask them?”

“Well, no, but you were there for a day and had everyone by their first name. I was there for two months and no one told me to call them that.”

“I didn’t ask, Vanessa. I just went ahead. They told me their full name and I just started calling them by that.”

“But that just seems disrespectful,” I protested.

“We work in the office together. You should think of it that way — that you work with the person, not the name.”

“I’m sure Mr. Buchanan wouldn’t think that way. Why do you get to call him Perry?”

“What do you mean?”

“You call him Perry. He’s never once told me to call him that.”

“Why would you wait? Call him that and see what happens. If he tells you not to call him that, then you know. Until then, you call him that.”

“It just seems disrespectful.”

“I called him Mr. Buchanan for a long time, but after we established a rapport, I started calling him Perry,” he nudged me with his shoulder. “It was on a good sales day. He never corrected me and I kept going. You take a chance and see what happens, Vanessa.”

“I play by the rules. You don’t and seem to get away with everything.”

“And where has that gotten you?”

I thought for a moment before answering him slowly, “Nowhere.” I took a deep breath as he pulled me tighter and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
Safe. Secure.
I melted into his arms feeling as if I were always meant to be there.
Comfortable.
I put my head down and nuzzled into the crook of his neck, hugging him tightly. I felt his warm lips on my cheek as he gave me a light kiss.

That “friends” thing wasn’t supposed to include kissing, was it? I’m sure I also wasn’t supposed to feel this warm feeling I was having with Matt right now.

His lips grazed my chin, my heart picked up and this overwhelming urge to kiss him overcame me. There was no thinking anymore, it was just a natural pull between us as our lips touched ever so softly. His mouth opened at the same time as mine and in that very moment there was that same “breath” that we shared; that essence that I claimed, our souls meeting. We both stared into each other’s eyes and in that very second that we shared that breath, nothing else mattered. Policies forgotten, friendship status set aside, jealousy was nowhere in sight. It was just our two souls feeling that moment right before our lips touched.

The most incredible kiss two people could ever possibly share happened right then between Matt and myself. It was soft, warm, caring and full of deep empathy for each other. Our tongues glided together in the most perfect and passionate kiss I’ve ever experienced. Our romantic rain kiss last Sunday was fantastic. This…sharing of our souls…was nothing short of…pure bliss.

My eyes welled up with faint tears, my heart throbbed with yearning for this kiss to never end.

Ringing in the distance startled us both out of that moment. We both pulled back slowly and stared into each other’s eyes, mesmerized by what just transpired between us. The look in his eyes confirmed that he felt the same exact way that I just did. Right now, there was no doubt in my mind that this thing between us might be more than friends. At least in my mind, I felt that way.

Maybe I was wrong as I watched him pull his gaze away from mine to glance at my phone on the table. He picked it up and grimaced as he looked at the caller. I slowly took my phone from his hand and looked down. Declan from last night’s speed dating event was calling me. I gave Matt a faint smile and pressed the top button, making the call forward to voice mail. I placed the phone back onto my table and I turned to try to continue what we just shared.

He stopped my meek advance by saying, “One of your many admirers.” He patted my thigh as he pulled me off his lap and I stood, unsure of what was happening to our “moment.” I could definitely say the same to him as I recalled Ava entering his apartment last night. And with that, jealousy swept over me and practicality seeped into my mind. I had resolved earlier not to taunt him any further and yet, I had allowed this to happen just now.

We stared at each other for what seemed like eternity, neither of us making a move to continue that kiss or to walk away, both of us deciding on what to do.

His phone rang out this time. It seemed that there were other people that wanted our attention more than we wanted to give that attention to each other. I broke our stare first by asking, “Are you going to get that?” as I glanced down at his pocket where the ring was coming from.

He gave a quick nod and pulled his phone out, rolling his eyes as he noted who was calling him. He didn’t mention who it was, so I think it was safe to assume it was one of
his
many admirers. Only unlike me sending the call to voice mail, Matt answered his call.

“Hey,”…“Yeah, that sounds good,”…“Okay, I’ll head over there now,”…“K.” He hung up his phone and gestured his thumb toward the door. “I…uhh. I need to head out for a little while,” he told me. I nodded and gave a small reassuring smile as I realized I was just a friend and that kiss was probably just that — a fantastic kiss.

Wishing for romance with Matt must have come from writing it down in my notebook. Watching Matt turn and leave my apartment without a glance back made sure that wish was gone. Matt just solidified what I already knew.