Romantically Challenged (20 page)

* * *

The next morning, I waited for Kaitlyn on the bench outside Bread & Porridge.

“So?” I asked before she’d even sat down. “What did you think of Steve?”

“I didn’t really get to talk to him. But I thought he looked darling in that Polo shirt.”

“I knew you’d love the outfit.”

“You, of course, hated it.”

“Of course.” After we finished dissecting Steve’s looks and wardrobe, we moved on to Adam. Kaitlyn thought he was too trendy. I thought he had good taste.

“So what’s the next step?” I asked. “Do we wait for them to call again and then blow them off?”

“You mean you didn’t break up with him last night?”

“No. Why? Did you break up with Adam?” When it came to men, Kaitlyn was the most non-confrontational person I knew. She would never have broken up with Adam that night.

“Of course,” she said. “I can’t believe you didn’t.”

“What was I supposed to do? Give him the ‘just friends’ speech over dinner?” Since Joe had thrown me in the pool, I was much more cautious.

“Right before he left your apartment would’ve worked well.”

“Is that when you broke up with Adam?”

“No, I did it on the drive home. I told him I was thinking about what he’d said and that, no matter how much I cared about someone, I didn’t think I could ever convert to another religion.”

“How did he take it?”

“He said he understood. Then I told him I thought he was a great guy, but under the circumstances it would be better if we were just friends.”

“I’m really proud of you. Not only did you actually tell someone that you didn’t want to date them anymore, but you even did it in person.”

“Thank you,” she said. “But what I want to know is why you didn’t tell Steve. Did you change your mind?”

“No, that was definitely our last date. I just figured that at the end of the night he would say something about us seeing each other again and then I would tell him it wasn’t working out. But he never mentioned it. Hopefully, he’ll call this week and then I can break up with him over the phone.”

“Okay. But you’re not calling Adam until you’ve broken up with Steve.”

“Agreed.” We didn’t discuss what would happen if Steve never called. I didn’t even want to think about it.

Just Friends, Again

When Steve hadn’t called by Thursday morning, Kaitlyn decided I needed to make the next move. I suggested that we wait. If two weeks passed and Steve still hadn’t called, I reasoned, we could safely assume the relationship was over. Kaitlyn thought that was too long of a delay. By then, she declared, her call to Steve and mine to Adam would no longer look impulsive. I promised Kaitlyn that if Steve didn’t call me that evening, I’d get in touch with him the following day.

By Friday morning when Steve still hadn’t called, I was desperate. I went down to Greg’s office to solicit his help.

“Are you still dating the receptionist at Carr Geary & Rogers?”

“I wouldn’t call it dating,” Greg said.

Unbelievable. “Well are you still sleeping with her?”

“Sometimes, yeah. Why?”

“Do you think you could call her and ask her for a favor?”

“What kind of favor?”

“I need to know if Steve Rogers has lunch plans today and, if not, when he usually leaves for lunch if he’s not meeting someone.”

“I never pegged you as a stalker, Burns.”

I explained to Greg that I needed to speak to Steve to definitively end the relationship so my friend could ask him out. I left out the part about my friend and I engineering the meeting, the break up, and the future date. He didn’t need to know.

Greg agreed and said he would call me with the information. When an hour had passed with no word, I called him again. He promised that he was working on it, and vowed to call me as soon as he knew something. Forty-five minutes later Greg walked into my office.

“Carly talked to Steve’s assistant and as far as she knew, he didn’t have any lunch plans.” He held up the legal pad he was carrying and read, “If he’s not meeting a client, he either orders in and works through lunch, or sometimes he goes downstairs to O’ Grady’s. If he’s going out, he usually leaves around one.”

“Thanks Greg, I owe you one.”

“Yes,” he said, “and I always collect.”

* * *

At five minutes to one I took the elevator down to the lobby. If Steve had ordered in, there was nothing I could do, but if he was going to O’ Grady’s, then I could catch him on his way to the pub and casually suggest that I join him for lunch.

I sat down in a hard-backed, lobby chair with a view of the elevators and waited. Fifteen minutes later, Steve still hadn’t showed. In a final effort, I went down to O’ Grady’s myself to look around. It was at least possible that Steve had taken an early lunch. But he wasn’t there. This must be one of his work-through-lunch days. Just my luck.

I headed back to the elevators and tried to think of a remotely believable pretext for calling him. Too bad we settled the Rosebud case. That would’ve been perfect. I entered the empty elevator car and pushed the button for the thirty-second floor. It stopped at the twenty-fourth floor. When the doors opened, Steve Rogers stared in at me from the twenty-fourth floor landing.

I said hello and so did he, but he didn’t move toward the elevator. When the doors started to close, I stopped them. “Aren’t you getting on?”

“No. I’m going down. You’re going up.”

“I’m not going up.”

“Well your elevator is.” He nodded at the glowing green up arrow on the side of the door.

Before I could think of a response, the elevator alarm began to wail. I must’ve held the DOOR OPEN button past it’s allotted time. I let go and jumped off, joining Steve on the twenty-fourth floor landing. “I’ll take the next one,” I said.

Steve pushed the call button and this time the elevator doors opened with the arrow pointing down. We both got in and Steve rang for the lobby.

“So where are you off to?” I asked. I figured wherever he was going, I could just say I was going there too and suggest we eat together.

“The mall,” he said. “I need to buy a birthday present for my mom.”

“That’s so funny,” I said, “me too.”

Steve just smiled.

* * *

As we strolled to the mall, which was only a ten-minute walk from our building, Steve asked me about work and I reciprocated. Then I asked him if he had any plans for the weekend. I was hoping if I prompted him, he would ask me out, and then I could tell him I just wanted to be friends.

“I’m going to a Dodgers game tomorrow,” he said. “How about you?”

“Dinner, maybe a movie.”

Steve changed the subject back to work and I followed him all the way to Macy’s. “Well this is me,” he said when we’d reached the entrance. “Thanks for the company.”

If I told Kailtyn I’d blown this again she’d kill me. “Listen Steve, you haven’t said anything about us seeing each other again and—”

He held up a hand to stop me. “Julie, I think you’re a great girl, but I just don’t see us in a long-term relationship. I think it would be better if we were just friends.”

For the second time in my life I was speechless. I knew if I told him that I’d intended to break up with him, he wouldn’t believe me. He would just think it was sour grapes. But I had to say something! I wasn’t going to let him dump me when I was dumping him.

“Steve, the reason I brought up that you hadn’t asked me out again wasn’t because I was wrangling for a date. It’s because my friend is interested in you and she wanted me to find out if you’re available.”

“Really,” he said, barely concealing his grin. “I didn’t know we had any mutual friends.”

“We don’t. It’s Kaitlyn. The girl we ran into Saturday night at the coffee house.”

He still looked skeptical.

“I met her for breakfast Sunday morning and she asked me about you. I told her I thought you were a great guy, but that I didn’t really see us as a couple. Since she was clearly interested, I suggested she ask you out. She said she wanted to, but only if she knew that you felt the same way I did. And that’s why I’m here.” I took a deep breath. That was a long time to talk without stopping for air.

“Wasn’t she with some guy?” he asked.

“Yes, but they broke up.”

“How do you know her again?”

“We went to law school together.”

He paused, then said, “she was cute.”

“Why were you looking at her when you were supposed to be with me?” Then I smiled. “Relax, I’m just kidding. So is it okay if I give her your number?”

“Sure. Why not? It would be nice to have a woman ask me out for a change.”

Phase Two

“Guess who I was on the phone with for two and half hours last night?” Kaitlyn asked a few days later.

“I give up,” I said. “Who?”

“Steve Rogers.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“That’s great. What did you talk about for so long? You don’t even know each other.”

“I’m not sure. It was just one of those amazing conversations that go on and on. I’m meeting him for dinner tomorrow night.”

“You have to call me afterwards and tell me how it went.”

“Of course,” she said. “Have you called Adam yet?”

“Not yet. But I will.” Maybe.

“Don’t wait too long. You want it to look spontaneous.”

“It’s already been a week and a half since we met. I think we’re past spontaneous.”

“Then call him already!”

“Okay, I will.” Right after I hear about your date with Steve.

* * *

And did I! A three hour candlelit dinner, talking until one in the morning, and they’d already made plans for the weekend. After a twenty minute monologue on the virtues of Steve Rogers, Kaitlyn asked me about Adam. She couldn’t understand why I hadn’t called him yet. I didn’t want to admit that I was too embarrassed to call a guy I barely knew and ask him out on a date. Of the two of us, I was supposed to be the bold one. She harangued me until I promised to call him that night.

* * *

I poured myself a glass of white wine from an open bottle in the fridge, took a few sips to work up my courage, then dialed Adam’s number. I was hoping for his answering machine, then I could leave him a message and the next move would be his.

A male voice picked up on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Hi,” I said. “Is this Adam?”

“Yes.”

“This is Julie. We met a couple of weeks ago at The Perfect Cup. I’m a friend of Kaitlyn’s.”

“Right,” he said. “I remember.”

That was a good sign. At least he remembered me. I tried idle chitchat for a few minutes, but it felt forced and I was sure I sounded like an idiot. I decided to get to the point. “The reason I’m calling is, I was just wondering if you’d like to get together sometime.”

He didn’t say anything, so I continued. “Kaitlyn told me the two of you broke up. I broke up with the person I was with that night too. It must’ve been something in the air.”

Still no response.

“I’m Jewish by the way, so we won’t have that issue.”

Silence.

“Hello?” Maybe we’d accidentally been disconnected.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’m here. I just didn’t know what to say.”

“If you’d rather not, that’s fine. I just figured I’d give it a try.” This was worse then I’d ever imagined. How did guys do this? Thank God I didn’t have one of those phones with cameras.

“No, I’m glad you did. It’s just that I met this other girl last week and I really like her. I wouldn’t want to go out with you once and then never call again because I’m in a relationship with someone else. You understand, don’t you?”

No. “Of course. No problem. Good luck with the new girl.”

“Thanks,” he said, then as an afterthought added, “if you want, I can take your number and give you a call if things don’t work out.”

Was that supposed to make me feel better? “No, that’s okay.”

“All right. Tell Kaitlyn I said hi.”

The bastard sounded relieved! “I will,” I said and hung up. I knew I never should’ve called him.

* * *

I gulped down the rest of my wine and poured myself a second glass before I dialed Kaitlyn’s number.

“It’s not my fault,” she said. “You waited too long.”

“Two weeks is too long?”

“In this case it was. He met someone else.”

“I’m not sure I even believe him. Most guys I know would say yes to the second girl, especially if they had just met the first.”

“Not if they were really interested in the first girl,” Kailtyn said. “I think it shows some maturity on his part that he said no to you.”

The last thing I wanted to hear was any defense of his behavior. “Maturity! How dare he assume that I would be so smitten with him after one date that I would be completely devastated if he didn’t call me afterward. Most of the time, I don’t even want to go on a second date with the guy.”

“Okay. You’re right, he’s wrong, and I promise to never speak to him again. Can I go to sleep now?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m too angry to sleep.”

“So I should stay awake with you in a show of solidarity?”

“Yes,” I said. “Because you’re the one who made me call him.”

“I’m sorry about that. I really am. But I’m exhausted and I’m going to sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll think of some other guy to fix you up with. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said. I was still fuming, but not at her. I finished the bottle of wine and passed out in my bed.

* * *

I awoke the next morning with a throbbing head, a dry mouth and a sour stomach. I called the office and left a message on Lucy’s voicemail that I had the stomach flu and I wouldn’t be coming in, then I dragged myself into the kitchen for two aspirin and a glass of water before returning to bed.

Two hours later Rosenthal’s assistant, Diane, called looking for me. Lucy hadn’t shown up for work yet, so no one knew I’d called in sick. I should’ve known better than to think that Lucy would actually come into the office on a Friday.

According to Diane, Rosenthal was gunning for me. I’d forgotten I was supposed to prep him for a court appearance that afternoon and I’d taken all the files home with me. I had to spend the next two hours on the phone with him, first calming him down, then force feeding him all of my knowledge on the right of publicity and how it pertained to the facts in his case. He promised to call after the hearing to “fill me up.” I knew that he would. He never missed an opportunity to brag about himself and his amazing powers of persuasion.