Roping the Wind (22 page)

‘So you’re saying I’m not like him?’

‘Jay . . .’ She flopped back down into her seat. ‘Just go home.’

‘No, I’m trying to understand something here. You married a cowboy because you thought sex was the answer, and then you married David because you reckoned you wanted money and power instead. What do you want now, Helen? What is it that I can give you that neither of those guys could?’

She stared at him, her blue eyes wide and almost panicked looking. ‘I don’t know, Jay. Do you?’

He took two steps away from her before he even realized he was moving and picked up his hat. ‘I have to go to class. I’ll call you tomorrow.’

She laughed, the sound harsh in the confines of the cozy room. ‘Now who’s running away?’

Helen waited for the front door to close before she finally allowed herself to collapse. God, what had she done? Telling him all that emotional stuff, thinking he was interested in her, only to realize that he was only thinking about himself. Why was she surprised? He was a man, after all.

She walked slowly down the hall to her bedroom and turned on the shower. It had been a horrible afternoon. Peter and David were bad enough but Jay had proved the frosting on the cake. Joel Franken, the guy from the drug company, had also asked her far too many questions about the origin of the idea for the surgical material that she wasn’t willing or able to answer.

She left her dress on the floor and took off her panties. Tiger rubbed against her legs and she bent to pet him. As soon as he realized she was heading for the bathroom, he retreated to her bed and went back to sleep. He didn’t like anything to do with water.

The shower was hot and fierce, just what she needed. Had she shocked Jay when she revealed exactly what she’d done to escape her old life? At first she thought he understood and was even sympathetic but then she’d realized he was more worried about himself.

She let the water stream over her face. Perhaps she should try to see things from Jay’s side. He’d walked into a situation where he knew less than anybody else. He’d endured David’s poisonous suggestions and been patronized by Professor Hart. She could see why he might have felt threatened and overreacted.

It didn’t make her feel much better though. She’d shared a private part of herself and he’d let her down.

Jay was so unlike Cory that she never really thought about them in the same way. Jay had all Cory’s sexual appeal but unlike Cory, he wasn’t a drifter with no ability or interest to plan for his future. Of course, David had all the drive in the world but a total inability to connect sexually with anyone on a permanent basis. She’d already heard rumors that despite his so-called happy marriage to Carrie-Ann he was screwing around on the side again.

Maybe she had disgusted Jay. He probably thought she used people and then moved on. She turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. That might have been true once. She’d certainly used Robert to get what she wanted. Was she just as incapable as David of being honest with the people who tried to love her?

Helen stepped out of the shower and gazed blankly at the steamed-up mirror. An insistent desire to eat ice cream, watch musicals and call Carol for some sympathy came over her. She picked up the phone.

Jay walked three blocks until he realized he had no idea where he was going. Sunday evening wasn’t the best time to be taking a stroll through the steep streets of the city. He fixed his gaze on the lights of the Embarcadero and the sweep of the Bay Bridge and kept moving, hands thrust deep into his pockets.

By rights, he should be in bed with Helen by now, not trying to avoid getting mugged. But his knee-jerk reaction to her having fucked another man had kicked him right out of paradise. She’d finally opened up to him and what had he done? Behaved like a jerk. He’d panicked because she’d shared something personal and it had hit him hard. He’d never felt so possessive and territorial before in his life.

The last woman he’d really cared for was his mother and he hadn’t been able to help her when she needed him most. Jay kicked an empty can into the gutter. He had to stop reacting like a teenager. He was a grown man who should be able to handle a few home truths. He stopped walking. Except that he hadn’t and, in the process, he’d hurt Helen.

To his relief, after about twenty minutes, the lights of Market Street came into view and the welcome sign of a BART station. He checked his bearings again. His knee felt good and he was so close to the apartment he might as well walk the rest of the way. There were six bottles of beer in his refrigerator and he intended to get to know them all – up close and personal.

‘You told Jay about Cory?’

Helen nodded and scooped up another cherry from the top of her ice cream. Carol had arrived twenty minutes after her call bearing dessert and a large bottle of wine. Helen had never been so pleased to see her in her life.

‘David had already stirred the waters so Jay asked me who he was.’

Carol frowned. ‘David is such a prick.’

‘It was awful. David and Peter tried to make Jay feel like a pariah.’

‘And how did he deal with it?’

Helen found herself smiling. ‘He did great. Underneath that lazy charm is a guy who can really stand up for himself. He said he learnt all about being a shark from his father, Beau Turner.’

‘
The
Beau Turner?’

‘Yup, that’s the one, although I don’t think they’re on speaking terms. It seems as if he treated Jay’s mother really badly.’

Carol swigged some wine. ‘Don’t you read
People
? Beau Turner’s notorious for his womanizing, always has been. I think he’s on his fifth wife now.’

‘Anyway, after I told Jay about Cory, he got all self-righteous on me and demanded to know whether I just liked to fuck cowboys. I tried to tell him that that was complete garbage but he wouldn’t back down.’ She sighed. ‘Eventually, I told him to go home and grow up.’

‘Maybe he was jealous.’ Carol sucked the back of her ice-cream spoon and eyed Helen over the top of it.

‘Jealous of Cory? I told him that Cory was a mistake. Why would he be jealous?’

‘Because he wants to be the only cowboy in your life?’

‘Oh, for God’s sake, Carol. Jay’s the one who wanted our relationship to be just sexual. He’s the one who always backs off when he thinks things are getting too deep.’

‘Sounds just like you.’

Helen pointed her spoon at Carol. ‘You are supposed to be on my side, remember? Jay Turner is not to be pitied.’

Carol laughed. ‘I can’t help but feel sorry for him dealing with you. You’re not easy, Helen.’

‘Neither is he.’

‘A match made in heaven then.’

Helen stared at Carol for a long moment. ‘He asked me what I wanted from him and I couldn’t tell him.’

‘Couldn’t tell him or didn’t want to?’

‘I like being with him. Despite the fact that we fight all the time, I feel more like myself when I’m with him than with anyone except you.’

Carol raised her eyebrows. ‘Well, shit.’

Helen managed a smile as the repercussions of what she’d just admitted resonated through her. ‘Well, shit indeed.’

Chapter Eighteen

Helen skimmed through her email and then returned to the message from the search committee. Her big interview, in front of the whole panel, was set for Friday afternoon. She’d already given two lectures to faculty staff and endured some informal interviews. Apparently the committee was ‘looking forward’ to seeing her. She sighed as she sent a confirmation. Less than two days to come up with some more convincing lies to dazzle them with. She wasn’t sure if she was looking forward to seeing them at all.

She frowned as another email popped up on her screen. What the hell did David want? She clicked on it and her stomach knotted as she read his all-too familiar threats.

She’d never told David about Robert and exactly how they’d come up with the scientific formula for the new polyethylene compound for the surgical procedure. Unfortunately, she had told him about Cory and he seemed keen to use that fact to belittle her in front of the selection committee. He might write about his concern for her bad choices of boyfriends, how that might affect her career and the future prosperity of the hospital. What he
meant
was that he couldn’t believe anyone was better than him, either for the job or for her. Helen closed her eyes. David personified the reasons why she now hated getting involved in the politics at work. He was so driven he’d use anything against her.

It took her only a moment to type a reply telling him to mind his own fricking business and leave her personal life out of his plans to woo the selection committee. She knew he wouldn’t listen but it made her feel better.

She sat up straight. And why should the committee care about her choices anyway? Cory was in her past, and Jay? Jay wasn’t talking to her. She glanced at the phone. Perhaps it was time for her to apologize to him for a change.

Jay wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and studied the pieces of leather laid out on the workbench. The outer brown layer of the leg section was cut in several places to allow the inner red layer beneath to show through. Now all he had to do was line them up, brown on top of red. He moved one strip a fraction to the left and stood back again.

‘Stop screwing around, man. Sew it together.’

Jay glanced up at Rob, who had appeared on the other side of the workbench.

‘I’m just making sure it’s lined up right.’

‘You’re just procrastinating. You’ve done everything right so far, made the last, cut the pattern and now the leather.’ He gestured at the old sewing machine behind him. ‘Now go and put it all together.’

‘I haven’t finished putting the bottom of the boot together yet. I could always go and do that.’

Rob chuckled. ‘You could but you know you don’t want to. The machine is free, take advantage of it.’

Jay eyed his fellow classmates. Everyone was busy, heads bent over their work. No one looked like they needed to sew anything. He carefully picked up the four sections of supple leather.

He’d already experimented with some old scraps of hide so he knew how to use the industrial-sized sewing machine. He only hoped his fingers didn’t shake too much and get caught up in the sharp teeth. He had no desire to end up sewn into a pair of cowboy boots.

Rob walked away, leaving Jay alone as he laid out the two back parts of the boot, which would join onto the vamp section. The colors looked great together and the red thread he’d chosen would help to blend the colors together. He remembered Rob’s instructions and started small, delicately sewing a single line around the first of the star-shaped openings. He had four more lines of stitches to set parallel to the first.

His hands took over, moving the leather with a skill he hadn’t known he possessed as the design took place beneath his concentrated gaze. Red stars shone through the dark brown leather, each a different size and at a different angle. He finished the second piece, quicker now as he got into it, confidence making it easier all the time. He cut the strong thread and stepped back as Rob wandered over to take a look.

‘That’s great, Jay. The design is kind of modern with a real classic touch.’

A couple of the other guys came over as well. He held his breath as they examined his work and was humbled by their praise. Picking up the leather, he returned to his workbench and laid them down beside the remainder of the pieces he still had to sew.

Tomorrow morning he’d cut, cement and sew the side welt, rub the seams down flat, attach the pull straps and finally be able to turn the tops right side out.

He had nothing planned this week. Well, shit, he had nothing planned for the rest of his life so he might as well stay late and try to finish the rest of the boot heel and insole. Bob had given him a flattened 40-penny nail to use as the arch of the sole. He liked the more traditional methods. It reminded him of the men and women who’d come before him.

He touched each piece, reminding himself how it all fit together. The most complicated part remaining was pegging the soles to the boot leather. If he didn’t get that right, he might as well throw the boots away.

If he worked hard, he could have them finished by Saturday, when the rodeo was on. He’d decided to take Grayson’s advice and do a little advance selling to his fellow cowboys.

‘Hey, Jay. Will you lock up for me?’

‘No problem. I want to finish this.’

‘I figured.’

Rob threw him a bunch of keys, which Jay just managed to catch. He continued to study the leather as the voices of Rob and his classmates faded away.

An hour later, he glanced at the clock. His eyes were straining and a headache beckoned but he’d finished what he set out to do. Tomorrow he’d be able to try to stretch the completed leather boot sides to the vamps and soles.

He wished he had someone to share the news with. Losing his job at the rodeo had taken away all of his friends in one blow. He couldn’t bear to talk to the guys yet; the pain was still too near the surface. And hell, why should they care about his small triumph over a pile of leather when they were wrestling with two thousand pound bulls?

The door squeaked and he turned. Helen stood uncertainly in the hall; one hand had a death grip on her briefcase, and the other was in her pocket. He put down the boot.

‘Are you coming in?’

She stepped into the room, her blue eyes fixed on his face. She wore a short black skirt, matching jacket and high heels.

‘I thought it was my turn to apologize to you.’

Jay shrugged. ‘We take turns now?’

She took a step toward him. ‘Jay, I put you in a very difficult position. I’m not surprised you felt used. I would’ve felt the same.’

He stared at her, gauged the sincerity of her tone and her expression. He leant back against the workbench, glad for the solid feel of the wood, and crossed his arms.