Rough Drafts (9 page)

***

“J.D.,
I don’t want you to feel…”

“Sit
down, Scott,” Jameson told her cousin. Scott nodded and followed her direction.
Jameson sat down in a chair and regarded her cousin silently for a moment.

“How
about, I start?” he suggested.

“Okay.”

“I
know you blame me,” he said plainly.

Jameson
sat stoically for a moment. She felt a myriad of emotions coursing through her.
Part of Jameson was happy to be sitting across from Scott again, alone. Another
part of her was terrified and unsettled at the reality. And, still another
small part of her felt angry. She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out
slowly. “I just don’t understand,” she said.

“So
ask me,” Scott suggested.

Jameson
visibly tensed. “Have you been talking to my wife?” Jameson tried to joke.

“Can’t
say I have, but I would love to meet her one of these days.”

Jameson
nodded. “Scott...What happened that night? Why didn’t you call when Craig…”

Scott
shook his head. “J.D., I didn’t know.”

“What
are you talking about?” Jameson began to get angry. “You were with him, weren’t
you?”

“No.
I mean, yes, I was at the house, but I wasn’t with Craig.”

Jameson
was becoming frustrated. “Scott, the police report said that you were holding
him. Christ, Uncle Dave responded! He said you were crying and rocking Craig in
your lap. He asked you why you didn’t call sooner!”

“I
remember seeing him there. I don’t remember what he said,” Scott said.

“Because
you were fucking stoned!” Jameson bellowed. “Jesus, Scott! What were you
thinking?”

Scott
hung his head. “I wasn’t thinking, J.D. That’s part of being an addict. You use
to stop thinking. You use to stop feeling whatever it is you don’t want to
feel
,” he said.

“Yeah,”
Jameson chuckled in disgust. “Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.”

“No,
it’s been long enough. Say what you need to say,” he told her.

“Just
tell me what happened.”

“Are
you sure you want to hear that?” he asked her pointedly. Jameson nodded. “Okay.
After you left…Craig and me…Well, you know we started hanging out with Bobby
and his friends.”

“Yeah,
I remember. Cut to what happened
after
you both supposedly sobered up,” she challenged him.

“We
did, J.D. Both of us. We were both sober.”

“Until
that night? Is that what you are telling me?” she asked him heatedly.

“No.
We’d both started drinking again, smoking a little pot. That was it, as far as
I knew,” Scott said. “That was it for me. If Craig was doing anything else, it
wasn’t with me, J.D.”

Jameson’s
temples twitched with tension. “So, what happened then?”

“Craig,
he wanted to go to this party. Some girl he was interested in was going to be
there.”

“Shelley,”
Jameson said softly.

“Yeah.”

Jameson
was positive she was going to get sick. Shelley Davis had been at the party
too. She was also rushed to the hospital that night. She, unlike Craig, had
survived her overdose. “And?” Jameson prompted Scott to continue.

“We
went. You know that.”

“And
you thought that would be a good time to start shooting up again?” Jameson
asked him.

“I
didn’t shoot up, J.D.”

“You
were so stoned that you don’t even remember!”

“No,
I remember that. I snorted some coke, okay? I drank—a lot. I smoked some weed.”

“Well,
that makes it better, then,” Jameson said with disgust.

“No,
it doesn’t.
The thing is,
J.D., Craig
wanted to be alone with Shelley. I didn’t know he was going to get high with
her. I thought they wanted...”

“I
think I get the picture,” Jameson said.

“I
took off with Bobby. We were out back when Shelley’s brother came running down
screaming about Craig,” he said.

“You
remember that,” she pointed out.

“I’ll
tell you what I remember. I remember trying to run back to the house. I know I
was running but it felt like my legs were stones,” Scott told her. Jameson
watched as his breathing began to grow shallow and his face
started
to pale. “I remember stumbling in that
room. Craig was,” his voice trailed off and Jameson noted the tears streaming
down his cheeks. He looked up at Jameson slowly and shook his head. “I remember
screaming to call for help. Then…I don’t remember anything…nothing until there
were all these people flooding into the room.
I
know he was…he was dead, J.D. He was already dead,” Scott choked.
“I
didn’t want them to take him. Then it would be real.” Jameson felt hot tears
pour over her cheeks. “I couldn’t save him, J.D. I was too stoned. I was too
late. I should never have gone there. I should never have left him. So maybe
you are right on some level that it was my fault.”

Jameson
closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
God,
I wish Candace was here.
She looked at her cousin. “No, it wasn’t,” Jameson
said.

“If
I hadn’t been…”

“Yeah,
maybe,” she admitted. “But, I’ve asked myself that question for years too.
Maybe if I had been around you two wouldn’t have gone down that path at all.”

“J.D.,
none of what happened was because of you.”

“No.
I guess it wasn’t. Craig didn’t die because of you either, Scott,” she said. “I
suppose that I
always knew that. Even if
you had been there to call….He died because he took drugs. His choice.”

“Don’t
be mad at him,” Scott said.

“I’m
pissed at him,” Jameson said as she wiped away her tears. “I lost my two best
friends because of his stupidity.”

“No,
you didn’t,” Scott said. “Not unless you want to keep it that way,” he said.

“Out
of curiosity, what made you decide to work at that same clinic?” Jameson asked.

Scott
sighed deeply. “Craig. Crazy, right? When he first went back to school after we
finished the program, he swore he was going to go into some kind of psychology.
He really liked it there, I think,” Scott laughed.

“You
didn’t?”

“Me?
Hell no. You know me, J.D. I hated every minute of that psychobabble.”

Jameson
laughed. “Correct me if I’m wrong, don’t you do that
psychobabble
now with other people?”

“I
know. Crazy, huh?” Scott laughed. “I should be fixing bridges or something, not
brains.” Jameson smiled. “Out of curiosity,” he looked at her. “Why did you
decide to come to the clinic now? After all these years?”

Jameson
smiled. “Candace.”

“She
must be quite the lady.”

“She
is,” Jameson said proudly.

“I’m
happy for you, J.D.”

“I’m
happy for me too,” she said.

Scott
laughed. “I know we can’t just go back…”

“No.
Can I be honest?” Jameson asked.

“I
hope you will be.”

 
“I’m still…”

“I
get it…uncomfortable.”

“I
guess. I was going to say, I’m still not sure how I feel. A lot has changed.
We’ve both changed,” Jameson admitted. “But, I’d like to get to know this
Scott.”

Scott
nodded. “I’d like that. I feel like I hardly know you. I have to say, I never
saw you married.”

Jameson
grumbled. “With grandkids,” she muttered. Scott laughed loudly. “Think that’s
funny?” she asked.

“Yeah,
I do. You are the only person I know who skips right through parenthood to
grandparentdom
. Got to give you credit, you are
full of surprises, J.D.”

“Laugh
it up, Scottie. Your day will come.”

“Don’t
count on it,” he said.

“Oh,
I won’t just be counting, I’ll be keeping a calendar,” she winked at him and
started laughing.

Jonah
entered the room and looked at the pair who were seated curiously. “You guys
okay?”

“Yeah,
why?” Jameson asked.

“Okay.
Your mom wanted me to let you know that dinner is ready,” Jonah said.

Jameson
nodded at him and started toward the kitchen. “Well, come on! You coming or
what?” she called back.

“Hey,
Jonah,” Scott grabbed Jonah’s arm.

“Yeah?”
Jonah asked.

“What’s
it like having J.D. as a step-mom? Does she read you bedtime stories?” he asked
loudly enough that Jameson could hear.

“No,
she’s too busy studying the Bible at night with Mom,” Jonah cracked. Scott gave
Jonah a funny look. “You know,” Jonah continued. “Oh, God—Bible Study.”

“Jonah!”
Jameson turned and fired Jonah a glare.

“What?
Shell said it was Bible study,” Jonah said with a smirk.

“Why
doesn’t she just rent a billboard?” Jameson complained.

“That
was classic,” Scott snickered.

“Works
every time,” Jonah laughed.

***

Jonah
was markedly quiet as Jameson drove home. Jameson glanced across at him as he
gazed out the window. “You okay?” she finally asked.

Jonah
turned his attention to Jameson. “No.”

Jameson
nodded as she refocused her attention on the road. “Want to talk about it?”

“You
know how I told you Laura’s parents are kind of conservative?”

“Yeah?”

“I
might have understated that.”

Jameson
took a deep breath. “Actually, if my memory serves me correctly, you told me
conservative was an understatement,” Jameson reminded him.

“That
might not really be adequate,” Jonah said.

“Jonah?”

“Laura’s
dad works for FVI,” he blurted the words out as quickly as he could.

Jameson’s
grip on the wheel tightened. She kept her eyes squarely on the road, afraid she
might
swerve
otherwise. “By FVI, you
wouldn’t be referring to Funny Videos on the Internet, would you?”

“No.”

“That’s
what I was afraid of,” Jameson replied. “Shit.”

“I’m
sorry, J.D.”

Jameson
chuckled. “Funny Videos would have been
funnier
,”
she shrugged.

“You’re
not mad?” Jonah asked in surprise.

“Nah.
None of us can help who we are born to. Some of us are lucky and get parents
who drink beer and drive us crazy talking about their sex lives....”

“Or,
just with their sex lives,” Jonah laughed.

“I’ll
pretend I didn’t hear that,” Jameson said. Jonah sniggered. “And, some of us
get morons. What can you do?”

“Mom
is going to flip.”

Jameson
chuckled. “You want me to tell her?” she guessed. Jonah sighed. “It’s okay, Jonah.
I’ll make sure she is sitting down, preferably with a glass of scotch in her
hand,” Jameson said.

“You’d
do that for me?” he asked. “J.D., I can’t ask you to…”

“Eh,
it’s fine,” she said. “Just name the kid after me and we’ll call it even,” she
cast a playful glance his way.

“That’s
your demand, huh?”

“Worth
a try,” Jameson said. “Did it work?”

Jonah
laughed. “Not really my call,” he said.

“You
know, you are going to have to talk to your mom at some point about this.”

“I
know,” he said.

“And,
she is going to want to meet this girlfriend of yours.”

“I
know that too,” he said.

“Just
do me a favor,” she said.

“Sure,
if I can,” Jonah replied.

“Assuming
you survive her father, don’t invite the in-laws over just yet,” she teased
him.

“Wow,
very supportive J.D. You really should rethink that kid thing. You’ve got the
torture part down already,” he told her.

“Thanks,”
Jameson grinned.

Jonah
looked back out the window. Jameson looked over at him occasionally as a
thoughtful silence hovered between them. “Thanks, J.D.,” Jonah said sincerely.

“I
didn’t do anything,” she said.

“Yeah.
You did.”

***

“Hi,
honey….What’s wrong? No, I’m not sitting down. Why? Should I be?” Candace asked
Jameson on the other end of the line.

“Uh.
Yeah, you probably will want to do that,” Jameson answered.

“Oh,
I do not like the sound of this,” Candace replied. “You didn’t get arrested or
something, did you?”

“What?
No!” Jameson answered. “But, if you are in your office, I would open that
bottle of scotch you keep in the cabinet for special occasions.”

“Why?”
Candace asked. “Oh, God! Who is getting married?”