Rough Edges (19 page)

Braden startled to awareness with the terrible knowledge that she was gone. Through a gap in the closed drapes, a sharp streak of light pierced into the darkness, reminding him of where he was. His mind might have forgotten the events of the day before – caught up in a web of dreams – but Braden’s heart had remained in constant awareness. Ever knowing its broken state, somehow feeling her absence. Allie Emerson was gone.

He showered before checking out, wishing he could wash away the effects of the last twenty-four hours. Yet even as he tossed his bag onto the passenger seat and roared up the engine, the pain was as fresh as it ever was. He wound through the parking lot, eyeing the road ahead; five more hours and he’d be there. He checked the time, realizing he hadn’t done so the entire morning. It was just past noon already. The position of the high-set sun should’ve told him as much. Guess it didn’t really matter anyway. The guesthouse to the orchard home would be vacant no matter when he arrived.

With a quick flick, Braden turned on his blinker. Yet just as he gripped the wheel to make the left turn, two simple words came to mind:
You promised.
He straightened up, recalling the promise he’d made to himself on Allie’s behalf. He’d promised that he would not let her break. But how was that relevant here? Was this some sort of answer to his late-night plea?

He shook his head, ready to dismiss the impression, yet it only grew stronger.

Last night, in the dark of the motel room, there had been only two possible ways for this to go. In scenario one, things would work out between Allie and Terrance. Most likely Allie would be unhappy, as she was during a large part of their marriage, but she’d do anything for those kids. And she was probably under the delusion that being with the girls’ father was best; that fact alone had filled Braden with a dread so dark and deep, he’d nearly drowned in it the night before. Scenario Two was better: Allie – after remembering what a jackass Terrance was – could tell her ex-husband to get lost. That was an option he hadn’t dared hope for. But what he hadn’t seen in the dark of the night, was the final scenario: Braden could confront her. Rather than stand idly by, he could show up at Allie’s door, tell her he wasn’t willing to let her go so easily, and make certain she knew how much he cared.

As he gripped the solid leather of that wheel, Braden realized he held his fate in his hands. And perhaps Allie’s too. He was best for Allie. It wasn’t a mere guess or a biased opinion. It was the truth, and he knew it.

A smile crossed his lips as he cranked the wheel in the other direction, back toward Montana. Toward Allie and the girls. Forget about bowing out and letting go. The thought had served him well enough the night before. Helped him to get the sleep and peace he’d needed. But today he was willing to put himself on the line once and for all. Today, Braden Fox was ready to fight.

~+~

Throughout the long drive, the sun took a slow course across the sky, settling close to the horizon as he pulled up to Allie’s home. Tangerine sunlight fell over the rooftop, the way it had when he’d gone to her place for dinner the first time. Braden could hardly believe he’d been so nervous to enter the house back then. It was nothing compared to what he faced now.

The truth of it sunk in as he shut off the engine. Would Terrance come to the door? Or perhaps Allie would answer, her doting ex-husband at her heels. Who cared? Braden wasn’t afraid of Terrance. Of saying what he’d held back all these years. But then a new thought struck him – what if one of the girls answered?

His chest deflated. His shoulders dropped. Their dad was home. Were they happy about the fact? Celebrating it, even? And what about Paige? She’d been wanting to go live with him all this time and now he was back. On her birthday no less, he realized.

Braden shook his head. What if Paige’s birthday wish was that her parents would get back together? Wasn’t that every kid’s dream? The momentum seeped from his body with his next breath.
No way.
He couldn’t do this. Not now, anyway. He’d have to wait until the girls were in school in the least of it. He had no qualms with the idea of confronting Allie, and Terrance too, for that matter. But he wouldn’t upset Jillian or Paige. And for that reason alone, Braden would have to wait.

Within twenty minutes he’d made his way to Bree’s and was following her around the house as she searched for a missing shoe.

“I can’t believe I was wrong about the whole thing,” he said. “I feel like an idiot for not going to confront her right away.”

Bree was on her knees, resting her head on the carpet to look under the couch. “Well at least you can set things straight now,” she said, grunting as she came to a stand. She turned her attention to a little girl who sat on the couch, twiddling a tattered blanky with her tiny fingers. “Molly, I can’t find your shoe anywhere and your mommy’s on her way to get you.”

The little girl only smiled and shrugged.

Carter tore into the room, holding a pink, sparkly shoe over his head. “I found it,” he yelled.

“Oh, thank heavens,” Bree said with a sigh. “Good job, buddy.” Braden watched as she fastened the shoe on the small child, though he barely saw the action at all. His mind was filled with the information Bree had just given him.

A knock came at the door. “Just in time,” Bree said, coming to a stand. Braden disappeared into the kitchen while Bree said her goodbyes, his heart still soaring at the news. The text had been from Terrance – not Allie. She hadn’t been planning to go back to that jerk at all. In fact, she’d told him to get lost. A large part of Braden wanted to hunt Terrance down and punch his lights out, but what good would that do? Anyway, Braden would get the girl. After all this time, Allie would finally be his.

“Are you coming to Paige’s party?” Sophie’s little voice sounded from behind.

Braden spun around, noticing only then that she sat on the counter, her legs dangling as she munched on a slice of bread. “Party?” he asked.

Bree scurried into the kitchen. “Well, it’s probably over by now. Molly’s mom usually comes to get her well before six o’clock. I told Allie we’d be able to meet them shortly after-” Her sentence stopped cold as she glanced at her reflection in the microwave door. “Seriously? I have this giant paint smear on my head and you didn’t even tell me?”

Braden shrugged as she moistened a paper towel and began scrubbing at her forehead. “I didn’t notice. So where are they? What time did they go?”

“At the diner. I texted Allie around 6:30 and told her to go ahead and order. She said Paige was really disappointed.”

“Hmm.” Braden said. He hadn’t exactly been invited to this
party,
as Sophie called it. Perhaps he should wait until they got home. “I guess you guys should get going then. I’ll just wait until later tonight once they’re back-”

“Are you kidding?” Bree spun in place. There was a red mark above her left eyebrow from all the scrubbing and her eyes were wide with shock. “Paige was seriously disappointed that you were gone. In fact, she was supposed to get together with her friends tonight but said she was too depressed to do it. That she didn’t feel like celebrating.”

Braden could hardly believe his ears. “Huh,” he managed. “Because I was gone? Are you sure?”

“Positive. She’s really upset over the whole thing. Said she just really wants the two of you to work things out.”

“I had no idea.” So he wouldn’t ruin her birthday by showing up. That in itself was good news. But to know that he could actually make her birthday even better?
That
was something to celebrate. “You say they’re at the diner; right?” He patted his pockets for his phone as an idea came to mind. After coming up empty he remembered his cell was in pieces on the floor back home. “Hey,” he said, “can I borrow your phone? I’ve got an idea.”

“How’s the burger?” Allie asked, her eyes pasted on Paige.

Paige shrugged. “It’s good.” Her gaze flashed up just enough to catch eye contact. “Thanks.”

“This place feels different today,” Jillian said, twisting a fork in her spaghetti.

“Yeah.” Paige agreed.

Talk about gloom. The two of them looked sadder than a pair of abandoned kittens.

“I’m going to run to the restroom,” Jillian said. It remained quiet as she slid out of the booth and came to a stand.

“I’m not so sure I want to go with Dad anymore,” Paige blurted once Jillian was out of sight. “I mean, I know that I don’t.”

If there had been a dark cloud hovering over Allie, that very sentence lifted it dramatically. Still, she knew the subject was a source of pain for Paige; she’d need to tread carefully. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Paige continued. She pulled the bun off her burger, peeled off the shred of vegetation she stood to gain from the meal, and discarded it into her napkin before replacing the bun. “He’s such a creep for doing that to you and Braden. And it makes me look stupid for telling him about you guys –”

“Don’t worry on that for a minute, Paige,” Allie said. “I mean it. Of course you were going to say something to Dad. And I don’t mind that you did.
He’s
the one who abused that information. Used it to deceive Braden. None of that was on you.”

“I just didn’t realize Dad was like that,” Paige said. “I don’t know why you always covered for him either. I would have been telling my kids all about the crap he did, so they knew whose side they should be on.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Allie said. “But I was hoping you wouldn’t have to choose sides at all.”

Paige opened her burger once more and reached for the mustard. “And I hate the idea of living with him and some skank lady while sharing a room with her nasty little kids.”

“I’m sure her kids aren’t so bad,” Allie offered. “So… have you spoken more with your dad? Has he said what his plan is now?”

Paige nodded. “Last night.” She bit at her lip while spreading a fresh pool of mustard over her patty with a knife. “He was all, ‘oh, I got back with what’s-her-name and we can totally go stay there and you’ll really like her kids.’” She shook her head. “I’m kind of thinking he only wants me there to babysit so they can go out on the weekends.”

Allie’s blood went from warm to boiling in a blink. “He better not think he can do that,” she spat. “That sounds just like him too. Warming up to you so he can get what he wants.” She regretted the words before they’d even escaped her lips.

Paige cast her gaze down at her plate, her eyes red and watery.

“I’m sorry, Paige,” Allie said. “I didn’t mean it that way. Of course your father loves you – ”

“It’s okay, Mom. Would you stop protecting me? It’s good for me to look at things for what they are. I’m not some little child anymore. If my dad’s a total jerk I want to know it. Maybe it won’t hurt so much when he doesn’t call or text or care about my life. I can just realize that it’s his fault. Not mine.”

“Of course it’s not your fault.”

Paige wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand.

“And I wouldn’t say he’s a
total
jerk,” Allie said. “But he
is
selfish.”

Jillian slid back onto the bench next to Paige as Allie continued. “It’s kind of like the art project you were doing. The one Braden was helping you with. You know how you had to disregard all the gray shading you’d done? Make everything either black or white? Luckily, the world’s not quite that way. Neither are people. What I’m saying is that your father’s not all bad. He’s got some good in him too, and I was hoping that was the part you guys would see most.”

“But why did you stay with him as long as you did?” Jillian asked. “I started noticing that he did things that made you mad, like, flirt with other women and stuff. I heard you get after him a few times too, when you thought we weren’t listening.”

Allie took a sip of her drink as she pondered; the conversation she was having with her girls was an important one. She was grateful for the opportunity to share her experience with them. “Because he was your father,” she said. “Grandpa Emerson used to say,
don’t love someone for who you think they ought to be, or what you hope they’ll become. Love them the way they are or let them go.
With the help of that quote, I gave up on trying to change your dad a long time ago, because I wasn’t willing to initiate an ugly divorce. Not while he was being a good father to you girls. But what I
did
learn to do is lessen my expectations where he was concerned. I accepted that he would never be the man I’d hoped he would become, and as soon as I did that, things changed. Not his behavior, but how it affected me.”

She gave the girls a weak smile as the scene played back in her mind. “Suddenly everything was more tolerable. And after a while, when he’d do something that should have really set me off, I found that I wasn’t shocked or surprised by it anymore. Terrance had shown me what I could expect from him. Shown me through years of the same behavior. So it was all par for the course, I guess you’d say.”

“But that’s so awful,” Paige said. “You shouldn’t have to just be okay with that.”

“You’re right,” Allie agreed. “But that’s a choice I should have made while we were dating. He showed me – even then – just what I could expect but I still married him. Back then, I was hoping he’d change. But it’s like the quote says – love them for who they are or let them go. I’d already married him. Had you two beautiful girls with him. So I just did my best to love him.”

“But wait,” Paige said, her posture straightening before she leaned in. “He didn’t cheat on you before Heather, did he?”

“No,” Allie said. “Once he cheated, it was over. I wouldn’t have put up with any abuse either, of course. Trust me, I had my limits. But you guys should too. And you should keep them in mind while you’re dating.”

“Braden doesn’t seem like a selfish person,” Paige said.

Allie smiled. “You’re right. He’s not.”

“Yeah,” Jillian agreed. “He bought that house for Bree and the kids to live in. That’s really cool.”

“And he took all that time helping me with my project.” Paige added.

Allie nodded again. “He’s a good guy.”

“Do you like him the way he is?” Paige asked. “Or do you wish things about him were different, like you did with Dad?”

A stream of memories came flooding through her mind. The way Braden had consoled her when she’d come to him after Alex’s death – the perfect gentleman. Tender kisses beneath the tree out back. His gentle and patient way. Even down to the honest way he confronted her about Paige and how she was parenting. “I love him just the way he is,” Allie admitted, glancing at each of the girls in turn. “I know it hasn’t been long, but he really does care about you girls. He’s been trying to get me to give you more freedom. Lose the lists I make of your school work and all that.”

Paige chuckled under her breath. “He really
is
pretty cool.”

“Did you guys still want that birthday cake?” Allie looked over at the waitress. A round woman with a worn apron and a kind face. “We can round up a pretty decent choir to sing as well.”

Paige flung her arm on the back of the bench, ducking her head into the sleeve of her hoodie. “Please, no,” she groaned.

“Why don’t we get it to go?” Allie asked, smiling at the waitress. “We’ll sing to you at home. Maybe we can stop by and pick up a few of your friends on the way, if you’re up for it.”

“I don’t think I am. We can just hang out this weekend. I’m not in the mood tonight.”

They ate in silence for a bit, but Allie couldn’t help but think there was still more to say. They’d only just started talking about Braden and the role he played in their life, as limited as it might be for now. She really wanted to know what they thought of things.

“Hey,” she said, resting her spoon alongside her bowl of soup. “I’m not sure when Braden is going to come back, but me having a relationship with him – what are your feelings about that?”

“I’d love it,” Jillian said. She’d made her opinion clear several times before, so there was no surprise there.

“I like Braden,” Paige said.

Allie smiled. She’d figured as much, but it felt nice to hear her admit it.

“So what if things start to get more serious between us once he comes back? Would you guys mind that?”

Jillian shook her head and smiled. “You know I wouldn’t. I want you to be happy, Mom.”

A pained expression crossed over Paige’s face. “I’m scared that he won’t come back at all,” she said.

A pang of fear pricked the center of her chest at the words. “He has to come back,” Allie said. “He’s got a life here. The woodshop. Bree and the kids. I’m sure he’ll be checking in with her soon enough and once she tells him everything he’ll – ”

“But what if he doesn’t? What if he’s mad about what I did and stops liking us over it?”

“He won’t,” Allie assured.

“Ladies,” a voice cut through her words.

Allie glanced over to see the waitress standing there, scribbling on her tattered notepad. She lifted her head and slid the pen into her hair over one ear. “Sorry to interrupt, but I’ve got some bad news.”

Allie caught Jillian’s gaze before settling on Paige’s disturbed expression. “Go ahead,” she urged.

“We’re going to be singing to the birthday girl after all.”

Allie tilted her head. “Who says?”

The gentleman who just paid your bill in full. He’s asked that we don’t divulge his name, but he wishes the birthday girl a very lovely birthday, and has asked that we have every employee in the joint rally ‘round and put our lungs to good use.” Just as she finished those words a song picked up from down the hall. Nearly a dozen waiters and waitresses headed their way. A thin boy led the pack, holding a frosted cake before him, his eyes pasted on the glowing flames.

“
Happy Birthday to you…”

Only Paige wasn’t hiding her head in her hands. She was glancing about the place, her eyes wide with wonder. The group neared, the candles flickering with the draft.

“Who do you think did this?” Jillian asked, glancing over her shoulder.

Allie chuckled, scanning the place as well. “I have no idea.” Though in the back of her mind she figured it was Earl. Her father had known Paige was down, perhaps he’d found out where they’d gone for the evening and done something to cheer her up.

“
…happy birthday, dear Phoebe, Happy Birthday to you.”

“Phoebe?” Paige blurted. And then enlightenment flittered across her face.

“
What?”
Allie asked, leaning forward. Her first thought was that they’d made a mistake, were singing to the wrong girl. But then she remembered. Just as Paige must have, from the look on her face –
Braden.
Allie’s heart felt like it might beat right out of her chest. She scanned the crowded restaurant. It wasn’t good to let her hopes rise – she knew that much – but she hardly had a choice in the matter. Already they were soaring with the clouds.

A hush fell over the table, and Allie straightened back up.

A crooked smile tugged at one corner of Paige’s lips as she leaned over the cake. With one quick blow, she blew out all but one. She forced out another gust, extinguishing the straggler as well. A few of the staff greeted Paige as their waitress set down plates and forks. “Enjoy,” she said.

Allie leaned in once she was gone. The girls did the same, their eyes wide with excitement.

“It’s Braden,” Paige said in a whisper. She smiled as she looked at the cake. “He’s back.”

The words put that thrill back in Allie’s chest. “I think you’re right.”

“But where’s he hiding?” Jillian asked, glancing about the diner.

Allie was wondering the same thing. “Maybe he got in touch with Bree and arranged all this over the phone. Maybe he’s still on his way home.”

Paige reached for the knife on the table, looking as if a million pounds had been lifted from her shoulders. “Well let’s dig in.”

Allie’s smile grew wider. Sometime soon Braden would make an appearance. And to make it all the sweeter – the very knowledge had taken Paige from her depressed, not-touching-her-burger state, to a happy, lets-dive-into-the-cake mood. And Jillian too.

“He didn’t want to miss your birthday,” Jillian said to Paige, nudging her arm.

Paige only smiled, sliding a slice onto the top plate. “Jilly,” she said, cutting another slice and placing it on the next plate. “Mom,” she announced before cutting one final piece.

Allie circled the place with her eyes once more before tilting her head to see out the window. It was dark out, and nearly impossible to see, but she couldn’t help but wonder if Braden was somewhere beyond the glass. Watching the small group enjoy his gift. She sighed. Whether he was close by or miles away, Allie knew one thing for sure. Braden was a part of their lives. And she could hardly wait to see what the evening might bring.

~+~

“When are they delivering the note?” Bree sounded like she was twelve years old again, excitement thick in her voice.

Braden rested an elbow out the open car window, glancing at Bree as she sat in her jeep. “Just after they finish the cake,” he said.

“I want some cake,” Sophie said.

Carter bounced in the car seat behind his mom. “Me too,” he said.

“I’m sure they’ll box up the leftovers,” he heard Bree add.

Braden’s nerves kicked up as he waited. What if things didn’t go his way? What if Allie was furious at him for leaving?  Thank heavens Bree had set him straight. He just hoped Allie would forgive him and let him back into her life.

As he leaned back, watching Allie, Paige, and Jillian enjoy themselves in the brightly lit diner, a feeling of gratitude washed over him. Had he remained in his blind and angry state, thrashed his motel room and headed for Oregon, he’d have missed out on this moment. Sure he probably could have worked things out eventually, but not in time for Paige’s birthday. He wouldn’t have been able to see the way her face went from brooding and sad, to youthful and alive. He wouldn’t have heard the faint hum of the song as they’d brought out the cake, the name they’d called her as they sang. He’d enjoyed every moment of that – seeing realization sink in. And what a pleasure it was to see that it pleased her.