Rowan's Lady (19 page)

Arline fished a handkerchief from the pocket of
her cloak and began to gently wipe Lily’s face. “I ken,” she said softly.
“Ye’ve told me that before. Ye are verra blessed to have a mum and da who love
ye so much. And ’tis all right to miss yer mum, even if ye never knew her.”

Lily was quiet for a time before she asked her
next question. “Lady Arline, am I bad because I wish I had a new mum?”

Arline tilted her head slightly and looked into
Lily’s bright blue eyes. The child looked sad, regretful, almost guilty. “Nay,
sweeting, that isn’t bad. Do no’ feel yer doin’ somethin’ wrong by wantin’ a
mum.”

Rowan’s heart began to shatter as he listened to
his daughter talk about wanting a mother. It made him feel guilty. He had spent
so much time mourning Kate’s death that he forgot to live. Aye, he woke each
day, went about his daily routine and business, but he wasn’t truly
living
his
life. He was merely existing.

At every possibly opportunity, he had told his
daughter how wonderful and beautiful and smart her mother had been. He had been
so focused on not forgetting Kate that he could not see what was in front of
him. By sharing all his memories with Lily, he was constantly reminding her of
what she did not have. Had he been paying attention, he would have realized
sooner that his little girl was hurting. She wanted a mum but because of his
constant reminders, she felt guilty.

He could have dropped to his knees then, and
thanked the good Lord for putting Arline in their lives, especially Lily’s.
Arline had lost her mother at a young age and could very well understand how
Lily felt.

He would pretend he had not heard their
conversation. Painting a smile on his face, he walked to them and cheerfully
greeted them good morn. Lily smiled as Rowan lifted her into his arms.

“Da! We saved ye some bread and an apple!” Lily
said as she hugged him tightly around his neck.

“Ye did? Well, thank ye kindly, lass,” he said as
he kissed her cheek.

“Aye,” Lily nodded. “Ye must have been tired. Ye
slept a verra long time.”

 ’Twasn’t necessarily incorrect. He had gotten
more sleep last night than he had in weeks. “I was verra tired,” he told her,
wanting very much to change the subject.

“Are ye ready to go home this day, Lily?” he
asked, bouncing her up and down in his arm.

“Aye! And I do no’ want to leave it fer a long,
long time.”

He could not say that be blamed her or disagreed.
He’d like to return home, take a nice hot bath, and climb into bed for at least
a sennight. Duties, however, would bar such a luxurious holiday.

“I agree,” he said as he set her on her feet
before summoning the courage to at last speak to Arline. There were a hundred
questions he wanted to ask but fear and good manners prohibited asking them.
“Are ye ready as well, me lady?”

Arline dusted her skirts and stood. Rowan thought
he detected a blush rising in her cheeks. “Are ye well, me lady?”

“Aye, I am,” she told him. After embarrassing
herself inside the tent earlier, she had no desire for small talk. “Who shall I
ride with this morn?”

Lily answered before Rowan had a chance. “Ye can
ride with me and da,” she said cheerfully.

Another blush rose to her cheeks. That was the
last
thing she needed to do. “I’m sure that is too many riders fer yer da’s
horse, Lily.”

Rowan wanted the opportunity to speak with Arline
before they arrived as his keep. “Lily,” he said as he lowered to one knee. “I
need ye to ride with Thomas fer a time.” He spoke is a low, soft voice. “Just
fer a little while. I want to speak with Lady Arline.”

Lily’s lip jutted out and she looked genuinely
worried. “But I feel better when I be with ye both.”

It would take much time, encouragement, and
reassurance before Lily felt unafraid. Silently, he cursed Garrick Blackthorn
and the men who had taken her, terrified and hurt her. They had taken away his
daughter’s sense of security.

“Rowan,” Arline said as she came to stand beside
them. “I can ride with Frederick. Lily needs her father now.”

“But I want ye both,” Lily repeated before
thrusting her thumb into her mouth.

Lily was genuinely worried and frightened, both
Rowan and Arline could see that. She was far too young and it was far too soon
to expect her to just push aside her fears and move on.

“Lady Arline,” Rowan said as he stood. “I do
believe me horse can handle the three of us. That is, if ye do no’ mind holding
Lily on yer lap while we ride.”

It was difficult enough to deny Lily much of
anything, considering the circumstances. It was also ridiculously difficult to
tell Rowan no, especially when he looked at her with those big brown eyes.
Mayhap with Lily riding with them, Rowan would be less inclined to be as devious
and mischievous as he was when they made their way down the side of the cliff.

“Fine,” she finally answered. “We shall ride
together.” She shot Rowan a stern look that warned him that he should be on his
best behavior.

Alternating their speeds between a full out,
terrifying run and trotting, they would make
Áit na Síochána
in a few
hours. Arline could not wait to be off the horse. When she reflected on the
number of times she had actually ridden a horse over the past eight years, most
had had been less than pleasant experiences. Seldom was she able to simply
enjoy a nice, leisurely pace.

They stopped once to stretch legs and empty
bladders. While they allowed the horses to rest, Frederick and Daniel chased
Lily around a large boulder, much to the little girl’s delight. It was not easy
for a child like Lily, so full of energy and spunk, to sit for hours on a
horse. The exercise would do them all some good.

Rowan wanted a few moments alone with Arline, to
discuss the possibility of her staying amongst his clan. She was standing in
the tall grass rubbing the back of her neck. He watched as she tried to stretch
the kinks out, the movement causing her to wince. He still worried over her
injuries and hoped the breakneck speeds they had been taking hadn’t made them
worse.

“Me lady,” he said as he walked toward her.
“Mayhap a walk will help stretch yer muscles? That is, if yer ribs and bruises
are up to it.”

Arline took only a moment to contemplate his
suggestion. Mayhap taking a walk would help. It certainly could not hurt any
more than the bone jarring ride atop the horse.

“I think that be a verra good idea,” she said.

Rowan gave a slight bow and offered her his arm.
She cringed inwardly at the thrill that raced up and down her spine as she
placed her hand on his arm. The wanton was back. She wondered if by chance a
priest resided at Rowan’s keep. She imagined it would take a priest to exorcise
the wanton from her system.

They walked in amiable silence not wandering too
far from the men and Lily. The breeze tickled the tall grass, the trees and
Arline’s hair. The sun shone brightly against a beautiful cloudless blue sky.
The sound of Lily’s happy laughter and the twittering birds blended together.
Though it was a perfectly beautiful day, much tension still lingered in the
air. Arline supposed it would not wane until they were safely ensconced behind
the walls of the Graham keep.

After some time, Rowan finally rallied the courage
to bring up the subject of her future. “Lady Arline,” he began. “Have ye given
any thought to what ye might do, now that ye no longer be married to Garrick?”

Had she given it any thought? An amused smile came
to her lips. That was all she had thought of for the past year. “Me sisters are
in Inverness. I would verra much like to go there, to live with them.” Until a
sennight ago, just thinking about Inverness would bring an excited flutter to
her stomach, she would even dance gaily about her room with uninhibited
excitement. But now, when she said it aloud, it did not make her giddy or breathless
with anticipation. Something had changed in her these past weeks.

Lily. She would miss the little girl terribly,
but, going to Inverness was the only plan she had.

“I see,” Rowan said, looking at the tree line that
lay ahead. “And is it
verra
important to ye, to go to Inverness?

Until Lily had come into her life, going to
Inverness had been the only thing that kept her from losing her mind. Still,
what other option did she have? She certainly would not return to Ireland, that
was out of the question.

“Me sisters are there, ye ken,” she told him. “I
miss them verra much. I have no’ seen them in over a year.” She hadn’t seen
them since the night she snuck out of her father’s home and into the village
where Morralyn and Geraldine lived.

“Lily mentioned them,” Rowan said. He did not
divulge the extent of the conversation.

Her father had known for years that Arline had
been sending the two young women money each month. He had been well aware of
how much Arline loved them. Orthanach had threatened to send her sisters far
away with the promise she’d never lay eyes on them again if she continued to
refuse to marry Garrick.

Knowing her father as she did, she knew he was not
bluffing. So she had written to her former step-son, Phillip Lindsay, and
begged him for help. Phillip had responded quickly and generously by sending
ten of his best men to take Morralyn and Geraldine to Inverness. Phillip had
friends there and made arrangements for Morralyn and Geraldine to stay as long
as needed. Arline knew she would never be able to repay Phillip. She would be
forever in his debt.

 “Lady Arline, I ken how much ye surely love yer
sisters,” Rowan stopped and turned to look at her. “But I have a proposition
fer ye, that I’d like ye to consider.”

Arline tilted her head with curiosity and more
excitement than was proper. She told herself he said
proposition
and not
proposal.
They were two entirely different things.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I
owe ye a debt that I can never begin to repay.”

“Och!” she said with a wave of her hand. “Do no’
worry overmuch, me laird.”

“Nay, ’tis important that ye ken how grateful I am
to ye, Arline. Ye risked much in takin’ care of Lily.”

“’Twas the right thing to do, me laird,” she told
him. Truthfully, she had enjoyed taking care of Lily. For the first time in a
very long time, Arline finally felt like her life had a purpose, albeit a
temporary one. Lily was a precious child, one she had grown quite fond of. The
thought of leaving her left an emptiness in her heart that she not thought
possible.

“So ye’ve said before,” he flashed her a smile.
Resisting the urge to tuck a loose strand of her auburn hair behind her ear, he
clasped his hands behind his back. “But be that as it may, me daughter has
grown quite fond of ye. She will be verra sad to see ye leave.”
I’ve grown
fond of ye as well.

A warm smile lit her face. “She is a precious
child.”

“Aye, that she is,” he agreed. “I fear I make a
miserable mum for her,” he chuckled. “I’ve treated her more like a lad than a
little girl. She needs the influence of a proper lady. Someone who will teach
her all the things a proper lady should know.”

Arline’s spirits and hope began to soar. She threw
a rope around them and tugged them back to earth. Certainly he did not mean…
Nay, he could not mean to propose. She gave a mental shake of her head.

 “So me proposal is this,” he said, standing a bit
taller. “I would like ye to stay with us at
Áit na Síochána
as a
governess for Lily. Ye’ll be given a fine room near Lily’s and anything ye
might need to teach Lily.”

Spirits and hope plunged downward, along with her
heart and lodged themselves firmly into the soil beneath her feet. Of course he
hadn’t meant what she had found herself wishing for. He didn’t want a wife, or
at least not Arline as a wife. ’Twas a ridiculous notion to begin with. What
man proposes after but a few days of meeting someone? She felt like a
ridiculous fool for having thought it.

“I ken ye wish to be with yer sisters, me lady.
But someone
inside
the walls of my keep, aided in Lily’s kidnappin’. A
draught was slipped into a cask of ale, leaving most of me keep unguarded. We
also believe someone slipped the same potion into Lily’s tea.”

Arline gasped with shock. “Nay!” she exclaimed.
“Who would do such a thing?”

Rowan shook his head. “I dunna ken, but I do
intend to find out. I need someone, someone I can trust, to care for Lily.” He
paused and looked into her green eyes. “I trust
ye,
Arline. I can see
well that ye care fer me daughter. I ken that ye’d no’ let any harm come to
her.”

Arline could only nod her head in affirmation. The
ability to form words had fled. He trusted
her
to care for his daughter,
the daughter he loved more than any other person on this earth. She felt both
honored and terrified at the same time. Honored that he felt he could trust her
after only knowing her for such a short time and terrified that she’d somehow
make a mistake with Lily.

“So me proposal is this. Ye stay at
Áit na
Síochána,
fer at least a month, to act as Lily’s governess. If, after the
end of that month, ye find ye do no’ wish to stay on permanently, then I shall
give ye escort to anywhere ye wish to go.”

The wanton screamed for her to agree. If he didn’t
want her as a wife, mayhap he’d desire her as a mistress. She took a deep,
steady breath and mentally pushed the wanton into the earth along with her
heart and hopes. Reminding herself she did posses
some
amount of pride
and dignity.

This was not a decision that could be made
lightly. It would require a good deal of thought and consideration. She did
have her sisters to consider. They were hiding in Inverness and Lord only knew
how they were faring. It had been months since last she’d heard from them or
been able to write to them. She would write to them as soon as she reached
Áit
na Síochána,
to let them know she was alive and well
.
If they were
well and safe, mayhap then she could give serious consideration to Rowan’s
proposition.