Ruin Me (22 page)

Kai inhales slowly. I count his breaths one-by-one, waiting for the moment when he finally speaks. I found his silent treatment earlier annoying, but now, it’s completely devastating.

“I know,” he finally says. “You wouldn’t have come all this way if you weren’t.” His hand falls off the doorknob and glides back down to his side.

“Yeah…” I whisper.

“Look,” he begins, “I know those incredible thighs of yours can probably hang there forever, but my back is kind of…”

I loosen my grip on his neck. “Okay,” I say. I slide down his body and place my feet on the floor. For a second, I fear it is all a clever ruse and he’ll try to bolt again, but he does a quick stretch and turns around slowly to lean against the door with his hands in his pockets. “I thought about calling, but… it just didn’t feel right. I wanted to do this in person.”

“Do what, Pipes?” he asks.

I shrug slowly. “Fix this,” I say. “Beg you for forgiveness. Ask if we can be friends.”

“I told you I loved you,” he says, his voice low.

“I know.”

“And you let me believe for an entire week that you loved me, too.”

“I didn’t…” I sigh. “I didn’t mean to. Hell, I probably thought I did for a while.”

“What changed?” he asked.

I scratch my elbow as tickles strike my nerves. “We couldn’t keep going, Kai,” I say.

“Why not?”

I swallow hard to fight the lump growing in my throat. “Because…
everything
. We fought
constantly
.”

“I kind of liked that about us,” he admits with curled lips.

I continue on, fighting the urge to return his smile. “And obvious family relations aside… you were going to school. I wasn’t. I ran away to Europe and you didn’t.”

“I would have,” he interrupts. “Piper, you know I would have.”

“I couldn’t let you do that,” I urge. “I was prepared for that change. You weren’t.”

“That’s not your decision to make.”

“You were in no state to make a decision like that, Kai,” I say. “I had planned it for years. Months of mapping and waiting and preparation went into that change.”

“And yet…” he says. “Here you are.”

“Well…” I shrug. “There were a few factors I didn’t think of beforehand.” I look at him and I smile. “The day you showed up in Berlin… it changed everything.”

“Not everything,” he argues.

“
Mostly
everything.”

He inhales. “But not how you feel about me.”

I pause, questioning whether I should go further, but I push on. “Kai, I haven’t been with another man since you left,” I admit. “I’ve been
completely
tormented by what happened… by what I said to you. And I know you have as well.” His eyes fall for a moment. “I miss you and I can’t leave again until I know you understand that.”

“Oh, I understand you completely, Piper,” he scoffs. “I was just another one of your playthings to be used up and tossed out.”

It cuts me deep. “That’s
not
true, Kai.”

He stands up tall. “Yeah, well, that’s what it felt like. And by the way…
No.
I’m not ready to forgive you. Maybe someday, but that day sure as hell isn’t going to come around anytime soon.”

“Kai, I’m sorry—”

“That’s not good enough for me, Piper,” he says, his tone firm and direct. “I get no fuzzy feelings from your apologies. I get no fuzzy feelings when I think about you
at all
anymore.”

I slink backward. Tears sting behind my eyelids. “Kai…”

“I might feel a little bit fuzzy when I hear how
tormented
you’ve been. That actually feels kinda good.”

“Wow.”
I shake my head. “You know, I expected a little more empathy from you. I thought you were better than this.”

He presents his hands. “Well, I guess we’ll both have to live with being complete disappointments to each other.” He spins around and grabs the doorknob. I don’t bother trying to stop him this time. “Bye, Piper,” he says as he steps out of the bathroom.

***

I slide the card key into the slot and the light on the lock turns green.

“Mom?” I ask as I step inside the dark hotel room. Silence answers me. She must have gone out.

I plop down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling.

Well… that went well.

I should have turned around and flew back to Europe when I arrived here like my instincts told me to do. But, no. I just
had
to talk to him in person. I
had
to look into his eyes and tell him I was sorry for screwing up the most meaningful relationship I’ve ever been a part of.

Piper, you’re a fucking idiot.

But I did what I came here to do. I split my heart open, ripped it out, and showed it to him. I’ve never felt so unbelievably vulnerable in my entire life and in classic Kai Casablancas style, he used it to insult and degrade me. Why did I even bother with this again?

Oh, that’s right. Because he’s the best lover I’ve ever had and I’d do anything to experience him again.

I squeeze my eyes closed in a futile effort to curb the throbbing desire coursing through my body. It’s been eating away at me ever since I dragged him into that bathroom. I can still smell him on my hands. My skin quivers. Having his hands on me again, that rough touch of his, it’s so mind-numbingly powerful. I can’t stand it. I wanted to kiss him so badly then and the hunger lingers on my tongue.

I can’t leave again until I’m satisfied.

If appealing to him emotionally won’t work, then I’ll have to tap into his more primal side.

I reach underneath my skirt and slide my fingertips along my throbbing lips. It’s almost enough to send me over the edge immediately. I pull back and let the tingling pleasure dissipate before touching myself again. I bring myself close, then immediately stop. I want to savor this. I ride the wave over and over again, forcing myself closer to climax each time, but backing off before the point of no return.

Kai.

You won’t be swayed by fuzzy words and emotions?
Fine.

Maybe a more direct approach is necessary to get what I want.

Chapter 23

Kai

“So, where were we?” I ask Nina.

She stares at me with wide eyes and glances down my body. “What the hell was that all about?” she asks.

I try to laugh it off, but my heart is still racing. It’s going to take one long and
cold
shower to shake off Piper’s powerful influence over me. “It was nothing. Really.”

Nina raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t look like
nothing
to me.” She eyes my collar. “I thought she said she was your sister.”

“She is.”

Her head tilts. “You have lipstick on your neck,” she points out, “and your shirt collar is completely wrecked.”

My hand shoots to the back of my head and I rub my skin. When I look at my fingers, I find Piper’s bright red lipstick smeared on them.
Dammit, Pipes.
“Well… she’s my
step
sister.”

To my surprise, Nina starts laughing. “That’s one kinky household you grew up in.”

“No—” I hold up my hands. “It’s not like—”

“Calm down, Casablancas,” she chuckles. “I won’t tell anybody.”

I sigh. “I’ve completely ruined my chances here, haven’t I?” I ask her.

“Chances with what?” she asks.

“With you…” I say. I recall her flirtation with me at the gym, but a sudden wave of uncertainty plagues me.

“Whoa…” She steps back. “Kai, I’m sorry if I mislead you…”

Well, shit…

She shakes her head. “My friends couldn’t come tonight and I thought you’d need someone to keep you company, too. I mean… you’re not very social. I figured you’d be uncomfortable in a place like this.”

“Okay…” My chest burns. I haven’t felt this humiliated since… well,
ever.

“Besides, Mandy told us you’re off-limits and—”

“Wait. Mandy told you
what
?” I interrupt.

“You’re off-limits,” she repeats. “Something about an old flame gone wrong and you’re still getting over it. Every girl on our floor knows.”

I grit my teeth. “She did, eh?” The sudden urge to strangle her overwhelms me.

“Yeah — but don’t be mad at her or anything,” Nina urges. “I wish I had someone like that looking out for me.”

“Yeah, Mandy’s such a good
friend
.” I peek around the room. The party still thrives at full blast, but I don’t catch sight of Mandy anywhere.

“Anyway…” Nina continues. “It’s getting late and I have a class tomorrow morning. I’ll see you around, Kai.”

“Right.” I continue looking around, my eyes on constant watch for their prey. Nina is gone by the time I look up again, but I don’t really blame her for bolting. I’m a fucking mess.

Thanks a million, Piper.

I push through the crowd. After another minute of searching, I pull my phone from my pocket and send Mandy a message.

Where are you?

She replies quickly,
Outside.

I turn towards the front door and step out onto the quiet porch. A cloud of smoke strikes my face immediately as I walk into a smoker’s exhale. I cough it away, pushing my palm through the air to block the rest from polluting my lungs. I make it down the steps to the lawn, but I still wreak of the garbage.

“Hey, Kai,” Mandy greets me by the curb while she taps away at her phone. “Any idea where Shawn is?”

“No,” I answer quickly.

She holds the phone to her ear and waits. I hear the dull ringing repeating on the other end as I stand next to her. “I might just have to leave without him then,” she sighs. “I told him I had to be back by midnight—”

“Did you tell all the girls on our floor that I was
off-limits
?”

“What?” she asks with confused eyes. They wander about before light finally shines behind them. “Ohhh, yeah. I might have.”

“Why?”

She lowers the phone and ends the call. “It was months ago, Kai,” she says. “I was just trying to help you.”

“Help
me
? Or help Piper Lynch?”

She slinks back. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“How long exactly have you and Piper been derailing my chances with women behind my back, huh?” I accuse.

Her eyes go wide and her jaw drops in disbelief. “Okay…” she mutters. “You know, I was on
your side
throughout all of this nonsense, but
now
, I officially resign from this crazy fucking roller-coaster ride you two are hell-bent on strapping everyone into.”

“You have a pretty messed-up definition of being on
my side
, Mandy.”

“First of all,” she begins, “I did you a freakin’
favor
with Nina Brock. All right? She’s completely bat-shit, even more so than Piper’s exclusive brand of crazy. Take it from the girl that shares four walls and a roof with her. Secondly, I would never
derail your chances
with anyone or anything and I’m honestly
pissed off
at the accusation, considering how much I’ve
thanklessly
done for you since you came back.”

She’s right. Mandy’s put up with a ludicrous amount of my bullshit since we started school and I have no leg to stand on with the accusation. “Mandy, I…”

“The only person that’s
derailed
your chances
with anyone is
you
, Kai,” she interrupts. “You. Y. O. U. You. But I don’t judge you for it. Piper did a real fucked up thing and I told her that
to her face
earlier today. I backed
you
. I stood up for
you
.”