Ruin Me Please

RUIN ME PLEASE

Copyright © 2011 by
Nichole Matthews

Revised addition
by Nichole Matthews
2012

Cover design by Nichole Matthews

Kindle
Edition, License notes

This e
-
book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.  This e
-
book may not be re-sold or given away to other people.  If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with.  If you
a
re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use o
n
ly, then you should return to Amazon
and purchase your own copy.  Thank you for respecting the hard work of this a
u
thor.

This book is a work of fiction.  The characters and events portrayed in this book are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.   Any similarity to real person, li
v
ing or dead is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

All rights reserved, including the
r
ight to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. 

TO MY HUSBAND,

I AM
THOROUGHLY RUINED

Ruin

Me

Please

What’s gone
and what’s past help

s
hould be past grief.

T
he Winter’s Tale

*William Shakespeare

D
eclan’s face was etched with anguish
.  His dirt-caked boots tapped a lackluster stacc
a
to as he
p
ac
ed
restlessly back and
forth, yet he still found the fortitude to look about
t
he room
shrou
d
ed in darkness
and smelling of sickness
.  He worked hard to look a
nywhere but at the deathly pale figure of a man lying on the large four-poster oak bed
.
 
Even with his immense effort, h
is eyes glanc
ed periodically
off his brother
’s lifeless body
taking
all of his strength to cage the s
ob
that
threa
t
ened to break
free.

Archibald, the
family’s
long time butler
,
quickly followed him
when he bolted
up the stairs
and stood hovering in the doorway w
orriedly scann
ing
Declan’s face
. 

“Master Declan you arrived as hastily
as possible.  There was no
thing you could have done to stop
him
;
he was damned determined to find the Smith’s daughter.” 
Archibald
mad
e every effort
to comfort Declan
, to sooth him with words,
sensing the
rising
panic
beginning to flare
behind
D
e
clan’s
usually roguish
eyes.

“I
would have been able to aid in the search, “
h
e
said
by way of explanation
to no one in particular
, fear hammer
ed
in his veins
.
 
He ran his fingers
through his hair for
what seemed like
the hundredth time
. 
“Dammit
!  Why was
n’t I
here?
”  He thundered. 
The ravages of guilt marr
ed his
typically
handsome visage
. 
 
H
is brother’s countenance
had never been
so pale and
lifeless;
he swallowed and gently brushed back a tuft of
hair that had fallen across Gabriel’s
sweating
forehead,
his heart co
n
strict
ing
painfully at the sight
. 

Declan rubbed
at
his tired eyes
before raising them.
“
But you don’t understand, Archie. 
I was supposed to be here as well
.
”  He swallowed hard, almost painfully.  “Had I been a man of my word, he would not have been alone.”  He gripped the bridge of his nose as if to
forcibly remove the ache that was slowly building behind his eyes
, but whatever
power he once though he possessed
was slowly dissipat
ing at
life
’s unrelenting
batter
ing
to
his heart
.  “
He should have waited for me.  Why did
he not
wait for me to arrive
?” h
e
yelled
,
punc
h
ing
a
fist-sized
hole in the wall.  “It was only a matter
of hours.  Hours for God’s sake.
”

Archibald
searched
Declan’s eye
s
.
“
He was trying
to find the child
before nightfall.
”  Archibald
could see that his
attempt
to ease Declan’s mind
was
not having the desired
e
ffect
.  “There was nothing you could have done.
”  He placed his hand on Declan’s shoulder.
 
“
You could not have stopped him a
n
ymore
than he could have stopped you.
” 

“But I
could
have
helped.
I could have helped in the search
,
”
h
e growled
in an
ger
.  The repercussion of his selfish actions echoed, rolling like thunder through his mind
. 
“
I should have been here, damm
it!
” h
e roared. 
“In
stead, I was carousing around
London just a little bit lon
g
er.
  On
e more drink, one more club,
one more woman
.
” 
Declan angrily punched the
nea
r
est
wall again h
is fist
bruised and blee
d
ing
by his self-inflicted assault.
 

“Master Declan?  Please
, I beg you to calm yourself.  E
verything will turn out
well
. 
You
will
see.  Don’t worry
,
” Archibald said in a soothing tone. 

“He needed me and I wasn’t here
.
  I have never taken anything seriously
.
”  He threw himself in the chair by Gabriel’s bed with his head in his hands.  He growled scornfully
,
oblivious to Archibald’s attempts to comfort. 
“
I’m not
supposed to
be
t
he
d
uke
.
 
Gabriel
is the d
uke
.
”
  Declan
be
l
lowed
. 
“I will not
allow
him die!” 

“
Do
n’t
worry
,
”
Archibald repeated
, his brows creased into a firm line
. 
He tried h
is best
to ease Declan’s
mind
.  “
Do not
worry,
” he
whispered
yet again,
plac
ing
a familiar hand on D
e
clan’s shou
l
der.  “He will be fine, right as rain, you
wi
ll see.
”

Head in hands,
tears stung Declan’s
eyes.  H
e sat beside his only brother
; a
nxiously
pra
y
ing
as the morning sun lit up the sky once again.  “Oh God, what can I do? 
Gabriel ha
s
always taken care of everyone. 
God
,
h
e doesn’t deserve to die like this
.”
 
Declan
flinched
at each thrashing of Gabriel’s sweat soaked body
. 
“
What can I do?” 
He
shouted
at the ceiling
, at God, at whoever would deign to listen
before his eyes landed on
Archie
.
“Damn
it,
Archie,
t
ell me what I’m
supposed to
do
.
”  
He gestured helplessly t
o
wards his brother’s bed. 

“Don’
t you worry
,
Master Decl
an,
d
on‘t you worry,” Archie whispered as he
sent up
a
s
i
lent
prayer of
his own.

Declan
stared
down at his elder brother, his best friend. 
Dragging in a tight breath,
he had
never seen him so pale, so lifeless
,
and so
utterly helpless
. 
They were inseparable as chi
l
dren and troublemakers together as
men
; h
e
could
n’
t
imagine
his life without Gabriel
by his side.
He couldn’t even breathe, his lungs burned
, nausea clouded his brain
.  His brother wh
o was always so full of life was now
so completely
di
f
ferent.