Ruined (26 page)

I miss her though. I miss the sound of her voice, and the way she smiles when I do something fucking stupid. I miss the way her perfume smells on my sheets, and the way she always holds my arm in a fucking death grip whenever I spoon her, as if I might try and escape. I miss her warmth. She carries it around with her like some unseen force, drawing everyone to her. I just miss her, everything about her. My life is brighter when she’s around, and now everything just feels so dark and pointless.  Why am I so obsessed with her?

I was never this into her when I was fucking her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s an epic lay, but that’s all she was, a lay. Now, here I am, missing a girl who I haven’t even fucked for the past six months. Well, shit.

And now she’s moving in with Alex, the guy who is everything I’m not. He’s who she should be with, he’s good for her. So why do I feel so fucking gutted about it?

After my conversation with Lilly this morning, I ended up finishing that bottle of vodka. Theo said that he and Lilly are going out to Poison tonight. Apparently they’re taking Molly and Alex out to celebrate them moving in together. I was invited, but something tells me it was a cursory invite. Fuck that.

I walk into Poison and scan the crowd. My vision is blurred from all the vodka. Fuck, I’m surprised I can still walk. I’ve drunk enough to put an elephant down. I spot Theo standing at the bar talking to Alex. Brilliant. I stagger over there and clap my hand on Theo’s shoulder.

“Hey dude.”

“Theo, Alex.” I half wave, but my arms aren’t responding very well.

“Hey.” Alex says politely. Always so fucking polite. Jesus, I want to punch him, just to see whether he’ll apologise for hurting my fist.

“I didn’t think you were coming.” Theo says with a fake arse smile on his lips. I narrow my eyes at him. Fucking traitor, hanging out with Molly and the good guy she’s fucking now.

“Changed my mind.” I call over a barman and order two shots of tequila. Best wrap up the night in style by vomiting and passing out.

Theo wraps his hand around my neck and leans into me. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks quietly.

I laugh. “I came to wish the happy couple luck.”

“Hugo.” He growls. “You didn’t want her.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what I do or don’t want. You have no fucking idea.” I say, taking the shots the barman puts on the bar and handing him a twenty pound note.

Theo’s fingers tighten on my neck. “Don’t fuck this up for her, okay? You’ve already hurt her man, let it be.” He releases me and moves away, with Alex following him.

Fuck. He’s right. What am I doing here? I order another drink, and down it. I’m about to leave, when a manicured hand lands on my fore arm.

“Hugo!” A high pitched voice shrieks. I turn and look at the woman hanging off me. Nope. I have no idea who she is. She’s pretty enough though. I know by now that a pretty girl who knows my name is a former fuck.

“Hey…”

“Sammi.” She smiles, clearly un-phased by the fact that I have no fucking clue who she is. I used to find women like her appealing, but now…nothing. I don’t even want to fuck her. God, what is this shit? It’s like I suddenly have a conscience or something. Molly has fucked my head up, and I don’t like it. I just want to go back to drinking and fucking my way through as much pussy as is physically possible. Jesus, I can’t even get off any more unless I pretend it’s her, and I have done the five knuckle shuffle more times in the past week than I have in the last year, all to the memory of fucking her. This shit is fucked up. So fucked up.

Without saying another word, I turn and make my way through the crowd, toward the door. I’m almost across the dance floor, when a group of girls part, and there in front of me is Molly. She’s dancing with Lilly, but she freezes when she sees me.

It feels like I’m being punched in the gut as those deep blue eyes lock with mine.
Walk the fuck away
, I think to myself. She takes a step toward me, and then freezes, a frown etching into her features. She closes her eyes as if she’s in pain, and then turns away. Lilly puts an arm around her, pulling her away from me, the bastard who told her he didn’t love her. Lilly flashes me an annoyed look over her shoulder.

Before I know what I’m doing, I’m marching across the small space. I grab Molly’s arm, pulling her away from Lilly, and walking toward the door. She pulls against me, but I keep a hold on her until we’re outside the club and down the street a little.

“Hugo, what the fuck?” She snaps.

I turn to face her, and push her up against a shop window. I slam my lips over hers, and it feels so fucking right it makes me want to scream, because this is wrong. I’m wrong.

I can’t stop myself though, I need her. Fuck, do I need her. I wind my fingers into her silky hair, and yank her up against my body. She’s slow to react, and I can almost hear her mind trying to process what the fuck I’m doing. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m just instinct and need. I need her like I need air to breathe.

Eventually, her lips part and a moan slips from her lips. I growl, pressing against the window harder. It’s brutal and unrestrained, because this is what she drives me to. She takes it and demands more, because under that prissy exterior, she’s a fucking animal. A wolf dressed in Prada and Louboutins. I tear my lips from hers and skim them down her neck, inhaling the scent of her like it’s fucking crack cocaine. Her fingers claw at my shirt as her back bows, her body gravitating toward me. I bite down on her neck and she groans my name, her nails clawing across the back of my neck. My cock strains against my jeans, fucking gagging for her. Every part of me craves every part of her.

I tear my mouth away from her, and rest my forehead against hers. Her breathing is ragged as her breath blows across my face. My fingers clench in her hair. I don’t want to let her go, but I can’t keep her, and the rational part of me knows that.

“What are you doing Hugo?” She finally asks.

“I don’t know.” I confess. “I just….” I push away from her and turn my back to her, clasping my hands behind my head. What am I doing? “You fuck me up, sweetness.”

I turn back around to face her. Her eyes are on the floor, and her arms are crossed across her chest. She looks upset.

“You’re drunk.” She whispers. I nod. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.” She mumbles. “I’m just a piece of pussy to you.” She shakes her head.

The fuck? I close the distance between us, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look at me. “You are not a piece of pussy.” I growl at her. “You’re my best friend.” My voice sounds desperate. I need her to understand, but how can she? How can I expect her to understand something that I don’t understand myself? Shit!

“That didn’t feel very friendly.” She breathes.

“Molly!?” A voice calls her name and her head snaps up.

“That’s Alex. I have to go.” Her eyes drop to the floor and a blush creeps across her cheeks.

“Molly…”

“No, Hugo.” She holds up her hand. “He deserves better from me. I’m done wanting you. I’m done hoping that you will ever do anything but disappoint me. I’m done.” She pushes off the window and walks away from me.

“Congratulations.” I blurt. She stops and glances over her shoulder. “You and Alex. He’s…good for you.”

“You have no idea what is good for me.” She says, before walking back to the front of the club.

She’s right of course, I’m that guy, the one everyone expects to let them down. Hell, no-one even has any expectations of me anymore, and that’s the way I like it. I’ve never given a fuck whether I disappointed anyone before, because I’m Hugo Harrison, and I don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone…except her. I don’t want to be a disappointment to her, but it seems old habits die hard. No matter how much I don’t want to let her down, I will, sooner or later. It’s what I do, and it’s why I need to man the fuck up and let her go. If she were anyone else, I would take her because I want her, consequences be damned. It is her though, and I want more for her.

CHAPTER TWENTY

MOLLY

Fucking arsehole. He’s so bloody selfish. What Hugo wants, Hugo takes. He’s only here because hasn’t found anything better to amuse him for the night. That would be fine. I’d usually just blow it off as typical Hugo, except that now he knows how I feel about him, and yet he still chooses to toy with my heart. Well, fuck him.

“You okay?” Alex asks, his eyes drifting over my shoulder.

I nod. “Yeah, I’m good.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder and guides me back inside the club. I glance down the street and see a lone figure walking away. Why does he have such a hold on me?

I tell Alex I’m going to the loo, and send him back to the table. I don’t go to the loo. I go to the bar and order two tequila shots. The bar is split into three sections, the first two rooms are loud, with dance floors and neon lights. This room is a little quieter. I take a seat on the bar stool. I just need a minute. The barman places the tequila on the bar, and I pay him.

I down it straight, and cough as I down the second one, pressing the back of my hand against my mouth.

“You should never drink cheap tequila.” I turn towards the deep voice, its low timber easily heard over the music. Theo. I know he’s not responsible for the actions of his friend, but I’m hurting and irrational right now, and he just makes me think of Hugo.

“Yeah, well, it’s serving a purpose.” I summon the barman again and order two more.

“You sure you want to go down this road, Molly? It’s not like you.” I laugh. Good old dependable Molly. She can always be trusted to look after everyone, to be the safe one. What about me?

“Pretty fucking sure.”

He takes a seat next to me and calls the barman over, ordering the same as me. “Well, friends don’t let friends drink alone.” He says. “Plus, if Lilly sees you, she’ll be all over it, and then I’ll have to carry her vomiting, staggering arse home, and I won’t get laid.”

I laugh. “Fair enough.”

“So, you and Alex moving in. That’s a big deal.” He starts.

“Yeah.” It is a big deal, and honestly, I’m scared shitless. I’m scared of making a mistake. There’s a long silence, and I glance at him. He’s resting his elbows on the bar, fiddling with the shot glass in front of him. “Just say it already.” I huff.

He looks up at me, tilting his head to the side. “Say what?”

“Hugo.” I growl. “I know you came to say something, so say it.”

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

“He’s a fucking arse.”

“Yep.” He replies.

The tequila is kicking in now, and I’m not sure if it’s making me more or less inclined to kill Hugo.

“Seriously. He’s all; I will never love you Molly, and then he turns up here and fucking kisses me.” I throw my hands up in exasperation. “Who does that?”

“He’s…struggling.” I narrow my eyes at him and he holds his hands up. “Hey, I’m not defending him. He’s a fucking idiot.”

“It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it.” I cut him off and order another shot. I don’t want to talk about it, and I don’t want to think about it, but my mind is replaying that kiss over and over on a loop. Hugo has that effect. He kisses me and everything else falls away. I know I can’t have him, hell, I don’t even want him after the way he’s made me feel, but damn, he almost makes me want to be used by him. He just has this ability to make me lose all my inhibitions, both within myself, and sexually. He’s dirty, and dominant, and I love it. No-one else generates that kind of raw, primal need in me. I feel alive when I’m with him, and I guess I’m terrified of never feeling like that again.

Alex is lovely, and I adore him. He’s like a warm fire on a cold night, but he will never be the wild flame that is Hugo. He’ll also never burn me. There’s always a trade-off.

A couple of hours later, and I stagger through the front door of Alex’s flat. He grabs my arm to steady me as I almost fall flat on my face.

I slump against the wall, and sway as I pull my shoes off. “Oh, that feels so good.” I slur, giggling.

“Uh, what does?” He asks, watching me warily.

“The carpet on my toes. My feet hurt.” I point at my toes, wiggling them.

“Okay. You should probably drink some water. You’ll be dehydrated.” He goes to walk past me, but I grab his shirt, pushing him up against the wall in the hall.

“I know something that might rehydrate me.” I’m drunk, and horny, and feeling really slutty. I yank at his belt buckle roughly, kissing down his neck. His hands grip my waist, and his fingers clench as I graze my teeth across his throat.

“Molly.” His voice is thick and raspy.

I ignore him, slowly lowering myself onto my knees in front of him. I bite my lip, looking up at him as I trace my finger under the elastic of his boxers. He takes a deep breath and steps backward, pulling away from me. I fall forward and land on my hands and knees.

“Where are you going?” I whine like a sulky child.

“To get you water.” He says, heading towards the kitchen.

“I already told you, I don’t want water.” I huff. He’s gone. “Alex!”

He comes back a few seconds later with a glass of water. His jeans are now done up again. “Drink this.” He holds it out to me, and I take a sip.

“You’re no fun.” I pout.

He offers me a small smile. “I won’t take advantage of you when you’re drunk, Molly.”

“It’s not taking advantage.” I argue. “I’m your girlfriend, you’re supposed to take advantage of me.” He shakes his head. Oh my god, he’s seriously going to turn me down! I’m so fucking horny, I’m going to start humping inanimate objects. I totally blame Hugo. Wanker.

He holds his hand out to help me up. I take it, and let him pull me to my feet. “Because I love you, and I would never use you like that.” He cups my cheeks in both hands and leans forward, pressing his lips into my forehead. Never use me like that. Fuck, right now, I want to be used, preferably against every surface in this flat. The nasty little voice in my head whispers at me that Hugo would fuck me right now. That thought is like a bucket of ice cold water.