Rules of a Rebel and a Shy Girl (17 page)

Wait. Where was I going with this?

“
Dashingly handsome
?” I attempt to joke, my voice sounding squeaky. “What are you? Prince Charming or something?”

“I could be. I’m definitely
gorgeous
enough to be,” he says cockily. “Besides, since you’re my princess, it would make sense.”

“So cheesy.” I make a gagging sound, and he chuckles. “And I didn’t mean it like that. Well, I did, but I didn’t. I was just trying to say that you’re gorgeous like Wynter.” I grow flustered and confused. Dizzy. Lost. Drunk. Exhausted. “You know what? Never mind. I’m just going to stop talking because I can’t even keep track of what I’m saying.”

He drags his thumb down my side. “Relax. I’m just messing with you. You’re so damn cute when you’re flustered.”

I roll my eyes, more at myself. “No, I’m not. I’m dorky. And I’m only flustered because I’m drunk.”

“I completely disagree.” His fingers delve into my hips, and then he draws me back, pulling me onto his lap and resting his chin on my shoulder. “I like this … you and me under the stars. The flirting. The conversation. It’s been a while since I’ve been this relaxed. I’ve missed you.”

I gulp.
He thinks we’re flirting?

I replay through my foggy memories of tonight and eventually figure out why: the dancing, the touching, the dirty comments, the cute and gorgeous comments, the jealousy in my tone when I asked him about Wynter.

Yep, we’ve been flirting all night.

Every goddamn time we drink, this shit happens.

I’m never drinking again.

I’m never flirting again.

Ha, you’re such an idiot!

My thoughts laugh at me.

“You’re getting tense again.” He slides his hand up my arm to massage my shoulder. “Relax. The eclipse is about to start, and then we can go back inside and eat some cake.”

“You know the way to my heart.” I smile, worry tiptoeing inside me.

Flirt. I flirted with Beck. It’s going to be senior year all over again.

Maybe it’s for the best. You wanted to stop relying on him so much. Maybe this will force you to.

That thought makes me sick.

Tearing my attention from my stupid, idiotic thoughts, I focus on the moon. We stay that way for minutes, maybe hours, staring up at the stars, watching the sparkle, waiting for something magical to happen in the sky.

“You’re wrong,” he whispers out of nowhere, causing me to jump.

“About what?” I ask, sounding a little breathless.

“About Wynter being my type.”

“You’re still thinking about that?”

“Of course. I want—no, need—to make sure you know I don’t like her. Not like that, anyway.” He sweeps my hair to the side then leans over my shoulder to catch my gaze. “Wynter and I … We may act similarly sometimes, and a lot of people may think she’s gorgeous or whatever, but I’m definitely not into her. In fact, I like someone else. I have for a while.”

Beck’s always been such a flirt, which has led to him getting into some dramatic and awkward situations. Usually, he’s charming enough to smooth the situation over pretty well. On the other hand, he has asked me a few times to talk to a girl who’s developed a crush on him and won’t back off.

I used to be okay with that, yet toward the end of our senior year, I started avoiding getting involved in his love life. Partly because I was busy working to get into a good college and partly because … Well, I didn’t like hearing about him and other girls.

I still don’t if I’m being really honest with myself. And right now, I feel like Miss Honesty. However, I play the part of a good best friend, owing him that much.

“So, who is it this time?”

“Wow, Wills. I’m hurt.” Oddly enough, he does sound hurt. “You act like my crushes are fleeting and insignificant.”

“They’re not insignificant, but they’re definitely fleeting,” I say apologetically.

“That’s not true.” He combs his fingers through my hair then places a kiss on my bare shoulder. “I’ve liked the same girl for a couple of years. I just haven’t said anything because we’re really close, and I know she’ll freak out because she has this no-dating rule with every guy and has a no-kissing rule with me.”

My heart beats wildly in my chest as I think back to what Grey said earlier. A slow, painful realization punches me.

Beck likes me? Like
that
?

No. I have to be wrong. Have to be.

Please, please say that I am.

Deep down, I think I might have known for a while. I’ve just been too afraid to admit it.

“Aren’t you going to ask me who I’m talking about?” he whispers with unfamiliar nervousness in his tone.

Beck is nervous.

This is so bad.

I swallow, willing the word “no” to leave my lips. No sound comes out.

“If you don’t ask, I won’t say it.” His tone carries an underlying meaning.

He’s giving me a choice: keep my lips sealed and let our friendship be or ask and then … Well, I don’t know what will happen.

Asking Beck is going against my plan. If I ask, I’ll ruin the beautifulness we have together. I don’t want that. I want to stay right here in his arms as friends and hold on to the calmness he’s always given me.

I find my lips parting, anyway. Later, I blame my reaction on the alcohol, stress, and sleep deprivation.

Later, not right now.

Right now, I can only think about one thing.

Asking.

“Who is it?” I blurt out.

His chest crashes against my back as he frees a trapped breath. “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you asked … I didn’t think you would.”

Cupping my cheek, he tilts my head to look me in the eyes. His fingers are quivering as badly as my heart.

One, two, three seconds tick by, and then he grazes his lips against mine.

Oh. My. God. I can barely breathe as his lips brush mine once, twice, three times. My eyelids slip shut, and the air gets ripped from my lungs.

Beck is kissing me. My best friend in the universe is kissing me. Like, really freaking kissing me. Holy freakin’ what-the-shit? I need to stop this. Now!

But when he gently nibbles on my bottom lip, every single one of my worries goes good-bye, see you later, I’m-taking-a-visit-to-the-stars.

I latch on to the bottom of his shirt, desperate to hold something, steady myself, grasp onto rationality. I can’t seem to think about anything other than his comforting palm on my cheek, his warm body against mine, the softness of his lips. And when he angles my head back and slips his tongue inside my mouth, kissing me with so much intensity, I swear my heart explodes out of my chest.

This wasn’t part of my plan. This kiss is so unplanned. This kiss isn’t supposed to be happening …

Stop this, Willow. Stop it now before things get out of hand.

He groans against my lips, deepening the kiss, pulling me closer, and making me feel so safe.

No … I think I’m wrong … This kiss might be …

Everything.

Our tongues tangle together, and I almost fall blindly into the kiss. But the voice of reason whispers to me, begs me to stop this. I should … before things get too out of hand. My body has other ideas, and instead of breaking the kiss, my hands slide up Beck’s chest as I rotate around to straddle his lap.

He groans, his fingers leaving my cheeks to tangle through my hair while his other hand wanders to the small of my back. He urges my body closer, pressing my chest against his.

Another throaty, begging groan. I don’t even know which one of us does it, but something about the sound sends us into a frenzy.

The slow kiss turns reckless, as if he has absolutely no control over what he’s doing and doesn’t give a shit. Apparently, I don’t either because I kiss him back, grasping on to him and grinding my hips against his over and over again like I did that night in my bed. Only, I’m wide awake now and completely aware of his hardness pressed against me as he pulls me closer, closer, closer, moving with me, groaning, gasping, wanting, needing. This is only the second time I’ve ever kissed a guy, but seriously, it could be my last because I don’t think anything could be better.

Nothing could ever be any more perfect than this …

As I kiss him back eagerly, I let him slip his hands underneath my dress. His fingers tremble as he cups my ass and rocks his hips against mine. Tingles erupt everywhere, and I bite down on his lip hard.

A throaty groan leaves his lips then he slides his tongue deeper into my mouth. Our tongues tangle. My fingernails dig into his shoulder blades. I feel out of control, tumbling into the unknown. Nothing else matters. Nothing else exists except Beck and me and the way our lips move together, the way he holds me like he’s afraid I’m going to fall. It sure as hell feels like I’m falling into a place I’ve never been before where nothing makes sense … where I’m lost … where I’m veering off my path … where I have no idea what I want or who I am anymore. And at the moment, I don’t care.

Perfect. This moment is perfect. Beck is perfect.

“God, I’ve wanted this for so long,” he whispers against my lips, diving in for another kiss as he rocks his hips against mine again.

I clutch on to him, my knees pressing into his sides as I let out a gasp. He does the movement again and again until my thoughts become foggier. I feel like I’m drifting away to the stars, and for a second, I wish I never had to leave.

Then Beck whispers, “You’re so amazing and beautiful. Fucking perfect.”

And just like that, reality washes over me like ice cold water.

I jerk back, gasping for air. “H-holy s-shit.”

“Please don’t panic,” he begs without missing a beat. “It’s just a kiss. Nothing has to change if you don’t want it to.”

I struggle to get my erratic breathing under control.

He knows me too well. How does he do that? How does he read me when he can’t even see my face through the darkness? How can he be so perfect?

Perfect.

You’re fucking perfect,
he said.

No, Beck, I’m not.

And we can’t be perfect together.

Because I’m not perfect. And when you realize that, you’ll leave me, and I’ll be broken like my mom.

“I have to go.” I stumble to my feet, tugging the hem of the dress down over my butt.

He springs to his feet and reaches for my arm. “Wait. Can we talk about this?”

“I can’t talk right now.” Not about this. Not when he’s this close. Not with the vivid memory of the perfect kiss still branded onto my lips and the way my body felt as he was grinding against me.

Holy shit, I think I just had my first orgasm … with Beck.

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.

I don’t look at him as I take off across the field toward his house.

“Goddammit, will you please just stop panicking.” He matches my strides. “You can’t run off yet. It’ll fuck up our friendship, and I need us to at least be friends.”

At least be friends? As opposed to what? A
couple
? And then what? We just date until he discovers how much I’m like my mom then dumps my sorry ass? Then I’ll go back to my trashy life, feeling like shit and turning into a bitter woman who can’t thrive without a man?

No, I can’t turn into that.

My pulse speeds up as I continue to clumsily jog toward the house, only slowing down when I reach the fence to his backyard. I catch my breath then, daring a glance at him.

Worry fills his eyes as he approaches me with caution, which makes me worry I broke him.

What have I done?

“Please don’t run,” he pleads, stopping beside me. “I know you. And if you run off before we figure this out, you’ll stress out about it all weekend and come up with all sorts of crazy ideas in that pretty little head of yours. And then I’ll have to worry about you worrying, and we both know how much I hate worrying.” He rolls his eyes and heaves a dramatic sigh. “It’s so exhausting and time-consuming.” I don’t know whether he’s joking for my benefit or for his.

Not wanting to worry him anymore, I try to offer him a reassuring smile, but the look only makes him frown.

“I won’t spend the weekend worrying,” I say quickly. “I know we were just being silly or drunk or … something.” Honestly, I don’t know what we were being. That’s part of the problem. The unknown hovers over my head like a storm cloud threatening to rain down.

Starting to panic again, I reach for the fence to hoist myself over it. “I have to go. Luna said I could crash at her place tonight, and I have to get up really early to go back home and check on things.”
Liar. All you have to check on is an empty apartment.

He stares at me, his expression unreadable. “Okay … But promise me you’ll call me tomorrow.” He extends his arm toward me with his pinkie hitched. “Pinkie swear you will.”

I link my pinkie with his, hoping he can’t tell how badly I’m shaking. “I promise.”

Without saying anything else, I jerk my hand away and drag my drunk ass over the fence. Then I run inside to find Luna and get the hell out of here. Well, that’s what I convince myself.

Really, I’m running away from something I’m not sure can be outrun.

Chapter Fourteen

Beck

I try not to take it personally as I watch Willow run away from me like I’m the carrier of some deadly disease. But I do a fucking lot. It’s my own damn fault for kissing her. I knew how she’d react, yet my drunken mind rationalized that the timing was right.

I’m starting to wonder if the timing will ever be right.

Huffing a frustrated breath, I haul my ass over the fence and dive into my backyard. I consider heading to the beer pong table to play a game or two to distract myself, but I’m no longer in a partying mood. A first for me.

Willow got under my skin in the best fucking way possible. I can still taste her cherry lip gloss, smell her perfume, feel her hips as she was grinding against me, feel her firm ass as I pressed her closer. I’ve wanted to kiss her for so long, and now that I have, I want more.