Rum & Ginger (17 page)

“Wow. Where’s his blog? YouTube?”

“Yes. PotatoChipGordo. That’s his channel. You should watch it. It’s pretty funny. He intended to review different kinds of potato chips. And that’s how he usually starts out, but he strays terribly far off topic by the end.”

“Yeah. That sounds like Dad,” Ben said as the waiter returned with his drink.

“Are you guys ready to order, or do you need a few more minutes?”

Ben looked at his mother. “I need a couple more minutes, I think,” she said.

“Yeah, me too.”

“No problem. I’ll give you some time and come back around in a bit.” Once the waiter left, Ben and his mother discussed some of the menu options.

“The portobello burger is super good,” Ben offered.

“Can I get it with a whole wheat roll, do you think?” his mother asked.

“I’m sure. These guys are really great. They’ll make stuff that’s not even on the menu, if you ask them. I used to get this spicy chicken thing like a giant pierogi, but they redo the menu based on the season, so they took it off. But I came in one night and really wanted one, so the waiter asked the chef about it, and they made me one anyway.”

“That’s uncommonly nice. You don’t see that kind of thing much anymore.”

“That’s true,” Ben agreed. “I think I’m going to get the Gonzo Garbanzo Loaf. It’s like meatloaf made with beans.”

“Have we decided?” The waiter reappeared.

“I have. Mom?”

“I’m going to take my son’s suggestion and get the portobello burger.”

“Good choice. That comes with our house fries and your choice of our Sexy Summer Slaw or a House Salad.”

“The salad, please. Light ranch? And can I get a whole wheat bun instead of the ciabatta?”

“Of course, ma’am. That’s no problem at all. And for you, sir?”

“The Gonzo Garbanzo Loaf with garlic mashed cauliflower and the house salad.”

“Dressing?” the waiter asked.

“Light ranch.”

“Very good. I’ll get this right in for you. Another Pinot Grigio, ma’am?”

Ben’s mother nodded. “Thank you.” She handed the waiter her menu. Ben did the same. “How’s work?” she asked when they were alone once more.

“Eh. Same old.” Ben sipped his fruity beer. “Fatties come in and suck back all our fried garbage. My soul is punched in the balls on a daily basis.”

His mother smiled. “Nicely put, Benjie. Honestly, I can’t understand why you stay at that place. You hated it there when you were in high school. Why did you go back after college?”

Here it was, Ben’s moment. If he answered this question honestly, he would have to tell his mother everything. Could he actually do it? He studied her expression. She looked at him expectantly. If he remained silent too much longer, things could get awkward. He decided to barrel ahead.

“You might not like the answer to that one, Mom.” He sipped his beer. The waiter replaced his mother’s empty glass.

“Really? Something tells me this is one of the reasons you called me.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Benjie, don’t waffle. Just tell me. I’m a big girl.” She held up her glass. “And if it’s that bad, I’m sure they have plenty of this to help me through.”

Ben laughed. “Okay. Point taken.” He paused. He still had a chance to just dismiss this, to give her a superficial answer and not irrevocably change their relationship. Ben could still just be her little boy. No. His mother deserved the truth. “I came back because of Chance.”

“Chance how? You mean it was just a random accident? Wrong turn?”

“No, Mom. Not chance,
Chance
. Chance Henry.”

“Oh, Bill and Ida’s boy. Your roommate.” She nodded.

“He’s not just my roommate, Mom. He’s… um… well. He’s my boyfriend. No. He was my boyfriend.” Ben paused, waiting for his mother to erupt, scream, run? He wasn’t sure. She just sat there quietly with an unreadable expression. “Mom. I’m gay.”

“Okay.” She sipped her wine. “That doesn’t exactly answer my question.”

Her lack of emotion disturbed Ben. She wasn’t crying or yelling. She wasn’t upset or angry, yet she didn’t seem happy either. “No. I guess it doesn’t,” he replied.

“And you said he ‘was’ your boyfriend. What happened? Is he still your roommate?” Before Ben could respond the waiter arrived with their meals.

“Can I get you guys anything else?”

“Not at the moment,” his mother answered. “Thank you.” She waited for him to go. “Continue,” she said, spreading pesto mayonnaise on her whole wheat bun like they were having a simple conversation.

“Okay. Right.” Ben nodded and then launched into an abbreviated recounting of his and Chance’s relationship since college. He explained Chance’s obsession with his grandmother’s old house and how they had planned to buy it together. He apologized for lying to his mother about the situation for so long, explaining Chance’s reluctance to reveal anything to anyone. His mother sat quietly eating and listening. She asked few questions, allowing Ben to speak at his own pace. He told her about the distance that had grown between them recently and the ultimate conclusion of their time together.

“Oh, honey.” She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry it ended poorly. I know how that hurts.”

“Thanks, Mom. I mean, really, thank you. I know this is a lot to absorb.”

“Benjie.” She fixed him with a stern gaze. “I love you. I will always love you. No matter who
you
love. Chance is an idiot. You’re better off without him.”

“I appreciate that, Mom.” Ben returned his mother’s squeeze. “I wanted to tell you for a long time.”

“I know. And to be perfectly honest, I had my suspicions, but I knew you needed to decide who you wanted to be. I was confident I’d instilled right and wrong in you. I’m sorry that he forced you to hide yourself for so long. I feel like I missed out on a part of your life that I could have helped with.”

“Oh, Mom,” Ben said. “You’re going to make me cry. That’s so sweet. I can’t believe how well you’re handling this. I was so afraid to tell you. Not that I thought you would disown me or anything, but once stuff is said, it can’t be unsaid. And Chance was so afraid of his parents. I guess living with that for so long, it kind of rubs off.”

“Well, it’s out now. Hm. I guess
you’re
out now.” She smiled at her joke. Ben looked at her quizzically, unsure how to take it. “Oh. Benjie. I’m sorry. Was that insensitive?”

“Um. No. No, that was funny. I just… um. I just never pictured you making out-of-the-closet jokes. I’m not really
out
out, though. What about Dad?”

“Your father will be fine.” She patted Ben’s hand and returned to her meal. “He’s in the theater now. Gay is not uncommon in his world. And it’s obvious that you’ve grown up well. You’re a good
person
, straight or gay. He’ll understand.”

“You think?”

“I
know
. But you’re going to have to tell him yourself. You owe him that.”

“Of course. Yeah. Definitely. Wow. This went way better than I imagined it.”

“Do you think?” his mother asked.

“I totally do. I feel like a huge weight is off my chest. I know that sounds cliché, but it really, truly does.”

“Good, then you can be
completely
honest with me.” Stern determination crept into his mother’s tone, and Ben felt his stomach go wobbly like when he was a small boy and about to be scolded.
What now?
he thought. “You mentioned Chance’s video game.”

“The MMORPG? Yeah. That’s his lifelong dream,” Ben replied. He sliced off a piece of bean loaf, relieved that the conversation hadn’t turned into a lecture.

“You also mentioned him being upset about your ‘dream,’ but you were deliberately vague about what that dream was.”

“Was I?” Ben asked.

“You were,” his mother almost growled. “So?”

“So?”

“What is
your
dream, Benjie?” She waited for him to answer. When he didn’t, she said, “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to, but you were on a roll.”

Ben sniffed a laugh. She really did know him. “I want to open my own bar,” he confessed.

“That’s it?” she asked incredulously. “That’s a sensible use of your education. Why wouldn’t you want to tell me that?”

Ben took a breath. “I want to open my own
gay
bar.”

“Oh.” His mother’s eyes grew wide.

“It’ll be the first one in Liamsport.”

“Yes,” she agreed.

“I want to call it ‘The Connection.’ And ‘Connection’ will be rainbow colored.” Ben waited.

“Oh, Benjie. I get it. That’s very clever.”

“Well? What do you think?”

“I think you may have a battle ahead of you.”

Ben deflated a little.

“But I think it’s a fantastic idea and long overdue. If your father and I can help in any way, we’ll be happy to do it.” His mother’s words bolstered him like nothing else could. All his apprehension evaporated, and he related all his ideas for the bar to his mother with no hint of self-consciousness. They conversed happily through their meal, into dessert and beyond.

Ben couldn’t have imagined a better outcome to the meal. He still had his father to tell, but with his mother on his side, he wasn’t worried. Well, maybe a little worried, but he’d soldier through it. The exchange had renewed his excitement and determination in regards to opening the bar as well. He decided to go home and do some research on liquor licenses. Maybe he’d get on the Internet and see if anyone were selling a bar. He suddenly realized that breaking up with Chance may have really been a blessing in disguise.

B
EN
’
S
MOTHER
made dinner for him and his father two nights later. Ben came out to his dad just before dessert. His father sat in stunned silence for a full five minutes. Ben and his mother exchanged distressed glances, almost holding their breath, waiting for Ben’s dad’s response. He finally took a deep breath, huffed a sigh, and sat back in his seat. “Well, Benjie, that was very brave of you. I appreciate your candor, and I couldn’t give two shits. You’re my kid.” Then he changed the subject to what kinds of ice cream were in the freezer and spoke no more about it. Ben was so relieved and happy that even working at the Funstaurant hadn’t been able to dampen his spirits too much.

When his phone vibrated halfway through his shift the next night, Ben looked to see who had texted him. He expected to see Chance’s name and was pleasantly surprised when it was Brodie’s instead. He read the notification.

Working?

Ben unlocked his screen and responded.
Til close. What’s up?

Want to grab a drink after? Off tonight.

Ben smiled. Sure.
Where? The Bill & Vinnie?

No. I’m there every night. What about the Jailhouse?

Ben grimaced. He hated the Jailhouse. It was a dance club in an old jail, but it was awful, packed with college kids looking to score.
I hate that place. Anywhere else?

I really want to dance. What about Jackie’s?
Brodie responded.

Ben thought about that. Jackie’s wasn’t the worst place in town, owned by one of the city’s big-shot contractors. It fancied itself a sports bar, but Jack Yielder had turned the day-to-day running of the business over to his flaky daughter, and she’d added a dance floor so she and her equally flaky friends could use it as their personal party spot. Ben had heard it had been losing money since she’d taken over. He shrugged and typed back.
Sure. That sounds great.

Meet there when you’re done?

It’s a date.

Oh really? :) I can’t wait.

Ben smiled as he read Brodie’s response. He typed back that he would see Brodie there and put his phone back on his desk. Ben couldn’t remember being this happy. He had to tell someone. He wondered where Lena was. Ben left his office determined to find her.

“I have a date,” he announced when he located her just outside the kitchen, waiting for her orders.

“Shut the fuck up.” She grabbed his hands. “Brodie?”

“Yeah. We’re going to get a drink at Jackie’s tonight after work. He said he wants to dance.”

“Hot damn. I knew it! I knew you two would hook up,” Lena said with a smirk.

“We haven’t ‘hooked up,’” Ben stated. “We’re just going out for a drink.”

“Yeah. Whatever.” Lena rolled her eyes. “Am I allowed to come? Or do you guys want to be alone?”

Ben considered that. Maybe it would be smart to have Lena along. After everything that had happened with Chance, he might want Lena there to keep things from getting too intimate too quickly. “No. Yeah. You should totally come along.”

“Are you sure? You had to think about it.” Lena looked at him suspiciously.

“I’m sure. I might need you.”

“Worried you aren’t ready yet?” Lena rubbed his arm.

“A little,” he answered.

“Well, don’t worry. I’ve got your back, Ben-Ben.”

“Thanks.” Ben gave her a smile. “Now get back to work. Geez, I’m not paying you to stand around.”

“Dick,” Lena responded and punched him in the arm. Someone called his name, and he turned, rubbed the spot on his arm where Lena punched him, and walked away.

A
FTER
THEY
closed the restaurant, Lena walked over to her car and opened the trunk. Ben did the same. It spoke to what good friends they were that they both kept a spare set of clothes in their trunks. Ben pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his work shirt. He laughed when he saw Lena stripped down to her bra and panties, changing right in the parking lot. Ben peeled off his T-shirt and grabbed a deep-purple dress shirt from the trunk. He used his spare deodorant and took a quick swig of mouthwash. He swirled it in his mouth and spit it into the grass next to his car. Lena had wriggled into a pair of skintight black pants, and she’d just pulled a shiny red blouse over her head.

Ben walked over as she flipped open a makeup kit. She pulled her hair up into a deliberately messy pile, then turned her attention to her eyes. “Are you about ready?” Ben asked.