Rum Spring (16 page)

“Not a problem.” Rebecca wiped her hands on her apron and went to check on the customer. “May I help—” She stopped when she saw Dylan and Isaiah. She had heard the Mahoneys were going to change Isaiah’s name. He would soon be known as Michael Thomas Mahoney. A new name for a new life. Rebecca didn’t think she would ever get used to calling him Michael. To her, he would always be Isaiah. Whatever his name, both he and Dylan were a sight for sore eyes. She hadn’t seen either of them for two weeks.

“I miss you,” Dylan said.

Rebecca missed her, too. So much the hurt was nearly unbearable at times, but she had to be strong for both their sakes. If they remained together, the union would cost Rebecca her family. She and Dylan would end up blaming themselves for the loss.

“Dad thought it would be best if I gave you some time to come to terms with all the changes that have taken place in your life since the day of the barn raising. I tried, but I couldn’t stay away. I had to see you. To talk to you. To know if you’re feeling as crappy about all this as I am. Do you want—”

“We can’t talk about this here.” Rebecca looked over her shoulder to see if Mrs. Dunham might have overheard. “Not here and not now.”

“When can we talk? Name the place and I’ll take you there.”

“I get off work at five. Can you come back in an hour?”

“Of course. Maybe we could go for a drive.” Dylan flashed a shy smile.

Rebecca’s body said yes, but her head said no. “I can’t. I have to get home. I have extra chores now that… Sarah’s not here.”

Dylan’s smile disappeared. A concerned frown took its place. “I heard she was sent away. I’m so sorry for your loss. How is she doing?”

Rebecca shook her head, fighting back the wave of emotion that hit her like a tidal wave whenever she thought of her sister. “I haven’t heard from her. No one has.”

“I’m so sorry, Rebecca. I can’t imagine how difficult this whole situation must be for you and your family. If you need me at any time—day or night—I’m here for you.”

Dylan’s sympathetic words—and the obvious sincerity behind them—brought fresh tears to Rebecca’s eyes.

“I almost forgot the other reason I came. I’d like to place an order.”

Rebecca reached for the notepad next to the cash register and prepared to take down the details of Dylan’s order. She hoped she seemed calmer than she felt. Seeing Dylan—and Isaiah—had shaken her to her core. “What would you like?”

“I’d like to lick this bit of butter cream frosting off your cheek.”

Dylan brushed her thumb across Rebecca’s face. Her touch was electric. Rebecca reeled from the shock.

“But I’ll settle for two dozen German chocolate cupcakes. My manager is being transferred to one of our sister theaters in Pittsburgh and his last day is tomorrow. We’re having a going-away party for him tomorrow night. Do you think you can have the order ready by then?”

“I don’t see why not.” Rebecca wiped her hand across her face to remove the remnants of the frosting—and the reminder of Dylan’s touch. Then she noted the expected delivery date on the order pad. “Are you going to take the job?”

“I’d like to—the extra money would be great—but I’m not going to be here long enough. If I applied for the job and got it, management would just have to replace me in a few months. I’ll get another job when I get to Philadelphia.”

Rebecca wanted to kick herself. Dylan was leaving for college in three months. How could she have forgotten something like that? “What time tomorrow would you like to pick these up?”

“My shift starts at six so I’ll swing by around five thirty. Is that okay?”

Rebecca would be on her way home at five thirty. Mrs. Dunham would have to fill Dylan’s order.

“Five thirty’s fine.” Rebecca made a final note on the order pad and stuck her pen behind her ear.

Isaiah, happily dangling from a baby carrier strapped around Dylan’s shoulders, reached out and grabbed the pen. He gnawed on the writing instrument as if it were a teething ring. “Becca,” he gurgled as drool dribbled down his chin.

Rebecca gasped. “Did he just say my name?”

“I think he did.” Dylan smoothed his hair.

Rebecca tickled the bottom of one of his bare feet. “What’s my name?”

“Becca.” He stretched his arms toward her.

Rebecca reached for him, but pulled back. “Can I?”

“Of course you can hold him. You don’t need my permission.” Dylan pulled Isaiah out of the carrier and handed him to Rebecca.

Isaiah pulled the strings of Rebecca’s bonnet and tried to draw them into his mouth. Then he squeezed her cheeks in his pudgy hands and smiled, flashing the beginnings of pearly white teeth.

“He remembers me,” Rebecca said in a voice filled with wonder.

“Good. I don’t want him to forget. You’re his family, too.”

“He’s getting so big.”

“Yeah, he’s growing like a weed. He should be. His appetite’s as big as my dad’s. He’s eating us out of house and home. He’s starting to pick up some English, but Willie and I are making sure he doesn’t forget any of his Pennsylvania Dutch. Thank you again for giving us all those lessons. Who knew they’d prove so beneficial?”

“It was my pleasure. Thank you for this.” Rebecca kissed Isaiah on both plump cheeks and helped Dylan strap him into his carrier.

Dylan’s scent—her green apple shampoo and citrus body wash—brought back pleasant but unwanted memories. Slow dancing at the prom, sharing a bowl of popcorn while they watched old movies, making love the afternoon everything changed. The day their future ended and their past began.

When Rebecca kissed Isaiah’s cheek again, a lock of Dylan’s auburn hair brushed against her face. She wondered if she would ever feel that exquisite sensation again.

“You can see him any time you want. I can bring him here or you can spend time with him when you come to the house. This doesn’t have to be good-bye, Rebecca. Not yet.”

Was Dylan talking about Isaiah or herself?

“It’s probably better if I say good-bye now. The longer I wait, the more it will hurt when I do have to walk away.”

Walk away. The words began to haunt Dylan the instant they fell from Rebecca’s lips. Had Rebecca meant what she had or were the words simply a slip of the tongue? Dylan was still trying to read between the lines when she parked in front of the Sunrise Bakery at four forty-five. She watched as Rebecca and Mrs. Dunham waited on a slew of last-minute customers. The bakery didn’t close until six, but Rebecca’s workday ended an hour before that so she could make her way home before dark.

A few minutes before five, Tobias Hershberger parked next to Dylan’s car. Muscles rippled in Tobias’s broad back and tree trunk–sized legs as he climbed down from the buggy. He tied his horse to a hitching post and leaned against a nearby lamp post as if he were waiting for something. Or someone. Dylan’s gut told her Tobias was waiting for Rebecca.

“Please, God, let me be wrong. I can’t lose her now.” Dylan gripped the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned white. “Not when we’ve come this far.”

Rebecca saw Tobias Hershberger standing a few feet from Dylan’s car. Tobias came by promptly at five every afternoon to pick her up. He’d park his buggy right outside the door and wait for her to come out. Seeing him staring through the glass made her feel like a condemned prisoner waiting for the moment of her execution to arrive. The moment had come.

After making sure all the counters were prepped for the next day, Rebecca loaded the dirty cake pans and mixing bowls into the dishwasher, selected the SaniWash setting, and started it up. She wrapped the unsold pastries in plastic wrap and moved them from the display window to the small wicker basket next to the cash register so they could be sold for a discount the next day. Then she headed to the storeroom to clock out.

She pulled her time card out of the metal holder above the machine and slid it through the reader. The machine beeped, indicating it had captured her time. She tried to think of a reason to postpone the unpleasant task that lay before her, but she was out of excuses. She had to set Dylan free. Wasn’t that what you were supposed to do to someone you loved?

“Are you okay?” Mrs. Dunham asked. “You look like someone just walked over your grave.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Rebecca mustered a smile that disappeared as soon as she walked out the door. Dylan and Tobias were walking toward her. Both began speaking at once.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Are you ready to talk?”

Rebecca looked from Dylan to Tobias and back again. How was she supposed to choose one without hurting the other? And how was she supposed to be with the one she wanted without hurting herself?

She laid a hand on Tobias’s arm. “I need to talk to Dylan about something. I won’t be long.”

“I’ll wait for you in the buggy.”

“Now are you ready to talk?” Dylan asked after Tobias ambled away.

Rebecca suggested they sit in Dylan’s car so they could have some privacy. The raised windows would muffle their voices, the tinted windows would shield their faces from prying eyes.

Dylan sat in the driver’s seat and turned to face Rebecca. Her face was pale, her eyes guarded but anxious. “Tell me what’s going on. What is Tobias doing here?”

“He offered to drive me home and I accepted.”

“I can drive you home, Rebecca. Or anywhere else you want to go.”

“That won’t be necessary. I don’t need you to do things for me any longer. I have Tobias to—”

“What are you saying? Are you…with him?”

Rebecca turned away. “That is a private matter I do not wish to discuss.”

Dylan cupped Rebecca’s face in her hands. “Baby, please don’t shut me out. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Rebecca gently removed Dylan’s hands. Instead of settling them on her breasts where she wanted them, she placed them in Dylan’s lap. “We must go our separate ways.”

“Why?”

Dylan looked pained. As if Rebecca had stuck a dagger in her heart. Rebecca bore the same wound.

“I can deny the truth no longer,” she said, unable to stop the tears that flowed down her cheeks. “I have committed as many offenses as Sarah.”

“Loving me is an offense?”

“To some. But I have seen the error of my ways. I forgot to be humble and put others’ needs before mine. Now I must repent for my actions.”

“Rebecca, you—we didn’t do anything wrong.”

“We might think it’s right, but the Ordnung says otherwise. I don’t want what happened to Sarah to happen to me. I don’t want to force Papa to stand in church and condemn another daughter.” Rebecca’s tears turned into sobs. She backed away when Dylan moved to comfort her. “If I stay with you, I would gain the world but I would lose my family. Losing Sarah was difficult. Losing Isaiah was difficult. Losing Mama, Papa, and Uncle Amos would be a burden impossible to bear.”

“You don’t have to lose them. Any of them. We could find a way.”

“There is no way for me to have all of you in my life. Not the way you want. In your world, perhaps, but not in mine. We would have had to stop seeing each other in two years anyway, so why wait? Perhaps this way, we can work through the hurt and find our way back to being friends.”

Dylan looked incredulous. She looked like she doubted the words Rebecca desperately needed her to believe.

“Do you honestly expect me to watch you spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t love when I know that I’m the one you should be with? The one you want to be with?”

“Dylan, if you love me as much as you say you do, you will respect my decision and you will move on. You will find someone else and you will love her as you once loved me. I wish I could be that person, but I can’t.”

Rebecca reached for the door but Dylan grabbed her arm to prevent her from leaving. Her grip was so strong Rebecca was sure it would leave a bruise to match the one on her heart.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you never loved me.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Then be with me.”

“I cannot.”

“If you can’t—if you won’t be with me, at least be true to yourself and who you are.”

“That’s what I am doing. Above all else, I am Amish.”

“And you’re a lesbian.”

There was that word again. The one Rebecca could not say.

“My faith defines me more than anything else can. This is who I am. This is who I will remain. Be happy for me, Dylan. As I will be for you.”

Rebecca dried her eyes and let herself out of the car. She expected Dylan to run after her. To try one more time to convince her to change her mind. But Dylan remained where she was, crying as if her soul had been torn in two. Rebecca hoped she would find comfort soon.

Tobias offered his hand when Rebecca began to climb into the buggy. “Did you say everything you wished to say?”

“Yes,” Rebecca said with one last look back. “Let’s go home.”

Chapter Eleven

Dylan looked out at the audience as she prepared to deliver her valedictory speech. A sea of familiar faces stared back at her. Her parents and grandparents sat in the front row. Her mother, Grandma Joan, and Grandma Siobhan all dabbed at their eyes. Her father’s chest was so puffed with pride Dylan was surprised he didn’t pop the buttons on his shirt. Her nephew—damn, that still took some getting used to—was perched on her mother’s lap. Michael clapped his hands as enthusiastically as the rest of the crowd when Dylan strode to the podium.

She smiled at her family and the dozens of teachers, present and past, who had helped her reach the precipice on which she stood. But there was one face she didn’t see. One face she wanted to see more than anyone else’s. Rebecca’s face.

She understood Rebecca’s reasons for breaking up with her, but she never stopped believing they would work things out. She never stopped believing they would find a way to be together. Until Rebecca didn’t come to her high school graduation after she had promised to be there, no matter what. Then she realized Rebecca was gone for good.

Had she really expected Rebecca to attend the ceremony? Obviously, she had. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be so disappointed that Rebecca didn’t show up.

She had seen Rebecca around town a few times, but Tobias was always with her so Dylan had not had a chance to talk to her alone since that awful day in her car. What was left to say? Rebecca had made her position perfectly clear. She had chosen the church over Dylan. She had chosen to live in the shadows instead of being open and honest.