Rumor (A Renegades Novella) (12 page)

Then he suddenly relaxed, slumping in the chair, dropping his head back, releasing her body to drop his arms out to the sides. Breathing hard, he closed his eyes, his face utterly lax, sweat dripping from his temple. He stretched his legs out with a groan, and the muscles rocked beneath her.

“Don’t…move…” he said between pants. “Let me…find my…brain…”

Grace smiled, her forehead resting on his shoulder. Her body felt loose and tingly and amazing. And her heart hurt—but in a good way, stretched full and aching with so much love she didn’t know what to do with it all.

A knock sounded on the door. “Nikki? Charlotte needs you. Her costume ripped, and she goes on in ten.”

She groaned, lifted her head, and called, “Be right out.”

Then put her head back down and snuggled closer to Josh. He chuckled, the sound deep and satisfied. His arms slid around her, one stroking her back, the other her hair. She wanted to sink in and fall asleep with him like this. The blissful thought made her smile, but knowing he’d be leaving soon turned the sensation bittersweet.

“Before you get all caught up in the vortex waiting for you out there,” his voice rumbled near her ear, “let me just tell you that was the very best sex ever. Like…
ever
.”

Sex. Yep, that was what she’d planned. That was what she’d delivered. And it was still all they could have.

Now, she just had to figure out what to do with all these emotions left over.

“Amazing.” She kissed his neck. “I knew it would be.” The pinch of reality crept in, and she forced her head from his shoulder. “Guess the fun and games are over, though.”

She pushed up on her knees, easing him from her body with a laughing groan. He helped her to her feet and said, “Throw me one of those rags, baby, would you?”

Crouching to pick up her panties, bikini, and cape on the way, she plucked up a clean white rag and tossed it to him. While he cleaned up, she shook the white dust off her clothes and redressed.

Josh stood, zipped his pants, then swayed and gripped the chair for balance. “Whoa. All my blood must still be a little too far south.”

She chuckled and moved languidly up behind him, and laid a hand on his sweaty back.

He turned, swept her close, and kissed her. Then slowly pulled out of the kiss with “Stay with me tonight?”

Oh.
That she hadn’t expected. Flashes of intimacy ticked through her mind, and a sizzle of fear coursed along her ribs. She didn’t need any more reasons to fall deeper in love with him. Not when he’d be gone in a matter of days.

“I’m going to be here late,” she said with a casual smile. Better to keep this light. “And I’ve got six a.m. cheer practice.”

Another knock on the door. “Nikki? Charlotte’s on in five, and she’s getting panicky.”

Grace pushed up on her toes and gave him a soft, sweet, but chaste we’re-done kiss. “See you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.” He smiled, but she saw the disappointment in his eyes.

She knew she looked like she’d just been fucked silly in a room full of white dust, but she didn’t care. And the fact that she wasn’t ashamed for going after the best sex of her life with the only man she’d ever truly loved gave her a sense of complete freedom. Maybe for the first time in her life.

At the door, she turned the lock and pulled the door open a few inches, then glanced back and found him watching, his expression veiled now, but a lost sense of confusion hung around him. The urge to console him gnawed at her, but considering who he was, she knew that was impossible. Giving him the night to come to the same realization was best for them both.

Josh stood at the front door of Safe Haven the following evening holding a bag of craft supplies that should have lightened his mood. But the unease that had gnawed at him all day remained.

By the time Grace had finished cheer practice and gotten to the club, the place was buzzing with activity. She’d barely had time to shoot him a smile and a “Hey, how’s it going?” before she’d been swept up in the vortex of schedules, music choices, costumes, and dance routines.

And their lack of communication after what they’d shared the night before had left him feeling insecure and disconnected. He didn’t want their encounter to become a one-time, casual, off-the-cuff fluke, and he was afraid that was exactly how Grace had seen it.

He shook the worried thought from his head and knocked, hoping spending some time with Carolyn would preoccupy him for a few hours while Grace was working.

Tammy greeted him with her typical enthusiasm and led him through the living room and into the great room, where he found Carolyn snug in a lounge chair with ear buds in.

“I don’t want to disturb her,” he said, pausing just inside the archway.

The great room had been turned into a Christmas wonderland, and smelled like a pine forest. A live, twenty-five-foot noble fir reached into the cathedral ceilings, twinkling with multicolored lights and glistening with tinsel. Figurines decorated every horizontal surface, more presents had been stuffed beneath the tree.

“Nonsense.” Tammy urged him forward by the arm. “She’s had a really good day. This is the best time to visit. I just wish Grace could spend some time with her today.”

Tammy rubbed her hand on Carolyn’s shin to get her attention. Her eyes opened, then focused on her caretaker, and Carolyn smiled, one of those warm, comfortable smiles. She reached up to take a headphone from her ear when her gaze darted to Josh, and she paused.

His gut tightened. He didn’t want his presence to spark another setback for her.

Slowly, her smile broadened. “My Lord, Josh? Is that you?”

Relief eased his shoulders. “Hey, Carolyn.”

He leaned down, gave her a one-armed hug, and kissed her cheek. She smelled of soft perfume and powder.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Oh, son, how are you? It’s been so long. How’s the shoulder?”

Jesus, she remembered? He was still reeling from her remembering him at all.

“Better. Much better.” He pulled back and crouched beside her chair. Her eyes were watery with emotion, and she stroked his face with a cool, frail hand. “You look amazing.”

“Aw, you’re sweet,” she said, patting his cheek. “Is Gracie here too?”

“She couldn’t get away from work tonight.”

“That little girl.” Carolyn lowered her hand. “She works so hard. I wish…I wish I could have done more to make her life easier.”

“She seems pretty darn happy.” Josh covered her hand with his and squeezed. “And you’re a great mom.”

Her smile softened. “Gracie will be better. She’s going to make an amazing mother.”

Grace. A mother. The idea warmed a place deep in his belly. Why hadn’t he ever thought of that before? “I’m sure she will. She learned from the best.”

A smile of gratitude fluttered over her lips. If Josh hadn’t seen Carolyn lose it yesterday, he wouldn’t believe she needed to be in a home. She was completely lucid and sharp, her blue eyes watery but direct.

“Isaac should have given her a baby,” she said. “If he had, they might still be together.”

Josh’s mind drifted backward. Whenever he’d brought up the subject of children to Beck, his teammate brushed it off, telling him Grace wasn’t ready. “Did she want one?”

Carolyn laughed softly, her expression filled with love. “Oh, yes. From the moment she and Isaac got serious. And then, even more when he was gone so much.” Carolyn shook her head, her gaze going distant again. “She was so terribly lonely. She had me, but I was always working or tired. A baby would have been such a beautiful addition to her life. In Grace’s eyes, the sun would have risen and set on her child. But Isaac…” She shook her head, then shrugged.

Beck was selfish. Josh didn’t need Carolyn to tell him that; he knew. But Beck also
had
to be selfish. He was a warrior. His mission in life was to protect his country. Any other mission diluted focus. And there was no room for straying focus as a SEAL. Josh had been selfish during those years too—it was the very reason he hadn’t asked Grace out when he, Beck, and the rest of the team had met her at a restaurant where she’d been waitressing. But Beck hadn’t had the same reservations.

Tammy, who’d been standing by, patted Josh’s shoulder. “Looks like you have everything under control. Enjoy your time. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

Josh nodded, then returned his gaze to Carolyn. “So, how are you feeling?” He lifted the brown bag and smiled. “Up to a little project?”

“Oh…” She clapped her hands in front of her chest. “You know how I love crafting.”

“I do. And I’m also hoping you still love butterflies.”

She gasped, her eyes sparkling like a kid’s. “I
love
butterflies.”

He pushed to his feet, held the bag under his arm, and offered her both hands. “We’ll need to sit at a table.”

“This is so fun. I wish Gracie could be here. She loves craft projects.”

The little seductress loved crafts, huh? Josh grinned and tucked that nugget away for later use—something more along the lines of edible body paint.

He helped Carolyn to the table and pulled a chair up under her, then turned the bag over, spilling all the supplies he’d bought earlier that day across the table. “Any guesses yet?”

“Oh…” Her eyes lifted to Josh’s. “A suncatcher?”

“Bingo.”

Her fingers shifted through the large black butterfly foam shape and the rainbow of tissue paper. “Josh… You’re such a sweet boy.” She smiled at him sadly. “I know you must miss your team, your work as a SEAL, but Grace and I missed you so much when you were gone.”

He pulled a chair up to the table and clasped his hand over hers again. “I appreciated every letter, every package you sent. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course. Thank you, sweetheart.”

“One of my favorites was the one you sent right before my accident. Which is why I chose this project for tonight.”

“I’m sorry, son.” She looked a little worried. “I don’t remember what package you’re talking about.”

“How could you?” he said, making light of her memory lapse. “You sent so many, there’s no way you could keep track. It was a box of different suncatchers you’d made with your second graders, who donated them to our team.”

She raised her brows, and Josh could see her searching her memory with no luck. As he set up the craft, spreading out newspaper and lining up all the supplies, he said, “Each kid made a different design. So I hung the turtle in Dunlap’s room, because he’s always late.”

That made Carolyn laugh, and the distress in her eyes eased.

“And I gave the elephant to Ghost, because he’s got that damned photographic memory. The rooster went to Decker, because he’s just a…”

Ooops.

“Prick?” she supplied with a sly little grin.

Humor tickled his insides, and he burst out laughing. Carolyn joined in. Josh hadn’t felt this good in so long. “And I gave the octopus to Joey, because he’s such a—”

“Pussy,” she finished.

“And the peacock to—”

“Had to have been Bobby,” she said. “He liked to strut his stuff for the ladies.”

“How’d you know that? He was always on his best behavior unless he was alone with the guys.”

“Not always.” She smiled down at the colorful paper. “I heard about his antics at the diner where Grace used to work.”

Josh chuckled, remembering how Bobby’s crude pickup line had backfired on him. “She told you about the pickle?”

Carolyn’s brow creased, and she gave Josh a curious grin. “Remind me.”

“So, Bobby ordered a burger. Grace told him the restaurant makes the best pickles in the county and asked if he’d like one on the side. Bobby comes back with ‘I’ve already got a great pickle, honey, but I’d be willing to share it with you.’

“Without a second’s pause, Grace wrinkles her nose but keeps her voice sugary sweet and says, ‘No, thanks. All
those
pickles get canned around here.’ ”

Carolyn’s laugh was rich and flowing, and the sound seemed to sparkle through Josh’s chest. “That’s my girl.”

Josh squeezed Carolyn’s hand. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, but Grace has missed you most.”

Guilt bubbled up again, and after everything he’d discovered over the last two days, he wondered if it would ever clear. He’d been wrong to leave her last year. Wrong to stay away. When it came to Grace, he’d been just as selfish as Beck. Doing it for the right reasons didn’t make the hurt feel any different.

“She hasn’t been the same since you left,” Carolyn continued. “Oh, she’s good at pretending.
Everything’s fine, Mom. I love my job, Mom. I don’t need a man in my life, Mom.
But I know my girl. Just because my memory slips now and then doesn’t mean I can’t still read her—or you—when all my marbles are clanking around this old jar.”

She knocked her fist against her skull, making Josh smile.

“Well, I’m hoping to convince her to let me stay around now.”

Carolyn searched his eyes for what felt like an eternity. “Do you love her, Josh? I mean
really
love her, not the way Isaac loved her.”

His stomach clenched. “How did Isaac love her?”

“As an afterthought.” Her steady, open gaze speared Josh’s heart. “Grace is a beautiful soul. She deserves to be treasured, not abandoned.”