Run From Fear (26 page)

When she grew up, she told herself, she’d have a baby just like Rosie, but she’d do it right. She’d be different from her mother, she knew. Smarter. She’d pick a good man, someone worthy of her love and devotion. Someone who would adore her and their kids and provide a good life for them instead of drinking away most of his paycheck. Someone who didn’t screw around on his wife and deny that the growing bump under his mistress’s shirt was his responsibility.

After a couple of false starts with guys from the neighborhood who turned out to be losers, Talia resolved to stay single as long as it took to meet someone good. Then Mama died, and it became even more important for Talia to find someone who could help support them and be a good parental figure when she got custody of Rosie, who had been stuck in a foster home.

Then she’d met David Maxwell and thought all her dreams had come true. He’d gotten Rosie back for her, but
at what cost? Her involvement with David had not only nearly gotten her killed, but it had also crushed whatever was left of her dreams of a happy future. Husband, babies. Love.

It had been so long since she’d even entertained the possibility of it, she’d decided that path was closed to her. But here, today, surrounded by so much marital joy and pregnant women everywhere she looked, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to have everything that they had.

How it would feel to carry a baby in her body, to cuddle it close as she fed it. To smile down into that sweet face capped with dark curls and startlingly light blue eyes.

“You okay?”

Talia jumped in her seat at the sound of Jack’s voice. He stood to the left of her seat, looking down at her face with a look of concern in his eyes. Startlingly light blue eyes.

The baby she’d been envisioning was Jack’s.

She swallowed hard and felt her face burn at the realization. “I’m fine,” she said, wincing at the nervous pitch in her voice.

“If you say so. But I’ve asked you twice if you wanted me to get you a plate.”

“Sorry, I was just”—
fantasizing about what it might be like to have your baby
—“wondering how Jennie’s handling things at the restaurant.”

Jack gave her a suspicious look but then shrugged and repeated his offer to get her a plate.

“I’ll take a look for myself,” she said, and got up.

As he motioned her to precede him through the crowd, her mind teemed with questions about his past, the
mysterious Gina, and the other so-called broken birds. But she wasn’t exactly sure of the best approach, especially when it meant copping to eavesdropping on him and Danny.

About ten yards away from the barbecue line, her heel caught in a crack in the flagstone. Talia’s leg faltered and she felt the stomach-sinking, humiliating certainty that she was about to fall, hard, in front of all these people.

Strong hands grabbed her before she hit the pavement, lifting her back to her feet, keeping his arm around her to steady her.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” Jack murmured, and warmth like nothing she’d ever felt rushed through her.

“Thank you,” she said, smiling up at him in gratitude and something else she didn’t quite know what to call—it had been so long since she’d felt anything close to it. All she knew was that she didn’t want this moment to end, Jack’s strong arm around her, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled back down at her.

He kept his hand on the small of her back as he guided her up to the buffet, and Talia pushed away all the questions swirling in her head. Now was not the time to delve into the secrets of Jack’s past, to wonder about the women who came before and who might come after.

Though she’d stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago, right now Talia was going to revel in the feeling of having Jack beside her and indulge in the fantasy that he would always be there to catch her when she fell.

J
ack could feel Talia’s stare on the drive home, but every time he glanced over to catch it, she quickly averted her gaze out the window. It only served to heighten the frustration he’d worked overtime to hide throughout the night.

Other than his aborted scuffle with Danny, the night had been pleasant enough. Or it would have been if Jack had actually just been going to a party with Talia as his actual date, instead of living in some bizarro side world where the only reason she was with him was because he needed to keep her safe from the creep who was out to get her.

Usually he liked hanging out with his friends, liked seeing them—especially Danny—get taken down a peg by the gorgeous women who had them totally whipped. Liked watching little Anna run her daddy ragged and the panicked look Ethan got on his face every time baby Joey so much as squealed.

But tonight it had been torture. As he’d watched Talia move throughout the night, coming out of her shell with the others, talking and cracking sly jokes until even Danny was laughing, it had occurred to Jack that she could fit right into this crowd.

They could be a couple just like the others, sharing knowing glances and touches under the table that they thought no one else noticed.

Jack had never realized how much he wanted that until tonight, when every loving gesture was a sharp poke in the chest. Taunting him, reminding him of what he couldn’t have, at least not with Talia.

And every flash of her beautiful smile, the sound of her laugh, every glimpse of her legs under that flirty dress hammering home the fact that Danny, Derek, and Ethan would go home, settle into bed, and wrap themselves around the loves of their lives.

And Jack would go back to Talia’s house, watch her retreat up the stairs to her solitary bed, hard as a spike, every cell in his body aching for her, the bitter taste of futility on his tongue.

Shit. Danny was right. Jack was a fucking sap, a sucker who was once again throwing everything aside as he threw himself at a woman who, although she might care for him, would never be capable of giving him what he wanted from her. What he needed.

Ironic, considering as he left the party tonight, Danny had pulled him aside and said in a low voice, “Maybe you’re on to something with this one.”

He was on to another dead end, Jack thought grimly. But it wasn’t like he had any other choice. Contrary to what Talia might think, he would never in a million years cut and run just because he wasn’t going to get a payback.

It wasn’t her fault Jack wanted more. It wasn’t her fault that every time he saw her smile, heard her laugh, or caught her clean, soapy scent in the air, he had to fight the urge to yank her to him and never let go.

And most of all—the one thing he wished she’d realize—it wasn’t her fault she’d fallen for David Maxwell’s good looks, charm, and cash. And it wasn’t her fault Nate Brewster had tortured her down in that cellar.

That one was all on Jack. He was prepared to spend the rest of his days at her side, protecting her from monsters if that’s what it took. All while keeping his hands very much to himself.

But it was one thing to accept that, Jack thought as he pulled into the garage and turned off the ignition, and another to live the reality. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak, as they said. Or in his case, the flesh was in blue-ball hell.

He went into the house first and had her wait in the garage while he did a quick sweep of the house and disarmed the alarm. At his all-clear, she came in and immediately kicked off her shoes.

“Oh, that’s better,” she said as she wiggled her toes on the linoleum and did a couple of calf raises. “I can’t believe I used to wear shoes like that for hours on end.” She yawned and stretched her arms to the ceiling.

Jack couldn’t manage more than a grunt in reply because he was transfixed on the way her skirt slid up her thigh, exposing a couple more inches of smooth, honey-colored skin. He forced his eyes upward. “I’m going to watch some TV.”

He flopped onto the couch and pretended to be engrossed in a show about the Battle of the Bulge, which was nearly impossible when Talia settled onto the cushion next to him and curled her legs under her. Even more impossible when Talia gave a little sigh and said, “I actually had fun tonight, Jack. Thanks for taking me.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” Jack said, his gaze never leaving the TV screen. He was afraid if he looked at her with her smoky dark eyes and exposed skin of her shoulders and legs, he’d lose it.

“Well, thanks anyway,” she said, sounding a little irritated. She swung her legs onto the floor and stalked to the kitchen. He heard the sound of glass rattling and ice clinking.

He looked up to see her, hip propped in the doorway, sipping on a clear drink that could have been seltzer but he suspected was a cocktail. It was at least her third of the night. “What’s with the booze?”

She took another small sip and curled her lip. “I need to do something to dull the edges around here.”

Jack’s gaze swung back to the TV but he could still feel her gaze on him. That probing, curious stare she’d been giving him from the time he’d returned from his little chat with Danny.

He snapped his eyes up to meet hers, and this time she didn’t try to pretend she hadn’t been looking.

“What?” he snapped. “You’ve been giving me looks all night. Is there something you want from me? Because if not, I could use a break.” He knew he was being a dick, but this night—this week—had been utter hell on his equilibrium, and any fuse he had was wearing mighty short.

Her gaze didn’t falter and she continued to stare at him over the rim of her glass. “Who’s Gina?” she asked, and took another sip of her drink.

Shit. She must have overheard him and Danny earlier. “She’s someone I used to know.” He grabbed the remote and hit the up arrow on the volume.

Talia walked over, took the remote, and clicked off the power, and then sat down next to him. “It sounds like it was more than that, Jack. And since Danny seemed to think I bear some similarities—what did he call us? Broken birds? I feel like I deserve to know.”

Jack scrubbed his face with his hand. The memories were nearly a decade old, so dark and ugly and not anything he wanted to revisit.

“Come on, Jack,” Talia said, her tone gentler. “You know the deepest and the dirtiest about me, and I know next to nothing about you.” She let out a little laugh. “You saved my life, you saved Rosie’s life, and I didn’t even know you lived on a houseboat until two days ago!”

“You seemed fine not asking questions before.”

“You weren’t living in my house before. My memories are vague, Jack, but I think this is what people who care about each other do. Ask questions, share stories from their past, and get to know each other.”

“So you care about me now?”

He focused on the delicate lines of her throat as she swallowed. “Of course I care about you, Jack.” She reached out a hand but stopped short of touching him.

He stifled a harsh laugh. Great. She cared for him. She could twist him in knots with a look and she “cared for him.”

“I just…” She trailed off. “I want to know about you, Jack. To be honest, I’ve never understood why you stepped up to help me the way you did. Maybe if you tell me, I’ll get it.”

“I helped you because you needed it, and you weren’t going to help yourself.” Just like Gina, and look where that got her. “Okay, fine. Gina was married to one of the
guys on the team with Danny and me. I knew he was beating the crap out of her. One night I gave him a taste of his own medicine and ended up spending a night in jail. I would have been brought up on assault charges if Danny hadn’t had my back.”

“Did you love her?” Talia asked.

Jack had to think about that. There was a time when he would have said yes. “I loved the idea of her. She was pretty, blond, blue eyes, wholesome, you know?”

“Sounds adorable,” Talia said, unable to keep the edge from her voice. “Funny, you don’t strike me as a homewrecker.”

“Nothing ever happened,” Jack said, sounding offended. “I’d never make a move on a married woman. But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try to help her. She and Johnny got married right out of high school. She was a kindergarten teacher. When I first met them, they seemed kind of perfect, you know? And even though I had zero interest in settling down, I thought how nice it would be to be married to a pretty girl who’d stuck by my side through everything, waiting for me back home after a grueling mission. Then they had a kid and he was so damn cute…” Jack swallowed convulsively at the thought of little Toby. “He had this mop of brown hair and big blue eyes like his mom.”

“Had?” Talia whispered.

Jack ignored that for a moment. Now that he’d started, he needed to get it out, to make her understand why couldn’t leave her alone, even when she would have pushed him away. “It was about a year and a half after Toby was born, we’d been deployed to Central America for six weeks. We’d been back for about a month before I saw them together and I just knew.”

“That he was hitting her? She didn’t tell you?”

Jack shook his head. “She didn’t need to. I knew the look in her eyes, the way she carried herself around him.” He turned to face Talia, looked her straight in the eye. “It’s the same look I saw on my mom’s face until I left home for good when I was eighteen.”

Talia reached out and covered his hand with hers. Out of sympathy, he knew, but he’d take what he could get. “I’m sorry, Jack.”

“At first Gina tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. Then she tried to get him into counseling, thinking it would get better.”

Talia’s fingers curled into his palm. “It never gets better,” she said bitterly.

“Then when I found out he went after Toby, I lost my patience and went after him. He broke my nose, and I fractured his wrist. Bad enough he had to stay behind on our next deployment.” He leaned his head back against the couch, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling as he thought of the horror that had followed.

“I had some money saved up—my grandfather left me some when he died—and I set Gina up with a new place to live and some money in a bank account. Somehow Johnny found out. I don’t know if she told him or what. But three days after we left, Johnny walked into his house and shot himself, but not before he took out Gina and Toby too.”