Runner Up (21 page)

"Just open in Hannah, it won’t bite too hard." His eyes were eager.
I unwrapped and saw the velvet box. I wanted to see but dreaded it at the same time. I hoped he didn’t do
too much, I didn’t know if my heart could handle it.
The box opened and a stunning gold bracelet with delicate carved edges and at least five emeralds were
stacked along the length of it. I gasped, it was stunning.
"I hope you like it, I guess I got carried away but I remembered how beautiful you looked in that emerald
green dress in Scotland. I knew this would look beautiful on you." Jackson was talking fast, a sure sign that he was
nervous.
"I love it Zee." I didn’t know what to do. I spent an awkward moment deciding whether to hug him or to
kiss him on the cheek then before I knew it, I leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth! It only took a second
for the kiss to go from mild to something a little deeper. Jackson kissed me back for a few more seconds before I
pulled away. I felt like a fool and could feel tears falling already. All I could think about was how stupid I was, and
Anthony and Jackson both being hurt by my one stupid move.
"I don't know why I did that, I am sorry Jackson." I said pathetically. His face was so understanding and his
hands were on my shoulders to comfort me, it was just too much. Too many feelings...
"I know, I know, Hannah. I can see you were just confused. It can be forgotten okay." He said with a half
smile that broke my heart. It was a lie and we both knew it. I knew how he felt about me by that brief moment
when he kissed me, like he had been waiting for that moment for a long time.
"Jackson, you are..." I waited, trying not to cry anymore. I gulped in a breath.
"Foolish?" He said softly, all joking gone from his eyes.
"Amazing. I am not ready yet. Next time I see you. I plan on finishing this talk." I felt proud that I was able
to put into words how I felt.
"I think that's fair." He said simply, his heart on his sleeve, all six foot seven of him asked for mercy.
I had no choice but to give him the hug I should have given him earlier. I held on to him for far longer than
I should have, just enjoying how well I fit there.
A few minutes later, after I freshened up and cleared away any signs from my face of my little “episode,”
we settled on the couch again. He brought out two coffees and we watched the fire and kept our conversation
light for a bit. It was comfortable and sweet. Somehow I felt peaceful after the stormy emotional moment.
We sipped coffee and laughed and all drama was set aside.
As the thank you dinner ended, I felt Jackson wanted to say something so I urged him to just spit it out.
"Okay, since we are getting all of our sharing done in one evening, I just want to say as a friend, that I am
devastated you are leaving. But I hope to entice you back this summer. New York is too far. Otherwise I will have
to call my manager and figure out some kind of New York book tour for the month of August, just so I can force
you to laugh at my jokes in person." Jackson was holding my hand. It felt good there.
"I think I can arrange to come back for a visit. I will probably come running back sooner than you think, if
the paparazzi won’t leave me alone in New York." I laughed nervously.
"I promise to check Facebook and email religiously. I don’t want to be forgotten. I will see you soon,
okay?" I gave him one more eye-to-eye look before I went out the door.
"Be safe, Hannah." He said.
"You too, Zee."
As he walked me silently to my car I was not really breathing. His eyes saying things I wasn’t ready to see. I
was out of words. I waved lamely and got into my car wordlessly. My heart felt like it was being ripped out.
* * * * *
Everything I wasn't taking to Alaska was already shipped off to New York. I had no reason to come back
after my Alaska job. My parents were going to be gone and Chrissy and I were still very uncomfortable around
each other. I was leaving, except for a visit, this was no longer my home.
Argh.... The gravel crunching under my high heels felt appropriately uncomfortable. I hated everything
about this moment.
I glanced back and saw Jackson standing at the door, Bailey at his feet. The candle glow of the bliss house
was telling me over and over to turn back.
I have got work to do, then living.
I just needed to figure out how to survive the drive tonight first.
* * * * *
The Chicago’s O’Hare airport was crowded at eight a.m. the next morning. I arm-wrestled all my bags and
gear, battling through the lines and the luggage handler machines, and then the fun undress-yourself-before-themetal-detector game. I was trying hard not to be too grumpy, I was excited about Alaska, but had a heavy heart
today. I shared a tearful goodbye with my mom and dad this morning, and received a devastating ‘I'm sorry’ letter
on my pillow from Chrissy last night and spent half the night talking with Chrissy after I read it. I was an emotional
wreck. What I needed was a long nap and a box of tissue.
I waited in line with my carryon. I said a prayer, hoping all of my luggage would go to the right place at the
right time, dreading the delays that happened when luggage got lost. I would be so tempted to drop everything if
that happened.
I boarded the plane with plenty of time to get everything situated before take-off. I got comfy in my
window seat and mindlessly watched the airport business going on outside my window. I heard a ding from my
pocket and realized my cell phone was still turned on.
I had a text ...
‘It’s official, someone has killed a Sunday school teacher in my next book,’
I couldn't help but giggle at Jackson’s strange sense of humor.
I texted back, ‘I miss you too.’
Somehow, I felt a little bit better.
Chapter 21

My boots crunched noisily in the snow as I made my way up the big hill toward my secluded cabin rental. I
had stayed here before. The day had been plentiful with great views and clear skies. My hiking had been vigorous
and my mind was alive and clear. I caught a few amazing pictures for my client and a few for myself, as well. My
gear was stowed in my backpack and it was heavy, but I was in good enough shape to push through the minor
muscle pain. This was why I loved my job, the fresh air, the exercise and the ability to lose myself in the wilderness
for a while.

Alaska was truly one of the most amazing and beautiful places on earth. The benefit of everyone speaking
English in town made things easier too.
The snow was nearly a foot deep on the hill, there had been a thaw recently and the snow came again. The
spring came later here than in Indiana.
Tomorrow I had plans to travel into town. I had access to a snowmobile a mile down the mountain and
would go to town and then head south to a new location for a few days.
In the quiet moments of the day I had a lot of time to think about Anthony. How unrealistic our
relationship had been. Never in real life did you live that way, dating so many people at once, with exotic dates
that never could measure up to reality. Dinner and movie dates seemed so blasé after a date in the Bahamas. Every
place they had been was like a ‘honeymoon’ location. How in the world do you go back home and live out the
everyday after that? I would have been interested in knowing, but it was not meant to be.
Anthony might have had feelings for me but not enough to keep temptation at bay
. I would be okay.
I
decided in a lonely moment on the mountain. The crisp air swirled around me and I snapped a few landscape shots
as dusk began to fall. The temperature was dropping fast and I headed back up the hill toward my hideaway.
My thoughts in Alaska had been consumed with saying goodbye to my relationship with Anthony. When
had I last checked Facebook to see if Jackson had tried to chat with me?
I could hook up my laptop satellite dish out the window but the air was cold and once I was warm in the
cabin with a hot cup of tea, I didn’t want to get cold again. The thought of seeing a chat from him seemed nice. I
grabbed a sweater and leaned over to the window by the small table in the kitchen. I glanced out the window and
saw a clear night sky. I threw the window open and propped the folding satellite dish on the small ledge perfect for
just that purpose. I used it a few days ago to send a few pictures to the client to keep them happy. They were
paying me well and I wanted them to see my progress. Sometimes that gave them ideas for new pictures.
Today’s online adventure was purely to catch up with my friends and family. I tried to remind myself to not
be disappointed if no one sent me a message, but within a minute of closing the window and opening my laptop a
ding announced that I had new messages.
Happy thought indeed.
* * * * *
I saw that I had an email from Ruby and I opened that one first.

Well I have survived not seeing you for the first week but thinking up a millions reasons to get you back to
Michigan, or at least your parents’ place. Been writing ideas down and finally came up with one you cannot refuse.
I know you have your roommate’s wedding the last weekend of June. Afterwards you mentioned that you
hated that you were going spend the time alone in the apartment in New York when she leaves. So my plan is for
you to be officially invited to our Fourth of July celebration. We stay ten days every summer at Jackson’s lodge.
The kids invite a friend or two and camp out in tents some of those nights. We do fireworks over the lake,
campfires, go on excursions and adventures, and generally enjoy the Michigan summer to the fullest. I want to
express to you that it would be an honor for us to share our summer vacation with you. You cannot say no, unless
of course, you have job that requires you to be away on a national holiday. Then I would only cry through a
portion of it.
Anyway, please don't feel over pressured by my guilt trip, but also know we would adore having you. You
will have your own bedroom and we can even provide a tent if you want to join the kids in their outdoor
adventures. They love you and would love to see you more often. Needless to say, Jackson is praying that you will
agree to come.
I hope you are being careful in the Alaskan wilderness. I cannot wait to see the photography you come
home with. You are so brilliantly talented. I feel honored to have met you.

I went immediately to my calendar on my iPhone and checked the dates, but I already knew that I had that
week free. After Allison's wedding I was dreading my empty apartment. It would be even more difficult when they
came back. They were searching for their own place, but I assured them that we could all share the apartment
because I was away so much. My heart was more and more against moving back to New York. I had this feeling
that New York was no longer home for me.
But where was home?

I opened my email to reply an affirmative to Ruby's request but I paused. I heard the wind outside my cabin
window and saw a few snowflakes blowing around. The fire in the hearth was crackling away and the moment
seemed right to just lay open my heart.

I stared at the blank email screen and new words poured out of me to my new friend.
“
Dear Ruby
,” I typed and then kept going. I shared all my fear and doubts about moving back to New York,
about the upcoming wedding of my roommate. How strangely angry I felt that I went on a TV-show to find love
and my roommate found it by accident. I explained how guilty I felt for letting my friendship slide with Allison,
when I was just plain jealous. Allison had the right to be in love, there was no reason for me to be so jealous and
angry but I was.

Just the mere thought of moving back to the big city made me want to panic and cry. I had no other place
to call ‘home’ anymore. I could not trespass on my parents anymore. It just felt wrong to bring the all the drama
into their house. I needed to find peace somewhere. So far, the most peace I had found was on Stone Lake.

I stop typing and re-read the last line.
" So far, the most peace I had found was on Stone Lake.”
In my head a small bell went ‘ding, ding, ding!’ I felt a flutter in my heart at the thought. Ruby had rental

properties on the lake, little bungalows near the water. One or two bedrooms would be perfect. My fingers flew
across the keys as I finished the email, asking if she had any vacancies. I could bless so many people in one swift
email. Allison and her new husband could keep the apartment and I could be closer to my parents without being in
their business. I felt elated for the first time in a week. This was such an inspired thought. I knew this was the right
decision. No questioning, no doubts.

I would return to New York to get my life packed up and move, and my new friendships in Michigan did
not have to end.
I closed my laptop and stared at the fire awhile, drinking a mug of hot cocoa and planning the future,
actually feeling happier than I had in way too long.
Feeling peaceful, I said a prayer of thanks for the inspiration. There had been so much noise in my head for
so long, that it felt good to be calm.
I could not wait to hear a reply from Ruby. Praying she still had something available.
* * * * *
The night went by slowly as I was thinking. I listened to the wind blowing around and checked the weather
reports. It looked like tomorrow I would stay in and save my excursion, to the nearby river for the next day.
Temperature was supposed to drop and the snow might fly a foot or two.
My friend Blake Bosner sent a weather report to me on my iphone email. With the satellite dish I could
get a little wifi on my phone. I had a special email just for this occasion. No need to get a hundred emails a day
when in the wilderness, just the facts ma’am. My mom always worried about me, but I was surrounded by a safety
net. If I didn’t respond to Joe's email within 10 hours he would send help. He had his ways to get in and out in a
short amount of time.
So tomorrow looked like a lonely day in the cabin. I would do some work on my laptop as long as the
power stayed on. I had a generator available for an emergency but that was a pain. It was loud, obnoxious and old.
It's a bit of a beast but it was reliable.
I jumped back on my computer and checked my Facebook. My internet wasn’t very fast with the cloud
cover rolling in but I heard my email ding again after few minutes.
It was Ruby! I smiled in the empty room.