Running Around (and Such) (20 page)

“I wasn’t doing
anything
wrong!”

“No, Lizzie, probably it didn’t appear as if you were,” Mam cut in. “That’s the scariest part of raising all my daughters. You girls are not unattractive, and there are many pitfalls out there for innocent young girls. You knew there was something wrong going on, Lizzie, or you would have come home in the evening and told us all about this man coming for eggs. Why didn’t you?”

Lizzie blinked, her face reddened again, and she stammered, “I…I guess I knew you wouldn’t like me to…to…look forward to seeing him.”

“So you knew then already that it wasn’t 100 percent harmless?”

“Yes, I suppose so.”

Mam sighed again. “Let me tell you something. When I was a young girl, I worked as a
maud
and became a bit too familiar with some of the family’s hired hands. To make a long story short, I got involved in a frightening situation. You girls must learn that there is a line, sometimes a very thin line, separating friendliness from flirtation. There is nothing wrong with friendliness. But if you become too familiar, even nervous or thrilled about seeing a young man—or an older one, for that matter—you’ve already crossed over that line of safety.” Mam laughed a bit, before she said, “Actually, it would really be nice if there was a piece of plastic tape surrounding you all the time, so you could clearly see that line.”

Dat was nodding his head, agreeing with everything Mam said. “So, you see, Lizzie, it would probably be best if you wouldn’t work there anymore,” Dat finished for Mam.

Lizzie was incredulous. Not grade eggs! That seemed like a dream come true until she thought of the fact that she needed to be working somewhere, and then grading eggs didn’t seem quite that awful.

“We’ll see,” Mam said.

“Does this…this man still come for a load of eggs every week?” Dat asked.

“I guess. I mean, I don’t know why he wouldn’t,” Lizzie said.

Dat gazed at her with a serious look in his blue eyes. “No, I think you had better find another job, Lizzie. The way it sounds to me, I see no wisdom or common sense in having you continue at that place.”

Mam nodded her head in agreement.

Emma and Mandy watched Lizzie, their eyes large and staring and each of their faces set in a serious expression. Lizzie wondered if this was what it felt like when a criminal appeared before a judge to be handed her sentence. Everyone looked like unblinking owls, watching every emotion and inner feeling portrayed on Lizzie’s face.

Quite suddenly, she knew she didn’t detest her job. It wasn’t nearly as bad as working away from home as a
maud
when you got so homesick that you had to try not to burst into tears at a strange, new supper table.

“But, Mam!” Lizzie protested.

“No, Lizzie, don’t even try. There’s just no sense in letting you go back. I’ll call Darwin this evening yet.”

When Dat picked up his magazine and resumed reading, Lizzie knew without a doubt that her sentence had been handed down. A mixture of rebellion and resentment coursed through her, and she picked at the tablecloth with her thumb and forefinger, her eyes downcast. There was nothing more to say.

She sighed, stood up, and headed toward the stairs and her room. She needed time to think about the whole situation alone, away from all of them, even Mandy. As she went up the steps, low voices resumed in the kitchen, and she knew that they were talking about her again. Let them, she thought angrily. I’m always the one to get into trouble, and even Mandy is always on Mam’s good side. They just don’t like me.

Within her, self-pity fought with the warm brightness of a cleared conscience. Lizzie closed the door to her room quite firmly. She knew one thing. She wanted to go back and grade eggs again, not so that she could see Don Albert again. Well, not totally anyway. Instead, she was afraid of the unknown, of the new job which she knew could be a whole lot worse.

Sure enough, that evening Mam walked over to the neighbors and made the phone call to Darwin and Carol. They were very kind and understanding about the situation. In their conversation, Mam learned about a very good, new opportunity for Lizzie. Darwin and Carol’s son, Lawrence, and his wife had just had a new baby. They lived almost 20 miles away on a farm close to Dunnville and needed someone to help with their other small children, the laundry, and the housework.

Mam thought it was perfect, a job for Lizzie that would take her away from the egg-grading plant.

The following morning Mam watched Lizzie a bit warily as she came down the stairs, unkempt and the last one to appear, as always. Mam hardly knew how to approach her about this new job offer, knowing she was still smarting from the previous evening’s conversation.

Through breakfast, Mam said nothing while Dat cheerfully described the milkman’s account of the weather prediction. They were going to have record snowfalls this year.

“It’s going to snow in a few weeks, I bet,” he finished, as he buttered his toast generously.

Lizzie watched with narrowed eyes, irritated this morning because he used so much butter. How could they all be chatting away happily as if nothing in the whole world had happened the evening before? Didn’t they know she was extremely apprehensive about her future and fighting back some rebellion about having to quit grading eggs?

“Lizzie, pass the jelly.”

Lizzie didn’t hear Emma, so she asked again.

“Lizzie!”

“What? You don’t need to yell at me,” Lizzie retorted sourly.

So Mam kept the news of the upcoming job to herself until the dishes were washed and Dat had gone to the barn. She was wise enough to know she could not successfully approach Lizzie at the breakfast table when she was in such a stormy mood.

After the girls were chattering among themselves, Mam told Lizzie about Darwin’s proposal that she work for their son in Dunnville.

Lizzie dropped her mouth open in disbelief. She stared at Mam without saying a word.

“Well?” Mam finished.

“Darwin’s son? They’re Mennonites and use electricity, don’t they? Well, you know that I don’t know the first
thing
about sweepers and automatic washers and dryers and … and …
toasters
!” she wailed.

Mandy burst out laughing and Emma promptly joined in. Mam hid her smile as she assured Lizzie that she was able to learn how to use electric appliances and that she was sure Darwin’s daughter-in-law would willingly teach her.

Lizzie sagged on the bench and leaned against the kitchen wall, her arms crossed defiantly in front of herself.

“Emma can go!” she burst out.

“No, Lizzie, Emma cannot go. You can,” Mam said.

“I’d rather grade eggs!”

“No, you’re not going back there, Lizzie. We can’t trust you after the things you told us last evening.”

Lizzie was so angry she could not speak. The lump in her throat threatened to choke her as she bit her lip, glaring at Mam.

“You know that this new job can’t be any worse than staying an entire week in Amish homes,” Emma volunteered, trying to cheer Lizzie.

“You like to work away!” Lizzie spat out vehemently.

“Now girls, that’s enough. I worked in English homes at your age, Lizzie, and it’s not going to hurt you a bit. And yes, you’ll be staying for a week at a time, sleeping there overnight, so you’ll need a suitcase,” Mam said firmly.

“But … but … it’s my birthday, Mam! I’ll be 16! Surely when your daughters turn 16, they should be treated at least a bit special, shouldn’t they?”

“We’ll have a birthday cake when you come back on the weekend,” Mam assured her. “Plus we’ll have all your presents, just like we did for Emma.”

Lizzie clamped her mouth shut and said nothing. Maybe if everyone was so mean to her, she’d just become English.

“I think I’ll leave the Amish,” Lizzie ventured out loud.

Emma and Mandy stared at her. Mam frowned.

“Lizzie, now grow up and act your age,” Mam said. “That kind of talk is exactly why we can’t trust you to grade eggs for Darwin anymore.”

“I’ll be so old and tired when I get back, I’ll never get a boyfriend,” Lizzie said, trying not to laugh.

“Well, then, I guess you’ll be an old maid,” Mam said.

For a moment, Lizzie indulged herself, imagining how it would feel to be English. She had taken these mind excursions every since she was a little girl. They had started when she had sneaked a moment by the magazine racks at the grocery store while Mam shopped.

She loved to look at all the fashionable girls on those glossy pages. They were so fascinating, with long, shining blond hair and wearing all kinds of beautiful clothes. How would it be to look like that? She had always longed for high-heeled shoes after all. But she knew there was no way she could be like the women in the magazine.

She was Amish, and Amish people dressed plain. She had been content most of the time to dress in the clothes Mam made, pin her covering on, and go. She was starting to understand that there was a lot more to life than trying to get Mam to buy her a pair of high heels or even seeing Don Albert.

Being Amish kind of settled things. The English world was beyond her reach. That was just how life was if you were Amish, and Lizzie was pretty sure that she really didn’t want to be anything else. She loved her secure circle of family and friends. And how could she ever hurt Mam and Dat by telling them she was going to leave the church? She wouldn’t know how to be English now even if she tried.

T
HE WEATHER TURNED PREDICTABLY
colder with gray skies and a biting wind as Lizzie carried her suitcase to Darwin’s car a few days later.

She had used up all her protests, including the one about a snowstorm keeping her stranded in Dunnville. There was absolutely no use. Mam smiled at her lovingly, telling her to keep her chin up when she left, which did very little to help her depressing thoughts.

 The farther they traveled, the more Lizzie fought her anxiety. It seemed to take forever, through the large town where Mam had lain in the hospital with pneumonia, onto a big three-lane highway, past industrial sites and places of business, until the countryside turned into an agricultural area with large red barns, neat white houses, and tall blue silos. Seeing that hospital only heightened Lizzie’s anxiety on this harsh morning—and she couldn’t shake the uncertainty that suddenly filled her. The last time she had been in this town, Mam was very sick.

But soon they were winding their way through the countryside again. At a crossroads, Darwin slowed the car and turned onto a winding gravel road. They snaked between hills and woods, twisting and turning until it seemed as if they had entered another world. The fields were brown and bare with only the stubbles of the corn crop showing, along with dead grasses flattened by the icy rains of autumn.

As they turned right and started the steep ascent up a winding dirt driveway, Lizzie clutched the door handle until her knuckles turned white. A large, rambling old farmhouse stood at the top of a hill with a huge barn and outbuildings opposite it. The whole farm looked as if was run by a very busy person trying to do all the work by himself.

“You are about to meet young parents who need some help right now,” Darwin remarked. He turned to look at Lizzie whose eyes were wide with consternation.

“I hope you can feel at home here,” he added.

Lizzie took a deep breath, mostly to summon all the courage she could. “I…I’m sure I’ll be fine,” she said without much conviction.

Darwin led her down the sidewalk to the front door, streaked with mud from the farmer’s boots. The entry was cluttered with children’s clothes, boots and shoes, boxes, and newspapers, with a smell which belonged to all farmers’ clothes. Darwin opened the kitchen door, and Lizzie walked into a large white room with bright lights illuminating every object. She saw dishes waiting to be done, a table holding the remains of the evening meal, and clutter everywhere.

Darwin heard the delightful squeals of his grandchildren in the living room. He headed for that side of the house. Lizzie didn’t know what she should do, so she stood rooted to the kitchen linoleum, blinking in the strange, brilliant lights, and wishing with all her heart that she could go home to Mam and Dat.

“Lizzie, come meet Amanda,” Darwin called, already seated on the recliner with a toddler on each knee.

Lizzie set down her suitcase and walked across the carpeted area. Amanda smiled up at Lizzie from her comfortable position on the sofa and extended her hand. “So you’re Lizzie! My, I’m so glad to have someone come to help out. You’ll have to excuse everything, because it’s just a grand mess.”

Her tinkling laughter captivated Lizzie, and she smiled back, immediately feeling relaxed. Amanda was small and round. She had beautifully thick, wavy, dark hair combed loosely over her head, with a small Mennonite covering pinned on the back. Her complexion was flawless. Her small upturned nose made her look like she was 16.

Lizzie told her that things really didn’t look that bad, explaining how much work was involved when the twins were born.

“You have twin sisters? Oh, I would so love to have a pair of twins someday.”