Running Back To Him (3 page)

My mind starts to churn. I didn’t know if I had the mental or emotional capacity to endure something like that. But the more I thought about it, the idea sounded more enticing.

“You don’t know the power you have right now. See, you think you’re down in the dumps.”

“Think? No, I
am
. I’m in the bowels of the social scene.”

“Oh, you mean like where I am?” she asks with a pointed look.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Don’t worry, the water’s fine down in these parts. And you get used to the putrid smell after awhile. Anyways…you still have status. You still could get any guy you want in this school right now.”

“But what would that solve?”

Her head flinches back slightly. “Hanging out with those…hellions must have lowered your IQ by at least a trillion points.” I roll my eyes at her. “Hooking up with any old guy isn’t going to get you out of the pickle you’re in. You need to hook up with somebody of stature. Somebody that would make total sense. Somebody that would make Ashley and Lucas so jealous it would make their pea brains burst open.” She sits on top of the table right next to me, clasps her hands, and bites down on her bottom lip.

Tilting my head, I say “you’re really getting into this aren’t you?”

She nods her head ferociously. “I totally am,” she says. “And I have the perfect mark.” Her eyebrows are doing the happy dance.

“So spill it!”

“Who’s the one person who’s popular and just suffered a similar fate like you did?”

The gears in my brain churn. Though Ashley and the rest of the clique thrived on gossip, I always feigned interest. “Someone who’s used to having a million eyeballs on him.” A light bulb bursts in my brain and my hands suddenly become pallid. A flush of cold fear prickles my skin.

“Nooooo,” I utter, my voice a combo of terror and defeat. My face contorts from a wince to a look of pure trepidation like I’m about to witness a puppy darting out into heavy traffic.

“Yessss,” she says, her mouth curling into a wicked smile like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

I hang my head low and shake my head realizing how perfect her plan is but also realizing how uncomfortable things would be.

She turns and looks over her shoulder and sees Kellen Murdock sitting alone at a table in the corner of the lunchroom, cradling a football in his arm. He still has the same dejected look on his face from last Friday night. Similar to the expression I’ve had since yesterday.

“It would totally work,” she says still looking at him.

“A hookup? With Kellen?” I shake furiously my head, blowing her off. “I’m a virg—listen…that’s just too extreme for me. That’s crazy. Totally crazy.”

Kellen and I haven’t said a single word to each other in about four years. Saying something to him now would be like speaking to a total stranger. Completely uncomfortable. We used to be best friends. Absolutely inseparable. Like peanut butter and jelly. Bert and Ernie. Sammy and Frank. Kim and Kanye. Ren and Stimpy. Ike and Tina Turner without the domestic violence.

And I was secretly in love with him.

“I don’t mean a literal hookup, wam bam thank you man type of deal. I mean a fake hookup. A fake relationship.” My face contorts in confusion. “You two link up with a fake romance. It’ll throw everyone off the scent.”

“This isn’t a Lifetime Christmas movie, Just. This is real life.”

“It totally would make sense. Former friends rekindling their friendship into the hottest relationship in the school.” She pauses at seeing me being unmoved by her proposition. “It would totally make everyone jealous.”

“Let’s get this straight. A fake romance with Kellen?” Justine nods. “Star running back?” She nods again. “Whose cheerleader girlfriend dumped him because he cost the team the football game Friday night?” She nods again, this time with more ferocity and much more teeth. “We parade around school like we’re together? For what? What will that solve?”

“The two of you are down in the dumps—socially. You need to get people talking again—in a good way. And it would totally get your mind off of things. Kellen is the golden boy of the school. He has been for years. If you ask me, Lucas is just a flash in the pan. You get with Kellen and you’ll be higher on the food chain than Ashley.”

My lips press together forming a slight grimace. “You’re insane.”

She leans back and props up her head by resting her chin in her fist. “I’ve heard that before. I’m just an outside the box thinker. Very Machiavellian.”

I sit pensive, letting her wild plot integrate into my mind. And I hate myself for even doing so.

I inhale deeply and blow my cheeks out. “You really think this would work?”

She purses her lips to the side. “You got nothing else to lose right?”

She was right. If I wanted to get back into the limelight, I had to do something drastic, something bold. But this was borderline reckless, straight-jacket top floor of the Flint city jail, type of insane.

What Justine is proposing is ridiculous, ludicrous, senseless, and any other adjective you can use for brainless.

And that’s exactly why I’m choosing to go for it. This is senior year. Why not go out with a bang? Hopefully, that bang doesn’t end up hitting me right between the eyes…or right in my heart.

Chapter 4

My phone rests on the edge of my dresser and it appears to be growing in size by the second. And it’s been silent all day long. Not one phone call. No ‘hey sweetie’ or ‘missing you’ texts from Lucas. And definitely not any ‘Omg guess what happened’ messages from Ashley or Dascha.

My phone chimes. I nearly trip over my feet as I lunge to grab it off the edge of the dresser. It’s a reminder text that my cell phone service is being renewed on the fifteenth of the month.

Ugh!

I push the icon to my contacts and my eyes are magnetized to Lucas’s name. How could he just drop me like I was nothing? And he left me for Ashley. He always said she wore entirely too much makeup. And he said he wasn’t too fond of blondes. And Ashley broke rule number one. No crushing or scheming after another boyfriend or ex-boyfriend. That was the chief rule—and she squashed it like a grape.

I sniffle and toss the phone behind me.

A few moments pass and I grab my phone from under the pillow and type in the empty box under Lucas old texts.

‘Hey,’ I type. I blow a huge sigh between my pursed lips.

“Don’t do it,” I mumble to myself. I can’t be this desperate. He treated me like trash. And I want to text him? The two of them are probably parked somewhere making out in the back of her Range Rover and here I am stressing myself out over him. I’m an afterthought to him…to the both of them. And I’m worrying stressing over them, dozens of gray hair probably sprouting from my scalp by the second.

I delete the text and his number from my phone so I don’t get any funny ideas when I’m at another low point. Which I’m sure I’ll soon be. Sucks that I’ve had his number memorized since the day he gave it to me.

“Ugh!” I shout clutching my phone. What gives! These walls will close in on me if I don’t leave. I could make a trek to Justine’s place, but she’s just started her shift at Chipotle.

There’s usually one thing that’s guaranteed to take my mind off anything that’s freaking me out. And that’s finding new records to add to my growing vinyl collection. The used vinyl shop is the only place that I know no one from school would be caught dead at. Usually the people there are twice my age.

It usually reeks of mothballs and stale Pledge there, but call me weird—I love the smell. And I can totally get lost in the countless rows of records, digging for that dusty musical treat. Finding a new record is one of the highlights of my life. That was one thing I couldn’t shake if I tried. Some people were a fiend for the first cigarette in the morning. Me? I was addicted to collecting vinyl. It was a weekly addiction. Sometimes twice a week. And it was something I did alone. Ashley and the other girls never wanted to join me. There’s no one to gossip about and they were afraid to get their fingers dusty. Justine wouldn’t either. Escaping there was perfect.

I pulled door handle on Jellybeans Used Records and it won’t open. I peek inside and the lights are off and no one is inside. The ‘closed’ sign in red letters flashes in the corner of my eyes.

Closed for repairs. Will reopen This Monday.

I pound my fist into my upper thigh. “Pooh you Jellybeans!” I scream. Just when I need them most. Quelling my vinyl fix has been on my mind on all day long and I’m not going to let it end here. Next stop: the mall.

***

After scouring through the hip-hop section for any new vinyl releases at Urban Outfitters, I find two gems to add to the collection: Midnight Marauders by A Tribe called Quest and Illmatic by Nas. Both classic albums from the early nineties.

After I purchase the new goodies, out of the corner of my eye I see Kellen standing in front of the polo shirt section. My heart rate ramps up to a breakneck speed.

“What do you mean…he’s
here
? Who?” Justine asks me from over the phone. I’m hiding behind a rack of clearance bathing suits and multi-colored beach volleyballs trying to conceal my presence.

“Just what I said! He’s…here,” I say frantically. “Red alert! Red alert! Justine he’s here. At the mall. I’m in Urban Outfitters. I just came here to buy some records and he’s…here. I think I’m gonna hyperventilate.” I try to quiet my shivering voice, but my bones are rattling from a mixture of terror and excitement. “What do I do?” My breathing creeps to a quick wheezing. I reach into my purse for my inhaler and then I remember I don’t have asthma. OMG I’m such a steaming puddle of mess.

“Don’t seizure up on me. Just make sure you don’t swallow your tongue. The eagle has landed?”

“Kellen. Is. Here” My voice squeaks above the Taylor Swift pelting through the speakers. Kellen hears his name and turns around. I duck down, crouching beneath the rack. “Oh my God. I think he saw me! This is crazy!” I lower my voice and stick my head between two swimsuits.

“Wow, get it together. Do I need to hold your hand through this?”

“I don’t know, can you?” I ask through chattering teeth.

“Get a hold of yourself. This is only Kellen. You two used to be bffs, remember?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “You’re right. And this is the perfect time to do this, too. No one from school is here. And he’s by himself.”

I feel so stupid by being gravely terrified of someone I used to be spend every possible minute with when we were younger. How do you go from spending everyday with someone, having loads of fun to now being gravely afraid? I feel so stupid. This is the boy I used to spend hours with going on action packed excursions climbing trees and playing freeze tag with and now I’m deathly terrified of him just a mere thirty feet away. This is Kellen we’re talking here. The scrawny kid who’d break an arm if the wind blew too hard. The problem is he’s changed…dramatically.

I slowly stand up, my eyes peering above a stack of beach towels.

He’s holding a football in his arm. Must be punishment for fumbling the ball at the goal line at Friday night’s game. I feel so bad for him. His fumble lost the game and now he’s the goat of the school. The team had their sights set on winning the state championship and losing the first game of the season puts their chances in jeopardy. I just want to go over and hug him. That’s the problem. If I hug him I probably wouldn’t want to let go. I glance at him as he’s appraising a red polo shirt on the rack in front of him. He’d look so hot in it.

I bite my bottom lip so hard, I nearly draw blood. I envision him in the dressing room taking his slim-fitting white tee off his muscular frame and slipping the polo on. I see the sleeves hugging his thick biceps. He’s not the uncoordinated kid who used to be allergic to peanuts. He’s grown. I’ve known him since I was seven and I’ve had a crush on him ever since. I’d always kept that under wraps, even to Justine.

He’s got the perfect blend of Midwestern charm and big city flair. I love the way his inky, black hair is styled, tapered and waved to the right on top with a side-part accentuating it. He always sports the clean-cut, clean-shaven look, but it seems like he hasn’t shaved in days. Stubble dots his jaws and mouth. Wow. Even though he looks like he hasn’t slept more than three hours in four days he finds a way to still look sizzling hot. He could be a GQ cover model and Super Bowl MVP, he’s so hot and masculine and buff.

I finally snap out from my daydream after Justine calls my name for what could have been the fifth time.

“Mags!” she yells into the phone, jolting me.

“Sorry,” I retort, trying to regain my composure.

“Break’s over. I gotta get back to work. Call me with the gory details. And remember, don’t be a pussy.”

“Thanks. Bye.”

I stuff my phone into my purse and I see Kellen head towards the dressing room, two red polo shirts draped over his muscly forearm.

I bite my lip as the image of him taking his t-shirt off dances in my mind.

I shake my head in a fury. “Get it together, Mags,” I murmur. I hide out by the side of the mountain of skinny jeans so I can keep an eye on him.

He’s been in there for ten minutes. Gosh, trying on two shirts shouldn’t take that long—he’s a boy for crying out loud. Sheesh, I only thought girls took forever trying on clothes.

After gnawing almost all of my fingernails off, Kellen darts out and heads to the register to pay for his shirt.

My heart rattles. Do it, Mags. Just walk up behind him, tap him on the shoulder and say hi. Just be nonchalant about it. No freaking out. He’s an old friend. There’s no reason to be deathly afraid. Then why does it feel like I’ve shot-gunned ten cans of Red Bull?

I got this. I take a deep breath and charge towards the register, only to see Kellen dash out the store.

Crap!

The chase begins.

I follow him into the sea of mall-goers and keep a safe distance between us so he doesn’t see me. He dips into the Abercrombie and Fitch store and I stand by a huge clearance rack of shoes outside Footlocker. I turn to the side so I can catch him with my peripherals if he sprints out. And he does. Sheesh this boy is fast. No wonder he’s an All –American running back. My leg muscles are getting a workout. Speaking of leg muscles…

#Swoons.

Kellen’s leg muscles. I got a sneak peek at them while Ashley and I watched the football team practice over the summer. My eyes were on Lucas mostly but I couldn’t help but notice Kellen’s thick quadriceps galloping down the field. His legs were all Ashley jabbered on about. It kind of made me jealous, but I didn’t let it show.

Mags, stop it. I need to get my focus together. This is important. All I can see is the back of Kellen’s head and he makes a sharp right to the food court, towards a Mediterranean restaurant. I do a U-turn and hide behind the giant plant next to the Dip-N-Dots stand. After he pays for his salad and large soda, he looks for a seat and I swear he spots me and locks eyes with me.

“Shit,” I say, standing frozen. I don’t think he saw me. Maybe he did. So what if he did? Is it against the law to go to the mall on a Wednesday night? Flint’s not that big of a city, so it wouldn’t be a dead giveaway if I happened to be shopping at the same time he was.

I think he saw me though. His eyebrows furrowed and I know for sure I had the deer in the headlights look I have when I’m caught red handed. I take another peek and he’s headfirst into his salad.

If I’m going to do this, I have to make it look like a coincidence and not me just spying on him like I
actually
am doing.

Smoothie King! Fantastic idea. There’s nothing like a large cup of frigid yumminess to calm my nerves and throw him off the scent.

I walk up to the cash register to order my usual, and to my chagrin, I spot someone from school.

Erin Chang.

Great…

We have Calculus together. I can’t stand her and I’m sure the feeling is mutual. I caught her flirting with Lucas last spring. Maybe I should be angrier with Lucas than with her, but that’s nothing I should concern myself with seeing that I’m yesterday’s news to him.

“Hey Erin,” I say through clenched teeth.

“What’s up Magnolia,” she says cheesing in her purple uniform with the visor to boot. “Welcome to Smoothie King.”

I nod. “Can I get a large Mango—”

“—Ya know, I think Ashley and Lucas were sneaking around the entire summer.” My head yanks back in shock. Why is she commenting on how my life has become a trending topic when she’s never uttered more than two syllables to me in all the four years we’ve been in school together?

“Uh…yeah. I just want a large Mangosteen Madness.”

She folds her arms and pouts her lips. “I know it has to suck, right? You should have seen it coming. Ashley snatched Trent away from Monica last year too. She’s a serial home-wrecker. Well you’re not a housewife but you know what I mean.” I crack my mouth open again to speak, but she cuts me off like bad traffic. “I follow you on Twitter you know. You’re sooo funny on there.”

A heavy film glazes over my eyes as I feel my blood pressure rising. She rambles on but all I hear are jumbles of letters and I can literally see a stream of letters flying out of her mouth.

If I was a teapot, short and stout, I’d be rattling with steam shooting out.

“Erin!” I shout. She jumps back, startled. I can feel heads turning towards me. “I don’t need the commentary, can I just have a large Mangosteen Madness with a double scoop of SHUT UP!” I back away from the counter slowly. “Erin, you know what? I…I think I’m just going to hit up Panda Xpress instead. You have a great night.”

It was decided: I’m never going to Smoothie King again. My experience has been tainted.

I scurry over to Panda Xpress and order a number five, beef and broccoli combo. And it’s taking forever to fix my order.

“I’m sorry, Miss. We’re out of beef and broccoli,” the girl taking my order says, “we can make another batch for you. It’ll take about five minutes.”

I turn around and Kellen is almost finished eating. I have to do this now. I might not get another shot as open as this one. “Just give me a number four.”

She fills my tray and with an orange chicken and rice with a medium lemonade.

I stand next to the bin where people place their empty trays and take a deep breath. It’s now or never.

I make my way over to Kellen’s seat, but a kid on a hoverboard, probably hopped up on a sugar rush of ice cream, darts out in my path at breakneck speed and t-bones me, knocking me to the ground and my tray into the air. Orange chicken and rice plop down on to my head, followed right up by a dousing of ice-cold lemonade.