Running on Empty (25 page)

“When did they start using me against you?” Sabrina asked.

“Hard to say.” He rubbed his forehead as that damn headache returned. Something that happened every time they discussed her involvement. “The months kind of ran together.”

Thankfully changing directions, Angela asked, “How were you taken?”

“I got a text from Sabrina, asking to meet me in front of the church where we were married.”

“No wonder you believed it was me,” Sabrina said.

“Wait,” Angela said. “Why would her request to meet at the church where you married be a red flag?”

Despite the seriousness of the discussion, Sabrina had to smile. Angela and Jake were getting married in a few months, and from the sound of it, the attendance would rival that of a royal family wedding.

“Declan and I were married alone. The minister and his wife were the only people present. No one even knew we were married for months.”

Sabrina turned back to Declan. “So you showed up at the church, and they nabbed you.”

“Yeah. A taxi dropped me off in front of the church. I think I made it to the first step, and they jumped me.”

“Suspecting me right off seems strange. Did they—”

“No, I didn’t think that right off.” He rubbed his head again. “I remember fearing that someone had taken you, too.”

Even though she wanted to pursue how they had persuaded him of her guilt, she didn’t like seeing that pain in his eyes. “So what happened next?”

“I woke up in a cell, hanging from a chain. Stripped.”

She swallowed hard. Maybe she didn’t want to know this. She chastised herself for the thought. He had gone through hell. The very least she could do was listen to what happened and give him as much comfort as she could. 

“They began with the usual fare. ‘No one knows you’re here. No one will rescue you. Tell us what we want, and we’ll make your death easy.’ Shit like that. I trained for that. Hell, I taught that. I wasn’t worried. The beatings, whippings, sleep deprivation, starving, waterboarding. Not pleasant, but it was nothing I hadn’t been preparing for most of my life.”

“They must’ve been so angry that they couldn’t break you.”

“Yeah. They were. The brutality got worse. I figured I’d just die at some point. But my death would have worked against their plan. They got me better. Fed me, treated my wounds. Then they started over again.”

“Did they ask anything that surprised you?”

“No, not really. With my clearance and knowledge, which they were more than aware of, they were specific in their requests. Names of agents, locations of missions, past, present and future. Locations of past agents.”

“But why would these people want that from you? You were—” Seeing the guilt in his eyes, she cut off her question. “You weren’t working ops and training anymore, were you, Declan?”

He expelled a long, harsh breath. “No. With Albert’s retirement, I was taking over the reins of the entire organization. I knew what Albert knew…more, actually. I was actively involved in assignments. Albert was phasing himself out of the day-to-day details. Every mission came through me for review or approval.”

“So you had all the intel to not only destroy all missions, but to destroy the Agency as well.”

Noah had asked the question, and Sabrina knew he had done it to give her a chance to recover. She’d felt the blood drain from her face, and there’d been a tremor in her voice. Hard to hide your feelings when you’ve been kicked in the stomach by the mule of truth. Declan had kept this from her. Why? 

“Yes,” Declan was saying. “They knew about my new position. There’s no way they would’ve asked those questions if they’d thought I was still just an agent. The stuff I have in my head could bring in enough money to buy a small country.”

“And did you give them anything?”

Noah had asked the question. It needed to be asked, but it would be a sore point. Declan’s eyes flashed hot and then went back to that emotionless blandness that infuriated her.

“No, I told them nothing.”

“They’re not finished with you,” Noah said.

“I know that. But if I can find another of the bastards who tortured me, I can make them talk.”

Before she could apologize again for killing the man who might have been able to give them that information, Declan said, “You saved my life, Sabrina. I was too stubborn to acknowledge it before.”

She managed a stiff nod. 

“So, if you don’t mind me summing up, Steele, your mole caught on to your op, had you abducted to gain information from you to sell. If he had just wanted you eliminated, sounds like that would have been easy enough to do.”

“True enough.”

“The way I see it,” Noah went on, “you’ve got three choices. Accept what happened to you and walk away, use what resources we can provide to find your mole, or go it alone. Your choice.”

“Walking away isn’t an option. They won’t stop until they get what they want.”

“I agree.” Noah pushed his chair back and stood. “I’ll leave you to mull over your other options.” He turned to Sabrina. “I need to speak with you.”

Sabrina followed her boss, well aware that Declan stared after her. 

Apparently deeming they were far enough away that they wouldn’t be overheard, Noah stopped in the middle of the reception area. “This may not be a good time for you, but I need you on a job. Is your mind clear enough to handle it?”

“Yes. I can be worried and upset on an op just as well as I can be here.”

“I don’t want you distracted.”

“I can do the job. Don’t worry.”

“Good. Be back here at ten o’clock tomorrow morning for a briefing. Have your go-bag ready. You’ll leave right after.”

Sabrina returned to the conference room. Angela was packing up her laptop and paper. Declan was standing at the window looking out. Apparently, the meeting was over. Had he made a decision? 

He turned as if he’d heard her ask the question. “Looks like Angela and I will be working together.”

Relief flooded through her. At least he wasn’t going to try to do this on his own. Anxiety quickly followed. His captors had almost destroyed him the first time. If they caught him again, they wouldn’t take any chances—they would kill him. 

After what she’d just learned, would her fears mean anything to him? Probably not. “I’m glad. You ready to head back?”

He followed her out the door in silence. Knowing Declan, he was feeling powerless. A man who had relied only on himself for so many years would find it difficult to accept help from others. 

The instant they were in the car, Declan broke the silence. “I’m sorry, Sabrina. I should have told you I was taking over for Albert.”

“Yes, you should have. I’ve been trying to figure out why you didn’t and can come up with only two explanations. Neither one of them makes me happy.”

Instead of offering her an explanation, he asked, “Why do you think I didn’t?”

Not answering immediately, she drove out of the parking lot and pulled out onto the road. 

“Sabrina?”

Her tone cool and flat, she said, “You either didn’t trust me or I wasn’t important enough for you to share that kind of information with me.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it.” Declan’s voice, usually even-keeled and smooth, held a seething anger. “It had nothing to do with trust and everything to do with trying to protect you.”

“Protect me how? By lying to me?”

“It wasn’t a lie. Yes, I was changing jobs, but I still did a lot of the same things, too.” He turned to look out the window. It was going on dusk, and things were getting dark and obscured. Much like her perfect marriage had been.

His voice low and reflective, he asked, “Do you know what it did to me, seeing you suffer from what we put you through?”

“What do you mean?”

“I could literally see life draining from you with every kill. After you left the Agency, I swore I would do everything in my power not to involve you in any of that shit again.”

She held on to her temper, barely. “I had a right to know what kind of job my husband was doing.”

“You’re right, you did. I screwed up. But I promise on my life, it had nothing to do with not trusting you. And your remark about you not being important enough pisses me off too much to even comment on it. I did what I thought was right to protect you. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

The wind now completely taken from her sails, Sabrina found herself flailing to hold on to her anger. She didn’t hold grudges, finding them useless and draining. She either believed him or not.

“I understand why you did it, Declan. Don’t do it again.”

“I won’t.” He turned his attention back to the side mirror he’d been eyeing since they’d gotten in the car.

“No one’s following us.”

“Just making sure.” He shot her a searching glance. “The house. It’s hidden…right? No one knows about it?”

“Of course not. A woman named Eloise Sweetwater from Kansas City, Kansas, owns it. There’s not a soul who can trace it back to me.”

“We’re going to keep it that way. I want you safe.”

“I want us both safe, Declan. The bastards are after you, not me.”

“And they know my one weakness. If they found you, they’d use you against me.”

For long seconds, there was silence. Was she still a weakness to him? Almost afraid to ponder the question, she asked the one thing that had been pounding in her brain. “How did they manage to convince you that I betrayed you?”

“I don’t have an answer for that. Stupid, I know. All I can remember is waking up one day and being one hundred percent certain that you had sold me out.”

The pain in his eyes, both from real pain and for believing a lie, tore into her. 

The lights from the house were a warm, welcoming sight. Sabrina drove into the garage. She tilted her head to the Jeep Laredo she’d parked beside. “Forgot to mention that you’re welcome to use that. Keys are on a hook in the laundry room.”

“Thanks. Haven’t had a chance to go car shopping yet.”

She knew he was trying to make a slight joke. Unfortunately smiling would have taken too much effort.

The instant they were inside, she said, “There’re some leftovers in the fridge if you want them. I’ve got some packing to do, so I’ll say good night.”

“You’re going on a mission?”

“Yeah. Briefing in the morning. I’ll leave right after.”

“Where?” 

She tried not to resent his questions. It might be a natural thing to ask, but it rankled. How many times had she asked the same questions? His answers had been either vague or he had just refused outright. She had tried to understand. And based upon his earlier explanation, she knew he’d done it out of concern for her. Still, it galled that he was asking.

“I don’t know yet.” At least that much was true. 

“You said that you’re in a different kind of job than when you first started with LCR.”

“Yes. Noah created LCR Elite right after you disappeared.”

“What’s the difference from the other LCR ops?”

“High-value targets. Volatile locations. We go places most people have been told to get out of.”

“Just for the US?”

“No. Since we don’t work for any government, several countries have called on us. There’s an edgier element to Elite missions that aren’t always part of the regular LCR jobs.” She smiled and added, “Either way, it’s good because I get to save lives.”

“You saved lives at EDJE. Saved a lot more than you took.”

“I know I did.” She headed to the stairs. “I’m glad you agreed to work with Angela. She’s the best researcher I know. Hopefully, Jake will offer his expertise, too. He’s a great strategist. He was once a cop and is former military.”

“You don’t want to be in on it? Like you said, they destroyed our marriage. You got injured in the blast. I’m surprised you don’t want to help bring them down, too.”

She looked at him over her shoulder. For the first time, she saw a hint of hurt in his expression. He wanted her to help, but instead of asking outright, he was going to try to guilt her into helping. 

“I have faith that the three of you will figure it out. When I get back, you can catch me up.”

She put her foot on the first step. If she stayed, she’d brush that dark strand of hair off his forehead and try to bring light back into his eyes. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want her. 

“I’m sure McCall would understand.”

She whirled around, suddenly irritated. “Yes, he would understand, but I have a job to do, Declan. If you don’t understand that—”

“I understand plenty. I had a job to do, too, when I told you I was leaving the Agency. But you’re still pissed that I lied to you.”

“I can’t believe you’re bringing that up again. I told you I forgave you for that.”

“I had no choice.”

She huffed out an exasperated breath. “Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”

“I should have found a way to tell you the truth.”

Fine. He wanted to wallow in his guilt, who was she to deprive him of it? “Yes, you should have. I was your wife. I deserved the truth.”

“You’re still my wife.”

Seriously?
She could only gawk at him. How many times had he made it clear he didn’t want to be married to her anymore? Even after acknowledging she was innocent, he still maintained that they weren’t married. “No, I’m not.”

Declan saw red. Even as he stalked toward her, a little voice in the back of his mind told him to stop, that this was a mistake. He had nothing to give her anymore, and what he wanted wouldn’t be good for either of them. He ignored the warning and went for what his body said it needed. Jerking her to him, he slammed his mouth over hers. She fought him at first. Not hard. Sabrina was trained well enough to get away from him, and do some serious injury while she was at it. But he could feel the resistance in her body. He muttered against her lips, “Don’t fight me, Little Fox.”

With a whimper of need, she pressed her body deep into his. At her acquiescence, Declan gentled his touch. How many times had he dreamed of this? Before the day he’d woken believing she had betrayed him, he had spent much of his waking hours remembering Sabrina, their connection. And even when he believed she had sold him out, there had been many times he had allowed himself the weakness of forgetting her perfidy so he could relive the moments in her arms. Those memories had kept him human.