Ruthless (18 page)

“I asked both Nana and Grand-dad not to mention me to you, in case you were wondering why they never said anything.”

He was wondering, not that he felt his parents owed him anything. They would never even have known they had a granddaughter had she not reached out to them. He was too embarrassed, too ashamed to tell his parents about his mistake back then. In retrospect, the only mistake he’d made was thinking of his perfect little girl as anything other than a blessing.

“Maybe you should call her now?” Nikki suggested. “She would want to know about Grand-dad.”

Luc rolled his eyes. “I’m not so sure about that.”

She looked at him intently. ”You really are clueless, aren’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“They were on friendly terms, your parents. In fact, we’ve all gone out to dinner together a few times.”

Luc stared at her in disbelief. “You’re serious?”

She shook her head. “Yeah, it seems the only person who’s stuck in the past is you, Luc.”

His name on her lips sounded strange to him, unexpected. Not that he’d earned the right to be called dad. “Maybe you’re right, Nikki. Maybe it’s time for me to let go of the past. Think you might be able to do the same?”

She shrugged. “I dunno.”

He leaned forward. “I know you don’t believe this, but I do love you,” he whispered. “I want to be a part of your life.”

She looked at him intently, her big, blue eyes shining with tears. “Do you know how many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering what I’d done to make my daddy leave me?”

He carefully shifted to the chair beside her. He wanted to comfort her more than anything but sensed she would only resent it. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

She looked up at him, tears slipping down her cheeks. “Why did you leave me?”

He felt a sharp stab of pain in his chest. “It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life, sweetheart.” He was relieved she didn’t reprimand him for using the endearment this time.

She shifted a little closer to him. “I’m really gonna miss Grand-dad.”

He took a chance and set his arm on the back of her chair. “I know you’ll always have a void in your life now that your Grand-dad’s gone, but maybe I could help to fill that void a little.” He held his breath, waiting for her to respond.

She looked up at him. “I don’t know.”

He settled his arm around her. She didn’t lean into him, but she didn’t move away either, and he viewed that as progress. “That’s okay; you don’t have to decide anything right now. Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

She finally leaned into him. “Promise?” she whispered.

He held her tighter, kissing the top of her head. “I promise, sweetheart.”

Marisa wrapped both hands around the steaming cup of stale coffee, hoping the heat permeating the foam cup would ease the icy chill enveloping her from the inside out. Luc had a teenage daughter he never told her about. She could scarcely believe it. She had spent her entire adult life loving this man, yet he was still a stranger to her.

A shadow fell over the table, prompting her to look up. “Hi, Shana.”

She gripped the chair across from Marisa. “Mind if I have a seat?”

Marisa nodded. “Be my guest.”

“Luc wanted to have a few minutes alone with Nikki,” she said, setting her designer handbag down on the chair between them.

“Guess he has a lot of lost time to make up for, huh?” Marisa hated the fact that she sounded so bitter, resentful. It wasn’t Shana’s fault, nor was it Nikki’s fault she was so miserable. This was all on Luc.

“You must have a lot of questions,” Shana said quietly.

Marisa looked up and saw a woman who recognized what she was going through. “Can you tell me about your relationship with him?”

Shana looked wistful, as though she were stepping back in time. “There wasn’t much of a relationship to speak of, not really.” She sighed. “I loved him so much that I was willing to overlook his short-comings.”

“His short-comings?”

She shook her head, tracing a pattern in the tabletop with her manicured fingernail. “I guess I considered them short-comings at the time, but I was young, so what the hell did I know?” She laughed. “In retrospect, I realize that was just him. I was trying to turn him into someone he wasn’t.”

“How so?”

“Luc was very up-front with me about the fact that he didn’t want to get married or have kids. He didn’t even want a serious relationship at the time. He was all about his career.”

Marisa listened to Shana tell a story that could have been her own. “What happened?”

“I made the mistake of getting pregnant.” She looked up quickly. “Don’t misunderstand. Nikki’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but Luc was definitely the wrong man.”

“You said you made the mistake of getting pregnant...”

Shana looked at her pointedly. “I’ve never admitted this to anyone, other than my husband, but I got pregnant on purpose, Marisa.”

Marisa tried not to react, waiting for her to continue.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell Luc about this. I intend to tell him myself, soon. It’s time he knew the truth.”

Marisa nodded. It wasn’t her place to tell Luc. This was between him and the mother of his child. “Why would you do that?”

“I loved him so much. All I wanted was to marry him, have his babies. I thought maybe if I took matters into my own hands, that he would change, embrace fatherhood.”

“But that didn’t happen?”

Shana shook her head. “No, it didn’t. He tried, he really did. I have no doubt that he loved Nikki, but he didn’t think he had what it took to be the kind of father she needed, so he left.”

“That must have been difficult.”

Shana propped her elbows on the table and clasped her hands under chin. “At first it was, but it got easier when I came to terms with the fact that I had created our situation. It wasn’t Luc’s fault, and I couldn’t spend the rest of my life blaming him because he wasn’t the kind of man I thought he should be.”

Marisa looked her in the eye. “Why are you telling me this, Shana?”

“I guess you remind me a lot of myself when Luc and I were together. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

Marisa chuckled. “You’ve already shared some pretty personal stuff with me; the least I can do is return the favor.”

Shana blushed as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Touché. You said you and Luc were friends, but I got the feeling it’s more than that. Or maybe you’d like it to be?”

Marisa sighed. “I’m not gonna lie to you; I’ve been in love with him since I was a teenager. He’s my older brother’s best friend.”

“Have the two of you ever been involved?”

Marisa took a fortifying sip of her coffee. “We have, for two years, in fact.”

“So what happened?”

“I wanted more than he was prepared to offer.”

Shana sat back in her seat and smiled. “So I was right?”

Marisa’s cell phone buzzed with a text message from Luc.
Can we talk, please?

She chose to ignore it and focus on the one person who may be able to help her find clarity. “You were right. I wanted to get married, have kids, but he was happy with the status quo.”

“So you broke up with him?”

Marisa shook her head. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Lately, I’ve opened myself up the possibility of trying again. I don’t know what to do. I love him, but after today, I don’t feel like I know him at all anymore. I mean, what kind of man could walk away from his own child?”

Shana covered Marisa’s hand with her own. “The kind of man who doesn’t want to be a father, Marisa. I know this is difficult to hear, but any woman who falls in love with Luc is going to have to accept that fact.”

Marisa felt her heart breaking as she began the difficult process of letting go of the dreams she’d built her life around. “How did you come to terms with it?”

“I had no choice. I had to be there for my daughter; I had to be both her mom and dad. I wanted to make her proud, so I got my life together, started my own business so I could support her and myself, and when I was finally ready, the right man came into my life.”

Marisa forced a smile. “It almost makes me believe there’s hope for me.”

Shana squeezed her hand. “There is, honey. But only if you let go of this fantasy of turning Luc into husband and father of the year. I’m here to tell you, it’s not going to happen. I learned that the hard way.”

Marisa knew she was right, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. “I guess you’re right; it’s time for me to let go.”

“The perfect guy is out there, just waiting for you to find him, you know.”

“I thought I had,” she whispered, trying to endure the emptiness that settled over her.

Shana looked at the entrance. “I think that’s my cue to leave.”

Marisa watched Luc walk toward them, knowing that no other man would ever make her feel the same way. “You don’t have to.”

“I do. I have a feeling my daughter may need me now.”

Marisa grabbed her hand. “Thanks, Shana. You have no idea how much I needed this.”

She smiled, reaching into her handbag for a business card. “It was my pleasure. Don’t hesitate to call if you ever need to talk.” Shana took a few steps and stopped in front of Luc. “How’s my baby?”

Luc smiled. “I think she’s gonna be okay. You did an amazing job with her, Shana.”

She reached up to brush a kiss across his cheek. “Thanks, Luc. You’ll let us know when you’ve made the arrangements for your dad? We want to pay our respects.” She handed him a business card.

“Of course. Thanks for coming.”

She smiled as she brushed past him.

He stood rooted to the spot and raised his hands, palms up. “I wanted to talk, but I have no idea what to say to you right now.”  

“There’s nothing left to say, Luc.”

He claimed the seat Shana vacated. “Don’t say that, honey.” He grabbed her hands in both of his. “I know I screwed up. I know I should have told you about Nikki, but I was afraid you’d think less of me.”

She looked at their joined hands. “That’s not the real reason, is it?”

“What do you mean?”

She looked him in the eye. “I think you were afraid I’d see you for who you really are.”

He wrapped his hands around her wrists, brushing his thumbs across her pulse point. “What are you talking about?”

 “You’ve been telling me all along that you weren’t cut out for marriage and kids. I didn’t want to believe it then, but I do now.” She withdrew her hands, sitting back in her chair. “I see everything clearly now, Luc.”

He leaned forward, trying to reach out to her. “No, you don’t. I’ve made mistakes, I get that...”

She stood up, settling her purse over her shoulder. “You’re not the only one.”

He reached up to grab her hand, his eyes pleading. “Don’t do this, please, don’t go,” he whispered.

“I have to. It’s time for me to face the truth about you and about us.”

Chapter Fifteen

Luc pressed his hand against the closed lid of his father’s casket, saying a silent prayer that he find peace in his eternal resting place.

His mother, Evelyn Spencer, came up behind him, placing her hand on his back. “Are you okay, son?”

He turned to face her, barely recognizing the woman who stood beside him. She was still lovely, but looked more mature and refined than he remembered. Her dark hair was cut in a chic, layered bob and naturally streaked with silver. She’d traded the flamboyant designer clothing she used to favor for a classic black suit. He sensed her transformation went beyond her appearance. She seemed to be a different person from the inside out. She seemed at peace, perhaps for the first time in her life.

Luc felt compelled to hug her. “I’m okay. Thanks for coming, Mom.”

She patted his back before withdrawing from his embrace to look him in the eye. “I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need me. I know I wasn’t the best mother when you were growing up, but I love you, Luc, more than you’ll ever know.”

He brushed a kiss across her cheek. “I know, Mom. Lord knows I haven’t been the best son, either. Maybe we both need a do-over.”

She smiled and took his hand. “Come and sit with me before everyone starts to arrive, honey.”

Luc claimed a chair in the front row and stared at the huge, gold-framed photo of his father. It depicted him as Luc wanted to remember him: strong, powerful, in control. “I’m glad I got to see Dad before...”

His mother squeezed his hand. “I know your father wanted to make up for the past more than anything; so do I.”

Luc looked at his mother. “Nikki said you and Dad were on friendly terms. Is that true?”

She chuckled and shook her head. “Ironic, isn’t it? We hated each other while we were married, yet we learned to like each other once we divorced.”

He recalled the bitterness and animosity that plagued their relationship. He couldn’t imagine his parents ever finding common ground. “How did that happen?”

She smiled and patted his knee. “We have your beautiful daughter to thank for that. When she reached out to us, we realized we had an opportunity to make up for some of the mistakes we made with you. We had a chance to be grandparents Nikki could learn to love and respect.” She gripped his hand. “We may not have been the best parents, but I think your dad and I found a way to be good grandparents. That became our common ground and the basis for a nice friendship.”

Luc kissed the back of her hand. “I can’t thank you enough for being there for my daughter. I wish I’d been man enough to do the same.”

Evelyn smiled. “It’s not too late for you to build a relationship with your daughter, Luc.”

“You really think so?”

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I know so.” She tilted her head to look him in the eye. “Do you think it’s too late for us?”

For the first time, he saw his mother, who had always been a formidable presence in his life, as someone who was vulnerable and feared rejection as much as he did. He leaned over to kiss her forehead. “You’re right; it’s never too late to make up for lost time, Mom.”