Ryker (Kings of Korruption MC Book 1) (25 page)

Ryker and I have just returned from a trip to my doctor, who had looked me over, asked me a million questions and then, finally, granted me my freedom.
 
I still have to take it easy.
 
He’d stated that I was healing nicely, but rigorous exercise or movements could impede my healing.
 
As long as I promised to follow his orders, he said there was no reason why I had to stay in bed anymore.
 
Needless to say, I’d made that promise.
 

Now we’re back at Ryker’s house.
 
He hadn’t said much as we left the office or when we got back to his house; he went right to the kitchen.
 
I can hear him banging stuff around out there, and I have no clue what he’s doing, but I couldn’t care less.
 
I have some packing to do.

Pulling out the small backpack I’d used the first night I’d come here, I start shoving my clothes into it.
 
I search through every drawer and under the bed, wanting to make sure to leave nothing behind.
 
That way, once I’m gone from here, I’ll have no reason to return.

There’s too much stuff to cram into my bag, so I start a large pile of clothing on the bed.
 
I’ll have to ask Ryker if he has one I could borrow.
 
I’m just about to go into the bathroom for my toiletries, when Ryker comes stalking into the room, a bottle of beer in each hand.

He has a slight smile on his face, but when he sees my bag and pile of clothes, his face creases with a frown.
 
“What are you doing?”

I try to keep my tone light.
 
“Packing my stuff.”
 
He stiffens and places his hands on his hips.
 
“You heard the doctor.
 
I’m ok to be alone now, Ryker.
 
I’m sure you must be itching to get your room back.”

“You’re not going,” he declares.

Um … what?
 
I sigh.
 
I don’t want to fight with him.
 
“I am, Ryker.
 
My stuff is almost ready to go.
 
If you aren’t going to take me, I’ll call a cab.”

Ryker breaks from his stance and stalks over to me.
 
I watch him come, gasping when he doesn’t stop in front of me, like I expect.
 
Instead, he sets both bottles on the dresser, grabs my arms firmly, using them to back me against the wall.
 
His face lowers to mine until we’re almost nose to nose.

“Don’t go,” he whispers.

My belly flutters.
 
Looking into his eyes, I see tenderness swirling through them.
 
I need to ignore that.
 
I need to leave.
 
“I have to.
 
I can’t stay here anymore.”

His eyes search mine.
 
I can only hold his stare, unable to breathe.
 
His closeness is wreaking havoc on my heart.
 
Finally, he moves impossibly closer, running his nose along mine.
 
“You’re still pissed at me.”
 

My belly stops fluttering, anger taking its place deep in my gut.
 
Standing up straight, I place my hands on his chest and attempt to push him back.
 
He moves only a little while he takes in my glare.
 
“Yes, I’m still
pissed
at you!”
 
I give him another shove.
 
“Did you think if you were nice to me for a few weeks, I’d just forget?”

His eyes close and he rests his forehead on mine.
 
He stays that way for several seconds before taking a deep breath and looking into my eyes once more.
 
“I’m so fucking sorry, Charlie.
 
I promised you that fucker would never hurt you and I fucked up.
 
I’m mad at myself –“

“You think I’m mad at you because of Krueger?”
 
I’m shocked.
 
All this time, he’s been blaming himself about that?
 

He frowns, nodding but not breaking eye contact as I lean forward.
 
“Krueger was not your fault, Ryker.
 
Anna started that whole fiasco.
 
That psycho getting ahold of me is not on you.
 
It was me who ran away from you.
 
I made it easy for him to get to me.”
 
I pause, watching as he takes in my words.
 
“And I ran, because I couldn’t be around you anymore.
 
I still can’t.”

He lifts a hand, placing it against my cheek.
 
I grab his wrist and squeeze it, trying to pull it from my face.
 
“I don’t have a lot of experience with men.”
 
He stills.
 
“What I do know is, a man that can fuck me in the morning, like I was someone special, and then fuck some whore in the evening, proving I’m not, isn’t a man I want to be with.”

He rears back as if I’d slapped him.
 
His eyes narrow.
 
“What the fuck?”

I plant my hands on my hips.
 
“Lucy told me everything, Ryker.
 
She told me that she fucked you the night we were together.
 
She told me that you said you were getting rid of me.
 
And then you did.
 
You said I was a mistake.
 
You said I wasn’t fit to be your old lady.
 
You broke my heart, but then continued to keep me close.
 
I couldn’t handle it, so I left.”

Throughout my speech his breaths come out more and more rapidly, his face turning red.
 
He looks pissed.
 
Well good for him.
 
So am I!
 
“After I woke up in the hospital, I kept waiting for you to leave, but you just wouldn’t.”
 
A tear rolls down my cheek.
 
“I need to get away.
 
Every time I look at you, my heart bleeds.”

“You done?” he growls.
 

Shocked, I just stare at him and nod, another tear escaping my eye.

“Good.
 
‘Cause it’s my turn to talk.”
 
He takes a step forward, boxing me in again.
 
“You are special Charlie, so get that shit outta your head right now.
 
That morning was fuckin’ incredible.
 
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
 
I’ve never felt that shit for anyone before.”
 
My breath catches and my tears stop flowing.
 
“I didn’t fuck that bitch.
 
I haven’t been anywhere near her in months.
 
She was fuckin’ with you.
 
She didn’t know it then, but when she did that, she fucked with me too.
 
I’ll deal with her nasty ass later.”

He didn’t sleep with her?
 
She’d lied?
 
Well, I admit, that makes me feel better.
 
It still doesn’t erase the fact that he’d ended things with me after, what I’d thought, was the beginning of something special for us – after I’d already started falling in love with him.
 
“You were never a mistake, baby.”
 
My eyes shoot to his and he places a hand on my cheek again.
 
“I only told you that because I was convinced my life would put yours in danger.”
 
My forehead creases with a frown.
 
“I told you about my mother.
 
That shit happened to her because of my father and the club.”
 
His eyes close and he shakes his head slightly.
 
“I wouldn’t survive if it happened to you.”

My heart clenches.
 
His reason makes complete sense, but I have to protect what’s left of my heart.
 
There’s no way I can trust him after the way he slam bam thank you ma’amed me.
 
“I can see why you felt that way,” I admit.
 
“But that doesn’t change anything.
 
You made me feel terrible about myself.
 
Like a slut.
 
Nobody’s ever made me feel that way before.
 
I won’t let you do it again.”

He shakes his head.
 
“I won’t, baby girl.
 
I am so goddamned sorry for cuttin’ you loose.
 
I convinced myself it was for your own good, but really it was for mine.”
 
My eyes widen in surprise at his admission.
 
“I was afraid.
 
I don’t have a family.
 
I don’t have people in my life that I care about.
 
I’ve never had feelings for anyone before, and the thought of losing you ...” He squeezes his eyes closed and shakes his head.
 
“Fuck.
 
I really thought I’d lost you.
 
Forever.
 
I can’t lose you baby.
 
You’re the only good thing in my life.”

It makes sense.
 
Ryker’s actions were to protect me.
 
What an a
ss.
 
“Ryker?”
 
He opens his eyes and looks at me.
 
“You’re an ass.”
 
His eyes flash and he opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
 
“What happened to your mother had nothing to do with the MC.
 
What happened to your mother happened because your dad was a slut who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.”

One look at his face tells me that what I’ve said has penetrated.
 
“What happened to me was because Anna is a needy brat.
 
Danger comes in many forms, for many reasons.
 
I’ve always lived my life on the safe side.
 
I’ve never gotten into any trouble, and I spent a lot of years being afraid.
 
Afraid of people, afraid of disease … afraid of being alone.
 
If nothing else, that night Krue …” I can’t even bring myself to say his name.
 
“The night it happened, I realized I’ve always sheltered myself so much that I’ve never really lived.
 
I’m so tired of being afraid, Ryker.
 
I want to live.”

He crushes me to him, nose in my neck.
 
“I want to live too, baby.”

The tone of his voice both breaks and mends my wounded heart.
 
Ryker’s past had broken him too.
 
I don’t know what to say so I just nod, my heart pounding wildly.

He stares at me for a moment, then his face splits into a wide, panty melting grin.
 
And there it is.
 
The dimple.
 
“When did you get so fucking smart?”

I put my nose in the air.
 
“I’ve always been smart.
 
You were just too busy trying to get into my panties to pay attention.”

He chuckles softly.
 
“Yeah.
 
You’re right.
 
They’re very sexy panties.”
 
His smile fades as he brings his hand up, fisting my hair at the nape of my neck.
 
“You were right about something else too.”
 
I look up at him, belly fluttering all over again.
 
“I’m an ass.”
 
I can’t help it.
 
Hearing him say that makes my face break out in a grin.

He looks at me with such intensity, my heart flip flops in my chest.
 
“Charlie, I love you.”
 
I suck in a breath.
 
Did he really just say that?
 
“I think I’ve loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you.
 
The way you handled Smokey; the way you were with me.
 
Baby girl, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.
 
To be honest, it did scare me.
 
Fuck, it still scares me.
 
When Krueger had you, and I thought you were going to die …”
 
He squeezes my hair.
 
“Fuckin’ agony.”
 
He runs his nose along mine once again.
 
“Don’t leave baby,” he whispers.
 
“Let me fix us.”

Oh. My. God.
 
Everything he’s said tumbles around and around in my mind.
 
He loves me.
 
He didn’t sleep with that skank.
 
I’m not a mistake.
 
And it’s worth mentioning again - he loves me.
 
Looking back on everything he’d done since the first time Krueger had attacked me, I can see it.
 
Everything he’d done was because he loved me.
 
A man doesn’t do any of that for a woman he doesn’t love.
 
My heart swells.
 
Standing up on my tip toes, I place my lips softly on his.
 
“I won’t leave, baby.”

And then he kisses me.
 
A toe curling, earth shattering, need to get him out of those jeans kiss.
 
I can feel everything in that kiss.
 
All of his love, and his passion, and his fear that I’d almost died; I also feel his surrender, his acceptance and his relief.
 
It takes my breath away.
 
I tug his shirt out of his pants, hands shoving up inside to feel the smooth, hard flesh on his back.