Safe at Last (Slow Burn #3) (22 page)

She had to force herself to suck in a breath. She’d been unconsciously holding it and had begun to get light-headed and dizzy. Wade’s features swam before her, blurring, his face stretching and yawning ghoulishly.

“Do you forget what he
did
?” she said in an incredulous voice. “Do you honestly think I could stand to be in the same room with him? And certainly not
alone
with him, staying God knows where for an indefinite period of time. Who’s to say I don’t have more to fear from him than I do the men who did this to me?”

She gestured at the bruises on her face in agitation.

“He could do anything at all to me and who would know? You’re the only person I know, the only friend I have. I could disappear forever and no one would even bother looking for me.”

Her chest was heaving with agitation and her voice had risen to the point of shrillness.

“Calm down, sweetheart,” Wade said, his tone soothing.

He gripped her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles in an attempt to dispel her rising hysteria. Like that was going to happen.

She could admit that she didn’t
feel
threatened by Zack right
now
. Or at least she didn’t sense any danger from him. He’d been nothing but . . . gentle. Like the man he’d been when they were together, and that was the worst because it was like teasing her with what could never be again. But his current demeanor didn’t matter. She couldn’t afford to trust her instincts because she had never dreamed twelve years ago that he was capable of orchestrating such a horrifying crime. And yet, after what he’d done, he’d chosen a career in security? Protecting others from the very sort of people he’d coerced into doing his dirty work for him?

It was a joke. The irony was laughable. Maybe he regretted his choices. Maybe this was his way of atonement. But for Anna-Grace it was just too late. He could seek restitution and assuage his guilt by his own means. She’d be damned if she were the instrument by which he made peace with himself. Some sins were forgivable. This one was not.

“I want you to listen to me,” Wade said in a firm voice. “You know I care about you. You
know
I’d never do anything to hurt you, don’t you?”

She inhaled sharply, her lips quivering, dreading what he was about to say. But she nodded, agreeing that he wouldn’t hurt her, even if it was hard for her to trust anyone. It was obvious she couldn’t trust her instincts. And in no way would she ever allow herself to be that naïve sixteen-year-old girl who looked at Zack with adoration. A girl who thought he looked at her the same way. How his friends must have laughed as she cried. The truly humiliating part of it all wasn’t the fact that she’d been violated repeatedly. No, what mortified her the most was that she’d been more devastated by Zack’s betrayal and the knowledge that he didn’t return her love.

“I think you should go with Zack.”

When she would have launched an immediate protest and denial, he put his fingers to her lips to hush her.

“Let me finish,” he admonished. “I also think you should listen to him, Anna-Grace. You might be surprised to hear what he has to say. You should confront him, talk to him, tell him
everything
. And then listen—really listen—to all he has to say.”

Her mouth fell open as she stared at Wade in stupefaction. What on earth was going on? He had been
furious
when she’d confided what had happened. Wade had very nearly taken Zack apart when he’d walked in on Zack and Anna-Grace in the studio. And suddenly Wade was taking up Zack’s cause? Had the world gone crazy? Or was it some male code of honor? Men sticking up for the brotherhood?

“Wade, you
know
what happened,” she said. “How can you even suggest that I listen to anything he has to say? There is no excuse, no apology, no
forgiveness
for what he did. Do you have any idea how terrified I am to be trapped somewhere—
anywhere
—with him?”

She was shaking violently. Her skin felt damp and clammy and she recognized the signs of an impending anxiety attack. She could feel her heart beating frantically in her chest, could feel her chest constricting, her throat closing off her airway.

She tried to suck in a steadying breath, tried to make the horrible panic go away. She hadn’t suffered extreme panic attacks for eight years now. It had taken four years after the traumatic event to manage the attacks and learn to stave them off.

Wade cursed and then leaned forward, framing her face in his hands.

“Look at me, Anna-Grace,” he commanded harshly.

Responding to the authority in his tone, she focused her stare on him, locking on to his features.

“You have to calm down. You’re breathing far too fast. Look at me and breathe with me.”

He went silent and in an exaggerated manner he noisily breathed in through his nose, held it a moment and then breathed out through his mouth. His thumb caressed her cheekbone and then he slipped one arm behind her, leaving one hand cupped to her cheek. He rubbed up and down her spine, spreading warmth and comfort with his hand.

“Try to relax,” he murmured in a gentler tone. “You’re way too tense. It’s only going to make the pain from your bruises worse.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she closed them, hating her weakness, hating that she couldn’t control her wayward emotions. After so long living in a vacuum, after so many years of refusing to feel anything at all and living each day robotically, on autopilot and refusing to get close to
anyone
until Wade, it was as if the ice had cracked and was rapidly falling away, allowing pain and grief to consume her all over again.

And now, once again, she felt the sting of betrayal. Once more, someone she trusted was abandoning her. What was wrong with her that this kept happening?

“Honey, don’t look at me like that,” Wade said, his eyes sorrowful.

“Why are you doing this?” she whispered. “Why would you refuse to help me? Why would you encourage me to listen to
anything
he has to say?”

She could feel the reins of control slipping away. Grief consumed her at the loss of someone she trusted. Again. She closed her eyes as tears continued to trickle down her cheeks.

“You’re breaking my heart, Anna-Grace. I’m not abandoning you. I swear. I want you safe, and Zack can keep you safe. If I thought for one minute that he would hurt you in any way, I’d never allow him anywhere near you. Do you understand that?”

He tipped her chin upward, forcing her gaze to meet his.

“Look at me, Anna-Grace. Do you really understand that? Are you really hearing what I’m saying to you?”

The gravity of his tone gave her pause and her eyes narrowed with confusion.

“There are things you must discuss with Zack, Anna-Grace. Things that are eating you alive. You’ve pushed them away, refusing to deal with them for too long. You can’t continue like this. It’s not healthy. I want more than anything for you to be happy. And you
aren’t
happy. You haven’t been happy the entire time I’ve known you and it hurts me to see you so sad. You’re still a young woman with her entire life ahead of her. Why deny yourself the basic right to peace? I will
always
be your friend and I am never more than a phone call away. I don’t want you to be angry with me because I’m encouraging you to talk to Zack. Because I’m encouraging you to do what is best for
you
.”

She stared at him in abject shock. His intuitiveness made her feel horribly exposed, as though he could see every single thought—memory—in her mind. Her chin wobbled in his grasp, and his gaze grew tender with understanding. Why couldn’t she have returned Wade’s attraction? He was a good man. She couldn’t be wrong. Not like she’d been about Zack. But in a lot of ways, she was still that young girl, hopelessly in love, and she’d never felt the stirrings of attraction. Maybe she was ruined for anyone but Zack, which meant she was destined to a life alone, devoid of love, companionship. A family. Children.

“Talk to him, Anna-Grace,” Wade said firmly. “Promise me you will. Don’t do it for me. Do it for you. If you ever hope to have peace, to come to terms with your past and be able to move forward, then the past has to be put to rest.”

He thumbed a tear from her cheek and she curled her hand around his wrist, holding on and absorbing his comfort and strength.

A noise alerted her to Zack’s presence and she turned her fearful gaze to him, worried about how long he’d been there and all he’d heard.

His expression was bleak and her heart sank. He must have heard most—if not all—of her conversation with Wade.

If she hoped that he would at least
pretend
he hadn’t heard, she was sorely disappointed.

“He gave you very solid advice, Gracie,” Zack said, his jaw tight. “Hopefully you’ll heed it.”

Gracie swallowed and Wade dropped his hand from her chin. She turned her pleading stare on him. “Don’t leave me,” she whispered brokenly. “
Please
.”

Zack ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He looked hopeless, like he’d lost . . . what? What could he possibly have lost? She was the one who’d lost everything. How dare he act the victim here?

“If Wade stays with us, will you agree to go home with me?” Zack said wearily.

Wade gave Zack a startled glance as if that was the last thing he’d expected.

“That is, if he’s agreeable,” Zack added. “But if it makes you feel better, Gracie, then I don’t have a problem with it. But it means you go home with me and you stay there. No running. No exposing yourself to potential danger. They may well kill you the next time just to send another ‘message.’ ”

Gracie’s heart was pounding. He was making it harder and harder for her to extricate herself from an impossible situation. Wade had already sided with Zack for some unknown reason. She could feel her options dwindling away faster and faster and it made her feel helpless. She
hated
a sense of helplessness.

“I’ll stay if that’s what Gracie wants,” Wade said to Zack, though he looked at Anna-Grace the entire time. And then he spoke to her as though Zack weren’t even in the room. “I’ll stay under one condition.”

She lifted her eyebrow in question even though she knew she wouldn’t like his condition. But then again, how could she refuse and end up alone with Zack for an indefinite amount of time?

“You have to promise me to talk to Zack and tell him
everything
. Leave nothing out, Anna-Grace. You have to make peace with what happened to you. And you just may be surprised by the results. After you’ve been completely honest with him, and him with you, if you want out, then I’ll take steps to take you away and provide protection for you myself.”

“But if you are able to provide protection, then why do I even need to go with Zack?” she demanded, her panic rising once again as she realized she was trapped with no way out of the situation. “Why are you forcing me to go with him?”

She sounded like she was begging, like someone at the end of her rope, and God, maybe she was. Maybe he was right, and in suppressing it for so long and not really dealing with it she’d created an inevitable firestorm when things finally boiled over.

“Because you—and he—need this,” Wade said gently. “You may not think so now. And I know you’re afraid. But I’ll be with you and I promise nothing will hurt you.”

“That’s what he always promised too,” she said painfully.

She saw Zack flinch and go pale as if she’d landed a blow.

“I’m your friend,” Wade reminded her again. “I’ll always be your friend. And I promise you on my soul that no one will hurt you this time.”

“I guess I don’t have a choice,” she said in a dull monotone.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “This is for the best, Anna-Grace. You may not think so now, but you’ll realize it soon enough. I promise. Now, if I’m going to an undisclosed location with you and Zack then I need to run home and stop by my office to make arrangements to be away for a period of time.”

“How soon will you be back?” she asked fearfully.

“An hour. Maybe an hour and a half.”

“We’ll wait,” Zack interjected. “We won’t leave the hospital until you return. My partner is arranging for transportation and a disguised escort so we can be on our toes and be watching for a tail.”

“Anna-Grace needs clothing and personal items, I’m sure.”

Anna-Grace flushed as they blithely discussed her as though she weren’t present.

“Eliza is taking care of that. She has a good eye for sizing people and she’s shopping for clothes, shoes and all the feminine accessories Gracie will need. She should be here within the hour,” Zack said. “Gracie’s exposure has to be limited and there’s no way in hell I’ll let her go back to her home. I’m sure the bastards have it staked out.”

“They know where I live,” Gracie whispered. “It’s where they attacked me. I can’t ever go back there again.”

She closed her eyes as painful memories assailed her. Things she’d tried very hard to put out of her mind, much as she’d attempted to block out her attack twelve years ago. And yet now, she was assaulted by memories of both incidents together as though they had merged and had become one. Flashbacks of her rape were as clear as if it had happened yesterday. The clarity of each of those memories tore another piece of her soul.

Zack’s curse made her flinch and when her eyelids fluttered open, cold fury blazed in his eyes. She stared at him, truly dumbfounded by his reaction. Nothing made sense and her head ached from trying to sort through it all.

“I’ll have someone pack up your apartment, Anna-Grace,” Wade assured. “When this is all over with, I’ll help you find another place.” He glanced up at Zack and then added, “That is, if you still need it.”

TWENTY

ANNA-GRACE
breathed a huge sigh of relief when Zack finally pulled into the long, winding driveway of a large house that sat atop a hill. The ride had been interminable and she’d been rigid and tense the entire way, which wasn’t helping her sore, bruised muscles.