Safer Outside (A Mature YA Romance) (The Outside Series) (13 page)

“
I usually sleep in my boxers but if you’d feel more comfortable with me wearing sweats, I brought a pair.” He motioned to the small suitcase he packed with clothes for us to wear home the next day. “I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing anything. I just want to hold you.” He placed his hand around the nape of my neck and pulled me in for a gentle kiss.

“No sweats.” My voice was shaky but I smiled to reassure him.

He nodded and stepped back, releasing his belt and lowering his zipper. I watched his hands as they moved, not wanting to miss a moment of his almost chaste strip show.  Once his pants were off, he shook them out and draped them over the back of a chair.

“Your pjs are in the bag,” he said.

“Can you get my zipper?” I held my hair up and turned my back to him. With every inch of skin that was revealed, his fingers blazed a trail of fire down my spine.

I looked toward the bag and briefly considered going for my nightgown. But after feeling Logan’s touch, I didn’t want any barriers between us. I took a step t
o the bed then let my gown fall to the floor.

Logan sucked a long breath through his teeth as I pulled
back the covers and climbed onto the bed wearing only a small red thong. With my back still to him, I heard more fabric fall before he came to me.

As I settled on my back in the middle of the bed, Logan was on me, covering my mouth with kisses that sent flames from the center of my body out to every nerve ending. The desire I felt in my belly was pooling in my core and I couldn’t stop my hands from exploring every inch of his skin.
His completely bare skin. My palms cupped the firm muscles of his chest then traced those lines to his back where my finger nails scratched into him. He pressed closer to me as he growled.

“
Babe, you don’t know what you’re doing to me.”

“I do.” I could barely form words. The sounds coming from me were more like soft whimpers.
“Me too.”

“Are you sure?” He pulled up on his outstretched arms to look at me.

“I’m sure. I want you, Logan.”

The sexy grin that took over his face was enough to have me rubbing against his thigh for relief. He lifted up on his knees so he was staring down at me, finally getting a look at my naked body. I used the opportunity to get a good look at him too.

He was even more impressive than I imagined through his clothes. Logan was all muscle, from his broad chest and washboard abs to his sinewy thighs that moved like a fine machine when he lowered back onto me. “You are so beautiful, love.”

“Thank you.”

“I want you so bad.” He pressed his hips against me to prove it. “But we have to go slow. I don’t want to hurt you.”

I nodded. “Anything you say.” He knew what he was doing and I was completely at his mercy.

Logan’s lips met mine. He placed soft kisses on my mouth then slowly began his descent along my neck. When he reached my sternum, he held there and took a deep breath, giving me a moment to catch my breath before he continued his journey. When his lips brushed across my right breast, I mewled and arched into him, begging him with my body language for more. He licked the tip and blew softly, causing the peak to harden and my breath to hitch.

His soft laugh caused me to open my eyes and look down at him. “You okay?”

“No.” I covered my breasts with both hands. “Stop teasing me,” I whined.

He pulled my hands up and held them against the pillow by my head. “No more hiding. You never have to hide with me. I see you and I love you.”

I nodded. What do you say to something like that?

He leaned down and lightly nipped my left breast. “Besides, I warned you to behave.”

I groaned and reached between his legs. He froze as I touched him for the first time. “Well, then I get to play too.” I tentatively wrapped my fingers around his erection, afraid to hurt him but fascinated that he could be so hard and so silky smooth at the same time. It wasn’t at all what I expected.

His breath hitched as I slowly stroked up and down his length. “Liz.” His cry sounded pained so I released him.

“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” I could feel my face burn with embarrassment for doing it wrong.

Logan’s head fell to the pillow beside mine.
“Not at all. It was perfect. Too perfect.”

“Oh.” That I could work with. “So, I can do it again?”

He laughed. “Anytime you want.” He turned his head so he was looking at me. “And I mean that, any time, day or night.”

I smacked his shoulder. “Okay, smartass. Don’t leave me hanging.”

“Never.”

He nipped at my neck and sucked hard. I knew he’d leave a mark but I didn’t mind. I actually wanted a physical reminder of our first night together. Logan pulled away from my neck and dragged his tongue down the center of my body, not stopping at my breasts but going straight to the edge of my panties.

My stomach quivered as his trail of moisture cooled on my skin. Sliding his index fingers under the thin fabric at each of my hips, he pulled it down and replaced it with his mouth. He covered me with kisses while yanking my panties completely off.

When
I felt his tongue brush against my core, I bucked against the mattress, not sure if I was trying to get closer or further. It was a hundred times more intense than when he used his hand and his soft mouth with my hot wetness was amazing.

Logan did things to me I couldn’t describe or imagine but I was writhing against him within moments. It didn’t take long for me
to feel that pressure building in my belly. Knowing it was coming did not prepare me for the waves of sensation that washed over me. I was trying to get closer while trying to pull away. I wanted more but couldn’t handle it.

As my body stilled, Logan was back up beside me, holding me and kissing my face. “You’re so hot when you fully give in to me.”

I smiled. I knew he was talking about more than sex.
And speaking of...

“Is that so?” I nipped at his lower lip and sucked it in. “Well, I happen to think you’re pretty hot yourself. And whatever you were doing was...wow. That was amazing.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He rolled over I was lying half on him and half on the mattress. “We can do it again if you want. Or, we can just go to sleep.”

I gave him my best ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ look. “Not a chance, buddy. I want to see that look on your face too.”

Logan’s eyes were almost black as he shifted so he was on me again. He reached for a foil packet from the nightstand that I hadn’t noticed earlier and tore it open with his teeth. Leaning on one elbow, he kissed me hard while putting the condom on with one hand. I was impressed with his ability to multitask because I was struggling to just breathe at that moment.

Logan adjusted his hips between my legs and centered himself at my entrance. I closed my eyes and held my breath, anticipating pain of the worst kind.

“Breathe, Liz.”

I opened my eyes and let out my breath. His lips softly grazed mine as he nudged gently into me. I tilted my hips instinctively to accept him and waited for the pain. There was some but it was quick and sharp, like a pin prick that went away after a few seconds. Logan moved slowly, inching in then waiting for me to relax around him.

By the time he was fully seated within me, I’d almost forgotten about pain. It was vaguely there but was quickly replaced by the slow building pleasure I’d come to expect with Logan. He moved slowly and patiently until I started to rock against him, meeting his thrusts and adding force to them. 

Just when I felt like I would explode around him, Logan increased his pace and released inside me, pushing me over the edge at the same time. I was overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out, “I want to have your babies.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I froze, begging the gods of humanity to give me the power of invisibility or the power to go back in time to unsay the stupid thing I’d just said.

I wanted to melt into the mattress and never face Logan again. I might have died from humiliation if he didn’t chuckle and kiss my tightly clenched eyelids.

“Someday, love. Someday.”

Chapter Thirteen

Him or M
e

“I don’t want to leave you.” Logan held me against the hood of his car. We were outside of Kim’s house, saying goodbye. He was leaving the next morning to visit his grandma in Lake Tahoe. He and his dad would spend Thanksgiving with her then be back on Sunday. Five days felt like a lifetime to be away from him but I didn’t have much choice. “Are you sure you can’t come with us? You can tell your mom you’re going with Kim.”

I buried my head against his chest. “You know I can’t.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from soaking his shirt but I didn’t want him to drive away. I had a sick feeling in my gut that this goodbye was final. I didn’t know if it was just the sadness of being away from him or an actual premonition of some kind but I felt that things would be different the next time I saw him. Logan was perfect and what we had was beyond anything I ever hoped to have in a relationship.

In just a few short months, he became my world and I didn’t want anything to ever change that. But he had to leave and I had to let him.

Pulling back, I dried my eyes and lifted on my toes. “I love you, Logan Cooper.”

He flicked his eye as if a lash was in there then
forced a smile back. “I love you too, Elizabeth Martin.”

With one final kiss that made me want to climb on top of him
, he stepped away and got into his car. I stood on the curb and watched as he drove away, taking my heart and soul with him.

I stood in the dark
for a few minutes, first letting all my tears out then composing myself so I could go back in.

Mrs. Curtner
opened the door before I could reach for the handle. “You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart. It’s just for a few days.”

I nodded and let h
er pull me into a hug. “Why do I feel like I’m dying?”

“That’s love. When you’re apart, it hurts so much you don’t think you can take it anymore. Like your heart is being squeezed. Then, when you’re together again, it all goes away and your heart feels full.”

“Thanks.” I smiled and turned away, running up to Kim’s room. She was packing for her family’s trip to Deer Valley. They skied every chance they could during the winter holidays.

“You say your goodbyes?” She came out of her closet with a handful of jeans.

“Yeah. I hated it.” I sat at the head of her bed and curled my body around a pillow. “It felt...wrong.”

She looked at me with an amused sympathy.
“Oh, sweetie. You’ll be okay. Just think of how much fun your reunion will be.” She wiggled her eyebrows in a very uncharacteristic move. I had to laugh.

“Shut up.” I threw the pillow at her. “Did you
talk to Austin?”

She huffed and tossed clothes onto her suitcase in a heap.
“Yeah. He’s so hard to read. One minute he acts like he’s in love and the next he can barely remember my name. I don’t know what to think.”

“Well, I know he likes you but maybe he’s not the relationship type. See how it
goes after the break. Maybe the absence will make his heart grow fonder.”

“Whatev.
I’m not waiting around for him. If Zach is in Deer Valley, I’ll let him distract me.”

Kim had a guy waiting
in every city she visited. I let her chatter about the last time she saw Zach pull me out of my funk as I helped her pack four days worth of clothes into two suitcases and a carry on. We barely made it fit.

~**~

I survived Thanksgiving with Mom and Jesse’s family. We all went to Marilyn’s and pretended to be a normal family. Jesse was in rare form. He was polite and funny and borderline pleasant. It reminded me of when depressed people got really happy once they made the decision to commit suicide. I was on edge the entire time.

The sense of foreboding
got stronger by the hour. By Friday morning, I couldn’t handle it anymore so I headed over to Kim’s to check on their house. Maddie had the weekend off so I agreed to housesit.

Being alone in her big house was a bit eerie but at least I could talk to Logan for hours at a time without interruption. He had another surprise planned for me but I wouldn’t get it until he got home on Sunday.

My phone range shortly after I curled up on the sofa with Kim’s kindle on Saturday afternoon. Caught up in my book, I didn’t even look at my phone when it rang. I just picked up, assuming it was Logan.

“Hello,” I sang as I answered.

“Honey, it’s me. Can you come home?” Mom sounded more anxious than usual. I immediately sat up, ready for the worst.

“What’s wrong? Is everyone okay?”

“Billy cut his eye and I need to take him to the hospital. I’m gonna leave Macy here but I might be awhile so can you come watch her?”

“How did Billy get hurt?” I was already running upstairs to grab my stuff.

“He and Spencer were playing in the field and he rode his bike into the back fence.” I heard her rustling around in the background.

There was only one fence in that field.
“The barbed wire fence?”

“Yeah.”
She let out a deep breath. “He’s got a cut close to his eye but I think it just needs stitches. Can you come watch your sister or not?”

“I’m leaving now. Tell Jess
e I’ll be there in an hour.” I tossed my brand new phone on Kim’s dresser and started throwing stuff into my bag. I only had a few things out but I didn’t want Kim to come home to a mess so I quickly made her bed, grabbed my bag then ran out the door.

I got to the main stree
t just as the bus was pulling up to the curb. Taking off at a dead run, I just managed to get my arm in the door as it was folding closed. I heard honking in the background and considered flipping off whoever was out there but didn’t bother. I was just glad to not have to wait for the later bus.

It was crowded
for a Saturday so I sat behind the driver with my back to the street. I wanted to listen to music and mentally prepare for what I was going home to. When I reached for my phone, it was gone. After digging through my purse and duffle, I realized it was still sitting on Kim’s dresser.
Dammit!

My head fe
ll back on the window and I closed my eyes, letting the background noise calm my nerves. I was worried about Billy’s injury but it wasn’t life threatening and Mom was doing the right thing, which wasn’t always the case. She was taking him to the hospital instead of just waiting to see if he healed on his own. Unfortunately, that allowed me to think about more selfish concerns. Namely, Jesse. I didn’t want to be alone with him but it was still early and I could keep Macy occupied outside until Mom got home.

The ride seemed faster than usual
. I was in a daze when the bus pulled to my stop and I got out. With a single-minded focus of just getting home and facing the beast, I jogged the whole way there.

Jesse was getting the mail when I turned into the driveway.
Macy ran straight into my arms and Jesse walked inside the house.

“Mama, M
ama.” She was getting to old to call me that but I wasn’t willing to correct her. She was too cute to scold.

“Hi, sweetheart.”
I pulled her into my arms and spun her around. “Have you been a good girl?”

“Swing me.”
She ran to the board hanging from a tree by a rope and laid her belly on it.

I set her upright and pushed her on the swing. I was in my head, not paying attention to my surroundings
, when strong arms wrapped around me from behind. I froze until I heard the voice attached to those arms.

“How’s my favorite girl?”

“Riley!” I turned and gave him a hug. It had been a while since I’d seen him. “How are you?”

“I’m better now. You look gorgeous as ever.” He was such a flirt.

I smiled and swatted his hand that was holding my hip. “Thanks.”

He grabbed my left han
d and pulled it forward. “What’s this? You get married since I last saw you?”

I laughed nervously and pulled my hand away.
“No, of course not. It’s just a ring.” I’d forgotten to take it off on the bus. I hated not being able to wear it at home but I didn’t want Jesse to freak out.

“Who loves you?” Riley actually looked concerned. “Who gave you that?”

I slipped the ring off and slid it into my back pocket. “Uh, no one. Just a friend.” I felt like I was betraying Logan by saying that but I couldn’t risk Riley saying something to Jesse.

Riley’s eyes focused over my shoulder. He pulled me into his chest protectively and said, “Can I help you, man?”

I turned to see Logan standing on the sidewalk. Close enough to hear everything. I was frozen in Riley’s arms while Logan turned and got into his dad’s Expedition.

“Logan, wait.” By the time I was able to move, Logan was already pu
lling away. Without a backward glance, he was gone and I wasn’t sure he’d ever be back. I fell to my knees, hyperventilating.

Riley held Macy while I sat on the lawn and tried to understand how my world had crumbled in just a few minutes.
I wanted to chase Logan’s car and beg him to listen but I didn’t. I couldn’t even call him because I didn’t have my phone. I just buried my hands in my face and rocked.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” Riley kneeled next to me, rubbing my back.

I shook my head.

“Let’s get you inside.” Lifting
me by my shoulders, he pulled me to my feet and walked me in.

“What’s her problem?” Jesse was lying on the sofa with a beer in his hand.

“Her boyfriend just took off.” Riley spoke before I could stop him. I couldn’t even look Jesse in the eye, afraid of what I’d see.

“Is that so?” He got up and shook Riley’s hand. “Hey, man. Good to see you.”

I took Macy from Riley’s arms and carried her to my room. She was getting sleepy so I put her on Billy’s bed and went to search for her pacifier. By the time I got back, she was asleep.

Once I heard the front door shut, I went to the kitchen to get some water. Jesse was leaning against the fridge, staring at me.
I pretended everything was fine while I filled a glass with water from the tap. “So, have you heard from Mom? Is Billy okay?”

“She’s still in the waiting room so she’s gonna be a few hours.”

That’s not what I wanted to hear. “Oh. Well, I better go check on Macy.”

At the end of the hall
, I thought I was home free but when I heard Jesse’s heavy footsteps behind me, I slowed down. I didn’t want him following me into the room Macy was in so I stopped outside my door.

Jesse’s large hand tangled into the back of my hair as he pulled my head back. “I think we need to have a little chat.”

He dragged me to the door next to mine and into his bedroom. With a rough shove, I was face down on his bed. The day had gone from bad to worse over the course of twenty minutes.

I rolled over, trying
to get up but his palm against my sternum held me down. Completely at his mercy, I had no choice but to beg.

“Jesse, I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.” I scooted back a few inches so the top of my head hung off the side of the mattress but that just pissed him off more.

“Sorry for what, princess?” He had crazy eyes, the kind he got when he was drinking or off his meds. Or both. It’d been weeks since I saw them but I recognized the signs immediately. This would end very badly.

“Sorry for upsetting you.” I didn’t actually have anything else to be sorry for so I tried to be vague without sounding sarcastic. He hated sarcasm.

“You didn’t upset me.” His hand scooted over so it was completely cupping my breast. “You pissed me the fuck off.” He squeezed hard, making me pull away from his hand and yelp at the pain.

“Please let me go.”

“You don’t have a boyfriend, do you understand me?” His other hand moved to my hip then slid around to the bottom of my ass. “You fucking belong to me and only me.”             

I nodded. “Okay, I get it. It’s over between us anyway.”

“I hope so, princess.” He tore my shirt at the neck and split it down the center, exposing my bra and belly. “Otherwise, he’d be pretty pissed at what I’m about to do.”

My heart raced
as I tried to shove him off me. He had at least a hundred pounds on me and I couldn’t overpower him. I had to be smart about every move I made.

He leaned over and kissed my right breast over my bra and then my left. Just having him so close to me caused my stomach to roll.
His hands clamped down over my wrists to hold me in place. Closing my eyes, I counted to ten in my head as I tried to think.

When his mouth moved down over the center of my panties, I screamed. “No, please, Jesse. Please don’t do this.”
I crossed my legs and bent at the knee, pushing him away in the process. Looking frantically for any kind of weapon, there was nothing within reach. Then I remembered Jesse always kept a loaded gun between the mattress and box spring.