Safety Net (28 page)

Lowell sat down opposite him, and
Boylan picked up his plate, saying, “This is where I say goodbye. Josh?”

Benton smirked. “You kidding? I’m
not leaving.”

Boylan nudged him with his elbow
and Benton relented, abandoning his dinner.

“I already got henpecked by
Lennart,” Anson said defensively. “I don’t need it from you, too. You got a
problem with last night, take it up with Erick and Kryzinski. I was the one who
wanted to get burritos.”

Lowell said evenly, “By all
accounts, Kryzinski has paid his dues already. And I intend to take it up with
Erick. That’s why I need the facts from you. Why the hell was he getting drunk?
I mean, it was, thankfully, harmless, but it’s just not Erick. Anyone else, it’d
be nothing. But Erick’s not a party boy.”

Anson shrugged a little but said, “Maybe
not -- and don’t kill me for saying this -- but maybe he should be. Loosen up
from time to time. Let go of things. Don’t get me wrong. Erick’s great. I
really respect the guy. He’s not just like an older brother to me, he’s like a
leader. But he’s got to be human, too, right?”

Lowell sat back. “Okay, yeah. I see
what you’re saying. I even agree with it, to be honest. But it’s kind of beyond
that now. Right or wrong, fair or unfair, everyone’s watching him now. That damn
video already had two thousand hits.”

“Over nine thousand last time I
checked,” Anson said.

“Shit, really? That just proves my
point.” Lowell sighed and tapped the table. “So that’s what last night was?
Erick wanted to be a normal college kid and blow off steam?” He longed for this
to be true.

Anson frowned. “He didn’t tell you?
Candace broke up with him.”

Lowell froze. “What? Oh my God.
What?”

“Yeah,” Anson said with a heavy
sigh. “Oh, man, I wish you’d been there instead of me. I walked in and he was
just sitting there at his desk, staring into space, and he looked... I can’t
even describe it. He looked like if you touched him, he’d crack into little
pieces. I couldn’t think what to do. I should’ve called you or Lennart, but I
couldn’t even think, and I’d run into Kryzinski downstairs and he’d asked me if
I wanted to get a burrito with him before he met Lee to play pool. I spun it
into an invitation for Erick, and I was, like, talking to him for five minutes
before he even heard me.”

Lowell closed his eyes briefly. “Oh,
fuck.” He looked at Anson and shook his head. “No, he didn’t tell me. Fuck. I
had no idea. Goddammit, why? Why’d she break up, do you know?”

Anson raised an eyebrow. “Yeah,
right, Erick confided all the details to me. No, man, all he said was they’d
had the ‘we should see other people talk’ and then he told Josh that she’d
dumped him. It was Kryzinski’s idea to go straight to the bar and meet Lee. He
said Erick needed something stronger than burritos.”

“Hm, I guess his motivation was in
the right place, but shit, I wish you’d called me. I wish Erick had...” Lowell
trailed off. “Okay, I see the big picture now. Thanks, Anson.”

“That’s it? No threats of bodily
harm?” Anson smiled a little. “You are way easier than Lennart. He told me if I
took Erick out drinking again, he’d shove a pint glass down my throat, and I
think he meant it.”

“Dale has a severe protective
streak when it comes to Erick. You’d be well advised to remember that,” Lowell
said, standing up.

Anson gave him a look. “From where
I’m sitting, there’s a whole crew of guys with severe protective streaks when
it comes to Erick.”

“Don’t you think he deserves it?”

“Not saying he doesn’t. Just
wondering if he asked for it.”

Lowell arched an eyebrow. “Anson.
Erick’s our quarterback. This is our
job
, you know.”

“This ain’t the field,” Anson said,
turning his attention back to his dinner.

Lowell went back to Poitier and
Dale was there, reading. “You heard why?” he asked, and Dale nodded grimly.
Lowell slumped into the desk chair. “He didn’t tell me. I had no idea.”

Dale watched him and asked in a
quiet, neutral voice, “How much does he talk about Candace with you?”

“Almost never.” Lowell ran his
hands over his hair, pushing it back. “It’s so fucked up, I know. I’m not even
jealous of her. I’m
grateful
to her. She got Erick to wake up when he
needed it. We got Erick back because of her. And he loves her so much, I know
he does. This has to be killing him.”

Dale closed his book and set it
aside. “It’s been killing him all year, since she went overseas. I don’t know.
Maybe it’s better this way.”

Lowell stared at him. “Better for
who? For me? Because it’s not for Erick. You don’t believe that.”

Dale met his stare head-on and
said, “It’s too early to say. Better for everyone, maybe. You know what I’ve
been thinking? We never met Candace. We’re his closest friends and we’ve never
met her. He went out to Boston, what, three times. She never came out here. Not
once.”

“Dude. That’s harsh. She was gonna
come for the Hammer Game that time, had the plane tickets and everything. She
got sick. That’s not her fault.”

“I’m not saying it’s her fault. But
I’d like to know why Erick needed to go into her world, and why she never came
into ours.” Dale paused. “What I’m getting at, Menacker, is that maybe those weren’t
Candace’s choices. Maybe those were Erick’s choices.”

Lowell felt a chill and said, “You
mean because of me.”

Dale’s look was gentle. “I don’t
know. Maybe.”

Lowell reflected uneasily on that
while Dale went back to his book. Lowell took a stab at a reading assignment,
but didn’t get very far. He checked the time and left, biking down to the
football offices and waiting outside until Erick emerged from his meeting with
Coach Miller.

“How do you feel?” Lowell asked.

“Better. I’m okay,” Erick said with
a rueful smile. They walked their bikes across campus, heading for the
apartment.

“You seen the video yet?”

“Yeah.”

“You remember any of that?”

Erick gave him a sidelong look. “Of
course. I wasn’t
that
drunk.”

Lowell chuckled mirthlessly. “Dude.
You were wasted.” He let a moment pass before saying, “And because you were so
wasted, I’m not gonna ask you why, on the day your girlfriend breaks up with
you, your impulse is to ask me to fuck you.” He glanced over and saw Erick’s
pale, sickly look. Erick didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know if you never talk
about her because you don’t want to, or because you think it’ll hurt me if you
do,” Lowell said. “But I wish you would. I’ve been wishing you would tell me
more about her for a long time. I wanted to meet her.” He hesitated. “Okay,
yeah, I admit, there were times when I was jealous of her. But only a little.
And only because I thought, she gets to see a side of you I don’t get to see.
But honestly, I don’t even know that.”

Erick said with a soft smile, “I
didn’t think you’d be jealous at all. That’s kind of not like you.”

“Hm, really?”

“Yeah.”

“Then why won’t you talk about her
with me?” asked Lowell, and Erick shrugged.

“I’m not good at talking about
things like that,” Erick said, frowning and uncomfortable.

“No kidding.”

They reached the apartment and sat
on the sofa together while Erick ate the last half of the sandwich he’d grabbed
for dinner. Lowell was relieved that his appetite was back. Erick wiped his
mouth and beard with a flimsy paper napkin, slumped back and said, “Damn. Now I
seriously want some apple pie.” While Lowell was thinking of places that would
still be open that might sell apple pie, Erick elaborated, “Meemaw makes the
best apple pie. She’d always make it for me when I was down about something.
When I missed my parents. When we lost a game.”

Lowell looked at him and put his
arms around him, and Erick curved into his embrace, saying, “Lowell. I love
her. I love her so much.” He was crying.

Lowell held him tightly. “I know
you do.”

Erick cried silently, his back
shaking. Lowell rocked him in his arms until Erick sat back, his face horrible
and red and damp, and said, “But I love you, too. Why am I so selfish?”

Lowell touched his cheek, wiped
tears away with his thumb. “Why’s it selfish to love more than one person? I
don’t get that, honestly. Seems like the more people you love, the less selfish
you are.”

Erick rubbed his eyes. “In a
perfect world.” He smiled a little. “Lowell Menacker, crypto-polygamist?”

“Dude, don’t even go there. That’d
make me and Candace sister wives.”

Erick chuckled softly. “Sister wife
and brother husband? Shit, it gets seriously weird very fast.” He sobered and
said, “But I guess it’s not something we need to worry about now, anyway.”

Lowell sighed. “Oh, Erick.” He
pulled him into another hug, and Erick held on, calm and quiet and not crying
again. When he started falling asleep, Lowell moved so Erick could curl up on
the sofa. He crouched down and touched Erick’s cheek. “You want to stay here?”

“Yeah,” Erick said sleepily, his
eyes closed.

“Okay. I’ll get you a blanket.” He
kissed Erick’s forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning to get you up for
practice.”

Erick frowned a little. “Don’t go.
Don’t...wanna wake up...alone.”

Lowell kissed him again and covered
him with a blanket. It was weird to sleep in the bed alone, and he woke up
super early. Erick was already up, shaving and cursing as he worked at whacking
through his beard.

-----

Between practice and classes and
all of Erick’s extra meetings, they didn’t spend much time together for the
next couple of weeks, but Lowell checked on him every day, trying to be casual
and non-obvious about it until one day Erick said, “Lowell, I’m fine. I’m
getting through it. You can stop fussing now.”

“I’m not fussing,” Lowell said
indignantly even though yeah, he kinda was.

It looked like things might balance
back to normal (whatever normal was for them, Lowell thought), then one day
Coach Miller called a meeting before practice and told them Lee had been
suspended from practice for the rest of the quarter for underage drinking. The
university highers-up had found that stupid video.

“And even those of you who are of
legal drinking age,” Coach Miller said, gazing placidly around without zeroing
in on Kryzinski and Erick, “should take a moment and reflect on your choices.
Reflect on how well you represent Crocker and this team.”

Benton raised his hand. “Coach. Is
Lee really suspended for the rest of the quarter?” One of the linebackers said,
“This is bullshit. That kid at Mississippi State got caught drinking three
times and was only suspended for a day.”

“Crocker University isn’t
Mississippi State,” Coach Miller said calmly. Someone in the back -- Lowell
couldn’t tell who -- put in, “Or USC,” and everyone laughed to relieve the
tension.

Coach Miller clasped his hands
behind his back. “Men, let me explain this to you, and don’t quote me on this,
ever. You’re smart young men -- you’re at Crocker, so this goes without saying.
Things go on at other schools. Things go on within the NCAA. Things that
shouldn’t go on. Things that aren’t about football, not at the heart of it.” He
looked around the room. “Just because these things go on and we all know about
them, doesn’t mean it’s right. Doesn’t mean it’s how Crocker University does
things.”

He paused, looking them all over. “There
are expectations of you at Crocker. The university has strict rules about
underage drinking that you’re all aware of. Not to keep you in line. Not to
make you miserable at your young age. But because you represent this university.
On or off the field, you’re telling the world that Crocker University doesn’t
just attract the nerds and eggheads but some of the best damn athletes in the
country. You’re telling the world that a university doesn’t have to hock its
reputation to get one of the best damn football teams.”

One of the redshirt freshmen Lowell
didn’t know raised his hand. “Coach. If Erick West had been caught underage
drinking, are you saying he’d be suspended from football?” It was asked with a
genuine curiosity.

Coach Miller scanned the room. “That’s
exactly what I’m saying.” He smiled slightly. “Thankfully for us, Erick waited
until he was twenty-one to do stupid things in a bar.”

The room laughed and Coach Miller
dismissed the meeting with a nod. Erick stood up, though, and faced the guys. “I’m
gonna try to keep my stupid things away from cameras from now on,” he said,
smiling, and a bunch of the guys laughed. “But I wanna say, I agree with Coach
Miller. And God help me if I had gone out on a bar binge when I was underage,
because if I had, I shouldn’t just be suspended, I should be off the team. I
wouldn’t deserve your trust anymore.”

Some of the guys nodded and the
meeting was breaking up. Stephen Dennis called out, “Hey, Erick. Tell us your
secret. How’d you get so good at pool?”

Erick grinned. “The pool balls are
a D line. It’s diagrams.” And a bunch of the D guys whooped at this with
good-natured sneers.

When Lowell caught up with Erick
later that day, he was afraid that despite Erick’s public face for the team, he
would be beating himself up over Lee. But Erick shook his head and sighed. “He
had his brother’s ID card, he said he went to that place from time to time.
Even though I was out of it that day, I thought that sounded like a bad call.
Was only gonna lead to trouble.”

“You’re not blaming yourself for
not keeping a closer eye on him?”

“There’s a hundred guys on the
team. I can’t keep an eye on all of them, especially off the field. I’m afraid
Lee has to take responsibility for this one, and it sounds like he has.”

“Wow,” Lowell said softly. “You
realized that, finally.”

Erick gave him a sidelong look. “I’ve
kind of known it for a while, to be honest.”