Saints and Sinners (A Classic Romance) (18 page)

"But you do. Here. And now."

He was through being patient. He was through waiting for disclosures. Adhering to principles had brought him to the edge of human endurance. "Undo my pants," he whispered sharply.

He knew a horrible moment when she hesitated, but then her hand reached toward him. As she slid down his zipper, he could feel her hand tremble. They were both shaking and he knew it had little to do with the cold. In this they were partners, as they were in all else.

And in doing this he would make Dee see the perfection of their bond.

Chapter 13

Matthew stopped her long enough to get rid of their remaining gloves and drop them to the floor. They resumed their urgent search of skin beneath sweaters, and their lips met in a ravenous kiss. His breath filled her mouth in a rush as he guided her hand to touch him. It was a tentative touch, eager yet oddly unsure for a woman of her experience. But she had said her other men were unlike him. He wanted the reassurance that
especially
in this, that was true.

"Wrap your fingers around me," he urgently commanded. "As tight as you're meant to hold me inside."

"Tell me what you want," she whispered. "Is this right?"

"Is it right?" He might have laughed at the question if he weren't seriously worried about his slipping control. "Everything about us is right. Except for what you keep from me." Including the absence of her vow that would sanctify what he could no longer wait for.

Matthew took her hand out of his pants, certain that when he took her he would feel no guilt, no sense of having committed a wrong act. When he stripped off his coat and laid it down, she said anxiously, "I can give you what you've given me before without us lying down."

"No, Dee. This is for keeps, for real. And I want nothing between my flesh and yours."

He peeled her pants to her knees and did the same with his own. "Now lie down and know me as a man, Delilah. A man who refuses to wait any longer to love you in the most intimate way a man and a woman can."

When she hesitated, he guided himself between her thighs. She was sleek, ready. She slumped to the floor, clutching his shirt, pulling him down with her.

"Say you need me inside you as much as I need to be there."

"Yes. Yes."

"Then take me." He penetrated her, but not deeply. Dee was softly moaning, her head slightly thrashing. "I want to honor your body with mine," he said, groaning and silently praying for control so he could hang on long enough to give her everything she deserved.

"Honor and... cherish with my body..." I
pledge to wed thee.
"I love you. And in my heart I'll love you always. With all that is in me"—
All that is good, all that is noble, all that is imperfect and too human
—"I give to you now. I am yours, beloved." As
you are mine. Now and forever.

He wooed his bride with shallow thrusts, fighting his body's demand to plunge deeply. But then he lost the battle and thrust his hips forward, only to find her resistant.

Dee cried out, a cry that might have been of pleasure or pain. Almost out of his mind, he wondered if he was imagining the too-tight walls squeezing out what little sanity he still possessed. His body was in agony, while her own wasn't keeping up with the momentum of unleashed desire.

"There's something wrong," he gasped out. "You're too tight. Dee, tell me you want this. I'd never force—" He pulled out with the help of a force greater than himself.

"Don't stop! It's right. Never more right." Her hips were arching, her body pleading while he searched for lost reason. His fingers went to the source that had stopped his unstoppable purpose, making her cry out in a long, keening sound and dig her nails into his buttocks.
"Love
me."

She seemed half crazed, writhing beneath him, and then he felt her trying to put him back inside her. It wouldn't be fair of him to make the demand when she was so focused on the need to mate. But he was desperate enough to use her weakness to make her speak what he knew to be true.

"Love me," he said urgently, turning her words on her. "Say you love me. Once is all it'll take for you to feel me inside."

"I..." She hesitated, and he pressed a little harder against her. "
I love
you. Dear God, I do."

Her sleek but resisting chamber took his forceful plunge. She shrieked into his mouth at the exact moment he felt his most sensitive flesh hit the tip of her womb.

Why was she so tight? Why had she made that sharp cry? No, it
couldn't be.
He must have imagined... It was just that it had been so long since he'd been with a woman that...

Before he could thrust a second time to test the possibility of the impossible, his body began to pulsate and Jerk. Somehow he commanded himself to withdraw. But without even a moment to savor what he'd been driven to claim, he spasmed and warm liquid pooled between his palm and her navel.

He cursed his body's impatience. He railed at his irresponsible, compulsive entry without protection. And as he stroked her abdomen, he wanted to cry bitter tears for his inability to join himself and this woman with a thousand deep thrusts.

He'd waited a lifetime for Dee, and it had seemed an eternity that he'd denied their mating, and for what? This. This lesson in humility. A frantic coupling culminating in a single plunge he could have sworn almost tore her apart. What they'd shared was sacred to him. And vastly unfulfilling. If she was half as unsatisfied as he, the moans Dee was making had to be those of frustration.

Quickly, he gave her the paltry substitution of fingers for what was now spent. She cried his name again and again while he stared down at her in the dark. His mate was sensitive, generous to the point where he suspected she might fake pleasure to soothe his hurt pride. As he thought of this, his pride hurt worse.

"I'm sorry, Dee," he said quietly. "Forgive me, it's just been so long, and I love you so much and—"

"Matthew, Matthew." She was laughing and crying at once. "Thank you. Thank... thank you."

"I'll make it up to you. I'll—huh?"

"That was the most—the most beautiful, unforgettable experience of my life. I... I thank you."

Matthew considered this remarkable woman. So remarkable he'd ask her to marry him in a heartbeat if she'd give him a single sign of acceptance.

A woman so remarkable she was covering his face with kisses for the worst sexual performance of his life, which only strengthened his suspicion that her secrets went deeper than he'd ever guessed. Unless... Vince and Nick had been built like Ken dolls. Maybe that was it. Or it could be that Dee's other men had been real duds in the sack. He could almost accept that convoluted explanation easier than the idea that she'd been a virgin.

"I wish it had been better for you." His battered ego fished for reassurance even as he cast for clues.

"Better?" Dee hugged him tight and wrapped her legs even tighter around his. "How could it be better than this? I love you, Matthew," she said in a rush. "I
do
love you."

He cherished her vow, and her happiness took some of the sting out of their too-brief consummation. Yet he couldn't disregard the fact that something was definitely out of sync.

"Let me make sure I have this straight. Are you saying that making love with me was the best you've ever had?"

"The best. The absolute, most incredible best. I never dreamed, never guessed it could be like this."

Matthew was glad the darkness hid his frown. Perhaps it was the emotional bonding, the intensity of mutual need so long denied that had evoked such an unlikely remark. But he didn't think so. His suspicions were growing stronger.

"If this was your best," he said carefully, "I can't wait to show you how good it can get."

Dee went still; he sensed her weighing their exchange.

"I'm getting cold all of a sudden." She began tugging at her pants, and he rolled off her. He would have extended their intimacy by gently assisting her as she dressed, but she jerked her clothes back into place. Unable to miss that she was suddenly eager to leave, he got up and quickly fixed his own clothes. Dee stood, not waiting for him to offer a hand.

She swayed, and he caught her.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. I'm fine. Thank you, Matthew," she said politely. He didn't like her subtle withdrawal any more than he cared for his quick joining with this woman he would claim as his wife. One who continued to boggle his mind.

Her sweet kiss to his cheek didn't soothe his anxiety. Matt hauled her against him and kissed her possessively before picking up the coat that had been their prenuptial bed.

As they walked to her house, she snuggled beneath his arm, granting them the closeness she'd broken with her urgency to leave.

Once inside the living room, dark but for the twinkling lights on the tree, Dee went to check on the children.

"All's well?" he asked when she returned.

"They're sound asleep. And they left out a feast for Santa in the kitchen. You go ahead and sample the treats. I'll join you after I take a hot bath."

"I'd rather we take a hot shower together and pick up where we left off."

"We'd—we'd better not."

"Why not?" he countered quickly. "They're sleeping soundly and we can keep our whispers low. Santa's helper has had a rest and he's ready to give Mrs. Claus a memorable present. Let's light some candles and lock the bathroom door. My fingers are itching to unwrap one delicious package."

"Next time." She brushed his lips with a kiss, then moved away before he could lock her against him. "Uncork the champagne? I'll be quick so we can celebrate."

He wanted to ask her if she meant Christmas or their lovemaking. If it was the latter, she could use some pointers in how to extend the afterglow. But he deemed it wise to keep his thoughts to himself until he sorted out what was going on.

He heard the faint sound of her singing over the rush of water. My, didn't she sound like a woman who'd been well bedded and loved. It seemed to him that apparently she didn't realize how lacking their 'slam-bam, brrr I'm cold now, and thank you sir' coupling had been.

Matt went to the kitchen, wondering how in the world he was going to explain his suspicions about her virginity. He saw the makings of a romantic conclusion to what they'd barely started: Champagne. Cheese and sausage and crackers. Mistletoe.

He lifted the sprig, then dropped it.

He turned his hands up, then down, under the light, staring at the fingertips that had moved inside her, seeking to satisfy.

"I see it but I still can't believe it," he whispered. He unzipped his pants and sought concurring proof. Next he shrugged out of his coat and closely examined the faintly tinged lining.

A virgin. Sweet heaven above, she
had
been a virgin, which meant that barring virgin births, Jason and Loren weren't hers.

Should he confront her while she was defenseless in the tub? Would she give in, tell the truth, and explain a situation that had to be far more complex than he'd ever imagined?

Matthew debated with himself. He said a silent prayer, seeking some much-needed guidance. The answer he received called for a patience he wasn't feeling. And yet he knew the answer was right.

He had to build on what he and Dee had established until she confided what he was sure was a serious intrigue involving two men: A lawyer and a wealthy father who were after a woman neither had married.

But
he
would. In his mind they were as good as legally bound. He took Dee's side in whatever had driven her to commit what had to be a desperate, dangerous, and illegal act.

After assuring himself that she was still in the tub, Matt quickly went to the kitchen sink and washed. Hands. Coat. And the instrument responsible for the bloodstains on all three.

As the last traces of evidence drained away, Matthew felt he'd granted Dee what protection he could for the moment. The problem lay in protecting her from herself while she tried to shield him with her silence.

Chapter 14