Salvation (13 page)

“
We
’
re celebrating.
”
He handed me one then raised his.
“
To finally having dinner.
”

I took a welcome sip, unable to take my eyes off him. My mind raced with thoughts of kissing, touching and feeling him against me. Skin to skin. It was so unlike me. Yet when Nate pierced me with a focused gaze, it was easy to forget the woman I thought I was. In that second, I was all he could see, all he noticed. And I was everything I wanted to be.

An array of dips in bowls, with flatbreads wrapped in brown paper bags, arrived at our table. I sat forward for a closer inspection, tearing off some bread whilst deliberating which to try first.
“
This looks good, you chose well.
”

Nate
’
s mouth curled at the corners as he did the same, diving straight in and spreading a generous amount over his.
“
Try this one,
”
he said, offering it to me.

My hand curved around his and brought it to my mouth, catching his thumb as I ate it.
“
Mmm,
”
I swallowed,
“
delicious.
”
Nate
’
s eyes dropped to my mouth, his glazed expression as he sucked the pad of his thumb afterwards making all the muscles low in my stomach clench.

I sipped my champagne, keeping my eyes on him as he attempted to regain his composure.
“
How was your trip?
”

“
Good,
”
he said, preparing some food for himself,
“
we resolved a lot of issues.
”

“
Where did you go?
”

“
New York, mainly.
”
His lips pressed into a tight smile as he grew distant, consumed by his thoughts.

“
That
’
s on my bucket list.
”
I
’
d explored the West Coast, but the East was still unknown territory. I had been in line for a possible secondment to Morgan Sanders
’
New York office upon completion of my exams, but it all got royally screwed up when I left.

“
Unfortunately, this was all business. There was definitely no pleasure,
”
he stated harshly. With his lips to his glass, he went on.
“
I had a brief visit to Rhode Island to meet some students at RISD, then spent two stressful days brainstorming with Star.
”

Star Airlines were the No.1 domestic airline in the US and top five internationally. They were revamping their image, expanding into the Asian domestic market, and wanted the leading brand consultants to undertake the daunting task.
“
Securing that contract must
’
ve been a real coup.
”

“
Trust me,
”
Nate said grimly, setting his knife down,
“
it wasn
’
t.
”

I wasn’t sure why he was playing down his success and achievement.
“
Rumour has it they specifically wanted you and RED, and that our competitors never got a look in. It should be very lucrative for you. I
’
m impressed.
”

An uneasy laugh escaped his mouth as he sat back, draping an arm over the back of the chair so his fingers touched my shoulders.
“
Spoken like a true accountant. You probably know more about my financial affairs than I do.
”

His presumption made me uncomfortable.
“
I
’
m sorry, I meant impressed by your revered reputation, not by how much money you
’
ll make. I wasn
’
t being personal.
”
Shrugging off his touch, I drained my glass.
“
Just to be clear, I don
’
t have access to any of your private accounts. I have no idea how wealthy you are.
”

“
Hey,
”
he said, sitting forward,
“
that information is common knowledge, give or take a few zeroes.
”
He cocked his head, his lips curling.
“
I can
’
t control public information. It
’
s why I strive to keep everything else private.
”
His smile faded.
“
It can be expensive sometimes.
”

The sommelier had poured a Sancerre, and the waiter was back to clear the table before another array of tempting delicacies were placed before us. Some sizzled on hot plates, sending steam into the air, leaving behind a pleasant spicy aroma. I drank my wine whilst the waiter dished couscous into bowls followed by some sort of hot broth.

Talk of privacy reminded me of Mai
’
s internet discovery. I twisted the napkin laying across my lap, wondering whether I should raise it with Nate, but not wanting to spoil the evening.

“
What
’
s wrong?
”
he asked as he dished some meat into our bowls and passed one over.

“
There was a photo
…
online.
”
I pushed a piece of chicken around with the back of my fork. Nate deliberated my words, his demeanour giving nothing away.
“
We were
…
together.
”

I dropped my fork and sank into the chair, searching his broad back, trying to gauge his thoughts. Calmly, Nate reached for his water.

“
I know,
”
he said flatly, taking a sip.

“
I had nothing to do with it,
”
I quickly reassured him.

His eyes shot to mine.
“
Why would I think you did?
”
He scanned my face, attempting to fathom something out. Then he cupped my nape, urging me forward until our mouths collided in a fervent embrace. Lust flamed my body, any concerns over this very public display of affection disappearing, overtaken with the way I was responding to his decadent exploration of my mouth. I wanted more, but he broke away, leaving me panting. A devilish grin played over his face as he nudged his nose against mine.

“
They can have as many pictures as they want if we get to kiss like that again. Let
’
s give them something to talk about.
”
He caressed my cheek.
“
C
’
mon, you have to try this food.
”

“
It did taste good,
”
I admitted with a shy smile.

Grinning, he handed me my fork and waited until I started eating before resuming his meal. He guarded his privacy fiercely, so the fact he appeared unperturbed by this and understood I wasn
’
t out to benefit from it, spoke volumes of his opinion of me. But I needed more reassurances before taking this further.
Damn my insecurities.

With my bowl almost empty I broached the subject, but not before taking a large gulp of wine for courage. Nate relaxed, one hand on my leg, the other holding his wine. He smiled contentedly, his thumb stroking back and forth across my knee.

“
So
…
what are we doing here, Nate?
”
I waved a hand through the space between us.

His brow creased.
“
Having a
long
overdue dinner date?
”

I was suddenly bold, perhaps it was the wine talking, but I had to know if he thought this was going anywhere.
“
If we end up sleeping together tonight
—
what then?
”

“
Then we
’
d be two
very
satisfied people in the morning,
”
he rasped, curving his hand around my knee with a gentle pressure that resonated at the top of my legs.

“
You
’
re that confident in your prowess?
”
I crossed my legs, snaking my left arm through his right and cuddling into him.

“
And yours.
”
Nate
’
s eyes held a predatory gleam, his smile full of sexual promise.
“
When
we fuck, you know it
’
s going to be good.
”

And I did.
Explosively good.
It was all I
’
d thought about since agreeing to this.
“
But I want more than that. I want the drama. I want all the impossible guarantees no one ever has in a relationship. You don
’
t.
”

His voice deepened.
“
Don
’
t be so sure about that.
”

“
It
’
s what you said.
”
I twisted his platinum cufflink between my fingers.
“
I know what you want, and I could easily give it to you. I just
—”

“
You
want
to.
”
Insightful eyes met mine. Feeling like he could read my soul, I dropped my gaze to the flickering candles on the table.

“
A man like you isn
’
t interested in dating exclusively or anything long-term.
”

Nate nodded his approval for the waiter who
’
d returned to clear the table, waiting until we were alone again to resume the conversation.
“
But that
’
s what you want?
”

As much as I desired him, in a stark moment of clarity I realised I couldn
’
t go through with a one night stand. Sexually, Nate was arrogant without being cocky, an attribute I surprisingly found alluring. My body responded to his touch in ways it never had before, inspiring me to test my boundaries, take risks, be a better, bolder version of my old self. Nate drew it out without even realising. But it was better to be upfront and save myself the suffering in the long-term.

“
Yes,
”
I replied simply.

“
Do we really need defining right now?
”
He set his glass on the table with a frustrated sigh.
“
Let
’
s just enjoy ourselves, see what happens.
”

“
I like you, Nate. More than I have anyone in a long time. But I
deserve
more. I
’
m putting myself out there, but I can
’
t go through it all again
…”
My whispered voice trailed off to nothing.

Nate studied me closely, his mood impalpable, for a long time before responding with unwavering certainty.
“
I
’
m a red-blooded male who thinks you
’
re sexy as hell, with a firm belief we
’
d be great together. And I
’
m damn sure
after
we
’
ve slept together, I
’
ll want to do it again. And again.
”

I shook my head, astonished he saw me that way. Nate laced his fingers with mine and raised them to his mouth, warm lips grazing my knuckles.
“
If I thought I could have a fulfilling relationship,
”
he continued, his voice softening,
“
I
’
d take it in a heartbeat.
”

“
You would?
”

He nodded and blinked away, avoiding eye contact. I was so engrossed in him, I hadn
’
t appreciated how hard I was squeezing his hand until I felt his fingers flexing in mine. When he faced me again, his expression was deathly serious.
Crap.

“
I love my family, have great friends, and a career that has surpassed anything I could ever have imagined.
”
Nate paused, regarding me pensively.
“
I
’
d say I
’
ve had my fair share of good fortune, considering.
”
All the lightness in his voice had gone, his jaw clenched tight.
“
That
’
s no consolation when I
’
m alone at night in my bed
…”

I was transfixed by his eyes. They were so big, the window to his soul wide open and spilling from his mouth. My free hand cuddling his arm bunched in the Italian cotton of his shirtsleeve.

“
Everyone aspires to that one all-consuming love,
”
he said earnestly.
“
Love that overwhelms you, takes your breath away, drives you insane. I
’
m no exception.
”

His response was unexpected, leaving me unsure what to say. After a minute, he straightened, forcing me away from his side. From his rigid body language, it had caught him off-guard as well. Unaware I
’
d been holding it, I released my breath and tried processing what just happened in my muddled thoughts.

Slowly, Nate ran a hand through his hair and exhaled, causing the few strands falling over his forehead to lift in the breeze.
“
You did it again.
”
He glanced sideways, catching my puzzled expression.
“
Why can
’
t I engage my brain to mouth function around you?
”

“
I
’
d be happy simply engaging my brain,
”
I said, beginning to smile.
“
You make me lose all common sense.
”

Nate laughed quietly as he shifted to face me. Tilting my chin up, he gazed at me for a long minute before pressing his lips tenderly to mine.

“
Your entrees.
”
The waiter cleared his throat when neither of us acknowledged him.