Sammy in Italy (Single Wide Female Travels #2) (7 page)

“Are you going to bring that person on to the runway for me, Samantha?”

“Yes, sir.” I smiled at him.

As he walked away, my heart fluttered. Could I really? It was one thing to speak to a group of people who already admired my work; it was quite another to pretend to be a model in front of people who were accustomed to actual models.

I spent a little time mingling with fans under Isabella’s watchful eye. When the room finally cleared, she walked over to me.
 

“That was such a success. Would you be willing to do one more book signing the day after tomorrow?”
 

“Of course, anything you need. Do you think it went well?” I looked around at the last few people walking out of the room.
 

“Oh, absolutely. I think it’s so refreshing that not only is your book amazing, you really are able to deliver that same inspiration in person.” She shook her head. “I only wish I could bottle you.”

“That might be difficult.” I laughed. “But thank you. It’s funny, before I started the session I was a mess, but once it started everything changed.”

“It’s easy to get caught up in the drama of day-to-day life. Let it roll off your back. We have to get you to the dressing room!” She tugged me down a short hallway that led to another section of the building.

If I thought the book signing was packed, the amount of people present in the next room was overwhelming. Wall-to-wall well-dressed people were gathered there.
 

“Oh, no! No, I don’t think so.” I started to back away.

Isabella stuck her hand firmly against my lower back and guided me forward. “You’ll be fine. Remember? Once you get up there, you’ll be great!”

Chapter 15

Isabella’s words echoed through my mind, but my eyes blurred at the sight of the runway. She rushed me behind a curtain to a makeshift dressing room. In the small space there were six models. Each one was more slender and more perfect than the last. Was I really supposed to walk with these women? My dress might as well have been an elephant costume compared to what these women were wearing.

In the flurry of the preparations none seemed very friendly.
 

“Here’s your dress.” Isabella pointed to where it hung beside a tall mirror. “Daniella said the alterations will be perfect.”

I recalled Daniella’s lament about wardrobe malfunctions. How was I going to face the possibility that I might end up naked on the runway?

My eyes blurred for a different reason. Tears. Where was Max? I needed him to be there with me. I needed his easy smile and his perpetually supportive advice. I grasped my phone, prepared to call him, but before I could, Sue stepped up beside me.
 

“Let’s go. We have to get you in your dress. You’re the third one up”

“I’m what? Third? Why?” I could barely speak, as my breath was so short.
 

“Sh, just put on your dress.” Sue waved her hand at me.

I noticed her left hand was tucked away as usual. The memory of her stories about bullying was a slap to my senses. Here was a woman who had overcome her insecurity about a birth defect, and I was worried about chubby thighs. How was I being an example to her? If I didn’t think I could walk the runway, how could she believe that she should be able to display her unique hand proudly?
 

“Okay—yes, I’ll put it on.” I grabbed the dress and attempted to pull it off the hanger. The feat was quite a struggle. I became so frustrated that I almost tore one of the straps.
 

“Here, let me.” Sue reached up with her left hand and was able to wriggle the sleeves off of the hanger. “It was stuck.”

“Good thing you were here to help me.” I shook my head. “Really, I’m not always this much of a mess.”

“Oh, you’re not a mess, Samantha. It’s okay to be nervous. But there’s no time to waste, so get changed. And remember, try not to fall off the stage.” She laughed.

I didn’t. She meant the warning as a joke, but that was my worst fear.

I looked back at the gaggle of models. They didn’t hesitate to reveal their flawless bodies. Could I really change in front of them? I tugged a section of the curtain forward in an attempt to give myself a bit more privacy.

In the middle of changing, I heard a shriek, followed by several other shrieks. The curtain whipped back. Only then did I realize that when I’d pulled the curtain, I’d also revealed a few of the models who were changing. My cheeks burned hot.
 

“How did that happen?” The tallest model huffed. “Who is in charge here?”

“Relax, Alia, it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure no one saw more than what we usually show off on the runway.” The woman beside her patted her back. “Try not to let it bother you.” She looked around Alia to me.

I inched the skirt down over my thighs and looked away.
 

“That’s easy for you to say, Priscilla. You’re gorgeous. Why would you care if anyone saw you? But you know how wide my back is. It’s horrible. I might as well be a man. The clothes hide that.” Alia sniffled.

I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. I was only a few feet away. Despite the fact that these women had absolutely nothing to hide, some seemed to be just as anxious at the thought of being exposed. I finished adjusting my dress and then walked over to the hair and make-up area. As a few of the models settled in beside me, I tried to keep my eyes straight ahead on the mirror. What must they think of me?
 

“You must be the special model Alistair mentioned. Samantha, is it?” Alia looked over at me as I nodded. “He’s never done this before, you know.”

“Maybe he shouldn’t have at all.” Priscilla shook her head. “You look terrified.”

“I’ll be fine when it’s over.”
 

“That’s what I tell myself every time.” Alia laughed. “Priscilla told me it would get easier each time, but so far that hasn’t turned out to be true.”

“You have to learn how to relax, Alia. Once you stop caring what the audience thinks, you’ll own the runway.” She looked into the mirror at my reflection. “If they sense fear, they’ll eat you alive.”

“Oh please, Priscilla, don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?” Alia rolled her eyes.

One of the stylists ran her fingers through my hair. She spritzed it, fluffed it, then spritzed it again. Somehow those simple actions transformed my hair into a windswept look.
 

“I don’t think I’m being dramatic at all. It’s the truth.” Priscilla dipped her head down as the stylist behind her wrapped her hair up in a tight bun.
 

“But the audience is who we have to impress. How can we not want them to like us?” Alia sighed.
 

“Trust me, you have to go out there with the intention that you will tell them what they will like. If you can do that, then you will dominate the runway.” She lifted her head back up and looked at me. “Do you think that you can do that, Samantha?”

I stared at my windswept hair. The stylist spun me around and stroked my cheeks with blush. She accented my eyes with eyeliner and mascara.
 

“Maybe.” I took a deep breath before the stylist set to work on my lips.

Chapter 16

By the time my make-up was finished, my heart was fluttering with fear. I gripped my phone again. Should I call him? Should I ask him to come—beg him to come? The lights went dim.

Alia grabbed my hand. “It’s almost time.”
 

“Don’t fall, don’t fall.” I whispered the command to myself as I took my position in the line of women that would walk the short runway. At least it wasn’t as long as a regular runway. I had less time to fall.
 

When the woman in front of me began to walk, my heart dropped.

Alia gave me a light push from behind. “It’s your turn. You have to go now or you’ll throw off the entire flow.”
 

One foot in front of the other, Samantha, one foot in front of the other. Just do not fall! I kept my eyes trained on the audience. I heard the music, I saw the flash of the lights, but I did my best not to be swayed by it. When I reached the end of the runway, I mimicked the slight lunge and spin of the women who’d gone before me. At least I didn’t fall.

I walked back toward the curtain. As I walked, I saw a look of horror in Alia’s eyes when she looked at me. The expression made my skin crawl. Before I could figure out why she was looking at me in such a way, the ground disappeared.

In an attempt to make plenty of room for Alia, I’d walked dangerously close to the edge of the stage. Then my right foot walked right off it. I tumbled to the ground beside the runway—well, my body did. My head landed in the lap of a man who looked very frightened.
 

“I’m so sorry.” I looked up at him as I lifted my head from his lap.
 

Isabella rushed toward me. “Are you okay? Did you twist your ankle?”
 

“I’m okay,” I whispered. I couldn’t look at her. I couldn’t breathe.
 
I couldn’t think. If I did, the tears would start.
 

“Let me help you up.”
 

As I stood up, I saw the other models—professional as ever—continue down the runway without incident.

Isabella led me back behind the curtain.
 

“Is the dress okay?” I looked it over in a daze. “I didn’t tear it, did I?”
 

“It’s fine. What matters is that you’re okay. Are you?” She searched my eyes.
 

“I think so—other than being mortified. I knew this was a terrible idea.”

“Which is exactly why this happened.” Alistair stood just behind the curtain and stared at me. “That fear is what made you make a mistake.”

“Or maybe it was because I’ve never walked this runway before. I was distracted by all the commotion, and I forgot that I needed to keep both feet on the runway. Isn’t that possible?” I looked at him helplessly. “I’m sorry about your show, but I’m just not cut out for this.”
 

“I disagree. I expect you to be here tonight for the show. It was part of our agreement. Can I count on you to be there?” He met my eyes.
 

Isabella grimaced as she looked over at me.

If I didn’t show, it might cause her some serious trouble.
 

“Alistair, do you really want me there? After what happened today?”
 

“Yes, I do. I expect you to be there. A moment is just a moment, after all. What happens tonight may just be fabulous.” He smiled. “If you want it to be, that is.” He winked at me.

When he walked away I thought about calling out to stop him. It would be best to let him know that I was not going to be there—to tell him while he still had time to replace me in the show. By the time I looked up, he was already out the door.

Isabella rubbed her hand along my back. “It’s really not so bad, Samantha. Falls happen all the time. You’re not the first and you won’t be the last.”
 

“It’s not just that, Isabella. I’m all about stepping outside of my comfort zone, but maybe I’ve stepped out too far this time. I’m in over my head, and the last thing I want to do is draw ridicule to Alistair.” I sighed and looked away. “Maybe this is all just too much.”
 

“I find that hard to believe. I know I don’t know you that well, Samantha, but to me it feels like we share many traits. I can tell you that never once did I doubt that you’d be able to handle all this. Maybe it’s you that needs to have more faith in yourself?”

“Maybe. I can’t believe Alistair still wants me in the show.”

“Just do the best you can. Let this incident roll off your back. Things happen in life. If we don’t dwell on them, they can’t control us. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” She gave my hand a light shake. “You’ll do well.”

“Thanks, Isabella.” My smile was genuine, but I wished I could believe her. She spoke every word that I, myself, might have spoken to a friend, but they failed to cross through the dark cloud that was hanging over me. I couldn’t recall a time when I felt more lost.

As confusion overwhelmed me, I pulled out my phone to call Max. He didn’t answer so I waited for his voicemail.

“Max, you really should have been here.” I pressed the phone against my ear. “I needed you.”

Just as I hung up I heard his voice.

Chapter 17

“I was here, Sammy. I saw everything.” Max walked over to me.

Relief flooded me. At least he hadn’t truly abandoned me. Maybe his presence in the audience meant that I hadn’t been alone.

“I’m sorry that happened.”

“I told you—I told all of you, but no one believed me.” I lowered my eyes to hide the tears that threatened to fall.
 

“Hey, it’s okay.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “You fell. It’s not the first time.”

“Thanks for the reminder.” I laughed and wiped at my eyes. “That just makes my point even more clear. I knew this was a risk, I knew that there was a good chance I’d end up making a fool of myself, and instead of trusting my instincts, I listened to everyone else.”

“Did you know it, or did you make it happen?” He sat down next to me.
 

“Max! Of course I didn’t make this happen. You think I enjoy feeling mortified? I may not be perfectly balanced, but I certainly wouldn’t do that to myself.”

He took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I don’t mean on purpose. I just mean, maybe if you weren’t so nervous it wouldn’t have happened. In case you haven’t noticed, most of your accidents happen when you’re feeling anxious.”
 

I never treasured a hand more than his in that moment. I clung to it as if it could keep me afloat even though we weren’t in the water.
 

“Max. What is wrong with me?” I looked into his eyes. “Can you tell me?”
 

“Nothing is wrong with you, Sammy. You’re perfect just the way you are.” He trailed his fingertips along my cheek. “I’m not sure what has you so rattled, but I know that if you take the time to think about it, you’ll be able to figure it out. Let’s go back to the hotel for a bit.”