Santa Wore Combat Boots (8 page)

CHAPTER NINE

Instead of closing at midnight, the store manager let them all leave at eleven. Emma drove a fast as she dared on the snow-covered roads. She sent her mother home with promises of a wonderful dinner tomorrow and headed upstairs. Emma lit a couple candles, sprayed his favorite perfume, put on a silky nightshirt and crawled under the covers anxiously waiting for Larry. Soon, it would be very soon.

From somewhere in her dreams, Emma heard the tinkle of a bell making her snuggle deeper into the flannel sheets. The persistent clinking noise wouldn’t stop, rousing her even further from sleep. Just once she’d like the kids to sleep in a little bit on Christmas Morning.

“Christmas morning! Oh no!” Her eyes sprang open. How could she have missed it? How could she have fallen asleep and not been with Larry, not now, not at Christmas.

She rolled to her side, breathing a sigh of relief. Her candles were still lit and the clock read two-thirty a.m. She’d only dozed off. She didn’t miss a thing, although Larry had usually come by now. Maybe he saw she was sleeping and would be back?

The light chiming continued and Emma wondered if it was the cat. He’d been known to bat an ornament or two and had almost toppled the tree before she left for work. If she caught that blasted cat red-pawed, she’d make sure he never saw his catnip toy again. She’d had enough of his shenanigans. As if reading her evil thoughts, Jingles pounced on her head. She shoved the oversized fur ball and he meowed in protest. She blinked several times, brushing the hair from her eyes.

“So, if you’re up here…then who’s downstairs?”

The clinking returned and Emma’s heart pounded in her ears. Softly, she padded across the hall to peek into both Sarah’s and Ben’s rooms. They were sound asleep, thank God. From downstairs she heard a thud, followed by a muffled curse.

Her heart sped into overdrive. She was being robbed, and on Christmas Eve. Things like this didn’t happen in Martin’s Landing. Running back into her room, she grabbed the phone and carried it with her to the top of the stairs. There weren’t many presents under the tree, but she wasn’t going to let some thief ruin Christmas for her kids. Peering through the stair rails, she almost dropped the phone.

A man dressed in combat fatigues crouched in front of her Christmas tree but he wasn’t stealing from her. Emma stared in awe as he continued putting presents under the tree from his big red sack. Her thoughts of calling 9-1-1 were forgotten and a breath caught in her chest.

“Larry?” The word floated down on a whisper. The stranger rose to his full height keeping his back to her. Had he heard? Logically she knew it couldn’t be her husband. The twinkling lights from the tree had to be playing tricks on her.

“No, ma’am,” the soldier’s deep voice echoed in the stillness of the room, sending a shiver through her body. From behind, the man resembled Larry, or maybe it was the uniform, and there was something in his voice that sounded familiar.

She cleared her throat. “Well you sure aren’t Santa Claus, so who are you and what are you doing in my house?” She held the phone in plain view in case the man should turn around. Maybe now would be a good time to call the police. The stranger seemed at ease, as if he’d been there before. She relaxed and took a hesitant step down the stairs. After all, this was Martin’s Landing. Nothing bad ever happened here.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, ma’am. I’ll be leaving.” He turned to go, his face hidden in shadow now that he’d moved away from the tree. Emma jumped the last four steps, placing herself between the stranger and the door. Not the smartest move in the world, but she couldn’t explain it.

“Wait! You can’t leave. You didn’t answer my question.”

When the soldier raised his head, the phone dropped to the floor. Standing before her was the man whose green eyes haunted her dreams and whose kiss still lingered on her lips. The only other man she’d let herself fall in love with.

“Jake? What are you doing here?”

“Larry sent me.”

“Larry? How do you know my husband?” Other than the talks they’d had, Jake never mentioned he’d ever known Larry.

“I served with him.”

“That’s not funny.” Emma wrapped her arms around herself as a sudden chill tingled up her spine. “How can you say that?”

“We made a pact¸ like most soldiers do, and I’m honoring that after everything he did for me.” Jake stood straight and tall. Gone was the tenderness in his eyes. It was as if he’d become another person. He was a soldier. After all these years, how did she not know this? Why did she not know any of this?

“Why didn’t you tell me you were a soldier?”

“I’m not anymore. I didn’t think it was important.”

“Not important?” Emma’s head reeled, trying to process the information. “After all of the times you let me cry over losing Larry, all of the times I felt alone and needed some connection, you didn’t think it was important to tell me you were side-by-side with him?”

“Right up until the day he died, ma’am. I owe him more than my life.”

“Why did you keep this from me?” Emma threw herself at his broad chest, hitting him repeatedly. “I trusted you and you lied!” Standing strong, he caught her wrists and held her captive.

“I was doing my duty,” he spoke softly against her head. “I made a promise.”

“
Nooo
.” Emma turned and walked back to the living room. Her world was crashing down a second time, and she wasn’t sure she could handle it. Her knees wobbled beneath her while her heart wanted to explode. As if sensing her fragile state, Jake followed her into the room. She couldn’t look at him for fear of falling apart. “Please leave,” she managed to whisper.

“I wanted you to know me as a man, Emma, not as a soldier.” He paused. “You see, the Major used to read your letters to us. I felt like I already knew you. I’ve never had much of a family and you became my family. Honestly, I think I fell in love with you long before I met you.”

“Don’t say that.” She couldn’t imagine this man loving her, not after he deceived her this way.

“He even let me in on your little tradition, you know, the SC on the presents.”

“My parents started that when I was little.” She picked up a brightly-wrapped gift and ran her fingers over the glittered tag. “I thought they’d been doing it all this time, but it’s been you?”

“Larry asked me to keep that tradition alive because he knew how much it meant to you and how you both had planned to continue it.”

“Why?” She stared at the tree full of presents. A stray tear tumbled down her cheek. “You didn’t have to do this. You didn’t have to do any of this. I would have been fine, just fine.”

“You’re a strong woman, Emma, and a great mother, but I’ve watched you struggle. I know it’s not easy without Larry. He sees you losing your Christmas spirit. That’s why I’ve been sent here to help.”

“I don’t need that kind of help. I can raise my children on my own. I can fix things around my house. What I really wanted you to do was help me communicate with my husband and now I find out you could have been doing this all along? I was going to ask you to use your power to help me. I knew I should have asked you sooner.”

“My power? Emma, I don’t have a power.”

“Yes you do. Larry talks to you, and you talk to him. I want you to talk to him for me, so we can be together again. You seem to make all of these wonderful things happen. I want you to make this happen, too.”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“Why not? Why do you get that privilege and I don’t? You may have served with him, but I’m his wife. I’m the one he left behind. I’m the one who can’t live without him.”

“But you are, Emma, don’t you see that? Yesterday you opened up for the first time in three years. You let yourself feel, and live and enjoy what was around you. You felt it, I know you did. The spirit of Christmas was alive in you, just like it used to be.”

“No it’s not. Not anymore. Nothing is real.”

“Our kiss was real.”

“Because I thought you wanted to help me, but now I find out you were just doing your duty. Well, I had an agenda, too. I thought you could bring back Larry.”

“So you were using me? I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true. I thought if we were together, then you could help me. The three of us could be connected and I’d have my husband back through you. So now you see. We could never work. We’re not good for each other.”

“Emma….”

“No! I thought you could help me, but now you say you can’t do it. We have nothing. It’s all been lies.”

“How I feel isn’t a lie. I know you feel the same way. You need to stop living in the past and enjoy the present. You have to stop waiting for him.” As if Jake said a magic word, Emma glanced at the clock on the wall and then turned a shocked gaze toward Jake.

“The kiss.”

“Yes, our kiss. You wouldn’t have kissed me unless you felt something. I know enough about you to know that’s true.” He reached for her but she backed away, waving her hands in the air between them.

“No, no, no. Our kiss is the reason why Larry hasn’t been here tonight. I thought it was because I’d fallen asleep, but it’s not. He knows we kissed, and he’s never coming. Because of you, he won’t be here. You’ve ruined Christmas!”

“Emma, you have to believe, Christmas isn’t ruined. Everything will be all right.”

“Stop saying that! No it won’t. What have I done? You need to leave!” Emma ran to the door and opened it wide, waiting for Jake to leave. He stood for a moment, staring at her with eyes that matched the pain she felt. A gust of frigid air swirled snow at her feet, and she could feel her heart hardening once more.

Christmas would never be the same again.

***

Jake entered his own house, feeling as if the life had been sucked out of him. There wasn’t anything he could say to change Emma’s mind. She had to believe in love and in herself, and right now she’d lost her belief in everything. He thought he’d been helping her, but in the end he’d only succeeded in hurting her. The last image he had was of her haunted face as she slammed the door.

He gazed around at his sparsely-decorated home. It had only been temporary, and he knew it. He thought he could stay detached and just fulfill his promise, knowing one day Emma and the kids would be free to live the rest of their lives on their own. She would someday find someone to love, and they wouldn’t need him around anymore. He never imagined he’d be the one to fall in love with her. Now he knew what Emma felt like all these years. The emptiness in his heart, knowing he’d never see her gentle smile or hear her tinkling laughter, was almost too much to bear. He felt completely alone with no promise of a future.

Jake knew from all of his years of travel and military service he would get through this. He only needed to open himself up to feel the loss and heal. She’d added so much light to his life the healing process would take a while. The only thing left to do now was leave.

“I hope you’re happy! Is this what you wanted?” he yelled into the stillness of the room. “It’s over, do you hear me?” Jake moved in circles, looking for any sign of the Major. The house remained still.

Jake felt beyond defeated. He’d not only succeeded in losing Emma and the kids, but he’d lost a part of his heart he would never get back. She would always be there.

“She needs you,” the voice broke through the air, distant and sad.

“She doesn’t need me, Major, she needs you. I can’t compete with your ghost, and I don’t want to. I want to love her for the rest of her life, but she won’t let me.”

“You need to keep trying,” the Major encouraged in voice only, his form too transparent to take shape yet.

“I can’t be true to my promise to protect her anymore. It’s all up to Emma now. I can’t do any more for her.”

“You can’t leave amigo.”

“Don’t you see? I have to.” Jake had friends down south he could call on. They’d take him in while he put his life back in order. He’d take the next couple of days to pack and make some phone calls. “I can’t watch her die inside. There’s nothing left for me here, and I certainly can’t live next door to a woman who hates me. I’m sorry I
let you down.”

The windows started to rattle. Jake didn’t understand why the Major was so upset. Jake was the one suffering and disappointed in himself for hurting such a wonderful woman. He sat in the worn blue chair and closed his eyes while the spirit wrestled with his own demons. He thought this was what Larry had wanted, for him to back off. Jake felt the icy chill as the spirit twisted and groaned about the room, stirring up dust and loose papers in its wake.

“Neither one of you can move on until you let each other go. If you love her like you say you do, you have to let her go.”

It was all about moving on.

CHAPTER TEN

Emma sat across the table from Traci, cradling her mug of coffee. The two of them hadn’t had a mommy-play-date since before the holiday rush started. After spending a miserable week, she needed this. She’d had to explain to the kids and her parents that Jake couldn’t join them for Christmas dinner because he’d had a family emergency. She hated to lie, but she couldn’t bear to relive the horrible truth. They never would have understood, and she hadn’t quite come to terms with it herself. She needed some girl time.

“You holding up okay?” Traci asked after pouring cream into her mug.

“I guess.” Emma sounded dejected. “I don’t know who I hate more; Jake for lying to me or myself for allowing this to happen.”

“Hey, it could have happened to anyone. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I thought he was the one, Traci, in so many ways. I opened my heart to him. I thought I could love him. Even if he helped me talk to Larry, I thought maybe becoming a family was an option someday. I thought I could have it all.”

“Why can’t you, Emma? If not with Jake, surely there’s someone else out there. You can’t give up on love.”

“I am. Love like Larry and I shared only exists once in a lifetime. Jake proved that to me.”

“The New Year is two days away. You might find what you’re looking for.”

“Not me. I’m not looking. I believed once, but I’m not going to be made a fool again. I haven’t seen Jake since Christmas Eve, not that it would make a difference.”

“
Uhh
, you may not have a choice.”

“What do you mean?”

“I could be wrong, but isn’t that Jake with the kids?”

Emma followed Traci’s stare out the window to where the children were building a snowman in the yard. He was dressed again in his army fatigues, and he stood with his back to the house as if he were watching the children playing. Emma walked in a daze to the back door, wiping at the film of frost covering the glass.

“What is he doing?” She squinted, trying to get a better look. Seeing him with the kids again after almost a week made her realize how much she’d missed having him around. Jake Nicklaus was a good man, he just wasn’t her man and he never could be. If he continued to live next door, then she needed to figure out how to shut off the feelings which at that moment were working their way to her heart once again.

As she silently watched, Sarah and Ben wrapped their arms around the man when he crouched down in the snow. It wasn’t until he turned to look back at the house that she was struck by the
frightening reality before her.

The man wasn’t Jake.

Her mug shattered on the floor and Traci came running as Emma flung open the door and rushed outside. She tried to keep her footing as best she could in her moccasins and didn’t care they would be ruined by the snow. Her heart threatened to burst from her chest as she came closer to the small group.

“Mommy, look, Daddy’s here!” Sarah yelled as Emma came to a stop before them.

“Larry? Oh my God!” She panted, trying to catch her breath. This couldn’t be. Surely she was dreaming.

“Dad-
dy
!” Ben grabbed the man’s boot from where he sat in his bright red snowsuit and grinned.

“He can’t stay long,” Sarah informed her. “He just came to wish us a Merry Christmas…and to say goodbye.”

“What?” Emma blinked. “How?”

Emma’s entire body trembled, not from the winter chill. Larry seemed whole, and that couldn’t be. He’d died. The army had flown his body home, yet here he was looking as he did the day he left for the tour. When their eyes met, she felt him drinking her in, and she did the same as tears threatened to spill down her face. She took a step closer, but he held up his hand.

“My peanut-girl is right, I don’t have much time.” He placed a kiss on Sarah’s cheek and one on Ben’s head before standing to face her. “I’m using a lot of energy, darling, it’s making me weak being here like this. I want to hold you so much right now, so much.”

“Then hold me,” Emma’s voice squeaked, and she swallowed hard to hold back a sob.

“I can’t, not just yet. There’s so much I have to say to you.”

“What? Larry, I miss you every day. I want you back.”

“I know, baby, I know. But it can’t be anymore.” He raised his hand and caressed the air around her cheek and chin. Emma felt her face begin to warm up.

“Why?” She lifted her head. “You’re here now. Please stay. We need you.”

“I can’t stay this way. I had to come and make things right.” He looked down at the children, patting snow into a large round ball at his feet, and smiled. “They need to be happy, Emma. You need to be happy.”

“I am. You’re here now. Everything is okay.”

“No it’s not,” his voice seemed firm yet distant, and she shivered. Was he talking about the kiss she’d shared with Jake?

“I’m sorry. I wanted Jake to help me. I know now he talks to you. I thought he could bring us all together. I will stay away from him if you want. I will move. We can move. Just stay here with us. We’re you’re family.”

“I can’t stay. Please don’t cry.”

“I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. She didn’t want to believe he couldn’t stay. She didn’t want to be alone again.

“No, Emma, I’m sorry. I’ve held you back. I’ve made you so sad that you stopped living.”

“No, that’s not true.” She shook her head, hoping to convince them both.

“Yes it is. I’ve watched you all these years. Last week I saw how you and Jake were feeling. I didn’t want to believe it, and I became angry and jealous. The one man I trusted to watch over my family was starting to have everything I ever wanted and will never have again.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I was mad at you and mad at him and somewhere along the way I was even mad at myself for ever getting on the chopper that day. I know how badly you’re hurting now, and I don’t want you to ever feel this way again. I’ve seen how much Jake is hurting without you, too.”

“Stay with us, Larry.”

“I trusted Jake for a reason. Emma, if ever there was someone who could love you and the kids the way you need to be loved and protect you, it’s Jake Nicklaus. It’s taken me time to realize this, but Jake will always be there for you. He loves you, Emma. But there’s not much time.”

“But being with Jake will mean I lose you, and I can’t do that again. I won’t.”

“You will never lose me, Emma. I’m always going to be here, especially at Christmas. It’s okay to love him. I’ve seen it in your eyes. It’s a different glow, but it’s shining just for him.”

“What are you saying?”

“He’s leaving. He can’t live here any longer believing you hate him, and he can’t help you. He’s taking the next train to Alabama. You have to stop him.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to. You both need each other, and I can’t stand in your way any longer. He’s a wonderful man, Emma. I’m proud to give you to him.”

Larry reached out and pulled her in his arms. She held on tight, letting the smell and feel of him fill her senses, her memory, her being. He felt warm, then cold and after a few moments she could feel him slipping away beneath her.

“I love you, baby,” his voice called from somewhere far away. She stepped out of his embrace, watching him shimmer like the snow around them until he was gone.

“I’ll love you forever,” she whispered.

Emma shot a panicked look toward the back door. Traci stood, wrapped in a wool sweater, blotting the tears from her face. Her friend waved her on, mouthing the word ‘go.’ Emma turned back to the children sti
ll playing unaware in the snow.

“Daddy’s gone, isn’t he?” Sarah’s tiny voice asked.

“Yes.” Emma sniffed and glanced once more toward the front yard.

“Please don’t let Jake go away, too. He loves us just as much as Daddy.”

***

Sarah’s plea rang in Emma’s ears as she ran. With every step she took, she felt the years of sorrow and longing leave her body. When she reached the front of the house, Jake was just tossing his olive green duffle into the bed of his pickup truck.

“I believe,” her voice quivered, but he didn’t seem to hear. Shaking her hands at her sides, she cleared her throat and spoke louder this time, “I believe.” Jake slowly turned and froze in place.

“Emma? What are you doing?” He looked shocked to see her standing outside without a coat or boots or gloves, and she didn’t care. She walked toward him as a light snow started to fall.

“I’m stopping you from leaving.” Emma tried not to laugh at his slack jaw and busied herself trying to remove his heavy duffle.

“It’s better this way, Emma. I understand how I made you feel. Heck, I’d hate me, too.” He placed his hand over hers to stop her, the zap of electricity connecting them once again.

“No, it’s not. I’ve been miserable without you in my life. It’s taken me until now to realize how much I’ve always looked forward to seeing you and having you here.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” She saw the beginning of a smile tug at the corners of his mouth.

“What you’ve done for me and the children goes beyond honor or duty, Jake. You’ve sacrificed so much being here and taking care of us. You put your own life on hold.”

“I made a promise.”

“I know. I never thought I’d feel love again after losing Larry. Then you came along and I felt myself changing inside. I wanted to believe, but I was too stubborn. I thought what I was doing was living, but it wasn’t even close. And you gave me the greatest gift of all. I got to see Larry one more time. That never would have happened if you hadn’t come into my life. You helped me let go.”

“What exactly are you saying, Emma?”

“I’m saying I love you. I’m saying I don’t want another day without you in it. I’m saying don’t go.”

“You are?”

“Yes. You make me laugh and feel safe. You’re always here for me.”

“And I always will be.”

“Then you’re not leaving?”

“No. I love you too much to ever be without you.”

Emma fell into his arms. His lips found hers in the sweetest kiss she’d ever imagined. A breeze kicked up as snowflakes spun around their feet, moving higher until they were the center of flurry.

A soft light glowed from within their circle, pulling back as the snow settled once more at their feet and fell from the air around them like a snow globe. When they looked, they saw the iridescent image of a soldier waving as he walked away. With the blow of a kiss, he was gone.