Sarah's Promise (33 page)

“I know they both were upset when Lester died,” Frank said softly, bowing his head. “Shoot, we were all struggling. On top a’ losin’ Joe, and Pa. And Robert gettin’ hurt. We were all upset. Lord, I thought for a while that maybe she’d gone crazy with it.”

I drew close again and squeezed him tight. How well I remembered those difficult days. I, too, had thought Rorey simply couldn’t handle losing a brother, and then her father and her fiancé too. But Lester had been Eugene’s brother. For Rorey to run off with Eugene to St. Louis had been a dreadful shock. “She made her own choices as much as Eugene did,” I reminded him.

“I know. But Eugene only lost Lester. Rorey lost Lester plus Pa and Joe. He shoulda known she was vulnerable. He shoulda helped her mourn around family for a while instead of whiskin’ her off to the city and fillin’ her emptiness with a bottle. I guess it’s a wonder she hasn’t had a child before this.”

“Frank—”

“There wasn’t none of us blind, Sarah Jean, not even back then.”

I sighed. “Is Kirk this upset?”

“You remember the fight he got in over the barn fire?”

“Oh yes. But that was Willy’s idea, not his.”

Frank nodded. “But he’s boilin’ just the same. An’ he already told me to look out when Willy gets here. Bert’s told him about things in his letters, an’ he wrote back that he’d like nothing better than to beat the tar out of Eugene when he gets the chance.”

“He can’t! It’ll be their wedding day!”

“Willy does pretty much what he wants to do.”

“Oh, Frank! Kirk wouldn’t help him, would he? Or Harry, or Bert?”

“I don’t suppose Bert would. It’s not in him, I don’t think. And you know I can’t.”

“Maybe you can talk to them. Maybe you can keep them calm.”

“I’m not sure I can.” He sighed. “You’re wondering about yourself, Sarah. But look at me. Up in Camp Point I’m known as a minister of the gospel, but part of me don’t even want to keep ’em calm. Let ’em do what they will and let Eugene take his licks. He’s brought it on himself, drivin’ in here with his drinking friends and acting like we all owe him somethin’.”

He squeezed my hand, and the strength in his grasp surprised me. His next words were calm, but I knew the anger was still alive in him. “He told Harry that Rorey’s family wasn’t doin’ enough. We oughta pay for the dinner with his folks the night before the wedding and a hotel for him and Rorey afterward. Plus the wedding reception. He thinks we oughta pay for pretty much everything except that dress you all are making. And your folks helped pay for that.”

“Maybe he lost his job,” I suggested. “We know his family is poor.”

“That’s not all there is to it. We don’t mind paying some, ’cause she’s our sister and she’s got no folks. But what about his part? When’s he take up
his
responsibility? He’s not even buyin’ her a house. They’ve got some dingy rented apartment above a meat market where the bedroom smells like liverwurst and the rats run up and down inside the walls at night.”

He pulled away just a little and grabbed the fence with one hand. “She’d be better off without him. Back home with Emmie and her brothers.”

“But she wants this.”

He bowed his head. “She never did know what was good for her, Sarah Jean. Don’t be mad at her. She’s like a foolish little kid runnin’ after the first fella with a lollipop.”

I hugged him. But there was nothing I could say to make this better. We couldn’t stop Rorey if she wanted to marry Eugene Turrey. Even talking to her about it might only make things worse, because it might alienate her from her family more than she’d already been. I knew Frank worried for her. It was quite a burden. I felt ashamed that I’d so often let petty things bother me.

“I’m hopin’ Lizbeth’s got some wise thoughts on all this,” Frank said. “An’ I guess I’m hopin’ too that she can rein in Willy. He never much listened to me.”

If anyone could, it would be Lizbeth. She was the oldest, except for Sam, and she’d been like a mother to the younger ones since their mother’s passing.

Frank told me that my feelings toward Rorey weren’t strange at all and I shouldn’t feel bad for them. I wished I could tell him that there was so much more going on inside my head, but he already looked so sad I didn’t want to make things worse.

“All you want is for Rorey to let you have your special time,” he said with a sigh. “That ain’t half so bad as hoping my soon-to-be brother-in-law’ll get run out of town. But I guess I’m tryin’ not to hope that. I been prayin’ for him. Lot better if he’d come to know Jesus. That’d be the beginnin’ of better days for Rorey, no doubt about that.”

“She needs the Lord too,” I said softly, feeling miserable to let him think I was handling things better than he was.

“I know she does,” he answered. “You work on that, if you can, Sarah Jean, tellin’ her ’bout the Lord an’ his love for her. And I’ll try, okay? I’ll work on my brothers and even Eugene if I get a chance. It can be our project. Like a gift we give God at our weddin’ time, even if we feel like doin’ something else.”

“I like that.” I could see the passion beneath the surface of Frank’s stormy eyes, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to withhold things from him any longer.

“I don’t think God faults us for our feelings,” he said quietly. “It’s what we do about them that counts.”

He looked down the lane toward Dave and Katie in the distance and then took my hand. “Maybe we should join them.”

But I held back. “Frank . . . there’s something else I should tell you.”

Immediately I felt guilty. His eyes dramatically changed, and I realized that even with all his strength and accomplishments, Frank was painfully vulnerable. He looked afraid—that I could still doubt him, or maybe even reject him. I drew him close and held him tight. “I love you.”

“I know. At least I always did believe it so.”

“Don’t ever question that, please?” I looked up into his eyes again. “You mean more to me than anyone but the Lord himself, and I want to make sure you know that.”

He drew a deep breath. “I feel the same ’bout you. But . . . but what was you needin’ to say?”

“I didn’t want to upset you. I didn’t want to be a bother and make you think you needed to come down here and see to something that was really nothing at all.”

“What?”

I hesitated, scared of hurting his feelings or giving him another burden when it was already hard enough about Rorey. But I couldn’t hold back now. “Did Dad say anything about Donald Mueller?”

I wasn’t sure what I was seeing in him. Sadness, anger, or confusion. But not quite any of those. “No,” he answered simply. His grip on my hand tightened.

“H-he was bothering me for a while with letters, trying to get me to go out with him or meet and talk.”

“How many letters?” Frank’s face looked set, hard to read.

“Five, I think. I only opened the first because he hadn’t put his name on the outside. Mom read one of the others, but I threw the rest away still in the envelopes. I just thought you’d want me to tell you.”

“How long ago was this?”

Again, I hesitated. “The first letter came about the time you left.”

He looked past me to the sky. “So did you meet with him?”

My heart almost stopped. “I wouldn’t do that. Not on purpose. He showed up twice when I went to town with Dad, but I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to see him.”

“Then what was it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your feelings ’bout it all. I see somethin’ in you. I’m not sure what.”

I could scarcely breathe. “Franky—”

“Was you considerin’?”

“No! Why would you think that?”

“You didn’t wanna tell me. You don’t wanna show your whole heart . . .”

How could I deny? Frank could read me like other people read an open book. What could I answer? He was hurt. Not by my words, but by what I didn’t say. The hesitation. The turmoil he must be seeing in my eyes. “Frank, I was struggling with things in my head, about not wanting to leave here and go so far . . .”

I told him everything. About the temptation, my dreams, my doubts. I told him about Donald at the service station and in front of the café, and my promise to God to trust. I was crying before I got halfway through, and his eyes misted as he listened, still holding my hand.

“I never wanted anything to do with Donald. It isn’t that. I was just so afraid of facing a strange place. But now I’ve been scared for you to see how weak I am. You’ve been serving the Lord while I’ve been nothing but a big baby over the thought of moving. There’s so much that’s wrong with me, Frank. Sometimes I think you’d be better off with somebody else.”

He held me, kissed the top of my head. “Everybody has misgivin’s, Sarah. An’ weak times. Most every day I wonder what you’d want with me.”

I had to look up at him. “You’ve been faithful. But I—”

“You been tested. Remember what I said—that God don’t fault us our feelings, just how we act on ’em. You didn’t ask for Donald’s nose in things. You didn’t go out with him. You decided to stay with silly ol’ me.”

“I decided to stay with the blessing of God. And you’re such a big part of that.”

“You was brave. To let me buy that place despite how you was feeling. If you’d tol’ me all this, I’d a’ come home.”

“I know.”

He leaned and kissed me. “Then quit worryin’. Okay? You made your choice. ’Long as you’re still happy with it, I guess we’ll be okay.”

“I am. Very happy.”

A fox ran across the field in front of us, and I could hear a hoot owl somewhere nearby. “I wonder what come into Donald’s head to try with you,” Frank said softly.

“I don’t know. I think I’m downright rude to him. I wasn’t sure how else to be.”

“I think you done fine.”

I wondered if I should tell him about Rorey’s letter. It was the only thing I hadn’t said. I didn’t want him angry with her on top of his concern, but I didn’t want any more secrets either. “Frank, Rorey thought it’d be a good idea for me to see someone else.”

“She said that? Recent?”

“Couple of months ago. In a letter.”

He sighed. “Well. I guess I ain’t worthy of you in her eyes.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you think so.”

I felt like a load had been lifted from my shoulders, and in the moonlight Frank was looking more at peace too. He took my hand, and we walked on in the direction Dave and Katie had gone. I thought they would surely be inside by now, but they were waiting on the porch when we got back to the house. To my surprise, Frank confessed our struggle about Rorey and asked them for prayer.

“I can talk to Kirk,” Dave suggested. “I’ll try to cool his head a little. Fighting anybody’s not gonna help matters.”

Mom and Rorey were still working on the dress when we went in, but Mrs. Post had gone home. Frank and Dave had a cup of tea and then walked back to the other farm. Katie and I got back to sewing for a little while. But first I went to Rorey and gave her a hug. Frank was right. Despite our own feelings, we could give the Lord a gift: to love her. To try to win her, and Eugene, to the light of God’s love.

28

Frank

The next morning I had a feelin’ a’ dread I tried hard to shake. Mrs. Wortham’s picnic idea was a fine one. None of us’d spent much time with Dave, or Eugene, and it’d been awhile since we’d had opportunity to be with Rorey. But I had a feelin’ the day wasn’t gonna go smooth as planned, so I prayed there wouldn’t be no hard feelings, no drinking, and no trouble.

It was a beautiful Saturday, exactly a week from our wedding day. I was glad for Lizbeth to come out early and talk with Harry and Bert. She would a’ talked to Kirk too, but he was off with Dave the whole morning.

Emmie’d been busy making cakes for the picnic. She loved to cook, and her food was some of the best around, but she must’ve been feeling some of the same concern I was. She told me an’ Lizbeth that she wasn’t lookin’ forward to this picnic, not like she knew she should.

“It’s good to have Rorey home,” she said almost tearfully. “But I don’t feel like I know her anymore. It’s almost like she grew up someplace else.”

“She’s not done with the growin’ up,” Lizbeth observed. “We just need to love her all we can.”

Emmie made a face. “I s’pose that means we have to love Eugene too?”

“That’ll help.” Lizbeth looked at me. “And I know we’re up to the challenge.”

I took a deep breath, trying to chase away the awkward feeling I had inside. She was right. We were s’posed to love Eugene, challenge or not. Despite the past, the present, or anything else. But it was hard, rememberin’ him and his brothers throwing mud globs at me after school, and especially thinking about Rorey now. What would her future be like if they continued without the Lord?

We took the wagon out to the pond for the picnic so Lizbeth’s little girl Mary Jane could ride and we could haul along everything we could think of that we might need. Emmie’s cakes, blankets to spread on the ground, Lizbeth’s coleslaw and sweet pickles, cooked eggs, extra bread, two buckets of fresh water, and plenty of dishes and such. When we got there, Eugene and his friends hadn’t come yet, and Rorey, Sarah, and Mrs. Wortham were still back at the house waiting for them.

“Maybe they won’t come,” Harry suggested.

“If they do, I oughta have paper and pen along,” Bert put in. “This picnic could get int’resting enough for mention in the
Times Leader
.”

Despite his young years, Bert contributed regular to the local newspaper, but I figured he was kiddin’ us about this. Lizbeth and Emmie spread out everything that was already brought. Katie and Dave headed back to the Worthams’ just to see if they needed help carrying anything.

We didn’t have to wait long. Rorey and Eugene came walkin’ arm in arm, and their friends Max and Carol were the same way, only Carol didn’t look too comfortable traipsin’ through the timber in her fancy dress and high heels. I was glad Sarah was sensible enough to know that everyday clothes and flat shoes were better for a picnic.

We had enough food to feed an army. Eugene stared down at it all like he didn’t know what to do.

“Come and sit,” Lizbeth invited them. “I think we have blanket space for everybody.”