Saturday (Timeless Series #6) (14 page)

My arms scooped underneath her small frame, just as they would if I were going to pick her up.

Rose watched what I was doing, unsure what was going to happen next.

I moved to her to a laying position, having her lay down right beside me on the couch. My back was to the TV because I wasn’t going to watch it anyway. I grabbed the blanket hanging off the back of the couch and pulled it over our bodies. This was the most affection we’ve ever shared, but she seemed okay with it. My face was close to hers and I rested my arm around her waist, feeling the small indentions of her ribs. “Is this okay?”

Her voice cracked before she spoke. “Yes.”

I naturally wanted to grab her thigh and wrap it around my waist, but since she was wearing a dress that might spook her. I kept her body exactly where it was and entertained myself by looking her in the eye.

Her almond shaped eyes were hypnotizing and bold. They were greener than the lushest lawn in summer, and they were softer than the pedals of a rose. She was delicate like a snowflake but hard as steel. I loved everything about her, from the tip of her nose to the curve of her lips. She was a work of art, absent of any flaws. She couldn’t be any more perfect—for me.

Her breathing was still irregular, telling me she was nervous with our placement. It was the most affection we’d ever shared. We were laying together on the couch in an empty apartment. A kid’s movie was on in the background but neither one of us were paying attention to it.

I wanted to kiss her—badly.

But I knew she wasn’t ready for that. She needed to come out of her shell a little more. If I went for the kiss the first time we were together like this, she might avoid intimacy altogether. She liked me because she felt safe with me. There was no pressure to do anything.

So I had to keep making her feel safe
.

“How have you been?” My hand moved to her lower back, feeling the prominent curve there. It was one of the attributes I found most sexy on a woman, and it didn’t surprise me that she had it. I wanted to run kisses along the area, moving down her ass to the sweet spot I desired most. The thought made me hard so I shook it away, not wanting her to feel the bulge in my jeans. Of all things, that would make her the most uncomfortable.

“Good. Just work and jogging.”

“And eating ice cream?” I teased.

“No, I’ve stayed strong. I walk right past it with my head held high.”

“You deserve a treat after running six miles.”

“But then I’m eating back all the calories I burned. Seems counterproductive.”

Like she needed to worry about calorie counting. “Anything else?”

“I got a new client. He wants me to build his office in Manhattan. It’s a big project and I’m excited to start.”

“Are you still working on mine?”

“Honestly, no. I guess I’m trying to drag it out as long as possible…” Her hand slowly moved across the couch until it rested in the center of my chest. Her fingers lightly rubbed the area, her eyes glued to her actions.

“You know I’ll still be here if and when you finish the project.” And I’d here long after that. Feeling her touch me like that sent shivers down my spine. It was the most affection I got from her, and it was sexy. It felt like more than just an innocent touch, that she was attracted to my size and build.

She wanted me
.

“Yeah?” she whispered.

I nodded.

I wanted to kiss her so much it hurt. If it were any other woman I’d go for it, but I couldn’t afford to make a mistake with Rose. Her desires had to be unmistakably clear.

My fingers felt the fabric of her dress along her back, feeling the softness of the fabric. The scent of her perfume washed over me, light and fragrant. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if it was perfume she sprayed on her wrists, or her natural scent altogether. Hopefully, I’d find that answer one day.

As the minutes trickled by, she realized nothing more would come from our interaction. Her lips were safe at the moment, and that made the rest of her body relax. Her fingers moved softly over my chest and down to my stomach, feeling the grooves from my abs. Her eyes took in my entire body, particularly the features of my face. She was exploring me, going at a pace suitable to her.

I couldn’t even begin to understand what she went through. As a man, the thought of someone doing something to me against my will never crossed my mind. I walked the streets at night, never afraid someone would take my virtue. Maybe they’ll take my wallet, but that would be the worst of it. After what she went through it didn’t surprise me how closed off she was. Could she ever feel turned on again? When that was her last experience?

Maybe this was all she could handle.

“Kyle?” When she said my mine it sounded too sexy to ignore. She had a naturally beautiful voice, and it was hypnotizing and achingly warm.

“Sweetheart?” I usually called girls baby, but a different nickname emerged for Rose.

“Why haven’t you kissed me? Why haven’t you tried anything?”

The question surprised me. I couldn’t think of a single reason why she asked it. “It doesn’t seem like you want me to.”

“But how do you know that?” Her hand rested on my chest, directly over my heart.

“I just do.” My hand slid further up her back, feeling her body expand with every breath she took.

“That doesn’t bother you…?”

“Why would it?” My hand reached her long strands of brown hair, and I fingered it slightly.

“I don’t know…I’m not fast like the women you’re used to.”

She must be comparing herself to Cassandra, who would take me then and there if I asked her to. “I don’t want you to be fast. I want you to be you.”

“But it must disappoint you.” She searched my eyes for a lie.

“It doesn’t. I don’t expect anything, and I’ll gladly take anything you give me.”

Her eyes moved to my chest. “I don’t know what this is, Kyle. I wanted to stay away from you but I couldn’t. Now here I am…unable to get away.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“I’m not right for you. I can’t do relationships, and I can’t do commitments. I’m afraid I’m wasting your time.”

“You’re the only woman I want to be with. So you can never waste my time.” I wish she would just tell me what happened four years ago. I wish she would trust me to see her in the exact same light. What happened to her was a crime, but she didn’t need to be ashamed of it. “I like things the way they are and I don’t want them to change. So don’t think about where this may go or what’s in the past. Let’s just live in the moment—together.” I pulled her closer to me so our bodies were touching. I wanted to feel her chest press against mine every time she took a breath. I wanted to hear the quiet sighs that escaped her lips because I was close enough to catch them. I wanted more than this, everything she could possibly give me. But I’d settle for much less—because she was special.

Inevitable

Rose

Without realizing it, I’d fallen for Kyle.

When we weren’t together I missed him. When he didn’t call me I hoped he was just busy. When he held me on the couch and didn’t pressure me do anything, even kiss him, I felt indebted to him.

I’d never met a man like him.

Most men wanted to get laid on the first date. They were sweet and charming, but a physical relationship was essential for their needs. They pressured me into things I wasn’t ready for, and since it reminded me so much of that night I stopped trying altogether.

Then I met Kyle.

He was content holding my hand and nothing else. He didn’t make a move on me even when he had the right to. Two months had come and gone and he still didn’t kiss me.

Who had that kind of willpower?

He seemed too good to be true.

He was sensitive, caring, and he made me laugh. Which was a surprise because no one ever made me laugh. He was drop-dead gorgeous, having the looks of a model and the body of a soldier.

And he was interested in me.

How did that I get that lucky?

Sometimes I thought I could forget about the past and move on—with Kyle. If we took things slow we might be able to have the kind of sex I could enjoy. I may be able to push out all the memories of that terrible night and actually enjoy it.

Sex was something I loved once upon a time. I’d had long-term relationships and a few flings, and hitting the sheets was always fantastic. I enjoyed it just as much as men did.

But now I was drier than a desert.

My body hadn’t woken up from the drought in four years. Nothing excited me anymore, and when I did think about sex I remembered what happened to me. It was a vicious cycle, so I put sex out of my mind for good. I didn’t even masturbate.

But with Kyle I felt my body come to life.

Sometimes I fantasized about kissing him, feeling those thin lips against mine. Sometimes I wondered what he looked like shirtless, all muscle. Sometimes I wondered how his naked body would feel against mine. The vision lasted for a few minutes, beautiful and arousing. My body responded in a way it never did when I thought about sex. I became wet and turned on.

But is that how I would feel in real life?

If we became physical would I get scared and run?

Was it worth the chance?

Maybe I should just tell him what happened. He seemed caring and understanding. And he would finally know why I was so prude. He was dealing with a woman who experienced a serious trauma. He was basically walking into a mine field in the dark.

But I was scared.

He wouldn’t want me anymore.

He would think about the things that happened and become disgusted.

He’d never look at me the same.

Wasn’t it better just to keep it a secret? How would he ever find out anyway?

Or would that be deceitful?

Ugh, I couldn’t make up my mind.

Someone pounded on my door, shattering the internal debate I was having. “Rose, it’s me. Open the door.” Florence pounded on the wood again.

What was she doing here? I left the table where my sketching supplies were and opened the door. “Is everything okay?” She hardly dropped by my apartment. She usually texted me first.

“I talked to Will today.”

Who was Will again?

She walked inside without being invited. “He said Kyle told him you two were dating.” She crossed her arms over her chest and gave me the coldest look I’ve ever seen. “Is that true?”

Kyle thought we were dating? To me, we were just friends that spent time together. But when I reflected on the things we did together, cuddling on the couch and holding each other at the end of the night I realized that wasn’t true. “Yes.”

Now her eyes burned with fire. “What the hell, Rose? You told me you weren’t into him.”

“I said I would never date him.”

“Isn’t that the same damn thing? He was my guy. How could you take him away from me?”

Her cattiness and stubbornness never bothered me because it wasn’t directed at me. It was always aimed at the people outside our inner circle. But now that it was my problem I didn’t like it. “I didn’t take him away from you, Florence. We just had a connection and we got tired of fighting it.”

“But you knew how much I liked him. How could you do that as my friend?”

I kept my voice calm so she would stop screaming. “You only went out twice.”

“What does that matter? We kissed and I thought it would go somewhere.”

“But it’s not like he was your boyfriend and you broke up. I think you’re being unfair.”

“No, I’m not. You broke the girl code.”

“Look, I didn’t date him right off the bat. He kept pursuing me and he wouldn’t give up. This went on for weeks before I finally caved. When I got to know him better I ended up really liking him. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings, Florence. I never meant to do that.”

“Does that mean you’re going to stop seeing him?”

She couldn’t be serious.
“What would that solve?”

“How are we supposed to hang out and be friends when there’s an elephant in the room?”

By getting over it
. “If I stop seeing him, he’s not going to see you.”

“But it’s still a strain on our relationship. What’s more important? A boyfriend or a friend?” She shifted her weight to one leg and venomously glared at me.

“Why does their have to be a decision at all? Florence, this is the first time I’ve ever been with a guy that I’ve actually liked. I don’t think about what happened when I’m with him. I think I can finally move on. Isn’t that the most important thing here?”

“I still think it’s a conflict of interest. You knew how much I was into him.”

“I do,” I admitted. “But he makes me happy. We’re happy together.” I didn’t think I could give him up. I’d grown so attached to him, attached to the way he made me feel.

“Fine. Then you’ve made your decision.” She backed up, angry tears in her eyes.

“That’s it?” I asked incredulously. “I have to dump him or you won’t be my friend anymore?”

“We both know he was mine first.” She marched out the door and slammed it hard behind her.

Speechless, I just stood there. The last thing she said kept playing in my mind. I could hardly believe what she said. “No. He was always mine.”

***

For the next few days all I could think about was Florence. Her reaction was childish and irritating but I couldn’t help but feel terrible for what I did to her. The guilt was eating me alive.

After that terrible night four years ago, she was there for me. She was by my side every second of the day, getting me back on my feet. And as the years passed she didn’t let my troubles drown me down. She forced me to go out with her, to meet new people. She basically took my hand and guided me to recovery.

So could I really do this to her?

She didn’t know Kyle the way I did. She didn’t have the same kind of connection with him. But she did feel something for him, enough to throw a tantrum. While I liked Kyle and the way he made me feel, we had no future together. Once I told him what happened, he would be too uncomfortable to stick around—and I wouldn’t blame him. And even if he was okay with it, would I ever be able to make love to him? Would sex always get in the way? I knew he was a promiscuous man just from looking at Cassandra.

We were doomed to fail regardless.

Even if we were about to go our separate ways, Kyle gave me hope. He was a good man that wouldn’t hurt a fly. If he existed, then there must be others. Not everyone was sinister with sinister intentions.

But that didn’t make this any easier.

***

I stopped by his apartment one evening after work. I didn’t call him ahead of time. If I did, he would hear the sadness in my voice and know something was wrong. It was easier to walk inside and drop the bomb quickly—get it over with.

He opened the door with a smile on his face, happy to see me. He wore a gray t-shirt with running shorts, what he usually wore around the house. His arms were toned and muscular, and his calves were thick and powerful. Kyle was unnaturally good looking. Sometimes I wondered if he was my imaginary friend. “Hey.” His arm hooked around my waist and he pulled me into his chest for a hug.

“Hey.”

Like always, his mouth moved to my forehead. “I missed you.”

I melted into a puddle at his feet, victim to his words and his kiss. “I missed you too.”

He shut the door then wrapped his other arm around me, enveloping me tighter than a letter. His arms were as solid as metal bars, and nothing could get to me when I was inside. “I was just thinking about you.”

“You were?”

“Yeah. But then again, I’m always thinking about you.” He slowly pulled his arms away, reluctant to let me go. “Would you like anything? Something to drink?”

His question returned me to the present. I was there for a reason, and if I let his sweet words and warm touch affect me I’d never leave. Kyle had the unnatural ability to make me fall headfirst.

Along with every other woman in the world.

“No, thank you. Actually…I need to talk to you about something.”

He stiffened in front of me, his eyes changing. One moment he was looking at me with fondness, and now he was staring at me with fear. He scanned my face, searching for the words I hadn’t spoken. “No.”

His response didn’t make sense, so I had no idea what he meant. “What?”

“No. You aren’t leaving.”

How’d he know…?

He gripped both of my wrists and placed them over his chest. “I’m not letting you go, Rose. When you get scared talk to me. But don’t leave.”

Did I make it that obvious? Or could he read me that well?

“I’ll do anything to make this work,” he whispered. “Whatever you need, it’s yours. You just have to tell me.”

“Kyle, it’s not you.”

“Then I’ll fix whatever it is.”

“It’s not something you can fix.”

He brought one hand to his lips and kissed the skin over my knuckles. “Talk to me.”

“It’s Florence. She found out we were seeing each other and she wasn’t happy about it.”

“How’s that our problem?”

“Because she’s my friend.”

“What does that matter? She should be happy for you.”

“Well, she doesn’t see it that way,” I whispered. “She dated you first and really liked you. It hurts her feelings that I’m dating a man that she really wanted—that she called dibs on.”

His eyes immediately darkened. “The second you walked into that restaurant I was yours. And you know that.”

I tried to ignore the sweet thing he just said. “She said it’s a conflict of interest and she’s never going to be okay with it.”

“That’s not our problem. Don’t let her manipulate you. We’re happy together and she’s the one being selfish.”

“You don’t understand…”

“Actually, I do,” he said coldly. “What kind of friend tells you to break up with a guy that you really like? I’m the first guy you’ve been with in forever, and she wants you to—”

“Wait…how did you know that?”

“Know what?” He kept a straight face.

“That you’re the only guy I’ve been with in a long time.”

He stared at the ground before he looked at me again. “The same way I knew something was wrong once you walked in the door. I can’t explain it, Rose. I just know. And I think Florence is a really shitty friend.”

“But she was there for me…in the past. She did a lot for me when I didn’t ask her to.”

“Even so, you don’t owe her anything. She’s just jealous that I like you instead of her.”

“You didn’t see her face. She started to cry—”

“Then she needs to grow up,” he snapped. “Even if you broke up with me I’m not going to date her. So she doesn’t get what she wants either way. She may as well let us be.”

He had the same arguments I did, but it didn’t change Florence’s mind. “Boyfriends come and go but friends are forever. I can’t pick a guy over her.”

He stared me down, his blue eyes no longer as brilliant. He glanced at my lips before he looked me head-on again. “I’m not going to come and go, Rose. Surely, you must know that by now.”

I forgot to breathe.

“I’ve never felt this way for anyone before, not even Francesca. And I was going to marry her. Whatever we have is different than anything else we’ve ever experienced. I realize we’ve only known each other for three months and I sound crazy right now, but I know this is going to last. I’m not just some guy. I’m
the
guy.”

I finally took a breath, feeling my lungs ached from being deprived of oxygen for so long. What he said was both beautiful and terrifying. Unsure what to say back, I just stood there.

“I realize how that must sound. But I know you understand exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not crazy, and neither are you.”