Savage Urges (14 page)

Ryan took a step closer. “What?”

“The image of a salamander had been burned into the flesh of her back. Like someone had branded her with a hot iron.”

The image tickled his memory. He’d heard of such a thing before, but where? The answer slipped away the second he reached for it.

Dawn sighed. “Deep down, she wants to find them, and she wants to understand what happened. Most of all, she wants to confront the people who ordered the banishment because Makenna hates injustice—or maybe that’s
why
she hates injustice. But I think she convinces herself they don’t matter, because then she doesn’t have to be hurt by what they did and they have no power over her.”

Ryan could understand that. Makenna had a soft, compassionate, bruised heart. Facing her past would mean potentially facing more pain, so she chose to live in denial instead. It was a primitive defense mechanism that most people used to some degree in their lives, and sometimes it was the only thing that helped a person function. What Makenna wasn’t seeing was that closure could go a long way to helping her heal.

Giving Dawn a nod of thanks for her honesty, Ryan slid into the Chevy and drove to Phoenix Pack territory. Once Zac was settled, Ryan retreated to his room and dialed a familiar number. “Garrett, I have a question.”

“Well, hello to you too, son.”

Ryan inwardly sighed. Garrett was the Head Enforcer of his old pack and had taught him how to track. He’d also been more of a father to Ryan than his true father had. “You know I don’t like pleasantries.”

“Yes, I do.” Garrett chuckled. “What’s your question?”

“You ever heard of any wolves having a salamander branded into their skin?” Ryan didn’t intend to track Makenna’s roots until after the Remy situation was over. But it bugged him that he was sure he’d heard of the salamander brand before.

“I once heard of an Alpha who likes to brand his wolves. He apparently thinks of it as an honor. A symbol of his favor. But to brand a shifter the way they brand their mates is the ultimate exertion of dominance, nothing more.”

“What’s the Alpha’s name? What pack does he run?”

“It was a long time ago that I heard about it. I don’t remember any of the specifics.”

Disappointment welled up in him.

“Why the interest?”

Ryan’s lips tightened. “I can’t say. It’s not my secret to tell.”

“Fair enough. You should visit us sometime soon.”

Be in the general vicinity of his parents? Not an appealing idea. “I’ll think about it.”

Garrett snorted. “No, you won’t. But I understand why. Take care, son.” The line went dead.

Returning his cell to his pocket, Ryan wondered if he should feel guilty for going against Makenna’s wishes. She’d shared her secrets, only asking that he’d let them alone. But how could he? How could he ignore something that hurt her? The answer was . . . he couldn’t. When she hurt, he hurt—an amazing phenomenon, given that he wasn’t particularly empathetic. Apparently, she was rubbing off on him.

That night, Ryan lay on his bed with Makenna snuggled into his side, her head on his chest. Both were naked and thoroughly sated. As he played his fingers through her hair, he sensed she was on the verge of sleep. He should have let her rest, should have simply said good night. Instead, Ryan found himself blurting out what he’d wanted to say all day. “We should tell people we’re mates.”

Makenna exhaled heavily. “I told you, I don’t want to say anything until we know for sure.”

His hand clenched in her hair. “We’re mates, Kenna. I know it. You know it.”

She peered up at him. “And if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not wrong.”

She rolled her eyes. “Let’s pretend for just a moment that you’re a mere mortal and make mistakes like everyone else . . . What if you’re wrong?”

The anxiety that very briefly flickered in her eyes surprised him. “You’re mine, Kenna. Nothing will change that.”

Makenna wished she could believe that. She wanted to, wanted it more than she’d wanted anything in a very long time. But she couldn’t envision Ryan ever imprinting on someone.

He rolled onto his side and lapped at a bite on her neck. “Tell me about your childhood.”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” Obviously.

“If you think my childhood was awful, you’re wrong. My mom was a very fun, positive person who was extremely superstitious.” He didn’t look surprised to hear that. “Fiona Wray always saw the bright side of everything. She could lift anyone’s spirit. She taught me never to give up, to never let the lone shifter lifestyle beat us, that life itself was a gift and that I was living proof of that for her. So it didn’t matter to me whether we were in a hostel, a B & B, an apartment or living in our wolf form. I was happy as long as I had her.”

Ryan traced her collarbone with his finger. “But then you didn’t have her anymore.”

“You know what’s sad? She was a really special person . . . but I was the only one there to mourn her. Others didn’t realize just how great she was. She didn’t make her mark on the world.”

Ryan stroked a hand over her hair. “Tell me more.”

“Why? I’m sure you found out plenty from Dawn.” She’d just been calling his bluff, but the way he stilled ever so slightly made Makenna smile. “Ha, I guessed right, didn’t I? You went to Dawn.”

“Why would you think that?’

She snorted. “Because you’re a tenacious bastard who has to always be in possession of the facts.” She grazed his chest with her nails. “Tell me about your childhood. I confess, I know a little about your parents from when I was checking out Zac’s family tree.”

“You ruled them out as suitable guardians.”

“I was told they had a strained relationship.”

That was somewhat of an understatement. It wasn’t a topic he ever discussed, but this was Makenna. “My parents imprinted on each other when they were seventeen. A year later, I was born. Gwen was an immature eighteen.” The woman was still immature.

“Imprinted at seventeen and then parents at eighteen? That was fast.”

Ryan nodded. “Too fast for them. Neither was ready. It was harder for Gwen because she was alone a lot. My father, Galen, was training to be an enforcer, so he spent a lot of time out of the house. She did the night shifts, the day shifts, the diapers, the bottles, everything. It had to be an overwhelming responsibility. She resented the effect it had on her social life. And she resented losing some of Galen’s attention and time.”

“So the stress took its toll on their relationship.”

“Yes.” The house had been a place filled with tension, fights, silent arguments, things thrown, and angry sex that never resolved anything. Some of the arguments had been about Ryan: that she had no life because of him, that Galen gave him more attention than her when he
was
home. “All the fighting made Galen spend more time away from the house, which made Gwen worse. To be fair, she had no life.”

Pissed by that, Makenna snapped, “Yes, actually, she did. She had a son and a mate—things that some never have. She should have appreciated what she had instead of moaning about what she didn’t have. And your dad . . . he should have been there for you. Your parents let you down big time.”

“They’re not bad people. They just don’t make good parents. She told me many times that she wasn’t like that until I was born. From what others have said about her, it’s the truth.”

“Just because she wasn’t ready for a baby didn’t give her the right to make her child feel like he came second. You are not at fault for their fuckups.”

“I know that.”

Maybe, but Makenna would bet he’d blamed himself as a child. She’d bet it was why he was so serious and withdrawn. She suspected it was also why he bottled his emotions and didn’t share much of his thoughts or feelings. Having parents who were all about themselves would have made him feel like his own needs weren’t important, that he had no right to have his own feelings and, as such, giving away his pain was pointless.

Slipping an arm around his back, Makenna burrowed closer against him, wishing she could also hug the solemn little boy he’d once been whose parents had made him feel of little importance. It explained why he had this need inside him to be productive; he was proving to himself and others—maybe only on a subconscious level—that he was more than a burden who ruined someone’s life and his parents’ relationship. He deserved better.

She was comforting him, Ryan realized. He would have found it awkward to accept that kind of tactile contact from anyone else. But not her. Everything was different with Makenna. Ryan didn’t crave physical contact. He couldn’t remember there being a time when he ever had. But he needed to touch her, just as he needed to breathe her in and be around her.

If anyone had asked Ryan what he thought his mate might be like, he wouldn’t have even come close to a description of Makenna. He wouldn’t have thought he could relate to someone so empathetic and compassionate. Nor would he have thought he could genuinely enjoy the company of someone so zany and superstitious.

It wasn’t a case of opposites attracting, though. They were similar in some ways. They both had strong convictions, refused to be people pleasers, and found it hard to reveal their vulnerabilities to others. They fit.

But she didn’t see it.

She didn’t see what they were to each other, and it made him and his wolf crazy. Tangling his fingers in her hair, Ryan tugged her head back. “I’ll only give you so much time. It’s almost up.”

Makenna didn’t need to ask what he meant. “It’s not that simple.”

Sure it was. “Your secrets are out. All that’s left jamming the bond are your fears about mating. Say them out loud. I’ll make them all go away.”

His arrogant comment made her smile. “You can’t chase away someone’s fears.”

“Let’s test that.”

If she confessed them and then found that there was no bond waiting, something in Makenna would just . . . go. Die. Leave her with another hole and no Ryan in her life. It was her own fault, really. She should have protected herself by pushing him away. She hadn’t. He’d been right in what he once said: she didn’t let people step fully into her life. But she had let him in. She didn’t want him to go. “You never really answered my question. What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not.”

“That’s not a real answer.
What if you’re wrong?
”

It wouldn’t change a damn thing. “I’m not going anywhere.” He curled a lock of hair around her ear. “Why do you find it so hard to believe we’re mates? The facts—”

“—speak for themselves, yeah. You obsess over facts. But what about how you
feel
?”

“You know what I feel.”

“Possessive, yes. But that doesn’t mean we’re mates. Protective, yes. But that trait is part of your personality. Attracted to me, yes. But that’s just sex. Those things aren’t feelings, Ryan. They’re instincts.” She placed her hand on his chest. “What do you feel?”

He was quiet for a moment, caught off guard by the deep question. “I don’t know.”

He sounded so confused and vulnerable. “What I’m asking is . . . Do I matter to you? Not because you think I’m your mate. I mean me, Makenna, do
I
matter?”

Ryan wished he could be better at articulating how he felt, but he suspected that would never happen. “You’re important to me.” He brushed his thumb over a bite on the curve of her breast. “I don’t like being away from you. And sometimes . . . you make me want to smile.”

God, the guy did things to her insides.
Good
things. Turned her to mush. She hugged him tight. “You know, that’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Ryan smoothed a hand up and down her back. “Are you telling me I actually said something right?”

Looking up at him, she chuckled. “Yep.”

With his hand spanning her throat, he kissed her. Slow and deep. Drinking her in, making her rub up against him like a cat. He ended the kiss with a sharp bite to her lower lip. “Sleep.”

She fisted the cock that was now hard and ready. “But you want me again.”

“I always want you.”

“Prove it.”

If she insisted. He rolled her onto her back, hiked up one leg, and plunged deep inside her.

CHAPTER TWELVE

H
aving finished his midday perimeter check, Ryan was about to return inside the caves when he found himself suddenly surrounded by Taryn, Jaime, Shaya, Roni, Grace, Lydia, and Hope—all of whom looked sober and determined. Marcus stood behind them, pinching the bridge of his nose. Now what?

Taryn took a step toward Ryan. “We should talk.”

Talk?

“Don’t worry.” Jaime gestured to herself and the other females. “
We
will do the talking. You just need to listen.”

Sighing, Taryn placed a hand on his arm. “You know me, Ryan, I don’t like to interfere in other people’s business”—he almost snorted at that—“but I’m making an exception here.”

“We wouldn’t poke our noses in if it wasn’t necessary,” claimed Lydia. Again, Ryan almost snorted. The females in front of him were all nosy and meddlesome. Well, except for one. He arched a questioning brow at Marcus’s mate.

Roni raised her hands. “I didn’t really want to get involved. But I like you. And the girls are right. You’re missing the truth.”

“By a mile,” added Hope.

Shaya nodded. “You’ve left us no choice but to step in.”

“To be honest, Ryan, I’m surprised that we have to,” said Grace. “You’re a smart male, you listen to your wolf, and you have extremely sharp instincts. You shouldn’t need us to point out what’s so damn obvious.”

Having not even the faintest fucking clue what they were talking about, Ryan looked at Marcus.

The male enforcer sighed. “They think Makenna’s your mate.”

Oh. “So do I,” Ryan said simply before heading for the cliff steps.

Taryn hurried after him. “Wait, you do?”

He grunted.

“Why haven’t you told Makenna?”

“I have.”

“And?”

He halted, turning back to the females. He wasn’t going to be able to escape this conversation. It would be best to get it over with. “She’s not convinced.”

Jaime cocked her head. “But
you
are, aren’t you?”

“I know she’s my mate. I don’t need the pull of the mating bond to tell me that.” His wolf growled his agreement.

Frowning thoughtfully, Grace tapped her fingers on her cheek. “Something’s obviously blocking the bond. Do you know what it could be?”

“She fears mating,” replied Ryan. “She hasn’t explained why.”

“It’s not uncommon for people to fear it.” Lydia sighed, a grim twist to her mouth. “But I think, having watched you two together, that she does want it to be true. Has she said as much?”

He shook his head. But he believed that Makenna wanted them to be mates.

“Maybe she’s afraid to hope in case it turns out that you’re wrong; she might worry you’ll then leave her.” Marcus slanted Roni a meaningful look. “Some females can get dumb ideas like that.”

“I’m not wrong,” Ryan stated.

“But if you were, would you leave her?” asked Hope.

“No.” Ideally, he would have preferred to avoid imprinting on anyone. But if that was what it took to bind Makenna to him, fine. “She’s mine and nothing will change that.” It had been two weeks since he’d first spoken those very words to her. He’d said them again early that morning when he dropped her off at the shelter. She’d looked no more convinced then than she had the first time. But she’d looked like she
wanted
to believe him.

Marcus slid an arm around Roni’s waist. “Yeah, but does Makenna know about your parents? If she did a background check on your family when looking for guardians for Zac—”

“She knows,” Ryan confirmed.

“Then she’ll probably find it difficult to believe that you’d consider staying with someone who wasn’t your true mate,” said Marcus.

Ryan inwardly stilled. He hadn’t thought of that.

Frowning, Taryn shook her head. “No, she knows Ryan cares for her.” She raised a brow at Ryan. “You
have
told her that, right?”

When Ryan didn’t respond, the females all sighed, shaking their heads at him.

“A big problem is that you and Makenna haven’t really had quality time as a couple,” said Shaya. “Both of you have been putting most of your energy into Zac, the shelter, and fighting off Remy. Everything’s been intense and stressful, which doesn’t exactly go hand in hand with a budding relationship.”

“You need to take her on a date,” said Hope.

Shaya’s eyes widened. “Ooh, yeah! You should take her out to dinner.”

“Or for a boat ride,” suggested Lydia.

“Or ice skating,” said Jaime.

“Or on a picnic.” Grace pointed at him, stern. “Make sure you take her flowers.”

“And maybe write her a poem,” said Shaya.

Taryn blinked at the redhead. “Oh, I’m sorry, is it 1953?”

Shaya ignored that. “You could even take her star gazing. Nick did that with me once.”

“Willingly?” asked Ryan.

She swatted his arm. “We’re trying to help you.”

Marcus stepped between the females. “Your suggestions are good ones, ladies, but they’re not exactly Ryan-type activities.”

“I actually already had something in mind,” said Ryan.

Lydia’s brows flew up. “You did?”

“Really?” asked Taryn.

They didn’t have to sound so astonished. He grunted.

Grace waved a hand, impatient. “Well, what is it?”

“Makenna said she’d always wanted to go to an outdoor movie festival,” said Ryan. “There aren’t any local ones so I thought I could set something up here on our territory. We have a projector and a white screen and speakers. I could do a campfire and toast marshmallows and . . .” And why were they now smiling dreamily at him?

Jaime put a hand on her chest. “I think Makenna would really love that.”

“I think
I
would really love that,” said Taryn.

Grace’s manner turned abruptly businesslike. “Leave the planning of this to us, Ryan. We can set this up. Bring her here at seven. Everything will be ready by then. I don’t think that girl’s had much fun in her life. If she wants an outdoor movie festival, she’ll get one.”

“Wait,” began Marcus, “it won’t exactly be a date if they have our entire pack hanging around.”

“If they went to an actual movie festival they would be surrounded by people,” Lydia pointed out. “The same would apply if they went out to dinner or bowling or something.”

“Making this a pack event will be a good thing for Makenna,” said Grace. “She’s never quite relaxed here. Like she doesn’t feel she belongs.”

Ryan had noticed that. It was understandable, since she had grown up without a pack.

“She needs to feel like one of us,” Grace went on, “which is exactly what she’ll be when she and Ryan finally mate.” She patted Ryan’s cheek. “It will happen, sweetie. You just need to find out what’s blocking that bond and smash it into teensy-weensy pieces.”

Easier said than done, but Ryan would accept nothing less.

When Makenna left the shelter later that day, she found Ryan waiting for her, leaning against his Chevy. Having spent much of her day with a malnourished and frightened pup that had been brought to the shelter the previous night, she felt sad and weary. All of that seemed to leave her at the sight of Ryan whose mere presence seemed to send feel-good endorphins through her body.

Similarly, her wolf lost her tension and did a very languid stretch. He was like hot chocolate, a steaming bath, a happy movie, and a pillar of strength all rolled into one. “Hey, White Fang.”

The bright smile she gave him went straight to his groin. “I told you to drop that.” Splaying a hand on her lower back, Ryan pulled her close and kissed her. Her sparkling taste never failed to make him groan. He inhaled deeply, taking the scent of his mate inside him. It was tinted with coffee, feline, and . . . “Colton.” It was a growl. The male’s scent was barely there. Nonetheless, everything in Ryan bristled and possessiveness gripped him hard. His wolf snarled.

Sensing his mood shift, she nuzzled his chest. “I worked with him a little today, that’s all.”

Sliding his hands around Makenna’s neck, Ryan kissed her again. Harder and more dominantly than before. He took and tasted and demanded, stroking her tongue with his until she was pliant against him. The spicy scent of her need rose up, blanketing those other foreign scents until all he could smell was her. He hummed his satisfaction. “That’s better.”

A little disoriented, Makenna double-blinked. Walking on shaky legs had its challenges, but she managed not to embarrass herself as she hopped into the Chevy. Five minutes into the journey, she realized . . . “We’re not heading to my apartment. Why are we not heading to my apartment?”

“Because we’re going to Phoenix Pack territory.”

And there went Makenna’s buzz. She liked the Phoenix wolves well enough, she just didn’t enjoy feeling like a spare part. They were all so close and tight that it made her feel even more like an outsider than she normally did. Well, she’d get to see Zac—that would be good. “Oh, okay.”

If Ryan didn’t know her well, he might have bought her perky smile. But he sensed her disappointment and discomfort. He thought about telling her she had no need to feel awkward around his pack, but the night’s events would quickly teach her that.

When they finally arrived at his territory, the sky had begun to darken. With so few clouds, it was a pretty sight. He parked the Chevy and then led Makenna into the woods, which made her frown. “We’re not going inside?” He didn’t respond. “You’re being more mysterious than usual. If your plan is to drag me someplace private and have your wicked way with me, I’m totally on board. Just thought I’d throw that out there.”

Ryan almost smiled.

“I smell fire. And food. What’s going on?”

Stopping, Ryan turned to her. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so awkward. “I wanted . . . I wanted to do . . . something nice for you. I remembered you talked about an outdoor movie festival and . . .”

The guy was turning her insides to mush again. He looked uncharacteristically self-conscious, and it was just adorable. Makenna slid her arms around his waist. “You didn’t have to do anything for me. But thank you.” Her wolf was charmed by it.

He scowled. “You don’t have to thank me.” She was his mate.
Obviously
he’d do things for her.

Smiling, she rubbed her nose against his. “So grouchy. Come on, I’m hungry.”

Threading his fingers through hers, he led her through the tall trees. “The clearing’s up ahead.”

The closer they got, the more scents hit her: fire, popcorn, beer, marshmallows, nachos, and sausages. Stepping into the clearing, Makenna was surprised to see some unfamiliar wolves. She guessed they were from the Mercury Pack, since Shaya and some of her security team were also present.

“That’s a lot of people,” said Makenna. Some were gathered around a hissing, crackling campfire where Trick and Gabe were toasting marshmallows and sausages while Dominic whined that he wanted a turn. Some sat on fallen tree trunks, chatting and drinking. Others were settled on the blankets that were sporadically laid out with pillows and cushions; all faced a large white screen that Kye and a little girl with blonde curls were sniffing and poking.

Spotting Makenna, Zac hurried over, eyes gleaming. “What do you think?”

She smiled. “I think you guys must have had a really busy day.”

Jaime and Shaya appeared, wearing huge welcoming smiles. Then they both pulled Makenna into an unexpected hug as they greeted her.

“I’m so glad you’re finally here! Let me introduce you to my mate.” Shaya linked Makenna’s arm and went to lead her away . . . with absolutely no success. Ryan held Makenna’s hand tight, scowling at Shaya.

The redhead rolled her eyes at him. “Can’t you spare her for just a few minutes?”

Ryan yanked Makenna to his side. “No.”

“I’m sure you’ll find this great news,” said Jaime, smiling, “Greta won’t come. She said she won’t be part of an event that’s being held for ‘the loner.’”

Makenna’s mouth pursed. “That’s funny, because she’s right over there by that tree.” Arms folded, the old woman was huffing and humphing and snarling at the whole setup.

Shaya snickered. “She probably came because she’s scared of missing anything. What a shame.”

“Ryyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaan!” Kye ran to the enforcer and scrambled up his body. “Look what I’ve got.”

Ryan frowned at the object in Kye’s hand. “I don’t think that’s yours.”

Shaya sighed. “That’s because it’s Nick’s.” She held her hand out, but Kye didn’t give her the wallet. Just as she opened her mouth to speak again, a little blonde toddler crashed into her leg. “Hey, angel.” Shaya scooped her up. “This is my friend, Makenna. Makenna, this is my daughter, Willow.”

Makenna lightly tapped Willow’s cheek. “Hi, cutie.” The toddler smiled, the image of her mother.

“And the blond with Trey who’s heading for us is my mate, Nick.” Shaya smiled at him as he draped an arm over her shoulders and kissed Willow’s hair. “Nick, this is Makenna.”

Nick inclined his head. “Nice to meet you, Makenna. I’ve heard—Hey, that’s mine! Hand it over, pup.” Kye just stared at him. “Stop trying to outstare me,” Nick ground out, which made Trey chuckle.

“This again?” laughed a brunette with almond-shaped green eyes.

“Makenna, this is Ally, Derren’s mate,” said Shaya. “She’s a Seer.” Which meant she had visions of the future and was very empathetic.