Save Me (3 page)

Chapter Four

Tegan

I was probably becoming immune to alcohol because when I woke up I didn’t want to saw my own head off. That suited me just fine. I wanted the freedom from thinking that being drunk gave me but I was totally fine not having a hangover in the morning.

I drained the bottle of water I’d left on m
y bedside table. It tasted foul being warm but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything anymore.

Heading downstairs for dry toast, tea and
painkillers, I could hear the hushed voices of my mum and sister.

They were doing okay. The funeral was a turning point for them. They cried a lot and missed him like crazy but they also spoke about him and smiled. I had absolutely no idea how they could do that without grief consuming them.
I couldn’t stand it. Them saying things like ‘remember when…’ or ‘he loved this…’

All past tens
e stuff. In a short space of time I’d learned how to successfully shut myself down to everything going on and there was no way I was coming out of that.

Mum and Ava sat at the kitchen table drinking tea. I could tell Mum had been crying by the light red tint around her ey
es, slightly hidden by concealer.

“Morning,” I muttered as I opened the medicine cupboard.

“Good morning, honey,” Mum whispered. My heart squeezed at how sad she sounded. I clenched my jaw and concentrated on popping the little while pills out of the packet.
Don’t care.
I wanted to be empty. It was simpler.

The funeral was t
hree weeks ago, to the day. Up until then – for the six days before that – literally all Mum and Ava did was cry and hold each other.

The funeral was the second worst day of my life. I felt like I was
on the edge of drowning the whole time and I didn’t know how to get out of the water. I was lost. My family all came together to say goodbye. They all threw dirt onto his coffin and whispered their goodbyes. I stood still, staring into space and trying not to fall apart. I was encouraged to say goodbye, too, by almost everyone. But I couldn’t. I wanted him back, not to throw mud at him and walk away.

The house was painfully silent now. Before it was f
illed with music and laughter. The piano was always being played by one of us. Now I couldn’t even go into the music room.

“I spoke
to Emily yesterday,” Mum said. My hand tightened around the glass of water. Why she wanted to keep in touch with the family of the man that got his
heart I didn’t know. “Carl’s doing well and they’ve asked us to visit one weekend.”

“What?”
My heart fell into my stomach.
Is she fucking serious?
I knew they all spoke but I didn’t know they wanted to see them. That was a doubly horrible day. Mum stayed at the hospital talking to Emily and her family for a little while, taking comfort in the knowledge that she knew where her husband’s heart was going.

Mum smiled. “Tegan
, I know it’s a difficult and an…unusual situation, but I think it will be good for us all.”

“I’m not going,
” I said.

“We’re all going, Tegan. We need this.” She got up and left the room. We didn’t need
a visit to the Daniels’ house. We needed Dad.

I narrowed my eyes and shoved the pills in my mouth.

“You’re being really selfish, Tegan,” Ava said. “Can’t you just do this for her?”

“Shut up, Ava.
Why do you want to go there? What good could it possibly do?” Tears prickled in my eyes.
I will not cry. Push it away.
Breathing deeply, I managed to distance myself, returning to the safety of what felt like my dungeon.

“They’re good people and we have a connection to Dad.”

That was my limit. I couldn’t hear any more without screaming at her. I fled the room and went back upstairs.

Screw everything.

I just wanted to sleep all day. I wanted,
needed
to forget. I needed to get so drunk I couldn’t even remember my own name. Grabbing my phone, I texted my friend, Adam.

‘What’s happening tonight?
Kai’s?’ I put.

His reply came minutes later, ‘
Yeah. Pick you up at 7?’

‘
K, thanks.’

Okay, eight o’clock was eleven
hours away. I needed to kill nine hours until I could start getting ready.
What the hell am I going to do for the next nine hours?
Keeping busy was the key.

“Tegan,
do you want to look through some photos with us?” Mum called, her voice echoing upstairs.

“No,” I yelled back. Why would they want a remin
der that we could only see him in a fucking picture anyway? I wanted no part in any of their reminiscing. He was gone and we were still here. That’s just how it was.

Groaning, I flopped back on my bed as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.
Here we go.
Mum stopped at the threshold of my room. “Honey? Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I snapped.
Stop pushing and just leave me alone!

She
nodded, her face plagued with pure sadness. I looked away. “Okay. Do you have any plans today?”

“Going out
.”

“Where?”

“Sophie’s. Adam’s picking me up.” She probably didn’t believe me but it wasn’t like she was going to stop me. “Did you want anything else?”

“No,” she replied quietly. I kept my eyes
firmly on an old magazine on my desk, refusing to look at her. Why did he have to leave and break her heart? As soon as she turned away and left I breathed a sigh of relief and closed my eyes.

Chapter F
ive

Kai

My mind was stuck on a certain blonde that I had pretty serious mixed feelings for. On the one hand I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could – exclusively – but on the other I knew she was nowhere near ready for anything like that, and I had only just got through my own shit.

“Kai,” Dad said, letting himself into my office and closing the door behind him. “Can we have a chat?”

I scratched my forehead. “What’ve I done?”

He sat down, which didn’t look good
for me.

“There’s nothing wrong at work.”

Yeah, I worked for my dad but then when you ditch school from the age of fifteen to drink, smoke and break the law it didn’t leave you with many options.

“Then what’s this about?”

“We’ve not heard from you for a few days, your mum’s worried and Eloise said she’s tried calling a few times.”

“Not been in the mood for an Elle lecture.” My eldest sister was little
Miss Perfect, and although she never looked down on me or anyone I couldn’t help feeling that little bit more of a failure around her. She was the type of person that gave great advice and took it herself. Out of the four of us she was the most ‘together’ and when we dropped to being three of us six years ago she stepped up big time. She was able to help Carly but I was a beyond anything. Didn’t help that I was high a lot of the time.

“She’s not going to give you a lecture, she just wants to know how you are.”

“I’m fine, Dad, you know that.” I’d been fine for a year, but do you think they’d let it go. If I missed a call or didn’t go over for a couple days it was always because I was back in my pot smoking, pill taking, bike riding hole.

“I do know, but we’ll never stop worrying.”

I ran my hand over my face, clenching my jaw. Would I always be the messed up one even after I’d gotten my shit together? I didn’t want them to worry unnecessarily. It’d been a year since I’d come out of the other end of the tunnel but apparently that was not long enough for them to trust I’d accepted that Isaac’s death was out of my hands. His words still haunted me but I knew he wouldn’t blame me for not being able to save him. I wasn’t a match – none of us were – and there wasn’t a single thing I could ever do to change that.

“Try.”

He laughed. “We’ll try. What’re you doing after work?”

“Taking Tegan out on the bike.”

“Hmm.”

The fuck did that mean?

“What?” I asked, glaring.

“Her name keeps coming up, has been for a little while now.”

“And?”

“And nothing.”

“Bullshit. Spit it out, Dad.”

“I was just wondering what was going on there.” Or Mum, Elle and Carly were wondering and nominated Dad to find out.

“We’re
friends
. There’s nothing to tell, so you can report that back to the three witches and tell them to keep their nose out.”

Chuckling, he stood up. “Will do. If you need anything…”

Nodding robotically, I replied, “Thanks.”

Dad left and I looked at the time on my laptop. I needed to get out on my bike and blow off some steam with Tegan. I wanted to go now. I had another two hours.

“Where are we?” she asked, running her fingers through her mass of long blonde hair.
I’d taken her to a place I come often when I want to ride without many other people around getting in my way. It was peaceful out in the country and gave me time to think.

“Not too far out of town, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried.”

Good.

She’d been on my bike a few times before. I loved having her arms wrapped around my waist, chest squished to my back, clinging to me.

“So, Kai, why have you brought me to a bunch of fields
on the edge of a forest?”

I smiled and took my helmet off. “I like riding
down the winding country roads, much better than looking at miles and miles of grey on the motorway. It’s peaceful out here.” I used to ride my bike in the country a lot, passing around the edge of the barriers to cruise along the forest roads you weren’t supposed to go down. I liked that I would be the only one there.

“It is.”

“There’s no one around for miles. No cars can get down here.”

“Other than cars where the driver has the key to the gate,” she said
, raising her light eyebrow.

“True
, but it’s six o’clock in the evening and just starting to get dark, so I doubt they’ll still be working.”

“Hmm… Why did you really bring me
out here, Kai?”

Smiling, I took a few steps closer to her. “What are you suggesting?”

“That you brought me here for some alfresco loving.”

I laughed and caught her wrist, pulling her perfect body against mine.
“You’ve got a dirty little mind, princess. I brought you here to admire the view.”

She pressed herself against me, hooking her fingers through the belt buckles on my jeans. “
Lie.”

“Not saying I won’t
, but that wasn’t my plan.”

“Is it your plan now?”

My mouth watered. Fuck yeah, that was my plan now!

“Have you ever had sex on a bike?” I asked.

She blinked in shock and slowly shook her head.

I grinned.
“Let’s change that.”

“Have you?” she squeaked.

I leant closer, nipping her ear. “No. We’re changing that, too.”

“H-How? We’ll fall off.”

“I wouldn’t let you fall but I won’t be on the bike.” I pulled back and spun her around, dragging my greedy hands over her stomach, heading south. “You’re going to be over it and I’ll be behind.”

I heard her quick intake of breath and my dick hardened.
Slipping my hand below her waistband, I growled with need. It’d only been three days since I’d last had her and that was much too long. I was addicted.

Tegan moaned, her head dropping back against my shoulder as I reached her damp heat. I wasted no time in dipping my finger inside her, earning a hiss of my name and a roll of her hips.

I removed my finger, retracting my hand just arched her back. “What’re you doing?” she asked, glaring over her shoulder. I may have stopped but I hadn’t let her move yet and I didn’t plan to.

“
This,” I replied, shoving her trousers down. She gasped but didn’t try stopping me. The late sun shone on her bare legs and I had to fight the urge to drop to my knees and wrap them around my shoulders. I needed to be inside her far too much for that right now.

She stepped out of the trousers and looked over her shoulder again. Shit, I really did need her soon. I was uncomfortably hard. “Bend over the bike.”

“Won’t we knock it over?”

“Right now I don’t give a fuck. Bend over, Tegan.”

She did as she was told, bending over and placing her hands on the seat in the most delicious way. I groaned at the sight of her. She was fucking beautiful, so full of light that she shoved below the surface. I wanted to break through it and show her that she could get over whatever had happened but she was the only one that could do that.

I unzipped my jeans and let them fall to my feet along with my boxers. My erection sprang free and throbbed at the image before me.

Tegan’s heavy breaths matched my own as I pressed the tip of my cock at her entrance. Impatient as ever, she pushed her hips back, forcing me in a centimetre more. I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth. She was tight and the feeling of being inside her was out of this world.

“Kai,” she panted. “Please.”

I was done, I couldn’t hold off when she begged. Gripping her firmly so she wouldn’t fly forwards and take my bike with her, I rammed hard, filling her with one thrust. We both cried out loudly. Fuck, that felt good. Her walls gripped me with every thrust.

I wanted more, wanted to go harder, faster
, but I knew I couldn’t if I didn’t want to knock the bike over. And I told her I wouldn’t let her fall. She didn’t have a lot of faith in anyone right now, I was determined she’d at least have it in me.

“Shit, Tegan,” I
groaned, pulling out slowly and pushing back in at the same agonisingly, perfect slow pace. I felt her tighten and ripple around me.

“What’re you doing?” she panted.
She was close and I’d slowed down but it felt too good. I wanted to savour the feel of her, the warmth.

“Kai!”

“I know.” I was balancing on the edge too. I could feel it building right down to my fucking toes.

She pus
hed back harder, trying to force me to go harder. I let go of her hip with one of my hands and captured her clit between two fingers, squeezing gently. She bucked beneath me, fingers gripping the leather seat.

“Fuck, Kai. Fuck!
”

“You’re so sweary when I’m inside you,” I said, hissing as she pushed back sharply. Jesus, that felt incredible.
Shit.

I felt Tegan fall over the edge, clamping hard around me and crying out my name. I followed straight away,
exploding inside her, moaning deeply. This was exactly where I wanted to be, I was sure of that after knowing her just three and a half weeks. It was either going to end really good for me or really bad, I wasn’t sure how long I could do in between for.