Saven Disclosure (The Saven Series Book 2) (38 page)

The conversation switches to the forthcoming meeting, and Rylan tries his best to explain the setup to Logan so he’s somewhat prepared. I can’t say I’m relishing the prospect of being back there, but we need to do this.

Logan goes to get ready for the meeting, and I seize the opportunity to talk to Haydn. Accosting him in the kitchen—where he’s been hiding out—I force him onto one of the stools while I make him a coffee for a change. “Talk to me.” I hand him a cup as I hoist myself up beside him. He shrugs forlornly as he takes a lengthy sip. My hand inches over the counter to his. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

He gulps. “Now’s not really the time.” He throws a cursory glance over his shoulder, clearly uncomfortable with the audience.

I jump down, taking his hand. “We can talk in the other bedroom.”

He follows me into the spare room, sitting alongside me on the edge of the bed. “What’s going on with you? You can talk to me. I promise I’ll keep it between us.”

His breath comes out harsh and ragged. “I’ve never felt more like a stranger in my own body. I don’t know who I am anymore, or what exactly I want. Well …” He lifts his chin. “That’s not entirely true. I am certain about one thing.” My eyes implore him to continue. He takes my hands in his much larger ones. “I can’t be Logan’s bodyguard anymore.”

My eyes expand in surprise. “That’s a huge decision. Are you sure you’ve given it enough consideration?”

He slowly nods. “I want more from my life. I want to
have
a life. Now, I’m only existing.” He grimaces. “I know it’s shallow and selfish, but these past few weeks, I can’t think about anything else.”

“You’re one of the most selfless people I know, and it’s not wrong to want to have normal things in life. I can relate. Because all I thought about for years was the fact that I was denied the things my heart craved, like the opportunity to fall in love and have a family and the chance to finish school and find a job I enjoyed. I know everything’s up in the air, and we don’t even know if we’ll be alive in the morning, but if I was to die right now, at least I got a taste of what my life could be like. At least I could say that I grasped the opportunities when they came my way and I never stopped believing that I was worthy of the kind of life I craved. It’s not selfish to want a different life, Haydn, and I don’t think Logan would disagree either.”

“Well, it’s neither here nor there. There’s no way I’d ever leave Logan unprotected, especially not now, so I’ll have to bide my time. But it’s like, now I’ve made the decision, I’m itching to forge ahead with it, and the more I’m around you lot, the more frustrated I get. Because you are already there. Already living the kind of life I want, and I’m relegated to the sidelines. Unimportant and inconsequential.” He looks away, but not before I see the glimmer of hurt wash over his face.

“Hey.” I cup his face in my hands. “I know you’re hurting right now, but don’t ever think that, because it isn’t true.”

He moves closer, his thigh brushing mine. “Isn’t it? All you see is Logan.”

That hits a sore spot, but I cage the feeling, because this isn’t about me. “I see you too. I always see you. Don’t you know how important you are to me?” A look passes between us—one I don’t want to examine. I move to withdraw my hand, but Haydn keeps his snugly over mine. “I knew what you were feeling out there, and it hurts me that you’re hurting. Don’t think you’re inconsequential because that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Logan would say the same thing.” His eyes penetrate mine, and there’s a wild unpredictable quality to his gaze that alarms me.

“Sadie, I need to tell you something. I —”

“What the hell is going on here?” Logan asks from the doorway. He’s in his bare feet and his shirt is open, exposing a distracting strip of smooth, glistening skin. Haydn removes my hands and stands up. Logan’s in front of me in two short strides, extending his hand.

I thread my fingers through his and scramble off the bed, trying to defuse the growing tension. “We were only talking.”

His jaw pulses. “Don’t insult my intelligence. What did you say to her?” He glowers at Haydn.

“Not what you’re thinking.” Haydn’s face is impressively composed as his eyes dart to mine. “We were discussing the future and what it’s like to have options. That’s all.”

Logan’s eyes harden to stone. “Back off, I mean it.”

Haydn holds up his hands in a conciliatory gesture as he walks to the door. “We should leave shortly. You don’t want to be late.” Logan smolders and Haydn wisely steps out of the room.

Logan releases my hand and starts buttoning his shirt in silence. Tension whips through the air, and it’s the last thing we need today. We don’t have time for anyone to fall out. “I don’t know what you think is going on, but you’re mistaken. He’s my friend, like he’s your friend. And he’s going through a bit of a difficult time. It’s hard for him. His choices are limited.”

“And it’s not for me?” His fiery eyes challenge me. “You think I want any of this?” He gestures wildly with his hands. “
I
don’t have a choice. I’ve never had a choice.”

“At least you have me.”

“Do I?”

“How can you even ask me that?” I wrap my arms around my waist in an old protective way.

“You’ve lied to me continuously. How do I know the whole thing, ‘us,’ isn’t a Goddamned lie too!”

If he’d slapped me, the sting wouldn’t be so sharp. Fury bubbles in the pit of my stomach. “You’ve lied to me too! And I’m not the one constantly throwing it in your face!”

“People were planning on killing me and my family, and you said nothing! For weeks! And now my father’s dead.”

Tears prick my eyes at his insinuation. The door wrenches open, and Haydn storms into the room. “Enough, Logan,” he hisses. “You will not take this out on her.” There’s barely an inch between them as they glare at one another.

“Get the hell out of my face,” Logan says, shoving him back.

“Sometimes I wonder if I know you at all. If I’ve ever truly known you,” Haydn says, keeping the flame ignited.

“Yeah? Well, guess what, buddy?” He jabs his finger in Haydn’s chest. “I know you, and I know what you want, and you can’t have her!”

“You don’t deserve her,” Haydn yells. I’m horror-struck as I listen to them tearing strips off one another. Shuffling in the corridor momentarily distracts me. The others hover uncomfortably outside the door. I walk with purpose, slamming it shut. Nosy brats.

“Is this the part where you tell me you do?” Logan heckles.

“Logan, stop. You’re totally overreacting.” I stand in between them, eyeballing my Eterno. Veins bulge in his neck, and he’s on the verge of totally losing it.

“How can you be so clueless?” He shakes his head in exasperation. “I’m not overreacting, Sadie. He loves you, and he’s doing everything to steal you away from me.”

I start to laugh, because that’s the most preposterous string of words that have ever left his mouth. One look at Haydn’s staid face halts me mid-chuckle. “Haydn?” I swallow the acidic lump in my throat as I look up at him.

“It’s true, Sadie. I love you. I’m in love with you.”

My mouth flips open and shut. No words form. Thoughts hurl through my mind in tangled confusion. Ella saw this coming weeks ago, but I glibly dismissed her observation.
Have I been unwittingly leading him on? Does he think I reciprocate his feelings?
Because the blunt reality is that I don’t. Of course, I love him, but in the same way I love Jarod or Fern or Neve.

Definitely not in the way I love Logan.

Logan is the only one for me.

Even if he’s acting like a complete and utter idiot.

Logan’s shooting daggers at Haydn, itching for a fight. Haydn’s scrutinizing my face as I stare at the floor like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. I don’t know what to say, how to deal with this without hurting him.

“It’s okay, Sadie. I understand.” I reluctantly lift my chin. Haydn’s resigned expression slices me to the core. He spins around.

“Wait!” I reach out, grabbing his shirt.

Logan starts pacing the floor in visible agitation.

“I don’t share his feelings. You know I love you. Only ever you.”

“Tell him that!” he hisses.

I’m seconds away from throwing a punch.
Doesn’t he understand the depth of my feelings for him at all? Where is confident, assured Logan now?
“You are being a complete jerkwad!” I scream. “He’s your friend!” And it’s not like we haven’t got more pressing matters to worry about, like, oh, I don’t know, the potential end of the world?

Logan harrumphs. “He’s no friend of mine.” I stare at Logan like he’s a total stranger. I can’t believe he’s reacting like this.

Haydn huffs, shaking his head.

A hand thumps on the door. “I’m sorry for interrupting,” Rylan says, tentatively popping his head around the doorframe. “But we need to go.” He winces, not knowing where to look.

Logan snags a hand through his hair as he curtly nods. “Let me grab my shoes. Sadie.” He offers me his hand. I’m surprised he isn’t hauling me over his shoulder in an obvious “Me Tarzan, you Jane” kind of demonstration.

“We’ll talk later,” I tell Haydn as I walk to the door, studiously ignoring Logan’s outstretched hand. He deserves to stew for a bit.

“You’re not coming with us,” Logan says in an act of extreme childishness and stupidity.

“Suits me fine,” Haydn retorts, equally as stubborn.

Rylan fixates on his feet, clearly embarrassed. I narrow my eyes at Logan. “Don’t be ridiculous. Haydn is your protector and you need him.”

“I can defend myself. And I didn’t ask for your advice.” I dig my nails into my thighs. Otherwise, I’d be tempted to tear strips off him.

Haydn throws a cursory look at me before teleporting out of the room. Logan stalks out to the living room, me following at a distance. The others are all conspicuously avoiding our gaze. On a scale of one to ten, the level of awkwardness rates about a thousand. Fern fixes on me as Rylan hugs her from behind. “Are you okay?” she mouths.

I nod, despite the concern bubbling away inside me. I’m worried about Haydn. I’ve no idea how to let him down gently, and the thought of adding to his pain upsets me enormously. Logan clicks his fingers, and I reluctantly cling to his waist. It takes monstrous self-control not to punch him in the gut. I yawn, glancing fleetingly at my watch. It’s close to midnight, and we’ve been on the go all day.

Logan tenses as he pushes the button on his comport. The room disappears, and I close my eyes as the nauseating plummeting sensation surrounds me.

Thirty seconds later, all feeling returns to my body, and my bones vibrate as my feet hit solid ground. We are in a medium-sized room that looks like it’s been spit out of a snow machine. Every surface is pristinely white, glittering and glistening under the brilliant glare of the overhead lights. I shiver even though the air is warm. The others arrive, and I acknowledge an equally disorientated Fern.

A short, squat man enters the room in a hurry, followed by two tall alien males. Rylan acknowledges the three men as the tubby human approaches Logan. The buttons on his waistcoat look close to popping over his protruding stomach. Taking a handkerchief from his pocket, he dabs at his sweat-drenched forehead. “Assistant Commissioner Gordon, Your Highness,” he says, thrusting out his clammy hand. Logan doesn’t miss a beat as he graciously accepts the handshake. “Your people are waiting for you. If you’d like to follow me.”

We tramp out of the room behind the man. The two aliens fall back to talk with Rylan. Logan’s aloof posture matches his expression. My hands hang loose at my sides, abnormally bereft. I’m fuming too, but one of us has to at least attempt to act maturely.
“We need to park the issue with Haydn and go in there as a team. We don’t know what kind of reaction we’re facing, and we can’t show any hint of discord. They know I’m your Eterno. You need to at least look like you care.”

He stops abruptly, pulling me aside.
“Of course, I care. My feelings haven’t changed. I’m sorry for what I said back there about my father. That’s not your fault, nor is this situation with Haydn. It’s been … a rough day.”
A shard of pain treks across his face, and I’m instantly contrite, remembering the loss he’s only just suffered. I know what it feels like to lose a dad, and he hasn’t had any time to come to terms with it yet. My expression softens, and I rub my hands up and down his arms.

“I’m just shocked … and angry and hurt, as well.”
I give him a knowing look.
“Yeah, okay, I’m jealous too, and scared. I’ve lost everyone.”
His voice is unnaturally quiet.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
His fingers tangle in my hair as Rylan and the two aliens walk by pretending not to notice. “
I know he’s been there for you when I wasn’t, and I know you’re close. I was already resenting him for that, and now this … it’s as if Haydn regrets our friendship.”

“He’s floundering, Logan. Questioning everything about the choices he’s made. But I very much doubt he regrets your friendship. You won’t lose him, just like you won’t lose me. I’m yours. Always only yours. But I won’t treat Haydn callously. I care deeply about him, and he’s hurting. He needs me as his friend.”

A sad smile covers his lips.
“That’s very noble, Sadie, but you can’t
just
be his friend. Not when he clearly wants more than that.”

The assistant commissioner opens the door at the end of the corridor, head bobbing in our direction. I step away, gripping Logan’s hand.
“We’ll talk about it later.”

The crowd quiets reverentially the instant Logan and I step into the room. Peering up at the slanted rows of seats, I instantly recognize the place. It’s the same auditorium where Commissioner Williams delivered his despicable presentation the day Jarod and I were here. We walk hand in hand up the steps to the raised dais. I stand beside Logan as he stops in front of the podium. He begins speaking in his native tongue, his confident voice resonating clearly around the theater. No one makes a sound.

Though I can’t translate, I know he’s telling them the truth about the nature of our relationship, that neither I nor the president had anything to do with the death of his father, outlining the threat the Amaretti pose to Earth and Saven, and listing our theories regarding the conscience transfer and what we believe is the real trigger. Murmurs rise from the audience, and shell-shocked expressions are swapped around the room.