Saving All My Lovin' (14 page)

B
arbara massaged Victoria’s hip in steady up and down strokes.

“You just walked out of his house and he didn’t come after you?”

“No,” Barbara said. She confessed her tale to Victoria, whom she’d come to regard more as a surrogate mother than one of her patients. “I don’t know what to do now.”

“Humph, there’s nothing for you to do. You made the first move. The next one is up to him. That was a helluva lot to shove down someone’s throat.”

“I know. I’m not sure what I was expecting.”

“I’m still surprised you had the balls to go over there. But then again, if you could throw up your legs right on the massage table, I’ll never put anything past you again.” She chuckled.

Barbara winced. For a woman pushing her eighties, Victoria was as scandalous as she could be. If nothing, she was refreshing and had no qualms about saying whatever was on her mind. She was a true free spirit.

“So it’s really over between you and that young boy, huh?”

“Yes. It’s over.”

“Shame. He was a real cutie pie. Bet he taught you a few things.”

Barbara’s thoughts flashed briefly to the torrid episodes with Michael. There were definitely some things she’d learned and things she’d miss.

“Hope you kept that damned ring. It was a beaut.”

“I didn’t want to. But he refused to take it back.”

“Good. A woman never knows when she might hit hard times. And it always makes a good diversion when you don’t want to be bothered by the opposite sex.”

She’d never thought of it that way. “I guess you’re right.”

Victoria slowly turned over on the table. “Why are you sounding so down?”

Barbara swallowed. “In a span of a week I’ve had sex with my ex, broken off my engagement, hurt two wonderful men and wound up alone.”

“And who ever said that life was over after forty!” She chuckled merrily.

Barbara shook her head. She had that right.

“Things will get better. They always do,” Victoria consoled.

Barbara certainly hoped so.

Wil spent a sleepless night going over everything Barbara told him. At first he’d been so angry, so hurt by what she’d said. The idea that she didn’t think enough of him to tell him the truth and believe that he would have stood by her side no matter what, hurt him immeasurably. She thought she was saving his career. The cruel joke was that he never made it to the NFL anyway.

He continued along his mail route, dropping off letters and packages by rote. He shouldn’t have let her walk out like that. He should have stopped her. But his emotions were too raw, the information too much to process at the time. Now, thinking it over, his heart softened. She didn’t do it out of selfishness; she’d done it because she’d loved him.

Yet, that wasn’t all of it. She’d been engaged to another man and she’d made love to him anyway.
That was a fact that he couldn’t quite shake off. Did she still care for him as she’d admitted? Was it really over between her and that guy? Was there a chance that he and Barbara could rekindle what they’d once shared?

He knew from the moment he saw her again that his feelings for her had not died all those years ago. And when he made love to her he was certain of it.

Why couldn’t life ever be simple?

He dropped off the last of his deliveries and headed back to the station. They needed to talk, without recriminations. He needed to get some things off his chest as well, and then…well, they’d have to see if there was any truth in second chances.

Barbara arrived at the spa around seven. Now that they were fully staffed, her major role was primarily supervision or catering to her special clients. She had one client scheduled for the evening and then she was going home and straight to bed.

“You’re moving kind of slow today,” Elizabeth said as Barbara approached the reception desk.

“Just a little out of it.” She sat down on the stool.

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s right?”

“Oh you mean about Wil?”

Barbara nodded. “I feel so awful.”

Elizabeth patted her hand. “It will work out one way or the other. But in the meantime you can’t let your whole world come to a grinding halt.”

“I know. It’s just hard.” She looked into the eyes of her dear friend. “I still love him, Ellie.” An ache twisted her insides. “I did so many things wrong.”

“No you didn’t. You did what you thought was right, for him. Don’t blame yourself.”

“He had a right to know.”

“Maybe he did. But it doesn’t change anything and beating yourself up about it won’t change anything either.”

“He didn’t even try to stop me when I left.”

“When you left?”

“I went to his house.” She told Ellie that she’d taken the girls’ advice a step further and went to see him, telling him everything.

Elizabeth listened, aching silently for her friend. “If he’s half the man you say he is he’ll come looking for you Barb. And if not, your conscience is finally clear.”

Barbara sniffed hard. “I guess you’re right.” She started to get up. “Well, I better get myself together. I have a client in a half hour.”

“Don’t look now, but I think opportunity just walked through the door.”

Barbara turned and her heart stood still. Wil
spotted her and came toward her, his expression unreadable.

He nodded at Elizabeth then turned immediately toward Barbara. “Can we find somewhere to talk?”

“Uh, sure.” She threw a glance at Elizabeth.

“I’ll get someone to cover for you.”

“Thanks.” To Wil, she said, “we can talk in the office.” She led the way.

“Please, sit down,” she said once they were inside.

“I think I’ll stand.”

Her shaking legs would not give her the same luxury. She took a seat behind the desk. Wil paced in front of her, his head lowered.

“I’ve been doing some thinking and a lot of soul searching since…I saw you last.” He drew in a breath and faced her. “The bottom line is…I still love you. I’m still hurt but finally knowing the truth is easing the pain. We’re not kids anymore. We don’t have a lot of opportunities to make mistakes and I know letting you walk out of my life would be a major one.”

“What are you telling me,” she asked, her heart racing with a glimmer of hope.

“I want to try. I want us to be together but only if you’re sure it’s what you want.”

Barbara jumped up and ran to him, stopping inches away. “Yes, yes I want to try.”

He pulled her tightly to him, crushing her in his arms. He kissed her hair, stroked her back, murmured words of love in her ear before capturing her lips.

Her soul soared like a bird held too long in captivity then finally set free. All the years, all the trials, all the mistakes were to prepare her for this moment. Second chances do happen and she was determined to make it work.

“You’ve got to promise me one thing,” he whispered against her mouth.

She looked up into his eyes that reflected the happiness in her soul. “Anything.”

“You’ll never keep the truth from me, no matter what.”

“Promise. And you have to promise me something, too.”

“What’s that?”

“You’ll never let us spend another night unsure of what’s in the other’s heart.”

A smile tilted the corners of his wide mouth. “Promise.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “How about a personal massage later on to seal the deal?”

Barbara giggled. “Be at my place at ten. I’ll make you think you’ve landed in heaven.”

“Now that’s an offer that I’d be a fool to refuse.”

Reluctantly she stepped out of his arms and in
stantly missed his warmth. She went to the desk and wrote down her address on a piece of spa stationery and handed it to him.

He looked it over and stuck it in his pants pocket. “How did you know where I lived, anyway?”

She gave him a sneaky smile. “Looked up all your information on our computer.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “Technology.”

“It’s a wonderful thing, ain’t it?”

A
nn Marie was pleasantly surprised and a bit disappointed that Terrance didn’t try to overwhelm her with charm while they shared lunch. If anything, he was the perfect gentleman, bringing her up to date on the changes on the island and the deaths of his parents. She was moved by the sound of longing in his voice when he spoke of them.

“I didn’t realize that I would miss them as much as I do, especially my father.” He gazed off into the distance. “Many nights I wish he was around to tell me what to do.”

“I can’t imagine anyone telling you what to do,
not even Cyril Bishop.” She laughed lightly, remembering the towering presence of Terrance’s father.

Terrance chuckled. “So, tell me about you, Mari. What has your life been like all these years?”

What could she honestly say; that she’d spent the first five years in the States terrified that he’d find her and show up at her door, the next five burying her hurt in one man after another and the next shutting out the daughter that only made her think of him?

“I found my niche in real estate,” she said instead, treading along safe territory. She flashed him a sheepish look. “Something I learned from you and your father.” Cyril had been an astute businessman with a keen eye for making a profit on land purchases and development. His son took after him. There was a small Parrish on the island that was owned solely by the Bishop family.

“I always said you were a quick study.”

“I own my place as well as an apartment building and I’m co-owner of the spa.”

“You’ve done well for yourself. I knew that you would.”

The comment surprised her. “Did you?”

He wiped his mouth with the white linen napkin and placed it down on the table. “There isn’t a day that has gone by since you left that I haven’t
thought of you. At first I was furious to think that you’d actually had the gall to leave me. Me, the great and powerful Terrance Bishop.” He leaned back in the chair and chuckled. “You made quite the ass of me.” He cocked a brow and looked at her. “I had no choice but to make up for that with every woman I could get my hands on. Prove my manhood, you see.”

“Not much different then when we were together.”

He flinched at the barb. “It was different. Those women…while we were together…was just something that men do.” He frowned thinking back to those days. “But when you left me, the women weren’t just silly diversions, they were objects to vent my loss, fill the gaps that you left.”

Ann Marie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Terrance had never so much as given a damn about her once she had that ring on her finger and now he was proclaiming the angst of his loss.

“I can tell from your expression that you don’t believe me.”

“Can you blame me? You made my life with you hell. Not a day went by that I wasn’t miserable, hoping, praying that you’d finally look at me, love and honor me as you said you would on our wedding day.” She stood abruptly. “It never happened. The only time you seemed to know that I existed was to
pleasure yourself. God how I prayed that if I loved you hard enough, gave all of myself to you with you inside me you’d love me back. But you didn’t. And I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Mari. I’m sorry for everything.” He came around the table and grabbed her arms. “I was a young, arrogant fool. I was too blind to see what I had right in front of me and I took advantage of your love.” He pulled her close and she could feel the jerk of his erection. “Let me make it up to you. Give me a chance these two weeks. That’s all I ask. Everyone deserves a second chance. Please.”

She’d never, in all the years she’d known him, heard him beg. But he was begging now. What would life be like with Terrance now? Had he really changed? Was he now the man she’d wished he had been so many years ago? And what about Sterling?

“Two weeks. Not a second more,” she finally conceded and was filled with a sudden sensation of excitement.

The magic of his smile drew one from her.

“You won’t regret it. I promise.” His gaze held hers even as she held her breath waiting for his kiss.

He released his hold and stepped back. “I have some business to attend to at the office. Why don’t you relax, maybe take a swim and I’ll be back in
time for us to have dinner together.” He traced the curve of her jaw with the tip of his finger. “How does that sound?”

She swallowed over her disappointment. “Fine. A swim sounds good.”

“I soon come back,” he said, reverting to their homeland dialect.

She nodded as she watched him walk away. Slowly she sat back down. He’d done it again, she realized. He’d waltzed right into her heart, the hell with the walls she’d erected. And like the unsuspecting warrior, she’d let the Trojan horse right through the gates.

Ann Marie spent the rest of the afternoon getting reacquainted with the house, finding everything much the same as she’d left it. She wandered to the back of the house and up to where the master suite was tucked away. The balcony door was open. Hesitant, she stood in front of it. On the other side she knew the memories would assault her. This was the room that she and Terrance had shared as man and wife. The bed she given up her virginity on, learned the ways of love on, delivered their daughter on.

She inhaled deeply, pulled the doors open and walked inside. The specially made king-size
mahogany bed dominated the room. The canopy rose to the ceiling, the draping so sheer it was almost ghostlike. The white wood floors gave the expansive room the feeling of being in a beach bungalow, but the lavish decor belied the simple flooring. Every piece in the suite had been hand crafted to Terrance’s specifications, and assembled in the room, the pieces being too big to get through the doors.

Of course everything shone to a high gloss and the room was so immaculate you would think no one ever entered. But she inhaled Terrance’s scent, saw a shirt of his casually tossed across the back of the white wicker rocking chair. She strolled in, running her hand along the smooth surfaces. She opened the closet and found the rows of his clothes lining the racks. Turning, she walked over to the nightstand, drawn by the framed photograph.

She could hardly believe her eyes. She reached out and picked it up, captured by the image of her and Terrance on their wedding day. God, they looked so incredibly happy, so young and carefree. It was the happiest day of her life. She had such high hopes for her future as Mrs. Terrance Bishop.

Why did he still have the picture next to his bed? She’d shoved hers to the bottom of a forgotten box somewhere. Had he resurrected it because he was
so sure she would come back and eventually find it? Or had it remained in place all these years?

She put the picture back down. She didn’t know what to think. Terrance had systematically broken down every ugly image she’d conjured up about him since he reentered her life. When she left the States she’d been certain about one thing—she wanted to get her divorce and come back home. Now she wasn’t sure of anything.

She left the room as quietly as she’d arrived. Maybe that swim would clear her head.

The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. Terrace had put in for time off so that he could spend his days with her. They swam, sailed on his boat; they danced at night and shared intimate dinners on the beach. They laughed and talked deep into the night, often until the sun crested over the horizon. She looked forward to seeing him every day and felt sadly empty when he was not around.

She was being courted by a master, seduced every which way but loose. She knew it but was unable to stop it and to make matters worse, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to.

One morning during her second week, she was sitting out front on the veranda reading the local paper when she ran across an article and a picture of Terrance. She set her coffee cup down
and read the details. It appeared that Terrance Bishop was running for elected office—Governor General. He’d have jurisdiction over police, judicial and public services. His competition Clive Fuller had challenged him to an open Town Hall debate to discuss the issues. Mr. Fuller was pictured in the article with his wife and two children.

Absently, Ann Marie put the paper down. Why hadn’t he said anything to her?

“Here you are.” Terrance opened the screen door and stepped out, bare-chested and gorgeous in the morning light. His white cotton pajama pants hung low on his hips and she could almost see the outline of his body beneath when the light hit the pants the right way. His stomach was as tight and firm as a man half his age. She drew her eyes to his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

She picked up the paper and pointed to the article.

The corner of his mouth jerked for an instant. “I’d planned to when the time was right.”

“What are you talking about?”

He strolled over to the table, pulled out a chair and sat down. “I wanted you to get a chance to know me again.”

She frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?” She didn’t like the way the conversation was going.

He ran his tongue across his bottom lip. “I have every intention of winning this election. I’ve poured plenty money into my campaign. Fuller is an asshole. But he has something I don’t have.”

“What’s that?”

“A family.”

She jerked back.

Terrance leaned closer. “Politicians are family men. Folks trust family men.” He shrugged his right shoulder. “They figure if a man can do good by his family and take care of them, he will do the same for his constituents.”

Her stomach rolled.

“I want you and Raquel by my side. My wife and daughter.” His eyes lit up as if they’d been set on fire. “We’d have my family money, government money and power! I’d give you whatever you wanted. Anything.” He grabbed her by the wrist. “I can win. We can win.”

“Now it’s all making sense,” she said slowly. “This was the real reason why you wanted me back. It had nothing to do with still wanting me.” She pointed to the center of her chest. Her throat burned. “What a fool.” She sadly shook her head.

“Listen to me. I can give you anything you want. Anything!”

“Anything but you, Terrance. Nothing has changed, least of all you. You’re still the same self-centered, egotistical man I knew twenty-odd years ago. The great reconciliation would have won you all the votes you needed. You knew that when you sought me out.” She tossed her head back and laughed an empty, nasty sound. She looked him square in the eye. “Not with my help.” She pushed back from the table. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going into town to the court office and file the papers. Don’t even try to stop it or I’ll make sure that everyone who cares will know what you tried to pull…and how you failed. I wonder what your voters will think of you then.” She spun away.

Terrance leaped up. “You owe me!”

Ann Marie whirled toward him, her face a hard mask of determination, each word laid out one by one like a poker player with the winning hand. “I don’t owe you shit!” She stormed inside, slamming the door so hard it rattled on its hinges.

She ran up to her room and started tossing her belonging in her suitcases as fast as her hands could move. She had to get out of there before she exploded.
Idiot. You stupid fool. You should have known better. But once again, you let that
thing
that he does to your heart and body cloud your mind.
It was over now. Finally and forever over.

Ann Marie spent the next week making sure that all the paperwork was properly filed and that Terrance was officially served. The lawyer she’d secured assured her that he would handle everything in her absence. Since she was not interested in any property and there were no custody issues, he was confident that the process would now be a speedy one.

With that behind her Ann Marie prepared to go home. It had taken her the better part of her adult life to finally see and accept Terrance for who and what he was and to let him go—exorcize him from her spirit.

She was finally free. And whether Sterling was waiting for her return was important but she knew she would survive even if he wasn’t. She finally realized that she had been unable to receive and accept real love because she’d never allowed herself to love who she was, to bloom fully into the woman that deserved to be cared about totally. She’d been trapped and stymied by a fantasy. But she’d seen through it and she was ready to step out into the real world—come what may.