Saving Forever (The Ever Trilogy: Book 3) (18 page)

“Cade is the father.”

She nodded. “Yeah.” Her voice was tiny, not even a whisper. Just an agonized breath of admission.
 

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, with a bitter laugh.

“What happened?” I asked.

Eden was openly crying now, tears streaming silently down her face. She didn’t try to wipe them away. Just sat cross-legged on the bed, fingers tangled together on her lap. “She woke up.”
 

“Does she know?”

“No.” Eden clawed at her face, scratching her nails down her skin so harshly I reached out and held her wrists so she couldn’t hurt herself. “She woke up. She doesn’t know.
He
doesn’t know. How could I tell them? How could they deal with this? She may never recover, Carter. He’s all she has, she’s all he has. They have to have each other. I—fucked everything up, Carter. I slept with my twin sister’s husband. While she was in a coma.” She jerked her wrists away, curled over her legs, sobbing.
 

I didn’t know what to say. How to react. What to even think. “But you’re their family.”

“Not anymore.”

“So you just…left? Without telling anyone?”

“YES!” Eden screamed. “I
couldn’t
tell them! I was afraid! I’m still afraid! I’m terrified, Carter. You don’t even know the worst part.”

Oh, god. There was more? “What’s the worst part?”

“She was pregnant when she had the accident. She miscarried. It was part of why she was so close to death. She lost the baby, and to—to save her, to stop the bleeding, they had to remove her uterus. She’ll never have kids. I’m carrying her husband’s baby, and she’ll never, ever have that herself.” Eden fell apart, crying so hard she couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t help reaching for her, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her against me. It was the only thing I could do.
 

She fought against my hold. “No. NO! I don’t—I don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t be here. You should leave.” Her sobs turned into hyperventilation.
 

I held her anyway, gently but firmly. “Eden. Breathe. Breathe.” She sucked in a deep breath, and another. “Good. Look at me.”

She turned her wet, reddened eyes up to mine. “Why are you still here?”
 

“I’m not leaving, Eden.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m where I want to be.”

She pulled away from me, slid off the bed. “I’m
pregnant
, Carter. What do you think could possibly happen between us?”

I didn’t answer for a long time. “I’m your friend, Eden. I was your friend before this, and I’m your friend now. Maybe I thought…” I trailed off, shaking my head and began again. “No. Look, there’re no ulterior motives. I’m here because you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. No matter what happened, no matter what mistakes you may have made, it doesn’t mean you should suffer alone.”

“Yes, it does. I betrayed my twin sister. She’s half of me. And I betrayed her. I’m a shitty, terrible, horrible person.”

I stood up and faced her. “No. You’re not.”

Eden’s eyes met mine. “How can you even look at me? How can you stand there and act like you’re not disgusted?”

“I told you I wouldn’t judge you, and I won’t. I’m not.” I turned away, hunting for the right words. “You want to know what I think? For real?” I pivoted back to face her. “It was a fucked-up, impossible situation. And I don’t think anyone, least of all me, has any right to judge you for the choices you made. You want the truth? Here’s a hard question for you: What if she hadn’t woken up? Would it still have been a betrayal?”

She turned away from me, refusing to meet my gaze. “I don’t know.”

“Were you jealous? Did you do it out of some kind of…I don’t know…manipulative rancor?”

“No!” Eden whirled on me. “I was confused! Alone! So was he! It was the only comfort either of us had.” She deflated, her anger and outrage bleeding away, replaced once again by guilt. “But…there
was
jealousy. Not over Caden. Just…growing up, Ever was always better than me. Popular. Everyone liked her. She made friends without trying. She was…everything I wanted to be. Tried to be. She could eat anything she wanted and stay skinny, and I’ve had to diet and work out all my life to keep from getting fat. I’ve just…I’ve always been jealous of her. In general. And I didn’t sleep with Cade because of jealousy. I swear I didn’t. But after I found out I was pregnant and she woke up, knowing I’d spent our entire lives nursing that little seed of jealousy…it just made everything worse. Made me question…everything. I mean,
did
I do it to get back at her? But…I love Ever. I do. I swear I do!”

“You don’t have to convince me, Eden.”

“I’m not going back. I can’t. It’s best this way.”
 

“Listen, it might not be my place to say this but…Cade or Caden or whoever he is does bear
some
responsibility.” I took a step toward her, hesitant. Reached out and touched her arm.
 

She flinched away, pulled her arm out of reach. “Don’t, Carter. No matter what either of us might feel, it’s impossible. So just don’t.”

“What do you feel?”

“It doesn’t matter. It won’t ever matter.”

I sighed, nodding. “Okay, well, be that as it may, I’m here. I’m your friend. And I’m not going anywhere.” I reached for her again, tentatively. “Friends hug, right? Just a hug.”

She sniffed, and then laughed. “That would be nice.”

I chuckled and pulled her in. I was careful about how I held her, how I stood, where my hands went. She was my friend, and that was it. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, turned my head to the side, away from her hair. She fit perfectly against me, her head tucked just beneath my chin. Her hair smelled like citrus shampoo, and I caught a whiff of body lotion. Cherries, or lavender. Something faint, but exotic. I resisted the urge to inhale her scent and just hold her. It was a hug, nothing more. There was space between our bodies, so she wouldn’t mistake my intentions.

She let out a long breath, shaky, tremulous, and stepped away. “Thank you.”

My hand reached out and brushed a lock of hair away from her eye. I hadn’t meant to do that, but I couldn’t take it back. She flinched from my touch, but she didn’t pull away. I dropped my hand and shoved my fists in my pockets. “You’re welcome.”

“I mean, for…for listening. For not judging. For being my friend, even though I don’t deserve it.” She sounded as if she absolutely meant that last part.

“Eden. Everyone deserves friendship, and understanding. That’s all I’m offering.”

“You’re sweet.”

“So are you.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m not, but let’s just agree to disagree.” She glanced past me at the darkness that had fallen. “You should get home. It’s getting late. You’re not swimming home, are you?”

I laughed. “Hell, no. I’ve got my boat. And I can always stay at the winery, if I have to.”

“Good.”

“I’m here, Eden. If you need anything, just ask.”

She nodded. “I will. Now go. For real. I’m fine.”

“‘You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.’”
 

Eden laughed, a genuine, delighted laugh. “‘Inconceivable!’” She said it with an exaggerated lisp, doing her best to sound like Vizzini.

I grinned at her. “If you hadn’t gotten that quote, I might have had to rethink being friends with you.”

“I’m glad I knew it, then.”
 

“Me, too,” I said.
 

And just like that, we were back to serious. Her eyes searched mine, and I wondered what she was thinking. Maybe I was better off not knowing.
 

The lock of hair fell across her eye again, and I was tempted to brush it away once more. I didn’t. Instead, I hugged her again.

She fell against my chest with a laugh, hugging me back, her arms going around my waist, her hands on my shoulder blades. “You give good hugs.”

“So do you.”
 

She pushed me away. “Go.”
 

I left and managed to drive away without looking back. I could feel her watching me from the doorway, though. I got all the way home before letting a brutal wave of exhaustion wash over me.
 

Eden was pregnant. It explained all the changes I’d seen in her, and it explained the back-and-forth of her emotions. There
was
something between us. She knew it, and I knew it. But like she’d said, it was impossible.

And just because I was talking again didn’t mean I was totally over Britt, and what had happened there. If anything, telling Eden about it had brought it all back. I was doing my best to push it away, ignore it, keep it down and act like I was fine but, in truth, I wasn’t. I missed her. Every day, I missed Britt. And, every day, I was sliced by pangs of guilt over having not been there for her. And now, with everything that was happening with Eden, I felt even more guilt about it. The seedling feelings I had for Eden were taking root all too easily. As if, somehow, I now wanted to replace Britt.
 

I went into my workshop and took the sheet off the sculpture of Britt.
I’m sorry,
I wanted to say.
I wish you were here
, I wanted to say. But I couldn’t get the words out, not to a sculpture. It wasn’t her.
 

I’d hoped maybe I’d find some answers out here with Britt’s likeness, but all I got was silence, and misery. No matter what I felt for Eden, our situation was next to impossible. I could be her friend, because I’d made that promise to her. And I’d keep that promise. But, truthfully, I wanted more. I wanted her to feel for me what I felt for her. But she couldn’t…or wouldn’t. Even if she did feel as I did, acting on it was out of the question for her.
 

It all seemed so impossible. Yet I’d started the course, and I’d stay it, one way or another.

nameday

At the end of three weeks, Eden’s house was finished. My brothers were bitching at my absence, but the bar was done, the tasting room was progressing, and the vines were in good shape. They’d survive a few weeks without me. Or so I told myself.

I’d redone the hardwoods completely, since what was there was too roughed up to be salvageable. I saved a bunch of the old wood, though, since I had a few ideas for ways to reuse it. In its place, I put down dark cherrywood, stained it until it was the color of thick brandy, coated it until it shone like glass. The walls all got stripped of wallpaper and old paint, and Eden chose ivory paint to go on the walls. She helped me paint, which I only allowed if the windows and doors were all open to vent the fumes. The counters in the kitchen got polished slate to match the floors in the bathroom, with a backsplash using leftover tiles from the bathroom. The cabinets were in decent shape, so I sanded them down and repainted them a pale blue to match the tiles in the bathroom and backsplash. I pulled down the ceiling and re-plastered it, since most of it was ruined from the leaks. I even replaced the kitchen sink and vanity in the bathroom, as well as the toilet. By the time I finished, only the cabinets were original, and even those were unrecognizable.

The last project was replacing the screens on her windows and on the front door. The screens were easy enough, but as I pulled the old screen door off the front door, I realized the main door itself was as outdated and inefficient as the rest of the house had been, so I took Eden over to the Home Depot on South Airport Road and she picked out a new front door. I made her pick out a storm door as well, even though she protested it was an expense she didn’t need.
 

On the way back from ordering the doors, Eden was quiet, lost in thought.

I glanced at her, turned the radio down. “Dollar for your thoughts?”

Eden snorted in laughter, shooting me an amused glance. “Isn’t the phrase supposed be ‘penny for your thoughts’?”

“I figure your thoughts are worth a bit more than a dollar.”

“Oh, yeah? A whole ninety-nine cents more?”
 

I nodded. “At least. I could probably go a full two bucks.” I turned left onto Garfield, which would take us to Center Road and up the peninsula once more. “For real, though. I can feel you thinking over there. What’s up?”

She cranked the window open and closed her eyes as the wind tousled her hair. “Even if you’re not charging me for labor, the parts alone of this remodel have to be costing you small fortune.”

“Eden,” I started, “I told you—”

“I’m not arguing. I’m just wondering how you can afford it. I’m sorry if this is nosey, but it just doesn’t make any sense to me. I mean, if you were gonna flip this house, that’d be one thing. But I own the house with my sister. It was my parents’ vacation cabin. So…obviously it’s not a flip project for you. I told you up front I can’t pay you, so you’re not doing it as a contractor. I’m not even asking
why
anymore. I’m asking
how
.”

I sighed. “My parents have money, and my brothers and I have all been earning our own money since we were teenagers. I started working for my uncle when I was fourteen. He’s a builder, and he taught me everything I know. I built houses with him for eleven years, and I’m part owner of his company, on top of my quarter share in the winery.”

“I don’t know anything about wineries, obviously, but if you haven’t finished your tasting room, how are you turning a profit?” she asked.

“We’ve been selling the grapes for the past three years, for one thing. They’re not mature enough yet to make wine from, but they’re still valuable produce, and we have a
lot
of vines. Plus, we’ve been buying wine grapes from other local vineyards and making wine from those and selling it. We don’t have huge distribution yet, but you can buy Haven Brothers wine throughout most of Michigan, Ohio, and Indiana. Kirk is working on Illinois and Wisconsin as we speak, and we’re hoping to get distribution on both coasts by the time we’re harvesting grapes mature enough to make wine from, which will be this fall.”
 

I pulled over onto the scenic turnout overlooking Chateau Grand Traverse’s vineyard, and the rippling, sunlit East Arm Bay with the Leelenau Peninsula in the distance. It was a gorgeous spot, a favorite of tourists. During peak tourist season, this turnout would be packed with cars full of tourists snapping pictures with phones and cameras. “I also sell some sculptures here and there, but that’s more for fun than anything.”