Saving Georgia (5 page)

“There’s a walking trail here, of course some cyclist like to ride their bikes here, but it’s quiet and beautiful. “

“I see. Is that a theater?” I say pointing to an old fashioned log cabin. I spit out so fast, I am unsure if it was coming out of my mouth clear enough to understand.

“Yes. It used to be a Boy Scout house, but it’s now the Neuse Little Theater.” Jason shrugs off as if it is no big deal. Obviously this stuff doesn’t excite him.

We walked for miles, crossing small wooden bridges, stealing kisses under the trees right by the Neuse River, talking about everything from music to plans after high school. I learned a lot about Jason Grimes. He is a diehard Red Sox fan, he likes pizza and Pepsi, Reese’s peanut butter cups are his favorite candy, and he has a dog named Spartacus. It was nice to hear about someone else’s’ story for once instead of having to rehash mine. Thankfully he didn’t ask much about me. Just the trivial parts and for what it’s worth, I’m sure he had his assumptions about what has happened, and maybe on some sick level that’s what he likes about me, I have no clue.

“What’s your favorite song to sing?” Jason asked me, and I had to give this careful consideration.

“You know the movie ‘A Walk to Remember?’ With Mandy Moore?” I asked.

“Sounds like a chick flick.” He laughs. “Not really, no.”

“OK well, there is a song in there called ‘Only Hope’ and I like to sing that song a lot.” I closed my eyes and smiled, hoping that he’d hold me. Somehow I love the affectionate touch, which is very different for me and it makes me feel almost needy and hungry for loving caresses. Today couldn’t be much better. It’s so relaxing and nice to know a new side of myself and get to know anything about Jason.

As we made our way back to the truck I decided I would sing ‘Only Hope’ for him. While we were walking, I seemed to have captured a small audience, and it was just a lovely feeling. A song about God, an audience and the most handsome boy I have ever laid eyes on in one single moment. These moments never happened to broken people like me, but here I am surrounded by smiles and mild adoration; and for the first time I feel free, and naturally happy. I just forgot who I am, and for this moment I am someone else, and this is a nice feeling. If I don’t take anything else from today, I’ll just take this memory.

“That’s just great Georgia. I mean, wow.” Jason smiles.

The rest of the people walking by just clapped and smiled. I got a few other words of encouragement and it made my heart grow a little bigger.

Once we got back into the truck, Jason looked at me and smiled. “I want ice cream.” Is what he said, of all things. “I know just the place.”

We started heading towards Benson, which from Smithfield is about 30 minutes or so and we have to drive through Four Oaks. We pulled into a gas station that has a small store called Ronnies General Store; most people would think it’s just your average gas station, which in some places may just be, but this place also sells produce that is locally grown. We hopped down, and made our way to the brick building and once we got in, everyone seemed to know Jason.

“How’s yo’ daddy, boy” The clerk asked Jason.

“He’s fine, sir. Thank you for askin’.” Jason responds, making his way to the dairy counter.

“What will it be, youngin’?” The nameless clerk asks again, picking up the worn ice cream scoop.

“Pecan for me, and whatever the lady likes.” Jason says, stepping aside and letting me in.

“Hi, mint chocolate chip please.” I offer in my sweetest, southern voice I could muster up.

“Yes ma’am,” the clerk nods, and gets straight to work, coming up with two small cups of the finest custard in town. From what I understand this is made from one of the local farms in the area. We sat in the cab of the truck, finishing up our cold ice cream, when suddenly a storm starts to roll in. Once you start getting hot in the day down south, the storms start rolling in almost every day. The summer is always our strongest rain season, and it’s bittersweet really, because the cool rain is welcoming after a hot humid day, but the onslaught of the storm is what brings this doggone humidity in the first place. Also, it wreaks havoc on my already impossible curly hair. The thunder shook the cab, and I must have jumped about 2 feet high in my seat. Without warning the rain starting assaulting the windshield like little water pellets. It came down in sheets and the only thing we could do is wait it out, so we snuggled up in the cab and he turned the radio on, with my head in his lap I sang my heart out, and of course we kissed. He just bent over, and caressed my face and lightly kept kissing me, slowly and gently. Of course I didn’t put up a resistance but rather enjoyed myself. I wrapped my hand around the back of his head and kept him close to me, finding my own limits and encouraging the affection that I haven’t had before. The heat, the need, and the desire all pooling inside of me, but it’s tangled with insecurities, confusion, and brokenness. Being a 17 year old girl is never easy, and this angst thing has gotten me hard. I don’t know how to balance my faith and first love, or how to understand my present life and situations with my past; and all of this is happening much too fast. Either way, I’m pushing past all that, moving it to the back of my mind right now, because I’m sitting here in Jason Grimes’ truck and I am kissing him and he is kissing me.

“I’ve really enjoyed spending the day with you, Georgia.” He whispers in my ear.

“I’ve enjoyed myself, too. Ice cream kisses and all.”

“We should do this again, maybe an official date.” He breathes into my ear, playing with my untamable blonde curls.

“This wasn’t a date?” I asked, honestly kind of confused.

“Well, I guess it was, wasn’t it?” Jason laughs.

“I thought so, but it’s also not like I’m going to turn down another date. However, I do need to go back and get my car and head home. Take me back to school?”

“Yes ma’am.”

The rain slowed enough that we were able to make it back to the school in good time and all in one piece. I got one last kiss and clambered into Elsie and started making my way back home. On the way back, my cell phone went off and I didn’t realize I had a bunch of missed calls and texts from Jenn and Shane. I’m sure I have a bunch of explaining to do to the both of them. We do have the next two days off from school; however I don’t want people to worry about me since I didn’t give anyone an idea of where I was or when I would be home. With the roads slick I didn’t want to text or call anyone, so I figured I will own up to it once I get home. I mean, I’m back in time for dinner so it shouldn’t be a big deal.

Pulling into the drive, the rain started to come down hard again. I ran quickly into the house and in the kitchen was Jenn.

“Where have you been?” Jenn stops me, and puts her hands on her hips.

“Out enjoying the day.” I smile back at her.

“I was worried about you.” She pouts and still gives me some type of super human death stare.

“I was fine; in fact I was more than fine. I had the best day I have had in a long, long time.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“Jason Grimes happened.” I look her dead in the eyes, and smiled.

Her face dropped. Her eyes became pie-eyed, and some weird noise slipped from her lips and I knew that I got her just where I want her. With that look stored in my memory bank, I turned on my heels and made my way up to our bathroom to wash all this gross rain sweat off me.

Under the welcoming rainfall from the shower head, I skim my hands over my body wondering if there’s been some type of chemical or subliminal change that I am unaware of that could possibly explain recent events. I’ve become a tangled web of sensations as of late, and frankly they have been a welcomed distraction and quite a lovely way to pass time. I have to stop questioning things and just accept them as they are. The steam helped me relax and I decided on a whim to use Jenn’s body wash, because she has that expensive 30 dollar body wash from Ralph Lauren. It does smell amazing, I must admit.

Leisurely I got out of the shower and went to put on some sweats and a t-shirt. I lay down on my bed and decided to finally go thru all the text messages I got today. There was at least eight from Jennifer and I think about the same from Shane.

Where are you?

Shane

Are you OK?

Shane

Damnit, respond I’m freaking out!

S

Georgia, I swear if you don’t let me know you’re alright I am going to be mad as hell

S

That’s it! I am on my way over to your house now! You better be home and have a damn good explanation.

ME

I went to reply to the text, but it was too late.

“Georgia! Shane is here, and he looks pissed!” Jenn calls up the stairs.

Crap, how can I have boy talk with him?
How do I tell him I couldn’t reply back to him because I was sucking face with the hottest boy in school, and by gosh I hope you understand and we’re still friends and that this conversation isn’t awkward as all get out.
Yeah, I am so sure that will roll over smoothly.

Seconds later I hear his pounding footsteps up the stairs, and before I know it there’s a tall, sweat soaked and rained on boy in my doorway.

“Well, what good possible explanation do you have for yourself?” Shane asks me with such anger in his voice. “Do you know I have been driving all over God's creation looking for you?” He continues with such a look on his face of relief mixed with frustration and pain. My carelessness hits me again twice today.
Gosh I seem to be hitting some buttons today.

“I don’t. Honestly I probably couldn’t apologize enough to you. My selfishness seemed to have gotten the better of me today and I promise to you that I will not do that again. It was reckless, I know.” My heart is sinking. It was such a great day today with Jason, and I loved every uncomfortable moment of it, but seeing this look on Shane’s face is more than I can bear. Jenn is one thing, because I know she will never leave me, but Shane has no obligation to me and I cannot picture my life without him.

“Jesus Georgia.” Shane breathes out, heavy and then next thing I know he picks me up and crushes me to his chest.

The welcomed affection was what my heart needed right now. I can’t even fathom having him this mad at me. Now I am even more angry with myself.

“Just don’t do that to me, ever again.” Shane almost cries and rubs my back, and holds my head close to his chest. I can hear his heartbeat, and it calms me back down to such a peace where I could fall asleep. My mind has had enough to bear with today.

Jenn re-emerges up the stairs and stands in the doorway.

“Georgy. You got a letter today.” She says.

I blink at her, confused. I hardly ever get mail. “I did?” I ask handing out my hand. Quickly, and without thinking I open it up. My eyes skim the letter, while Shane was still holding me to his chest. Finally it hit me and that’s all it took.

“Georgia!” I heard Shane’s voice ring, and then it was black. “What the hell was in that letter Jenn?” He screams.

“I don’t know hold on.” Jenn rushes and I feel her peel the paper from between my fingers.

“Oh my gosh, Shane! I know you have no idea what this means, but Cecil is up for early release.” Jenn urges and her voice keeps getting smaller and smaller. “Mom? You’ve got to come home right now.” That is the last thing I can make out. Everything else is too small to understand.

It’s dark. The place smells familiar. The light is dim, and has that old fashioned electrical sound to it. It’s damp. I can feel the earth below me. It smells musky. My hands feel gritty, as does my feet and knees. My feet are so cold. My skin is a million sensations, prickled with Goosebumps, my hair standing straight up. My flesh is submerged by filth, and sweat. My muscles feel almost atrophied. I can’t seem to muster up any strength. I see there is a window above me, but I’m much too weak and short to reach it. I am hungry, very hungry. I lean forward to see if I can find anything to eat. I can’t move far, my wrists are heavy. There are chains! I am chained up! There’s a little sliver of light, a few inches ahead of me. I put my hands in front of me and use my fingers to grab the dirt ahead of me to pull myself up to the light. I was able to dig down deep and get a good look at myself and I saw a deep purple cuff around my forearms that stood out from my pale as plaster skin, and wondered wildly what the rest of my body looks like. I want to cry, but I can’t make any tears or noise. I try and try to call out but my mouth just makes these inaudible noises. I want my mommy! I am so hungry! When was the last time I went potty? I can’t remember. How long have I been here? My back hurts, and my head hurts. I think I am bleeding. I can hear the birds outside, and that’s nice. Can anyone hear me moving around? He hurts me. He hurts me alot. I used to be afraid of monsters under my bed, now I am afraid of much scarier things. Now I am afraid of him.

What did I do that was so wrong? I won’t hurt anyone, I promise. Why does he keep me locked down here? Why can’t I be in the rest of my own home? I don’t like the way that he talks to me, or the way he touches me when he isn’t hitting me or throwing things at me. I miss my mommy so much. Mommy wouldn’t let this happen to me.

He always smells bad. He smells like alcohol and other things that I don’t know what they are but they smell really bad; really, really bad. When he smells that bad, that’s when the bad things happen.

I have been in these clothes for a long time. I don’t know if I am wearing underwear or not, and I don’t have the strength to check. I smell bad. I need a bath, and I think I should probably see a doctor. I feel dizzy. I feel something gross, wet and slimy sliding down my legs. I don’t know what it is.

I miss my friends. I am lonely and scared. I am very scared. God can you hear me? God, could you please help me? Please don’t let him hurt me anymore. I have no one to take care of me God. I have no family, but I don’t want him around me anymore .I don’t like what he does to me. I’m hungry God, so very hungry. I’m dirty too, which isn’t so bad compared to the…. It hurts, oh the pain hurts so bad God! Please help me. Or let me come with you. Please God let this stop. I don’t think I have anything left, no fight left in me. I need you God, one way or another. Please, show me mercy of some way, some Grace, somehow.

It must be hours that I have been awake, right? The light is starting to fade. I’m getting colder, and I think I am going to pass back out. Please, I need food. I need warmth, but most of all I need to feel some love. Please God, please God hear me!

Footsteps, I hear footsteps!
No please, please no
! Don't! Please God no! I sit up with such a quickness. The chains are cutting in deep to my flesh. It hurts! I want to cry, I want to scream. Please don’t come down here, please don’t come down here, please don’t come down here. I’m so afraid God. God just take me now, don’t let me leave this earth by his hand. The footsteps are right above me. The light bulb sways from his weight above. There’s more than one set, I think. I can’t tell. The door is stuck and he is trying to pull it open. He bangs it loudly! I scurry into the corner, and I have no idea how I did it. Fear is an amazing thing I guess. Please don’t come down here, please don’t come down here….

Bang
! The door is not budging and he is hitting it hard! Suddenly it flies open and I scream! I scream!
I hear my voice
!

“Georgia wake up!” Shane shakes me awake. “You’re screaming in your sleep!”