Saving His Little Miracle (Mills & Boon Medical) (16 page)

‘Perhaps. But I’m not sure if you really want to hear it.’ He put down his glass and looked at her. Lowri felt her heart surge into her throat when she saw how serious he looked.

‘Is...is it to do with Megan?’ she asked, her voice catching so that the words sounded thin and shaky when they emerged.

‘
Sì
. Megan. And you and this baby we may or may not have.’

‘Have you changed your mind about the baby? Last night you seemed so certain it was what you wanted...’ She tailed off, not wanting to think about what had so nearly happened the night before.

‘No. I haven’t changed my mind. But I have decided that I need to make some changes about what happens in the future,’ he said flatly.

‘What sort of changes?’ she whispered, her heart racing. If they hadn’t been interrupted by that phone call, they would have made love and the baby might even now be a reality.

‘I want to be involved in both Megan’s and the baby’s lives but I can’t do that unless you agree.’ He took a deep breath then looked at her. ‘Will you, Lowri? Will you let me be a proper father to our children?’

* * *

Vincenzo realised he was holding his breath but it was too hard to do anything as complicated as breathe. His lungs were burning from the lack of oxygen and still Lowri didn’t answer.

‘Why?’ Her voice was so low that he wasn’t sure if she had actually spoken or not. He answered anyway, wanting—
needing
—to make her understand how much it meant to him.

‘Because I don’t want to walk away. I want to be involved, want to watch them growing up, want to be there to help and to guide them.’

‘But you told me that you had never wanted a family.’

‘And it was true—I never did. But everything has changed—
I’ve
changed. I’ve realised that I can’t just disappear from their lives and leave you to bring them up on your own. I want to help. If you will let me.’

Vincenzo could feel the tension that had gripped him all day gathering momentum as he willed her to give him the answer he wanted so desperately. He wanted to be a real father to his children, wanted it so badly that he ached, but would she agree? After all, it would mean him being part of her life too and he wasn’t sure if that was what she wanted. Lowri might not want him, even though he wanted her. Desperately.

The thought stunned him. Oh, he had skirted around it for days, let it flit in and out of his mind like a butterfly, always hovering and never settling. Now he realised exactly what it meant and the truth was so shocking that he had trouble grasping it.

He was falling in love with her. He might even have started falling in love with her five years ago, only that idea was a step too far and he couldn’t deal with it. He wanted her in his life not only because she was the mother of his children but because he couldn’t imagine a future without her.

His head reeled yet, oddly, he didn’t feel afraid. Although he had spent his adult life avoiding emotional entanglements, he wasn’t going to shy away any more. He was capable of loving a woman if that woman was her.

He stood up, holding her gaze as he crossed the room. She was standing so still that she looked as though she had been frozen in place. It had been a shock for her too, he knew, but she would deal with it in her own way. She was brave and strong and he couldn’t think of anyone he admired more.

He took her hands and drew her to him, kissed her lightly on the lips and then stepped back. He might want to sweep her into his arms and carry her up to his bed, but he knew it would be wrong to rush her. She had to decide what she wanted. And he had to give her the time and the space to do it too.

‘I don’t expect an answer right away,’ he said softly. ‘You need to think about it and I understand that. But I mean what I say, Lowri. I want to be a proper father to Megan and this baby.’

‘I don’t know what to say.’ She looked at him and he could see the bewilderment in her eyes. ‘I never expected you would feel this way, Vincenzo.’

‘Neither did I.’ He kissed her again then glanced round when Maria appeared to tell them dinner was ready. They were eating in the dining room and he led the way, pulling out a chair for Lowri. There were candles on the table, their flickering light bouncing off the crystal and silverware, casting shadows over her face so that he couldn’t read her expression. He sighed regretfully as he took his seat because he needed all the help he could get. Would she agree or would she refuse? It was impossible to tell.

By the time the meal ended, Vincenzo felt as though he was teetering on the edge of an abyss. Lowri still hadn’t told him if she would agree to his request and the wait was becoming unbearable. It was one thing to decide to give her time and another thing entirely to have to live through it, he realised ruefully. When Maria came to see if she should serve coffee in the
salone
, he barely managed to curb his impatience.

‘
Sì. Grazie,
Maria.’ He stood up, tossing his linen napkin onto the table. Lowri stood up as well and he smiled at her, falling back on good manners to see him through this most stressful night in his entire life. ‘Coffee?’

‘No, thank you.’ She walked around the table, pausing when she drew level with him. Her eyes were very clear and his breath caught because there was no doubt about the message they were conveying. ‘I think I’ll go straight up to bed.’

She left the room, not waiting for him to say anything. There was no need. They both knew what was going to happen, that tonight they were going to make love. Was that her answer? he wondered as he went into the
salone
and poured himself a cup of coffee. Was she telling him that she agreed to him playing a part in their children’s lives? He hoped so, he really did, because if it were true it meant that he could be part of her life as well.

His hands shook as put the cup back on the tray. He didn’t want coffee. He wanted Lowri. Tonight and for evermore.

* * *

Lowri could feel her heart racing as she stepped out of her dress. She hung it up then took a nightdress out of the drawer. The cotton felt cool against her skin and she shivered. Was she doing the right thing? Should she agree to Vincenzo’s request when it would have major repercussions for her? After all, if he was to be a proper father to Megan and the baby, he would be a part of her life too.

The thought made her head swim and she went to the window, hoping the fresh air would help to alleviate her dizziness. The light had faded now and the sky was black with storm clouds. As she watched, lightning flashed across the sky, a brilliant bolt of light that momentarily dazzled her. She closed her eyes, seeing the imprint of it on her retinas, one bright clear flash in the midst of all the darkness, exactly like the thought that shot into her mind: she couldn’t imagine a future without Vincenzo.

The sound of the door opening made her glance round and she felt her heart fill with all sorts of emotions when she saw him come into the room. When she had decided to approach him and ask for his help, she hadn’t thought about the impact it would have on her. Oh, she had expected it to be...awkward. After all, he hadn’t replied to her letter, so she’d had no great hope that he would agree to her request but she had refused to let that deter her. She had been willing to do anything, suffer any embarrassment if it meant she could help Megan.

Now she could see how naïve she had been to imagine that she could conceive and carry a child and not feel anything for its father. It hadn’t happened with Megan. Even though she had tried to blot out all thoughts of Vincenzo when she had been pregnant, she hadn’t succeeded. She had thought about him all the time, remembered how good those weeks they’d had together had been. Why? Because it was what pregnant women did? Or because she had fallen in love with him?

She had always denied that possibility, to herself and to Cerys too, but she had been lying. She had fallen in love with Vincenzo in Milan and that was why she had wanted to have his baby, why she had been so hurt when she’d thought he had ignored her; it was why she had been willing to have another child with him too.

Thoughts flashed through her mind, so bright and clear that she knew they were true. When Vincenzo came and took her in his arms, her heart ached. He might have asked to be part of their children’s lives but he hadn’t said anything about wanting to be part of her life and she must never forget that. Just because she loved him, it didn’t mean that he loved her too.

Tears stung her eyes as he bent and kissed her but she blinked them away, not wanting anything to spoil this moment. Maybe he didn’t love her and never would but he wanted her—that was obvious. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she drew him to her, her lips parting so he could deepen the kiss, and felt him shudder. And it was a small consolation to know that his need for her was so great. At least she had unlocked his emotions and that had to count for something.

Lifting her into his arms, he carried her to the bed and laid her down. He knelt beside her, taking hold of her hand so he could press his lips to her palm. Lowri shuddered, feeling her desire take flight. She wanted this so much and for so many reasons.

‘The answer is yes, Vincenzo,’ she said softly. ‘If you want to be a proper father to Megan and any other child we may have then I agree.’

‘Thank you,
cara
.’ Tears filmed his eyes and the sight of them moved her beyond bearing. Maybe he didn’t love her but he would love their children and that was enough.

When he stripped off her nightdress, she helped him, helped him strip off his own clothes too. Lightning flashed across the sky, lighting the room and turning their skin to burnished silver as they lay entwined in one another’s arms. Lowri closed her eyes when she felt his hands begin to explore her body. She wanted to savour every touch, each caress, store them all up so she could look back on this night. It might not happen again. Vincenzo might neither need nor want to make love to her again but she would have her memories and she would treasure them too. This was the night she had realised that she loved him and it was precious, special. A night she would never forget no matter what happened in the future. And if they conceived a child tonight, it would be even more perfect.

Thunder rolled across the sky as he entered her, the noise filling her head as Vincenzo filled her body, and finally she let her tears fall. This might be all she had, this one magical turbulent night in his arms.

CHAPTER TWELVE

V
INCENZO
LAY
IN
the darkness and listened as the storm receded. It had started raining now, the raindrops beating against the open window and spattering the marble floor. He really should get up and close it, he thought, but he couldn’t bear to get out of bed and bring an end to the most profound experience of his life. Making love to Lowri had been everything he had dreamt it would be and a lot more too.

He sighed as he rolled onto his side and looked at her as she lay sleeping beside him. How would she feel if he admitted that he loved her? Would she be pleased, sorry, disbelieving even? After all, she had no reason to trust him. He had failed to reply to her letter—a letter he had never received, he amended to appease his conscience—so why should she believe him if he declared his feelings? She might think it was some sort of a ruse he had dreamed up for his own nefarious reasons, and he couldn’t bear that.

He didn’t want her to doubt him, to possibly reconsider her decision to let him be involved in the children’s lives. It might be better if he said nothing rather than run the risk of that happening.

‘I hope I wasn’t snoring.’

He fixed a smile to his lips when he realised she was awake. Although it would be difficult to hide his feelings, he had to think about the bigger picture. And, hopefully, the time would come when he could be honest with her. If it didn’t then he would just have to deal with it. After all, he was an expert when it came to bottling up his feelings.

‘Just a very gentle snore,’ he said, trying not to dwell on the thought that it would be far harder to curb his emotions now they’d had a taste of freedom. He ran his hand down her arm, feeling a shiver dance across her skin at his touch. It was so entrancing that he did it again, his body immediately stirring to life as his fingers skated over the warm, smooth flesh. It made no difference that they had made love until they’d both been exhausted: he still wanted her.

‘Really? Oh, no, how embarrassing!’ She raised herself up on her elbow and grimaced. ‘Although it could have been worse. I might have been drooling!’

‘Did I say you weren’t?’ He laughed when she gasped. Taking hold of her hand, he pulled her down into his arms. ‘I was teasing you,
cara
. Forgive me.’

‘On one condition,’ she said severely, holding him at bay with a hand pressed against his chest.

‘And that is?’

‘That I receive a suitably heartfelt apology.’

‘Oh, I think I can manage that,’ he growled, quickly dispensing with the gap between them.

He kissed her passionately, his desire surging when he felt her kiss him back. They made love and once again it was so moving that Vincenzo couldn’t hold back. Maybe he couldn’t tell her in words how he felt, but he could show her through their lovemaking. And maybe, just maybe, she would start to believe him.

* * *

Lowri could feel every tiny bit of her suffused with love as Vincenzo kissed her. Could he feel it too, she wondered, feel all the emotions that filled the air and made what was happening so special? She thought he could but it was hard to be sure. Perhaps she was reading more into it than actually existed and the thought sent a chill through her. She wanted him to love her as much as she loved him but she had to accept that it might never happen.

When he fell asleep, she lay and watched him, storing up more memories for the future. Oh, he would be part of her life but he wouldn’t be the linchpin, merely a visitor. He would come to see Megan and the baby and, by necessity, see her too, but their relationship wouldn’t progress beyond that. It wasn’t what he wanted, as he had made clear.