Saving Persephone (The Haberdashers Book 4) (27 page)

Imogen laughed and looked back at Robert. Regardless of his claims to the contrary, Robert very much liked his siblings. He regarded them with a type of proud indulgence that seemed as much fatherly as it did brotherly. Imogen knew what it looked like when siblings
didn’t
like each other. She had her mother and uncle for comparison. Imogen hoped she would be more like Robert in this regard.

As Imogen hadn’t replied to Charlie, Robert did. “I’ll be far too busy running her company to make complaints over where I’ll be standing when we make our vows.”

Imogen felt Charlie’s confusion. “You have a company?”

“My family is in shipping.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” Robert said, “I’m sure we’ll need to leave soon for Boston in order to formalize the change in management.”

Charlie’s grin stayed in place, but his arm slipped casually off her shoulders. He, indeed, had a great deal of control, because on an emotional level she had just changed from favorite new sister-in-law to Woman Who Is Taking My Brother Away. Anyone looking on the party wouldn’t have supposed a thing was the matter. Robert, however, seemed to know his brother well enough to assume how it affected him.

“We won’t stay in Boston,” he said softly.

“Of course you won’t,” Charlie said cheerfully. “Now, when are we going over to Sabre’s so that I can brag that I knew first?”

Robert took her hand. “Would you rather stay with Sabre or your cousin while in London?” Honestly, she would rather stay with Robert. But she had a suspicion that Sabre would be a far more relaxed, and dare she say permissive hostess than Violetta. Love her cousin though she might, the last thing she wanted was someone who would keep her from Robert’s bed, either by accident or design.

“Your sister, I think. If she’ll have me.”

“I’ll ride over while you ready your carriage,” Charlie said, turning to leave.

“Afterwards, we will go see to the horse,” Robert called after him.

That made his brother stop and turn back. “You’ve no reason for a new stallion if you’re traveling, Robert.”

“He can stay on that new land you’ve purchased.”

Charlie gave his brother a lopsided grin. “How did you know about that?”

“How often do I have to tell you? I know everything.”

Charlie rolled his eyes in brotherly derision and affection before walking away shaking his head.

Robert pulled Imogen close again and kissed her temple.

“He’s upset, Robert.”

“I know. He’ll be fine.”

“I’m worried, he turns his anger inwards.”

Robert chuckled. “You’ve obviously never seen him in a fight. Meanwhile, where is your carriage if it wasn’t out front?”

“I had them pull it around. I thought that a carriage with ten outriders would be unseemly on the street.”

“Ten outriders?”

“I no longer like to travel alone.”

“Good. One can never be too careful. Are you ready to go see my sister?”

She nodded.

“And are you quite prepared to keep her from planning your wedding?”

“Our wedding.”

She felt the flare of affection her correction caused. When Robert kissed her it was easy to sink into the feeling. He was the first to pull away. “Come now, we have duties to attend to.”

“Wait,” she said, looking around. “Where is Sabre’s pillow? You didn’t get rid of it, did you?”

He took her hand. “Become attached to it, have you?” His amusement calmed her concern.

“It’s atrocious,” she said archly.

“Well, it is busy being atrocious at my country house.”

“You have a country house?”

He smiled. “I do now. You’ve been there.”

“I didn’t realize it was for sale!”

“It wasn’t, precisely.”

“Oh Robert, what did you do?”

He gave her one of his cynical smiles. ”If you knew the things I did about people you wouldn't ask me how I can kill them, you would ask me how I can let them live.” He shrugged. “I decided he could live without the house.”

“All the criminals of England will give a great sigh of relief that I’ve distracted you with the running of our company.”

“Undoubtedly.”

What was Imogen to do with this complicated, dangerous man? She had a weakness for him, that was clear, but could she ever love him? Or would she come to regret her decision?

“Will you miss it?” she asked. “Killing people?”

His emotional recoil, his anger, was really all the answer she needed, but she waited for his words. “What makes you think I would miss that?”

“I didn’t know-” She stopped and tried again. “It’s clear that your life has been plunged in darkness for some time. Why would that be, if you didn’t enjoy it?”

She felt him trying to find the words to explain it. “One cannot just do what is enjoyable, not when doing the right thing can make a difference.”

That made her feel ashamed. “I’ve only ever done what is enjoyable.”

He crossed his arms again. “Clearly not, or you wouldn’t be here today. I’ve no illusions that you have feelings for me.” He paused for a moment and cleared his throat. “I’m quite sure it’s unlikely you ever will, beyond lust. But as I find myself unwilling, perhaps unable to live without you, I’m very thankful that the sense of duty you have towards your parents led you here. I’m honored to fulfill this role for you.”

Imogen had spent all of her life protecting herself, her heart. Her sensitivity was such that learning to ignore the feelings of others, to turn away, had been necessary for survival. She realized she and Robert Bittlesworth were more alike than she’d originally assumed. He had been capable of atrocities because he had denied all tender parts of himself. But hadn’t she in some ways been guilty of the same, not through her actions but her inaction? No one else had her capacity to know what another needed in the moment, be it a kind word or something more. How many had suffered simply because she repressed her talents? Because she balked at connecting to anyone beyond her parents? And she had even turned from what her mother wanted most from her, for her own preservation. Right this moment, she had a man laying his heart bare for her. A man who, the more she knew him, she realized was among the saddest and loneliest she had ever met. He thought to have no better. He did not even expect the woman he loved, the one he planned to spend the rest of his life with, to care for him more than in passing. As she absorbed his sadness she felt her heart breaking. This, this was why she held herself apart. She felt her knees go weak, felt her breathing become harsh.

“Imogen?” Robert reached out for her as she sank to the floor. “What’s wrong?”

“How do you live like this? I can’t breathe.”

She felt his panic wash over the underlying sadness. “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

As she looked up at him, saw his concern for her, she realized that perhaps it was
she
who should not have judged
him
so harshly. Sabre had made it clear that their father was terrifying. Robert had taken the adversity of that childhood and used it to grow stronger. He hadn’t allowed it to destroy a core of good that was only perceptible by the most astute. His sister obviously didn’t see it, and even his brother didn’t understand it, but she now saw how it drove everything he did. He obsessively guarded his siblings, and taught them how to defend themselves in his absence. He worked in service to his government because he thought it the right thing to do, not even faltering if that service required that he kill. Now he offered to run her family’s company because he wanted to prove himself worthy of her esteem. She felt tears running down her face, but realized they weren’t truly her own. They were for him, for that desolation she had sensed in him.

He was on the floor with her. “Should I call for the doctor?”

“Just hold me.”

He pulled her into his lap. She wound her arms around him and stayed there until they were both calmer. She kept her eyes closed as she started to speak. “I know you may not understand how I see the world, how I feel.”

“No, not at all.”

“I wasn’t always like this. When mama took me on the first ship, I thought it was the beginning of a tremendous adventure. My talents hadn’t fully bloomed yet. But by the time I was thirteen I was so sensitive that merely being in a room with other people was like having them shout their feelings at me all the time.” Robert hugged her closer. “I didn’t tell mama. She relied on me to tell her what people were feeling. It’s amazing the difference that insight can make, especially for important negotiations.” She felt the direction of his thoughts and laughed lightly. “You’re already considering the convenience.”

“I wouldn’t ask it of you.”

“Do you think she did? But what she did want was for me to take over the company.” Imogen sat back so she could look into his eyes. “I couldn’t do it. Business requires harsh decisions and I’m not capable of them. I can’t tell a man news that will destroy his life, not when images of his children flood my mind in his grief.”

He was quiet for a moment before agreeing. “I can see where you couldn’t.”

She rested against him again. “It’s not as though that was every instance. Although for me it is no easier to come to an accord with an evil person.”

He laughed softly. “Our engagement being an excellent example.”

She sat back again and looked at him. “You’re not evil, Robert.”

He regarded her skeptically, as she felt hope and cynicism war within him. “If I told you of the things I’ve done-”

She laid a finger on his lips. “You’re quite wicked, Robert Bittlesworth, but you’re not evil.”

He frowned. “What’s the difference?”

“Did you kill for pleasure? For gain?”

“No, but-”

“You are competitive, unforgiving, and harsh, I will grant you. You have a capacity not only to judge, but also punish others that I can’t even fathom. That isn’t evil. You have a discerning mind. Certainly you can see the difference between yourself and someone like Baron Granby?”

She felt his turmoil and saw his jaw tense. Finally he said, “I hope never to be anything like one of The Four.”

“And you shan’t be. Meanwhile, we’d best get up off the floor and to your sister’s before she tracks us down.”

Robert helped her up. “Yes, I’m sure Charlie has used this opportunity to torture her with the news that I’m expected imminently with an announcement that he isn’t allowed to share with her.”

“And they say that you’re the cruel one?”

“I am making her wait, am I not?” Robert took responsibility for everything, even things that weren’t his fault. It only barely stopped short of
hubris
. She watched him as he gathered his outer garments for the weather, left instructions with his butler, and greeted her kinsmen that served as her outriders. Perhaps she had been too hasty in deciding she could never love him. He was, as she first noticed, a man of contrasts. Lonely but sociable. Good but wicked. Certainly in all of his contrasts she would find something she loved?  

As their carriage rolled toward his sister’s house he held her hand. She had noticed his tendency toward physical possessiveness and had always been surprised that it didn’t bother her. When her previous lovers had shown any inclination for ownership, she had rebuffed them quickly. With Robert she was happiest when he was touching her, even in the most casual way. Prior to this, she had assumed it was because of the sexual promise inherent in his touch. Now she wondered if it meant more. He had subsided into his typical quiet state, his mind working over some problem.

“Perhaps,” he said, breaking the silence, “you could advise me so I don’t punish good men and profit bad.” 

She was surprised by his proposal. “But in business you can’t just do what you feel. There are hard decisions to be made for the good of the company.” That was just one of the many lessons she had learned at her mother’s knee.

“What’s the point of any game if you can’t make up your own rules?”

She foundered for a response. “Business isn’t a game.”

“Everything is a game. Sometimes the stakes are just higher.”

She contemplated his idea. “Do you really see everything as a game?”

“Essentially.”

“Then why don’t you have more fun?”

That earned a small smile and he toyed with her fingers. “Who is to say I’m not having fun? I am, at least, entertained.”

“But you said earlier that one couldn’t do things merely for one’s own enjoyment.”

“Moderation in all things, Imogen.”

She laughed. “Please! You are on of the most immoderate people I’ve ever met!”

“Well, I’m sure any moment now I can come up with another, better explanation.”

She felt his amusement. Was Robert Bittlesworth
playing
with her? “I can’t,” she said quite primly, “let you destroy my family’s business for your entertainment.”

That ceased his playful energies. “Do you think I would?”

“No, not really,” she had to admit.

He nodded approvingly. “Well, then. Within the parameters we have set for ourselves, I say that we use the powers we have at hand to make the world as we wish it to be.”

The carriage stopped and Robert stepped down to help her alight. She looked down into his eyes and felt the wash of his current feelings. His love for her, his confidence in his own abilities, his thread of concern over how his siblings would adjust to this change in their lives. Good Lord, how could she
not
love this man?

She remembered that she had only recently chastised herself for not granting a kind word when she knew it was needed. Once her feet were firmly on the ground and Robert offered her his arm, she said, “For all your cleverness
,
you have missed one thing.”

“Oh? What is that?”

“I do have feelings for you beyond lust.”

“Let me guess. Annoyance?” Such a carefully guarded heart.

“No. How many guesses should I give you?”

“It depends on whether you want Sabre to break through that front window to which she has glued herself.”

She smiled up at him. “Then perhaps I should just tell you. I would hate for her to cut herself on the glass.”

“If you must,” he said. She felt his trepidation, and so very little hope.