Savior (An Impossible Novel) (20 page)

“Rose!”  I recognized his voice instantly, and I blinked h
ard to sharpen my vision so I could look at him.  It was the first time I had laid eyes on Clayton in over a week, and I drank in the sight hungrily.  He knelt beside my bed and took my hand in his before lightly brushing his fingers over my forehead to check my injury.  The slight pain it elicited should have made me wince, but I was so thrilled to feel his skin brush against mine that I barely registered it.

He turned a terrifying glare on Sharon.  “What happened?”

“A couple of the Kings got in here.  I heard a gunshot and came running, but by the time I got here, they were already gone.”

“That was me,” I admitted.  “But I just shot the floor to scare them off.”

Clayton continued to scowl at his partner.  “Well it’s a good thing Rose is more competent than the goddamn FBI.  How the hell did you let this happen, Silverman?”

Her brows drew together, and her eyes narrowed.  “Look,
Vaughn,
” she said hotly as she came to her own defense.  “We don’t have records of those guys in our files.  I can’t just go stopping every Latino male who enters this building.  That’s called racial profiling.  I’m sorry Rose got hurt, and I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.  You can file a report against me at the office if you want to, and I’ll understand.  But don’t you dare talk down to me like that.”

Their raised voices were making my head hurt, and I closed my eyes again.

Clayton cursed softly.  “Keep your eyes open, Rose,” he ordered.

I obeyed, focusing on his perfect face to help keep my vision from blurring.  I never wanted to lose sight of him again.

Chapter 13

It didn’t take long for the paramedics to patch me up.  I didn’t have to go to the hospital, and I didn’t have a concussion.  They closed up the cut on my foreh
ead with some glue and said I wouldn’t even have a scar.  Head wounds bled a lot and usually looked scarier than they actually were.  After giving me some extra-strength Advil to help with the pain, they left my apartment.

Sharon had gone back to the office a while ago.  Clayton hadn’t chewed her out any more since she had told him off, but he still looked furious.  I didn’t blame her for wanting to get away from him when he was seething with that kind of
anger.  I was just grateful it wasn’t turned on me.  Clayton hadn’t left my side since he had arrived, and he held my hand through the whole thing, tracing little circles over my palm with the pad of his thumb.  It was incredibly soothing.  A truly sick part of me was almost glad that the Kings had hurt me.  It had brought Clayton back to me, and he was taking care of me again.  A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as I leaned into him, relieved that someone else was taking responsibility for me so I didn’t have to be responsible for myself.  I needed Clayton to guide me, to center me.  And I needed him to be hard on me when I was tempted to do something reckless.  I trusted him completely.

“I’m so sorry, Ro
se.”  It was the first time Greg had spoken.  I had almost forgotten he was there.  When I looked at him, my heart twisted to see that it was my sweet brother who was looking at me with agonized concern.

“‘Sorry’ just isn’t going to cut it, Greg,” Clayton said harshly.  “Rose might have coddled you for years, but you’re not a child anymore.  It’s time you started acting like a man and took responsibility for your actions.  Those men might have killed your sister.  And after she’s spent her entire life trying to protect you, you did nothing to help defend her when they broke in here.”  Clayton’s mouth was twisted in disgust.  “This is
your
fault.  Rose has put up with your behavior because she didn’t want to lose you if she challenged you.  Do you even care about the fact that you could have lost
her
today?”

“Of course I care!”  Greg cried out, sounding alarmed.  All the blood had drained from his face, and his usually-tanned skin looked almost as pale as mine.

“She has proven she would give her life to keep you safe, and what have you ever given her?  Nothing but heartache and a shit-ton of problems that she doesn’t deserve.  You just take and take, and now you’ve gotten greedy enough that you would let the Kings take her life just so you could get your next fix.”

Greg’s mouth was hanging open in shock; no one had ever talked to him like this before. 
Certainly not me.  Tears of shame glistened on his cheeks.  They made my heart twist, but I knew he needed to hear this.  I didn’t think I would ever have been capable of delivering these hard truths to my brother, and I was thankful Clayton was doing it for me.

Greg tore his eyes from Clayton’s so that I was caught up in his pained gaze.  “Rosie, I…  I’m sorry.”  He shook his head.  “No.  He’s right: that’s not enough.  Nothing I can say will ever be enough.”  His anguished expression nearly broke my heart.  “I don’t know when I became this person, Rose.  But I don’t want to be him anymore.  I won’t lose you.  I’m going to get clean, and I’m going to be there for you from now on.”

Overwhelmed with emotion, I leapt to my feet so that I could go to my brother.  The movement made my head pound, and Clayton steadied me when I swayed.  I gently extricated myself from his hold so I could get to Greg.  He met me halfway, and I wanted to cry with joy when he wrapped his arms around me.

“I love you so much, Rosie,” he whispered fervently.  “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.  I promise.”

I clutched him to me more tightly.  “I love you too, Greg.  More than anything.  I’m not going to let anything happen to you, either.  You’re not going to do this anymore, Greg.  It’s too dangerous for you to keep spying on them.  You’re going to go to rehab.  Today.”  I turned my face to look at Clayton questioningly.  “The FBI will let him out of this deal now, right?  It’s obvious that the Kings are going to hurt him.  You swore to me that you wouldn’t let them hurt him.”

Clayton suddenly looked weary, but he nodded.  “No.  He doesn’t have to do i
t anymore.  The last thing we want is for more people to be hurt by the Kings.  That’s what we’re trying to put a stop to.”

Greg pulled away from me.  Holding me at arm’s length, he addressed me solemnly.  “No.  I’m not going to back out.  I need to do this.  I need to make things right.”

Panic speared through me.  “Don’t be stupid, Greg!”  My voice was colored with alarm.  “They could kill you!”

“If we don’t bring them down, they might kill
you. 
Those men who came here today…”  He swallowed hard.  “They know you now.  And they won’t forget what you did.”  He turned his gaze on Clayton.  “That’s true, isn’t it?  She won’t be safe until they all get taken out, will she?”

Clayton nodded somberly.  “Yes.  That’s true.”

“Clayton!”  I cried, unable to believe that he was really considering allowing Greg to go through with this.  “You can’t let him do this!”

He looked at me sadly.  “It’s his choice, Rose.  If this is what he wants, I won’t stop him.”

“No!”  I gripped Greg’s forearms.  His skin felt paper-thin beneath my fingers, and I could feel that his pulse was anemic.  He was so weak.  He wouldn’t survive this.

Greg looked at Clayton beseechingly.  “Help me, please.”

Clayton’s arms closed around me from behind, pinning my arms to my sides as he locked his own around my waist.

“I’m going now, Rosie.”  Greg’s voice broke on my name.  God, he sounded so scared…

“No!  You’re not going to leave me, Greg!  I’m not going to let you!”  I gripped him harder, my fingernails digging into his skin in an effort to keep him with me.  He winced as he ripped his arms away, and I could see long red gouges in his skin from where I had clung to him.

His eyes were agonized as he paused to look at me one last time.  “I love you, Rosie.”

“NO!”  I screamed as he turned his back on me.  “Clayton, stop him!  Stop him!”  I writhed in his arms, desperate to break free and run after Greg, but he held me firmly.  His hold on me restricted my movements, but I clawed at his exposed hands in an effort to get him to release me.  He just grabbed my wrists, keeping me restrained.  I couldn’t see my brother anymore.  “Please!  God, Clayton, please let me go!  They’re going to kill him!  Help me!”  I shrieked as I twisted madly in his grip.  He said nothing.  I don’t know how long I fought him, but he was just too strong.  Eventually, my exhausted muscles gave out, and I sagged against him as broken sobs ripped their way out of my chest.

Clayton shifted me in
his arms, lifting me up so I was cradled against his chest.  I buried my face against him, my hands fisting in his shirt.  I was so mad at him, but his strong arms and his warm scent were reassuring.  He was implacable, unbending.  And he wasn’t going to let me go until my sanity returned.  I cried and cried until I didn’t have any more tears to shed.  I went quiet, trembling against him.

“I’m sorry, Rose,” he whispered, finally breaking his silence.  “We will have agents watching him.  We’ll protect him as best we can.  But it’s time to let your brother make his own choices.  I won’t deny him a chance at redemption.”

“What good is redemption if he’s dead?”  I asked brokenly.

Clayton’s fingertips were under my chin, tilting my head up so that I was looking into his eyes.  “Do you really
think Greg could live with himself if anything happened to you because of his actions?  He would spend the rest of his life hating himself, consumed by the knowledge that he was responsible for losing his sister.”  The pain etched across his features made me realize that he knew the burden of that kind of responsibility all too well.

“It wasn’t your fault, Clayton,” I said quietly.  “You’re not responsible for what happened to Jen.”

“Aren’t I?”  He breathed, his voice laced with anguish.

“No,” I said firmly, putting my own problems aside for the moment.  Clayton needed to hear this, needed to believe it.  I couldn’t bear the thought of him going on one more day carrying the weight of this undeserved guilt.

“People are responsible for their own actions.  I can see that now. 
You’ve
helped me to see it.  I’ve spent the last year of my life feeling responsible for Greg, hating myself for what I had allowed him to become.  But it didn’t matter what I said or did; once the drugs got hold of him, he wasn’t going to change.  It took the threat of me being murdered for him to finally be convinced to give it up.”  I took a deep breath.  “And I’m responsible for the shitty choices I’ve made.  I can’t blame my reckless behavior on Greg.  I could have forced him into rehab at any time.  I could have gone to the police and made them get a court order to get him clean.  But instead I selfishly allowed it to continue because I didn’t want to lose him.  Every stupid, self-destructive thing I did to escape the pain he put me through was ultimately my own fault.  People don’t change until they’re ready to, and you can’t force them to be the person that you want them to be.  No matter how badly you might want to.”

Clayton looked uncertain, but there was a longing i
n his eyes that let me know he was desperate to believe me.  “But I’m helping
you
change, Rose,” he said.  “At least, I thought I was.  I could have done that for Jen.  If I had just been harder on her…”

“You
are
helping me, Clayton.  But I think I’ve wanted to change for a long time.  Hell, I never wanted to be this person.  But I let myself get buried under my problems, and I excused my behavior by blaming my circumstances.  Before I met you, I couldn’t see a way out.  I didn’t
know
how to be better.  I didn’t even think it was possible for me to be better.  But I want that, Clayton.  Desperately.  I’m
asking
for your help because I’m ready.  When you punish me, when you correct my behavior, you’re not beating me into submission and forcing me to change.  The pain you give me helps me to forgive myself so I can move on.  I need that, Clayton.  I need
you.
”

“Rose,” his voice shook slightly, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears.  “I…  Thank you.  I’ve never seen it that way before.”

He leaned into me slowly, and I quickly closed the distance between us.  Our kiss was desperate and fierce.  It was full of pain and forgiveness and our intense need for one another, body and soul.  Clayton eased me down onto the bed, settling himself over me.  The weight of him, the delicious heat of him, was everything I craved. 

When he finally took
his lips from mine to gasp for breath, he was looking down at me as though I was the most precious thing in the world.  And I felt the same about him.  He was the key to my redemption, and I had helped him to finally accept that he didn’t need to be redeemed at all.

“I need you too, Rose,” he said raggedly, his voice rough with emotion.

I reached out to tenderly cup his cheek with my hand.  “Then take me,” I whispered.  “Please.”

He touched my forehead lightly, looking regretful.  “We can’t.  You’re hurt.”

Now that he called my attention to it, I became aware of the soft, insistent throbbing just inside my skull.  But my need for him was more acute than my discomfort.  “I don’t care,” I declared.  “I forgot it was even hurting until you mentioned it.”  I ground my hips up against his.  “You help me forget about it when you touch me.”