Saviour (9 page)

“
Well... that’s a bit harsh; my dick usually gets a much warmer response than that”

He
leans up on his elbow, lying along side of me, looking into my eyes. I put my hands over my face.

“
I’m your sure your dick is lovely, perfect in fact, as dicks go but I must look like shit, I'm old and wrinkly and wobbly and beat up and bruised and look at you... so hot and fit and gorgeous and god like, with what is probably, a quite spectacular knob; what must you be thinking when you look at the state of me?” I whine

“
Well...right now I'm thinking that I must have a thing for old, wrinkly and wobbly, although not so much for the beat up and bruised ... Because I have the biggest hard on Lauren and it's laying here next to you with your arms and legs wrapped around me that's caused it”

“I
have sons Babe... and I did have a husband... I know all men wake up with a hard on... Whoever they wake up next to”

“Will
you shut up and listen to what I'm saying; I think you’re hot, sexy and totally fuckable... Even right this minute, with your face bruised, and blood caked in your hair... Despite all of this and your shitty attitude towards me last night, I am as horny as fuck, because of you... I’m desperate to touch, to kiss, stroke and lick you... All of you... I want to hear you call out my name” He nuzzles into my ear, “I want to hear you beg me to stop, I want to hear you beg me for more and I want to see your face when I make you come ...I have never wanted any of these things with anyone as much as I want them with you right now”

Fuck me, my dream is coming true,
I almost combust at his words. He wants to see me come; my word. He wants to hear me beg, Lordy. But then I start with the over thinking...that's just sex, everything he has just said is all about sex, he can get that from any one, it doesn't make me special..... But then he continues...

“I
want to get to know you Lauren, what you like and dislike, what makes you tick, what makes you smile ... What makes you....well, what else makes you cry. ... Other than everything right now....I know this is the shitiest timing in the history of shitty relationship timing ever but I promise, I understand that and I am happy to wait, I'm happy to go at your pace but I really would like to give this... Give us a go. I have never felt like this about anyone so quickly, in fact I've never felt like this ever. I barely know you but I know if your husband had turned up here last night, I would have had no problem, no problem at all, in killing the fucker with my bare hands for what he's done to you. So please, can we find a way to give this, us a go? Please give me a chance to show you, I'm not just after sex. I can get that any day, anywhere Lauren, I know how I look, I've been aware of the affect I have on women since I was about 15 and got my first blow job from someone 16 years older than me and yes I have abused it but that's not what I want with you. I went for a drink on Friday night with my brothers, that's all it was meant to be, a few beers after work, the last thing I was expecting was this but you walked in that bar and as soon as I saw you I just wanted to talk to you and then when I did, I knew, I just knew I wanted to get to know you more, I knew I had to know you, and I knew by the time I'd bought you that second drink that I wanted to get to know you inside and out”

WOW, well shit.
I swallow hard, trying to take in all what he has just said, I know somehow he is telling me the truth, for some unknown reason I trust him, he makes me feel safe but what can I bring to a relationship right now, do I want another relationship when I haven't even officially left my husband yet and why me? If he doesn't do relationships, why is he interested in starting something with me, with all my issues, hang-ups and a nut job husband who is probably amassing a small army to hunt me down, right as we are speaking?

But
again... My mouth opens before I fully engage my brain...

“Ok
ay”

“Ok
ay, what do you mean okay, okay what, what are you saying?”

“
I'm saying okay, let's give it a go, I'm saying okay, we'll go at my pace and okay I'll let you see my face when you make me come.... But not until the bruises start to go and I've washed the blood out of my hair and even then, I warn you now... My come face ain't pretty”

W
e both lay back on our pillows and start to laugh we laugh so long and hard we have tears running down our cheeks, Gabe’s from so much laughing and mine because it bloody hurts to laugh. Ouch..!

CHAPTER
FIVE

Gabriel
drives me over to look at the place he has for rent during Sunday and, just like him it is perfect. Two bedrooms and a spa out on the decked veranda. It’s in a little complex behind security gates. He skirts around the issue of rent and tells me not to worry about it until I have got myself straight, so I tell him I’ll take it. Now all I need is some furniture. He doesn’t want me to move in for a week as he wants to paint and put a new floor down in the family room... Family room, that’s a sad joke, it will just be Lauren's room, I’m not expecting any family here!

Gabriel
drops me back at Jo's Sunday afternoon and I finally call Jason. He answers with

“
Where the fuck are you?”

“
Don't worry about where I am, I want you to stop calling me and stop leaving messages, I don't want to talk to you, and I won't be coming back to the house”

I
take a deep breath after I get my words out, there I've said it. My heart is racing and my hand is shaking as I hold the phone.

“
What do you mean you’re not coming back to the house, where are you, where are you going to stay? You haven't got any money and if you don't come home, I will cancel your cards and your phone”

“Cancel
what you like, I don't care, I'm not coming back Jay, you've gone too far this time”

“
Oh here we go again, I s'pose your with one of your stupid fucking mates telling them how I beat you up. Everything's always about you. You fucking drama queen”

"I
don't need to tell anyone anything Jay; they only have to look at me to see what you've done this time”

“
Is that right Lauren, and what exactly have I done, eh, you broke a nail, got a bruise somewhere?” he asks sarcastically.

“
Several actually” I reply “as well as a fractured cheek bone and a gash in my head, yeah you did a good job this time Jay but you know what, it's not just about the bruises, I have put up with all your shit because I thought, stupidly it would now seem, that you actually loved me, that we had something worth fighting for, and then I find out that you’ve been fucking someone else, well thanks Jay, really, a big thank you, for finally making me wake up to myself, we have nothing now, nothing left fighting for, we are done! That was the last time you will ever lay a finger on me, that's it, I'm going straight to the solicitors tomorrow to start divorce proceedings and if you come anywhere near me or my friends, I will go to the police and file assault and harassment charges. So stay the fuck away”

I'm so angry with him and his dismissive attitude I want to scream and I start to cry out of pure frustration. He just doesn't understand the gravity of what he has done to me, he just doesn’t get it.

“So
that's it?” he asks “all these years and one fight and you’re leaving and want a divorce ... There's more to it than that, who are you fucking Lauren? You've probably been planning this for ages. Well I'll tell you what, you go and see your solicitor but when I find out who your fucking, I will come for you and him Lauren and just for the record, what you left with is all you’re getting, you won't be getting a penny out of me, you cunt”

“
So you can fuck about and you can slap me about all you like and I am supposed to just put up with that am I? The slapping about maybe, fucking someone else, no way, never, I thought you knew me well enough to know at least that much about me. And you know what? I don't want anything Jason, I will come and collect my personal bits whenever but the rest, the house and the furniture, you can keep it all, I want nothing that will remind me of you…and Jay just so we are clear, I will fuck whomever I please, so just stay away from me and stop calling”

I
hang up before he can abuse me anymore, he calls back instantly.

Jo
pours me a wine as I say to her. “Shit he knows I'm with one of you girls now, I bet he comes back round looking for me”

“
Let him” she says “I'm more than ready for him and if he wants to make trouble, I'll quite happily call the police”

We
drink our wine as my phone vibrates continuously, in the end; out of frustration I answer it,

“For fucks sake w
hat?” I ask...

“
What are we going to tell the boys?” He asks quietly

“
Dya know what Jay…..Tell them what the fuck you like, you caused this, so how about you tell them the truth, tell them exactly what you've done to me, tell your sons that you fucked around with other women and that you hit me, that should earn you the respect you deserve from your boys, I’m sure they will be so proud of their dad. Now leave me the fuck alone, I'm turning my phone off so you won't get through any way”

“Lauren….I’m
sorry, I am sorry, it was nothing, she, was nothing”

“That
just makes it worse Jay…you were prepared to lose me for someone and something that means nothing to you and I will never forgive you for that”

I
do as I say, hang up and switch off but then I think of the boys, they need to know the truth so I ring each one in turn. Sonny surprises me, telling me I should of done it years ago, Ryder is a little more defensive of his dad and wants to know why we can't try and work things out. I explain what my injuries are and that he has cheated on me and that this is something I can’t forgive, we both cry. I knew he would take it hard and I feel so bad for my baby, despite his age, that’s what he is and always will be, my baby, and my job is to protect him from shit, not to be the cause of it.

By
the time I finish with my calls its 7.30 and I'm restless, anxious and feeling guilty for the pain I am causing my family by my choices but what options do I have? As well as all of the guilt bearing down on me, there’s something else, something I can’t put my finger on. What, what else is it that I'm feeling? Whatever it is, I know that Gabe is the cause and it’s really unsettling me.

“
You hungry?” asks Jo

“
Not really”

“Well
you've not really eaten since yesterday, you should try and eat something, I noticed when I saw you Friday that you've lost MORE weight”

“
Yes I am aware of that, Jemma is already champion of that cause, and I’m not exactly wasting away am I? Cook me something then if you’re that concerned and I will eat it”

I
know full well, there is no way that will happen. Jo doesn't do domestic!

My
phone vibrates in my hand and makes me jump, Jesus, I wince as it causes a pain in my ribs. It’s Gabe. The pain suddenly eases somewhat as I answer to his voice

“
Baby, I've missed you” Pain...What pain?

“Can
you please help me Gabe, Jo is trying to feed me and make me fat and I've told her I have this hot new toy boy, who I have to stay sylph like for but she won't listen to me”

“Eat
Lauren, your hot new toy boy doesn't like skinny Sheila’s, he likes his woman with curves” he replies

“But
there's nothing here to cook, Jo doesn't do real food at home, she only does dips and chips and shit and as much as I like Humus, There is only so much a girl can eat of the stuff, Jo only does real food at restaurants and my face ain’t quite restaurant ready”

Jo
starts to object and opens the fridge and then the freezer doors, nothing except bread and milk. She shrugs and says

“
She's right Gabe…no food here”

“Well
do you want me to bring something over for you? What do you fancy, apart from me of course, that’s if you want me to come over?...Which of course you do, because I’m irresistible and it’s been aww five hours or so since your last fix so I know you must be missing me” I can hear the smile in his voice... And it makes me smile…more than I already am, I realise I have stood up from the table and am pacing around the kitchen, twirling my hair around my fingers…. Of course I want him to come over, of course I miss him, of course I need me a little Gabe fix, I just want him full stop. It has only been a few hours since I've seen him but I'm as desperate as a love sick teenager for his company.

“
You are very sure of yourself Mr Wilde; I’m hungry so as long as you bring food you are more than welcome to come over”

“What should I bring Lauren, apart from
myself?”

“
Well apart from you, I can't think of anything else .... Surprise me”

“Oh
I’d like to surprise you Lauren but not with food, give me half hour and I'll be over. Ciao baby”

He
hangs up and his words run around my head. What’s with all the Italian I wonder? His surname is Wilde, nothing Italian about that and he certainly doesn’t look Italian and he wants to surprise me, what does that mean exactly? He's going to expect sex at some point, I know he said he would go at my pace but at this rate my pace is taking over his and then what? When I do eventually cave and say yes to his and my own desires, then he will want to get me naked, then he will realise what he is dealing with, a forty five year old mum of two. Not a twenty five year old nymphet and that will probably be the end of us.

“LAUREN” Jo
shouts

“
Hmmm, yes, what?”

“
Christ above woman, where did you go, I've called you three times, what's happening on the food front, I'm starving?”

“Oh
…sorry, yeah, food, Gabe will bring something over in about half hour...not sure what he's bringing though .... Jo will you try and do something with my hair before he gets here? I feel like a tramp and the blood is starting to smell”

She
runs me a bath and washes my hair for me, we talk girl talk and I tell her how much I like Gabe but I know that it’s too soon to even be considering a new relationship. Jo is very much a live for the moment type of girl, something I have always admired about her, she has a man’s attitude to sex and she doesn’t give a fuck what others think.

“Who
says it’s too soon, if you want it and it feels right, then go for it, he obviously has the hots for you, don’t hold back just because you’re worried about what others will think…Seize the day Lauren…what’s the worst that could happen? It doesn’t work out, so, move on; I bet he is a blinding fuck, that experience alone has got to make it worth taking a chance”

I
sit in contemplative silence as she uses a jug to carefully wash my hair, trying her best to avoid the glued area of my scalp. The water turns pink and looking at it makes us both cry

“I
am sorry I didn’t tell you and the girls what was going on, I really am, I just, I actually don’t know what I was thinking, I have no excuses”

“No
worries Darl, no worries at all…just don’t ever make the same mistake again and try and remember, we are here for you, no matter what”

She
kisses my cheek and we both start when there's a knock at the door. Jo goes and lets Gabe in, while I wash my self, she comes back and helps me out of the bath and helps me dry off. I pull on the new hoodie and trackies that she bought for me earlier today, run a comb through my hair and feel the best that I have in the last few days. The smell of Chinese food makes my belly grumble as I walk into the kitchen and catch my breath at the sight of him. He's standing at the bench; he’s obviously just showered as his hair is wet. He still hasn’t shaved and I love the way the stubble looks around his chin. He is wearing a light blue shirt with rolled up sleeves, its unbuttoned to just below where his nipples probably are and I would really like to put my hand inside and stroke his chest hair, a pair of lose jeans and just a pair of thongs on his feet, men in jeans and thongs just do things to me, especially this man. He’s pouring wine into a glass, his eyes lock onto mine as I enter the room, he looks, worried? But as he looks me up and down he starts to smile,

“Hey”
he says with a gorgeous grin on his face.

“Hey
yourself”

“You
look a lot better than earlier”

“
Yeah I tried my best to look worse but just couldn't compete with that freshly beaten housewife look”

“That’s
so not funny Lauren” he scolds

“Oh
come on, cut me some slack, if I don't laugh at all of this I will end up in the corner, rocking and banging my head against the wall”

I
smile. I am Genuinely pleased to see him, especially when he gives me a kiss and I get to smell him too. My insides liquefy as I breathe him in deeply and he seems to be doing the same to me as he presses his face into my hair.

“
God you smell lovely, you just tubbed?” I ask

“Thanks,
so do you. Yeah I’ve just showered, I met Zac at the back beach, and we had a surf”

God,
I would of paid good money to see that and Jo is obviously thinking the same as she is making rude gestures behind his back and I try not to smile.