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him about what he’d meant. My heart sped up while his remained calm. The inside of my

mouth dried up like autumn leaves.

“Who?” I whispered back. “Who doesn’t love you?”

“Phoenix.” His eyes opened into slits. I barely made out the blue. “She doesn’t love me

anymore.”

Upon hearing her name, my heart twisted. Each beat became a giant fist, pounding and

pounding inside my chest cavity. I had to force myself to keep speaking.

“But Phoenix is with Demitri.”

Luka shook his head. “She was with me. Then one day she wasn’t anymore.”

“You were together?”

He nodded. “Since our academy days. I loved her since then. But I hurt her. So much. The

music became more important. I forced her to find comfort in someone else’s arms when I

should have been there for her instead. I should have taken better care of her. But I didn’t.”

He sighed and shook his head. “And she had to pick the world tour to leave me …just to hurt

me more than necessary.”

“The meltdown,” I breathed out.

Each confession slammed into me like a car barreling straight for a barrier at a hundred

miles per hour. I died a thousand deaths I couldn’t understand the reason for. Why did

Luka’s words affect me so? I didn’t have feelings for him. Not in that way. Yet, no matter how much my thoughts made sense, a part of me heard the lies behind them.

Then, like a kick in the gut, everything started to make sense. That night at Sacrifice, Luka

had been staring into the crowd. I didn’t think of it at the time, but I did notice Demitri and Phoenix on the dance floor. The faraway look Phoenix got when she visited my room the

night I’d taken pictures of her and Demitri. The time I’d caught Luka and Phoenix arguing in

the studio and how weird they acted afterward. And a million other little things in between.

No wonder Demitri had been so pissed this evening. Each memory affirmed Luka’s story like

a blade cutting into my skin.

“I thought I could replace her.” He opened his eyes now, lifting them to meet my face.

“When I saw you that night, I knew. You were the one.”

“No.” It sounded more like a breath than an actual word. “I’m here to take pictures.”

The way he shook his head sucked out all the air in the room. “That was just an excuse.”

From the way he spoke, it didn’t seem like he’d downed three bottles of gin. Each word

rang clearly in my ears. I wished I could un-hear them.

“You used me,” I said through my teeth. My hand on his chest became a tight fist. I no

longer felt his heartbeat, too busy calming my own.

“Yes.”

I shot to my feet. “You used me!”

“At first.” He balanced himself on his elbows. “But, Dakota please, listen to me. The more I

got to know you the more I thought you were different. That you couldn’t replace her.”

My fists trembled at my sides, begging me to hit him the way I did the morning he’d tied

me to the bed. How could I believe the ramblings of a drunk? Yet, I did and that became my

undoing. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I was beyond them now.

Treacherous tears welled. I willed them away, but they fell anyway.

“You’re something more, Dakota. You’ve got to believe me.” And like a drunken asshole,

Luka dropped back down and rolled onto his stomach, promptly passing out.

My gaze landed on Luka’s tattoo. I hadn’t noticed its entirety when I’d helped him open

his bedroom doors. It mocked me now. Flames began at the small of his back. The wings I’d

seen before were actually from a bird rising from the fire. The words from a story my

freshman English professor made the class read came to mind.
From the ashes rose the

phoenix.

“Screw you,” I managed to say around the cantaloupe-sized lump blocking my throat.

Turning on my heel, I grabbed my skirt and hurried out of his room. I didn’t turn around,

swiping at the tears he’d caused. Why should I cry? So he loved someone else. I came to

Lunar Manor to take pictures, not fall in love with a rock star I knew from the very beginning could never be mine. Even without Phoenix in the picture. What? Did I really think we could

make it work? That by renewing my contract and spending more time with him we could

explore the attraction between us? I’d done many stupid things in my life, but this took the

cake. This destroyed me bit by bit.

In the distance, a countdown commenced. I’d forgotten about the party. For each step I

took toward my room, the crowd shouted out a number. By the time they reached one, I

yanked my terrace doors open and flew inside. My knees gave out when the first set of

fireworks lit up the sky. I covered my face with my hands and wept. Soul-stealing sobs

wracked my body. Feathers littered the carpet around me.

As my heart broke, the guests watching the wonderful display in the sky sang a drunken

version of Auld Lang Syne. The explosions and crowd’s merriment provided the best cover for

my embarrassing sobs and screams.

Chapter Forty-Two

Decisions

The boom, pop, and crackle had stopped, bringing silence once again to my world. The

tears had dried up halfway through the pyrotechnics. I’d turned in a circle and stared up as

the sky danced, ushering in the New Year. I’d stayed as if in prayer on the floor until the show ended.

I’d been made a fool. Chewed up and spit out like Chinese food gone sour. I’d never been

so humiliated and this included being cheated on. How could I compete when I fought

outside my weight class? Well, no more. No one painted me into a corner.

Bowing forward, I reached behind me and unzipped the dress. I would have torn out of it if

the leather would let me. The lyrics of Poison ran through my head as I got up, leaving the

dress to pool on the floor. Free of its weight, I could breathe better, think clearer.

Luka had said Poison was a personal song for him. He’d written it after his meltdown. Now

its meaning made so much sense. He’d been singing about Phoenix. The dress I wore tonight

and at the video shoot was meant to symbolize Phoenix. The feathers? The leather? The

ultra-red lipstick? How could I have been so fucking stupid?

All the signs were there. I was just too blind to see them.

Using the renewed anger bubbling inside me, I flew into the bathroom and washed away

my half-melted makeup. Jesus. I wore makeup for him. I made myself look nice. I never did

that. All this time staying in Lunar Manor, I’d lost touch with myself. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and didn’t recognize the girl staring back. Where’d the free spirit go? Where was the girl who dreamt of traveling the world and taking awesome pictures?

Pushing away from the sink, I dried my face and body. Sweat still clung to my skin from

the effort of lugging that bastard back to his room. I should have left him to rot outside, to be discovered. The resulting scandal wouldn’t hurt me one bit, but in a misguided sense of

loyalty I’d helped out. I let myself get screwed royally and I hadn’t noticed I’d been roofied until I woke up the next day.

Well, I was awake now. God damn it!

Not bothering with a shower because I had to get out of this house of horrors before the

jerk I shared a terrace with woke up sober enough to think straight and change my mind with

his smooth words, I rushed to the bedroom. I couldn’t think of it as my bedroom anymore

because it never was. I grabbed my duffle bag from under the bed and stuffed all my clothes

inside. Screw wrinkles. I’d be home in a few hours anyway and put them in the wash.

I paused mid-clothes-stuffing. How the hell would I get back to the city? I had a flight to

catch in a few hours and hoofing it would surely make me miss boarding time. Maybe I could

steal one of the SUVs.

Plan of grand theft auto in place, I finished packing. I slipped into a pair of jeans and a

hoody, foregoing a bra. No time for that. Boots laced, I stomped to the desk and sat my laptop over my clothes. I picked my camera up off the floor where I’d left it beside the dress.

I gave the gorgeous thing one last longing look. When he’d given it to me I thought it had

meant something. Now, it just represented my heartbreak and stupidity. I’d been truly blind.

Shaking my head, I checked for my passport and plane ticket printout inside my bag.

Seeing the itinerary gave me comfort. I would be making two stops before getting home, but

it was worth it. I had to get to a place where no one would find me—specifically the bassist of Vicious.

Duffle in one hand, camera around my neck, and bag slung across my chest, I closed the

door to my quarters. The hallway stayed blessedly empty. I mourned not being able to say

goodbye to Deidra since she might be busy with the party still going on, but I hoped she’d

understand.

I paused at the goody table at the empty foyer. The greeter and waiters with trays of

champagne were gone. Thank God I didn’t have to run into anyone who could tell any of the

band members about my leaving the manor. As far as I was concerned, my contract expired

the second the first firework exploded in the sky. I had my pictures for the Showcase and I

would graduate in the spring. That didn’t stop me from swiping one of the goody bags

anyway. I figured they owed me after everything I’d been through with
him
.

With a grin on my face to hide the pieces my heart had become, I walked out into a new

day. Several sports cars and limos lined the driveway. Foregoing stealing a ride, I marched

down the gravel path toward the gate with my head held high.

About halfway to freedom, the crunch of gravel beneath heavy wheels and headlights

pushed me to the side of the path. I didn’t look back. I had to keep moving forward or I would remember everything and breakdown all over again. I had enough time for that when I

arrived at Mom’s place. I couldn’t tell her why I was balling my eyes out when she asked, but

eventually she would leave me alone. I loved her for that.

A black SUV pulled up next to me, but still I didn’t stop my trek. The passenger window

rolled down. I kept going.

“Need a ride?”

The humor in Eli’s voice pinched at my insides. “No thanks.”

“Miss Dakota, you need to let me give you a ride.”

I stopped and the car did too. “And why would I do that?”

Eli shrugged. His bald head reminded me so much of Mr. Clean. “Because if you will

remember, it’s three hours into the city and it’s the middle of the night. Walking isn’t in your best interest.”

“I’m not going into the city,” I said just to be obstinate.

“Look,” he sighed, “I’m officially off duty. I only grabbed the car because I saw you walking

out of the manor with all your stuff. I figured you needed a ride. That’s all.”

The sincerity in his tone crept up and over the walls I’d built since my tears had dried up

for the night. I exhaled a sigh of my own and dumped my stuff into the back seat, but I didn’t sit there. I climbed up front. Eli didn’t comment.

“So, where are we headed?” he finally asked when we cleared the gates.

“The airport.” I crossed my arms and scrunched further down in my seat.

Without another word, Eli drove. I thanked him a hundred times for it. The guy must have

felt the dark aura forming spikes around my body. I couldn’t take a conversation right now. I

just wanted to leave Lunar Manor behind.

Yana had been right about the experience breaking people. As much as I hated to admit it,

I’d been broken. I let my guard down and let the devil in. I had no one else to blame but

myself.

Never again.

“Will you tell Deidra goodbye for me?” I asked after a while. I couldn’t help it. She’d done

nothing but ensure my comfort during my stay at Lunar Manor. I would miss her terribly.

Eli grunted. “Will do.” He kept his eyes on the road. “Thank you for the photo, by the way.

It’s hanging in my room now.”

A small smile parted my lips. His simple gratitude felt like a cool balm to my battered ego.

I could use a little kindness today, and Eli offered it without really knowing the reason

behind my deplorable mood.

“I’m glad you liked it. Sorry I couldn’t give it to you in person.”

“I don’t mind. We cannot mix with the band during times like gift giving.”

His words made sense. Servants couldn’t mix with the band. The sentiment rang true to

my ears. I never really mixed with the band. All this time, I thought I’d found something I

could be a part of. In reality, I’d always just been in the periphery. No matter how honorary

they made me feel, I’d never really been a part of their world. I’d come to capture moments of their life. Now, I’d done that and I couldn’t mix with them any longer.

Not knowing my heart could break into even more pieces, I swiped at one more tear. In

thirty days I got a front row seat to the life of Vicious. I got a chance millions would kill for.

Yet, no matter how great the opportunity, I had to wonder if going through what I did with

him
made everything worth it.

The chorus of Poison played in my head:

You are poison.

I opened my veins willingly for you.

From the moment we met,

you pushed my heart into a prison.

You are poison. Poison. Poison.

The song took on a whole new meaning for me now. One I wished I didn’t have to think

about. Staring out into the dark early hours of the New Year, the steady hush of wheels on

blacktop lulled me. The headlights stretched out, illuminating only a few meters ahead of us.