Read Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette Online
Authors: Brittany Deal,Bren Underwood
Tags: #table manners, #thank you notes, #social etiquette, #entertaining, #dating etiquette, #thank you note etiquette, #bridesmaid etiquette, #maid of honor etiquette, #how to shine as your best self, #tech etiquette, #modern manners, #win friends, #etiquette expert, #proper social behavior, #respect, #social conduct, #charming, #etiquette advice, #good manners, #wedding etiquette, #move on over Emily Post, #polished, #self-help, #etiquette guide, #build confidence, #how to be your best self, #guest etiquette, #manners, #hosting, #host etiquette, #elegant, #being a great guest, #nice people, #social media etiquette, #the power of appreciation, #Etiquette
Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (11 page)
DO
identify yourself if you’re texting someone who might not have your number.
DO
use emoticons if you’d like, but use them with friends and family—not your boss or the new guy you like. Got it, :)?
DO
return texts promptly, ideally within 24 to 48 hours.
[
BRITT:
A friend of mine who is a professional organizer taught me to delete texts that are not active. That way, the only text messages in my phone are ones that require a response or an action. “Think of it as a to-do list,” she told me. This was transformative for me, because I had a reputation for being terrible at texting back. The thing was, I had so many text messages that I would “lose” them in the sea of texts. Now that I delete the inactive conversations, I know exactly which ones to get back to.
]
DON’T
text anything private or confidential. Once you hit Send, you can’t take it back, and cell-phone companies have databases that store this content . . . forever. Translation? Steamy sexting isn’t just between the two of you.
DON’T
rapid-fire text someone who is not responding to you. Be patient and wait for a response. If you don’t hear from the person after 24 hours and need a response, call them.
DON’T
text someone about sad or possibly life-changing news. Instead, talk with them face-to-face or call.
DON’T
type a saga; texts are meant to be succinct.
In life, we all face times where we need to have difficult or awkward conversations, whether it’s declining an invitation, ending a relationship, or canceling a prior commitment. Often, people cringe at the thought of confrontation, and wonder if it’s OK to send a quick text in order to avoid uncomfortable chats.
My advice: If it’s an important conversation, talk with that person face-to-face. It is the most considerate and respectful thing to do. If you’re unable to meet up, call to have the chat. Either way, plan ahead for the conversation by preparing what you need to say as well as how you will react to their response. The other person will appreciate your thoughtfulness of wanting to deliver the news in person or at least over the phone, as opposed to hiding behind an e-mail or text.
[
BRITT:
A friend of mine was supposed to be roommates with a girl, and the day they were set to sign the lease, the other girl backed out. Instead of calling to tell my friend the news, she wrote her a lengthy e-mail, saying she was moving to another city. (My friend never even knew this girl was considering moving elsewhere.) The girl who backed out obviously felt bad about the bad position she’d put my friend in, but rather than doing the right thing and owning up to what she was about to do, she hid behind her e-mail and their friendship suffered as a result.
]
We’ve all heard e-mail urban legends and stories; however I have one that takes the cake. In my former agency life, one of my colleagues—I’ll call her Mrs. X—didn’t care for our client, and would make this known at the office.
One day, Mrs. X was e-mailing back and forth with the client regarding an upcoming project, and thought the client had made a questionable remark. Mrs. X forwarded the e-mail to another team member in our office with a salty quip, essentially slamming the client and calling her some inappropriate names. However, when Mrs. X went back to look at the e-mail, she noticed she’d hit the Reply button instead of Forward and had sent that sassy remark directly to the client. Yikes!
Needless to say, the client was offended and upset, and Mrs. X’s days at our firm were numbered. Moral of the story: double-check the recipient of
any
e-mail you send, and seriously think twice about what you put in writing.
E-mails Last Forever
Just like those saucy text messages you’re going to stop sending, e-mails are another area where you need to be cautious before you hit Send. There’s no controlling what someone will do with an e-mail once you send it—and no telling when a nasty e-mail will resurface.
Case in point:
The Snapchat CEO whose e-mails degrading women from his fratty bro days resurfaced years later and made headlines. Not exactly the story he was hoping would go viral.
The bottom line:
Keep e-mails positive or neutral. Don’t send confrontational or insulting e-mails and
don’t respond to any that have been sent to you
. If you need to have a serious discussion with someone you might not be seeing eye-to-eye with, do it face-to-face or over the phone—not via e-mail. This is particularly important when it comes to work e-mails.
Quick tips to keep in mind when you compose your next e-mail:
•
THE “TO” LINE.
You may want to type your message
before
you complete the “to” line. This way, you won’t accidentally send the e-mail before you finish your message. This will also help you slow down and make sure you’ve got the correct recipient.
•
THE “BYE” LINE.
If you’re e-mailing friends and family, use your usual sign-off, such as “Love,” “XO,” “Hugs,” and so on. If you are e-mailing a client, business partner, acquaintance, or someone you don’t know well, opt for a more professional ending, such as “Thanks,” “Warm Regards,” or “Best.”
•
THE OPENING SENTENCES.
This will depend on your relationship with the recipient. For business e-mails, you’ll want to keep your opening paragraph succinct and to the point; a note to your mom or friends can be more cutesy or creative.
•
THE REPLY AND REPLY ALL BUTTONS.
These two buttons can be easily mistaken for each other, so be sure you hit the right one—and read (and reread) all of the recipients—before pushing the Send button.
BRITT:
DO WE STILL NEED TO END E-MAILS WITH OUR “SIGNED” NAME—OR IS THAT OBSOLETE?
BREN:
I think this depends on your familiarity with the person you are e-mailing. For instance, if it’s a work e-mail, I recommend signing with “Thanks” and your name. After all, it’s important to keep work relationships professional. However, if you are e-mailing a close friend, you can simply sign off with your typical “xo” or even nothing at all.
Follow-Up Etiquette
If you haven’t received a response from someone, give him or her a few days and then follow up again, referencing your first e-mail. There’s no need for stalker tactics. Most likely the e-mail got buried under a heap of other e-mails, or that person has been meaning to get back to you. A simple “Just following up” note will do the trick. Also, don’t criticize the person for not getting back to you. We all drop the ball sometimes, remember?