Say Nothing... (The Speak Series Book 2) (15 page)

The door shuts behind her, and all the nerves I was suppressing come flooding over me. God, I hope this helps. I pray the therapist can talk her through everything she's been through and that she comes out an even stronger person than she already is. I stare down at my phone screen. Fifty-five minutes to go. If I keep going at this rate, the minutes will start to feel like hours. I open up Facebook and scroll through my newsfeed to pass the time.

"Is that your girlfriend?" a shaky voice asks from behind the front desk window. I'm the only one in the waiting room, so I assume she's talking to me.

"Yes," I answer.

"She's really pretty. Have you been dating long?"

"Uh . . . thanks. Almost five months." I have no idea why I'm answering her questions.

"So are things going well?" And that's my cue to leave.

"Yeah, things are great. Listen, I need to make a phone call. I'm just going to step outside for a bit. Will you let her know I'm just downstairs if she needs me?"

"Sure thing," she says with a grin.

Yeah, a Q&A session with crazy cat lady was not on my agenda of things I wanted to spend the next hour doing. We passed a Starbucks in the lobby on the way in, so I take the elevator down and order an iced tea and take a seat at one of the small tables. I prop my legs on the chair across from me and set my alarm for forty-five minutes. This is much better. No questions, no awkward glances. I open up my phone and jump online while I wait.

"We did some good work today," Dr. Stone says.

I glance over at the clock on her desk and am surprised that a whole hour has passed.

"I want you to pick up a notebook or small journal and keep it by your bed. It will help to write down what you remember or what you feel when you have these episodes."

I wasn't ready to tell her that I know exactly what and who is bringing on my nightmares. It's my first day, and I needed to see what this was about before showing all my cards.

"Okay. I'll make sure to put one by my bed," I reply.

"Very good. If your schedule permits, I recommend weekly visits. It will help us get a better idea of your triggers, and hopefully, avoid them altogether."

If only that were possible. What if your trigger is related to your boyfriend, and he keeps popping in and out of your life? What's the cure for that?

"Sure, that won't be a problem. My office will be moving to Century City soon. I'm good with this time for the next couple of weeks, but after that, I'm not sure. Getting here by seven might be hard with traffic."

"That won't be a problem. Caitlyn will handle everything for you. I also have an office in Beverly Hills. We can make appointments to see each other there when the time comes," she says walking me out of her office and toward the front desk.

"Yes, that would be great."

"Perfect. It was nice meeting you, Ari, and I look forward to speaking to you again next week."

"Likewise, thank you,” I say, as she walks away.

A smiling Caitlyn greets me again as I stand at her desk window.

"Hi. So would you like me to schedule you another appointment?"

"Yes, please. Another evening appointment, if you have one available. Thursday, if possible." I'm grateful that Ben came with me, but I doubt he's going to want to spend every Friday night accompanying me to the crazy doctor. Speaking of Ben, I look around the waiting area and notice he's not there.

"He said he needed to make a phone call and that he would be downstairs if you needed him."

She must have noticed me looking a little lost.

"Here you go. We just had a reschedule, so I was able to get you in next Thursday at seven," she says handing me an appointment card.

"Thanks. See you next week."

I open the door to the office and almost run smack into Ben.

"I was just coming to get you," he says, steadying me. He takes a step back, and I follow him into the hall, letting the door shut behind us.

"Yeah, I thought you ditched me. I was getting ready to call Uber," I say joking.

He pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my head.

"No, the cat lady was giving me the creeps, so I waited downstairs." My face is pressed against his chest muffling a giggle.

"What? Was she propositioning you to father her kittens?"

"Funny," he says rolling his eyes. "So how did it go?"

"I'm cured. Let's go," I say pulling his hand toward the bank of elevators.

He tugs on my hand making me stop. His face is humorless as I turn to look at him.

"You don't have to give me a play-by-play. I just want to know if you liked her and if you're thinking of coming back." The look on his face is so sincere, I feel like a complete bitch for being so flippant.

I shorten the distance between us, wrap my arms around his neck and give him a quick kiss.

"I'm sorry," I say looking at him from under my lashes. "She was fine. I guess."

"Fine?"

"Yeah. Once I got over my nervous giggle fit, it was fine. She's just a lot more granola than I was expecting."

"Granola?"

"Are you a parrot? You know, the armpit hair growing, no deodorant wearing, free love, weed smoking kind of person. Granola," I repeat.

"Sometimes, I wonder about you," he says shaking his head.

"Which is exactly why you have me talking to the good old hippie doctor," I say elbowing him in the ribs.

"Let's just go," he says in exasperation. I follow him to the elevators, noticing the shift in his mood.

We spend the elevator ride down to the lobby in complete silence. I'm not sure what I said or did to piss him off. He continues his silent treatment on the walk to the car. I hate confrontation but having him shut down for no reason has me on the defensive. I wait for him to slide into the driver's seat before I ask.

"Are we doing the whole silent treatment thing? Just so I'm on the same page."

He rolls his neck and releases a heavy sigh. He waits for a beat before answering and I can see his frustration.

"I just want you to take this seriously," he says, staring out the front windshield. He doesn’t have all the facts, and I have to remember that before I say things I won't be able to take back.

"I think I took it pretty seriously." His eyes finally meet mine. "Did you forget this is new for me? I suck at talking about my feelings, especially anything having to do with my past. Sometimes I use humor to lighten the mood."

Frustrated by the fact we're in a confined space and I can’t storm off, I resort to slumping in my seat and looking out the window. The lump in my throat and the threat of tears is making me angry.

"Just take me home," I mutter under my breath. I knew it would be better to come alone and I’m quickly regretting dragging him into this.

His warm hand wraps around my neck, and I close my eyes refusing to look at him. He tugs me toward him, and I finally relent.

Resting his forehead on mine, I feel his minty breath whisper across my lips as he cradles my face. His thumbs rub small circles across my cheeks as the knot in my throat gives way to tears.

"I'm sorry," he says kissing me. I shake my head free and pull away from him.

"I’m sorry. I shouldn't have made you come." I'm facing the window again as I swat at the tears currently running down my face.

"Look at me." I feel like a pathetic fool, and I’m embarrassed to face him. He sighs in frustration when I don't do as he's asked.

"Ari. Please look at me," he repeats calmly. I can feel him burning a hole into the back of my head.

My body shifts toward him after a few seconds, and I look up to meet his eyes.

"I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. That wasn't my intention."

"What was your intention?" I ask wondering where this is coming from.

"It's just- I just- " He rakes a hand over his face, and I’m silent as I wait for an explanation.

"I need this to work. Watching you wake up from these nightmares completely lost and shaken guts me. I can't take them away. Do you know how badly I wish I could just take it all away? So watching you joke about it up there-”

He shakes his head. "It pissed me off, and I felt like you were looking at this as some big joke."

I wipe at my tear stained cheeks and place my hands in my lap before replying. "I sometimes forget that we haven’t been together that long.” He shifts in his seat, giving me his full attention.

"So I’m sorry if you mistook what I did up there as not taking this serious.” He nods.

“This whole situation is heavy, and when things get too serious in my family, we make light of it. It's just how I was raised, and how I've always been. Yes, what I went through is by no means funny. I get that, but if I sit and dwell on the details of what happened, I'll make myself crazy." My words seem to be sinking in, so I continue.

"Was my joking inappropriate? Yeah, maybe. Just know I'm taking these sessions very serious, and I plan to do everything she asks of me. So you thinking that I'm not, hurt."

He cradles my face and the sincerity in his eyes almost makes me break down again.

"I'm sorry, baby. That wasn't my intent, and I hate myself right now for making you cry. Today was supposed to be a good day, and I just fucked it all up."

I lean toward him, wrap my hand around his neck, and kiss him instead. "You didn’t. We just have a lot more getting to know each other to do.”

He nods. “Let's just go home."

THE MORNING SUN BLINDS ME
as I attempt to open my eyes. My head is pounding from lack of sleep. I scrub a hand over my face and instinctively search the nightstand for my phone.
What time is it?
Accidentally knocking it to the ground, I'm forced to crack an eye open to scoop it up off the floor.

Its 10:00
A.M.
and Ari's side of the bed is empty. I still for a moment, but the smell of coffee and the soft murmur of her voice let me know she's here. I pad down the hall in search of her, and her laugh stops me in my tracks. It's a welcome sound that I follow out toward the living room. As I reach the end of the hall, I find her leaning over the kitchen bar top. She's wrapped in her cotton robe, raking her hands through her freshly washed hair.