Say Nothing... (The Speak Series Book 2) (26 page)

As I make the three-mile drive to Dr. Stone’s Beverly Hills office, I can't help the perma-smile I've had on my face all day. It had been too long since Ben and I had connected like that. Watching him as I walked out was so hot; there was no way I was going to pass on a round two. The rest of the day was uneventful compared to this morning.

Natalie and I were able to check out one of the eateries downstairs; we also found out they have something called food truck Fridays. With all of those choices, it will be months before we're able to try everything. It also means I'm going to need to get my ass back to the gym stat.

The fifteen-minute trip is nothing, and it's going to make my weekly meetings much more convenient. I enter the bungalow-style building and check in with the receptionist. A few minutes later, the door opens and Dr. Stone greets me.

"Hello, Ari, please come back."

She's wearing another long flowy skirt, her hair is braided, and I watch it swing down her back like a pendulum as I follow her down the narrow corridor.

"In here," she says, holding the door and waving me in.

This office has the same quirky art and plants like her other office, but it lacks the incredible view.

"Please have a seat. Can I get you some water?" she asks.

"No, thank you. I'm fine." I sit on the fluffy couch and wait for her next instruction.

"So how are you doing today?"

"Good."

It's not a complete lie; besides all the crazy bullshit going on in my life, today I do feel good. She looks at me then at my notebook, and a grin spreads on her face when she notices the cover.

"Nice to hear. What do you have there?"

"You asked me to journal," I say showing her the cover. Now, she giggles.

"I love that meme too. So have you written anything in it?" She notices my hesitation.

"You don't have to share what you've written. I just want to know if you have."

"Yes, I've written in it and it's helped."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it. How are the nightmares?" I guess we're jumping right in.

"I had a bad one the other night, but luckily, it didn't disturb Ben. I was able to write about it in the journal and getting it out on paper actually helped."

"That was the purpose. I'm glad you took my advice and that it helped. Would you like to share what you think triggered the nightmare?"

"When I got home from work that night, Ben shared that he was leaving for London for a month. He leaves tomorrow, actually." The part about Amos niggles at me, and I feel a little guilty for not sharing that too.
Next week.

"So how do you feel about that?"

"I'm happy for him because it's a great opportunity."

She smirks at my canned response. "If that's how you really feel, that's wonderful."

I nervously wring my hands, releasing a long breath. "I don't want him to go. I'm used to having him with me every night, and I'm scared that with him not here, the nightmares will be worse and come more often." Her head bows as she makes notes on her pad, so I continue.

"I'm selfish. He has this great opportunity, and I can't be completely happy for him because I'm thinking of myself."

She meets my eyes. "This makes you human. It's okay to want him to stay. It doesn't make you a bad person. You're scared. We all are at times—what makes the difference is how we face our fears.”

"How do I do that?" My fears are so much worse than Ben leaving.

"Well, first off, you don't let them consume you. Living in fear is no life at all."

I nod because she's right. I hate the constant knot I feel in my stomach from holding this secret.

"What if I told you the man who hurt me is back in my life." Her eyes widen at my admission.

"I just found out he's been having me followed for the last seven years, and I don't know what he wants." That's a lie; I know what he wants.
Me.
 I just don't know why.

"I would tell you that you need to contact the police." Panic washes over me. I grab my purse and quickly make my way toward the door.

"Wait." Dr. Stone stands in front of it with her hands up to placate me.

I shake my head. "Please move. This was a bad idea. It's exactly why I didn't want to tell anyone. I can't call the police. If I tell them . . . Ben . . . I can't, please." This would ruin everything. His trip, his future.
Me and my stupid mouth.

"We're just talking. You asked a question, and I gave you an answer. No one is being called. Please Ari, will you sit so we can continue your session."

"You promise? The situation is more complicated than I'm willing to explain right now. I'm still wrapping my head around it."

Our eyes are locked, and we're at a standoff; she looks uncertain on how to answer.

"I can't promise that, Ari." I continue to walk toward the door, and she steps aside allowing me access.

"I also can't report anything without having all of the facts," she says, just as my hand is about to turn the handle.

"I think you've been holding this secret a long time." I nod, frozen to the spot.

"I also think you're really brave for sharing it with me." Adrenaline is still running through my veins as a tear runs down my cheek.

"You conquered the first step in facing your fear. You think you're ready to do the second." I struggle to find my voice through the knot in my throat.

"What's that?"

"Will you read me something from your journal? You don't have to mention names. Just something that will give me a better understanding of what you felt when you had your nightmare."

Clutching my Ryan Gosling covered journal to my chest, I contemplate her request. As much as I'm scared of her calling the cops, I also feel a little relieved that I've shared this with her. Taking the five short steps back to the couch, I decide to purge myself a little more and open up to a random page.

"
He called today. Am I sick for answering even when I know it's him? I'm unable to block unknown numbers, and his calls are the only ones that appear that way. My curiosity will get me hurt. It's the reason I pick up. That and the fear of what he's capable of if I don't
." I look up and Dr. Stone is sitting stock-still. Almost afraid that if she makes any sudden movements, I'll either stop or bolt.

"Does Ben know this man?"
Fuck.
She hits the nail on the head, and I close my eyes rather than face the truth.

"He has no idea, does he?"

I bow my head embarrassed. "He just lost his grandmother."

"You're not giving him enough credit."

"How's that?" I ask a little irritated.

"You're being a martyr in trying to protect his feelings, but what about you. Who’s protecting you?"

"I can't, okay? Not right now. He just graduated, and he's taking this internship. His life is just starting to look normal again. I can't drop this bomb on him. I . . . can't-"

A small beep rings from her desk, alerting her that our time is over.

"Saved by the bell," I say getting up from the couch.

"Wait," she says grabbing a card and frantically jotting something down.

"Here."

I look down at the business card she's handed me and notice another phone number.

"I rarely give out my personal number, but if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call me."

"Okay."

"I'll see you next week?"

"Yes. I'll make sure to set up my appointment before I leave."

"Be careful, Ari."

"I will."

The morning with Ari left me completely sated. I slept a few more hours before dragging my ass out of bed. Shelly called this afternoon to confirm all of the arrangements for tomorrow's flight. She informed me that Larry was sending his driver to pick me up at the crack of dawn. He was probably afraid I'd skip out on going. It leaves at six thirty tomorrow morning, and Ari had planned to take me. Although I know she'll be disappointed, I'm actually thankful; a teary good-bye at the airport terminal is never my idea of fun.

After triple checking my bags to make sure I've packed all the necessities, I get ready for a night out with my girl. She had her weekly session with Dr. Stone tonight, so I thought a nice dinner out might cheer her up.

I fidget with my suit jacket as I make my way into the refurbished bank building turned trendy restaurant. The hostess greets me with a warm smile.

“Reservation for Rodriguez.” She’s checking for my name when I finally get a text from Ari.

Ari: Parking. See you in a bit.

The hostess shows me to our table, and I text back letting her know I’ve been seated. My eyes are trained on the door as I wait for her to walk in. My heart stutters as she makes her way inside and I take a moment to drink her in. She looks around for a beat, her lips tilt into a sexy grin when our eyes finally meet.

“Hey, handsome,” she says reaching the table. I pull her in for a quick kiss and notice the red rims of her eyes before pulling out her chair.

“You’re looking pretty sexy in that suit. I didn’t get the memo we were dressing up.”

“You look gorgeous, and you already know how I feel about that outfit.” She’s sporting her naughty secretary look complete with peep toe heels. I’ve been ready to get back under that skirt since she walked out the door this morning.

“Besides, I just thought I’d give you some eye candy while you eat,” I say with a grin.

“Always so humble, Mr. Rodriguez,” she says with a laugh.

The waitress interrupts our conversation and takes our drink order.

“So how was your session?”

Her smile falters for a bit. “It was good. Just working some stuff out. So are you all packed and ready to go?”

I wish I could get her to share more with me, but she’s clearly changing the subject. For the sake of keeping this night pleasant, I don’t push.

“Yeah, all I have left to pack are the few things I’ll need in the morning.”

"So what time do we need to get you to the airport?"

"Trying to get rid of me already?"

“Yeah, I was hoping I could take you right now,” she says jokingly.

"About that."

"What now?" she asks exasperated.

"Larry is sending a car."

Her face falls and she recovers quickly by taking a drink of her wine. "That was nice of him."

"Yeah, so now you won't have to get up so early."

"Then I guess I should thank him." Her smile hasn’t wavered and her reaction is throwing me. I expected more of a fight.

She’s studying the menu like she’ll be tested later and the steady bounce of her leg is rattling the silverware.

"It’s not like I was going to sneak out on you or anything. It’s just, I'm already on edge about leaving and walking away from you at the terminal will be too much."

“I get it. Don’t worry about it,” she says dismissively.

We spend the rest of our dinner making small talk and tip-toeing around the obvious. I’m leaving tomorrow and we’re trying our best to get through it. I’m not sure coming out was such a good idea after all. If we weren’t going to talk about anything real, then I would have much rather spent the time rolling around in bed. This night went to hell in a handbasket, and I spend the car ride home trying to figure out how to save it.

She makes it home a few minutes before I do and I find her in the kitchen sorting through today’s mail.

“What’s going on,
Fast and Furious
? How did you beat me home?” She looks up from the stack of envelopes and shrugs. Her eyes are glossy and I waste no time closing the distance between us.

“Come here.” I wrap her in a hug and she buries her face into my chest with a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?” I ask running my fingers through her hair.

“For ruining dinner. I was trying. I just . . .” I cradle her face forcing her to meet my eyes.

“You didn’t ruin anything. We just had an off night, it happens.”

“I’m going to miss you,” she whispers.

I wipe at a stray tear from her cheek before pressing a kiss to her lips. I'll miss her more than words can express, and I spend the next few hours showing her how much.

It's still dark out when the sound of his foghorn alarm stirs me awake. I force an eye open, and Ben is sound asleep. It took all I had to keep it together through dinner last night. Once he informed me that the car service would be picking him up, I sort of checked out. We spent the rest of the night wrapped in each other’s arms and I thank God every day for his patience with me.