Scar (12 page)

“Now picture me, chilling in this hospital bed looking cute and sexy—as always—with the phone to my ear, trying to make you smile. Can you see it clearly?”

“Yes.”

“Then you can see me, Caelyn. You just have to try.”

“It’s so hard, though. I don’t want to have to close my eyes to be with you.”

“Nothing good ever came easy, kid.”

She was going to respond, but then she heard a voice in the background saying something to Elijah. Elijah responded. They went back and forth a few times before Elijah came back on the line. “Hey,” he said, “I’m going to have to get off the phone now.”

“So soon?” she said, wanting to pout. It didn’t seem fair.

“Listen, it might be a little while before we talk again. Don’t get down about it.”

“Why can’t you call me tomorrow?”

“I’m not going to be at the hospital anymore. They’re taking me back to Massachusetts, to jail. I’ll be in the prison infirmary until I recover enough to be put back in general population.”

“Oh.” Her heart sank but she didn’t want to overreact. After all, it was Elijah who had to go through the experience of being back in prison, so how could she freak out when he seemed so okay with it?

“Remember what I said,” Elijah told her. “Remember to close your eyes and be with me, and I’ll do the same. No matter how long I’m away, I’ll never stop being with you. Never.”

“Promise?”

“It’s a guarantee,” he said.

And then he was gone.

***

The days went by in a kind of haze after that last conversation with Elijah.

When Caelyn’s parents came back from dropping Deena off at the hospital, Caelyn sat them down and told them she wanted to go back to college.

She’d been expecting some resistance to the idea, or at least for them to voice concerns about whether or not she’d be able to behave responsibly after everything she’d done recently. But in actuality, they were both incredibly relieved and happy to say yes to it.

Caelyn hadn’t quite known how to react—the whole thing was so unlike her parents, to be so unconditionally supportive.

After that, Caelyn had simply done her best to avoid the journalists and snooping vultures that were constantly skulking around outside the house.

For the better part of a week, she traveled back and forth to campus to talk with the school about coming back for the next semester.

That process was less easy than anticipated. There was an interview with her guidance counselor, and then a school therapist, and then the dean, and finally a follow-up interview with the entire board.

Everyone seemed concerned about Caelyn’s story and the way her presence would reflect upon the university.

They all wanted assurances that Caelyn wouldn’t engage in any sort of behavior or activities that would hurt the school’s reputation.

She found the whole process highly insulting, especially as she began to realize that much of what was happening was simply nosiness on the part of the college administration. They were simultaneously condescending, but also rather in awe of her at times—treating her like some kind of celebrity.

Eventually, at the last meeting with the board, Caelyn had simply called their bluff. She’d stood up after answering forty-five minutes of ridiculous questions, and told them that she was intending to transfer instead to another nearby school, rather than continue with this charade.

Immediately, the president of the college had reassured her that both he and the board as a whole were quite convinced that her presence would not be a distraction, and she would, in fact, be welcomed back on campus with open arms.

And of course, the check she was submitting to the bursar’s office was good, too.

Until the next semester started, though, Caelyn determined to keep her head down and stay out of the spotlight and out of trouble.

She began getting up early every morning, since the press and paparazzi didn’t turn up at the house until six or seven in the morning, typically. Caelyn rose before dawn and headed off to the gym in a neighboring town. She wore a baseball cap and so far, nobody had recognized her.

At first, she’d been weak and unable to do much. But after about ten days, her determination had resulted in improved stamina, and besides—she didn’t want to go home. So she found things to do, even when she was too tired to workout hard.

Soon after the first couple of weeks, she was able to workout reasonably hard for close to two hours, and it felt great. She was stronger than she’d been in a long, long time.

When the pain was intense, she’d close her eyes and picture Elijah, and somehow seeing him in her mind’s eye always made the pain go away. She would have vivid fantasies where she would talk to him, picture the conversations they’d have together, laughing and smiling and loving one another.

Even though it was all in her imagination, she took great comfort in just the thought of him, and knowing he was keeping her in his thoughts too.

From the gym, she went to the library and spent at least a few hours a day reading and studying books that interested her, as well as books that were required for the kinds of courses she planned to take the next semester. Caelyn had decided that from now on, she would be well ahead of the game—never behind. Every class would be an A—every single class.

From the library, Caelyn would drive to a support group that she’d found. It was a support group for women who had family members and loved ones in the prison system. The group was fairly small—usually only about five or ten women showed up. But they were kind, and if they recognized her from any pictures in the media, none of them showed it.

It was comforting to sit and hear the stories of women who were struggling with similar feelings of loss and pain and heartbreak.

She’d become friends with a younger woman, someone closer to her age, named Grace. Grace had a husband who’d gone to jail for armed robbery and he was going to be in prison for at least the next ten years. She had a young daughter and was struggling to support her on a waitress’s salary, but Grace had a really beautiful and optimistic attitude.

Sometimes, after one of the support group meetings, Caelyn and Grace would go to a nearby coffee shop and sit and talk and relax. They truly enjoyed one another’s company, and Grace would talk about her husband, while Caelyn would share stories about Elijah.

It was nice to talk about him to someone who didn’t judge.

Grace had watched the video of Elijah saving the family from the fire before she’d even realized that he was Caelyn’s boyfriend.

When Caelyn told her that the same person she’d seen on video was Caelyn’s boyfriend, Grace had been shocked. She’d grabbed Caelyn’s hand firmly. “When I watched that video of him saving those people, I cried, you know. I sobbed like a baby. Whoever put him in jail should be ashamed, because your man showed who he really is that day. And I’m telling you, not one person in a million would’ve done what he did.”

Of course, her words soothed the pain briefly, but they didn’t change the fact that Elijah was still away and not likely to come again for a long time.

Sure, there were Facebook pages, Elijah Daniels fan clubs, Free Elijah Daniels websites, and even a petition or two floating around on the Internet. But Caelyn had consulted with a few lawyers, and they’d all assured her that most of that stuff fell on deaf ears when it came to the courts.

Public opinion mattered, but nobody in public office wanted to appear weak on crime. And although
Elijah was thought of as a hero by many people
, he was also a criminal, and his long police record showed that he wasn’t simply some kid who’d had an isolated scrape with the law.

The Anderson Cooper interview had been a big success, to be sure, and it had helped Elijah’s cause. Caelyn had watched it many times since it initially aired, and she’d been shocked at just how charismatic and at ease Elijah was in front of the cameras. He’d been every bit Anderson’s equal, and he’d also been incredibly humble about his heroics, giving all credit to the police and fire department.

And in that televised interview, Elijah had once again been clear that he felt he deserved to go to jail and pay his dues for the crimes he’d committed in the past.

Some of the lawyers Caelyn had consulted thought that Elijah’s own words could be used against him. Yes, he’d shown remorse, but by his own admission, he thought he deserved jail time.

Most seemed to think he would get what he was asking for, and lots of it.

***

After what seemed an eternity, Elijah’s day in court arrived.

Elijah let her know via an email he’d sent from prison. She hadn’t been allowed to visit him or even speak to him on the phone since he’d been taken back to jail, but somehow he managed to send her the email.

Caelyn,

I was able to call in a favor from a guy in the bed next to me, and he let me use his account to send this email. I hope you get it and don’t trash it before you see
its
from me. Then again, maybe you’ll see its from me and trash it anyway, but I hope not.
J

My hearing is tomorrow at 8 a.m. in Dorchester.

The judge is supposedly a real hard ass, so I’m not expecting much in the way of leniency. Basically, I’m looking at getting a minimum of 10 years, possibly more depending on whether they make the charges against me run concurrent or consecutively.

Anyway, I’m not stressing over it. My love for you keeps me going in here. I miss you every second of every day, but you’re with me every second too—if that even makes sense. I don’t know, maybe I’m losing it, huh? Don’t answer that, kid.

I hope to see you in court but I’ll understand if not. Remember that I love you no matter what. Also, don’t bother replying to this unless you want a dude named Crazy Eyes to start sending you emails at all hours of the day and night.

Take care of yourself, beautiful.

-E

Caelyn read the email over and over again, crying until her tears ran dry. Finally, late that night, she was able to drift off, her laptop open, the email on screen even as she dozed into unconsciousness.

The next morning, Caelyn woke up early, before dawn. Her stomach was in knots and she had a pounding headache. She felt shaky and weak and more anxious than she could remember being recently.

This is it
, she thought.
This is the real moment of truth. I’ll know by the end of the day just how long it will be before we can be together again.

She didn’t want to think negatively, and she tried to tell herself that maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad. Maybe this judge would show some compassion for Elijah, given what he’d done in saving those people.

But as she showered and dressed, all of the words of the lawyers she’d consulted with, all of the experts who’d weighed in on the
subject,
rang in her mind. Each and every one of them had said that Elijah was going to have to serve a lengthy prison sentence, and there was no way around it.

Elijah had told her in his email that this judge was known to be tough in his sentencing. So there really wasn’t much to be hopeful about, and Caelyn wasn’t feeling particularly hopeful deep down.

She felt more like she was getting dressed for a funeral.

As she walked downstairs to leave the house, she heard her parents’ bedroom door open with a loud creak.

“Caelyn?” her mother’s voice floated down to her.

Caelyn turned and saw her mother standing just outside the door in a nightgown, hugging herself, squinty-eyed with tiredness.

“Hey, Mom. Sorry if I woke you up. I was trying to be quiet.”

“What are you doing?”

“I always get up early, you know that.”

“You’re not dressed for the gym,” her mother said.

“That’s true. I’m not going to the gym today.” Caelyn sighed. “I’m going to court. Today’s Elijah’s hearing.”

Her mother’s eyes opened wide. “Caelyn, why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because,” she said, “I know how you guys feel about him and I really didn’t want to deal with any negativity today. This is going to be really hard for me, and I just thought I’d deal with it myself.”

Her mother nodded, shoulders slumping a little as the full force of Caelyn’s words impacted her. “I suppose I can’t blame you for feeling that way.”

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, Mom.” She felt a lump forming in her throat and tried to swallow it down. “Anyway, I should go. I want to get there early and make sure I can get a seat inside the courthouse.”

“I want to say something before you go,” her mother told her, stepping hesitantly forward.

Caelyn watched her, not sure what was going on. “I really should head out, Mom.” She didn’t want to have a big dramatic scene with her mother right then, especially not with how anxious she was already feeling that moment.

But her mother wasn’t being overly dramatic as she spoke. “I want to tell you that no matter what happens, I’m proud of you.”

Now it was Caelyn’s turn to be shocked. “Okay…I mean, I guess I’ll take that at face value. But I’m not sure exactly what I’ve done for you to be proud of.”