Scars and Songs (13 page)

I wanted to tell her everything.

Ethan came back with us and we watched television. Conner and Lea snuggled on the couch with Ethan and me on the chairs on either side.

Exactly as Lea said, Grace came home five minutes after us. I sat up and almost ran to her, but Lea hissed at me under her breath, “
Donʼt
Shane.  You’ll scare the shit out of her.”

“Hey,” she said walking through the room, only flicking a small glance at me.

“Hey, yourself. Where did you and Tucker go?” Lea called after her.

She got as far as the opening to the hallway and took off her coat; her back to us, “He took me for a ride in his car.” She turned and looked at Lea with a guarded expression, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

With a concerned face, Lea followed her quickly down the hallway.

I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that Tucker did something. In a way, I hoped that he showed her what an inconsiderate selfish prick he could be, but on the other hand, I didn
ʼt want to see Grace get hurt.

Ethan tapped me on the knee, “You don
ʼt think Tucker did anything to hurt her or anything, right?”

“Dude, I was just thinking the same thing. I swear I
ʼll kill him, Ethan.”

Ethan shook his head at me, “Then you
do
understand why I donʼt want you putting the moves on her either!”

“Shut up.” I said as I stepped over the coffee table to get past Conner
ʼs stretched out legs and walked quietly down the hallway.

Lea was just coming out of her room. “Is she okay?” I whispered.

“Sheʼs better than anybody I know, she just wants to be alone, literally,” Lea answered. She grabbed my arm in hers and walked me back to the living room. “Shane, you donʼt have to worry about Tucker. Just try to be a friend to her. She’s not ready for anything more from anyone right now.  She’ll just push you away.  Trust me on this.”

Ethan and I left a minute later. 
At least, I knew she was okay and away from Tucker
.  But how the hell was I just going to be a friend to her, like Lea said?

A friend. A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
. At least thatʼs the definition of it on dictionary.com.
A confidant, companion, ally, associate, comrade, partner, mate, pal
; I wanted to be it all and
so
much more. 
I was so screwed
.

Early that next morning, I left my apartment dressed in my running gear. I knocked on Lea
ʼs door and waited for her to let me in as she did every morning, with a bright smile on her face and a cup of coffee in her hands. Today, her hair was disheveled and she still wore her pajamas, and there was no coffee in sight. 
Scary
.  Not the way Lea looked, just the fact that there was
no freakin’ coffee made
.  In my opinion, not having your morning coffee could be used as a great defense in a murder case. 
That’s just my opinion though
.

“We slept late! Come in and help me get Conner up and make some coffee!” she said.

Conner was still asleep, covers over his head, moaning that he needed just five more minutes and then he called me Mom.
He’s such a jackhat
.  I had to help Lea yank his body off the bed. We ended up spraying water on his face to get him to sit up and open his eyes.  Torturing him like that, I have to say, was quite enjoyable.

Lea, in her usual adorable way
, knew exactly what she needed to do to
keep
him awake. She invited him to shower with her.  I had to make the damn coffee.

“Stay for coffee, Shane, but let
ʼs skip the run today, okay?” Conner laughed as Lea yanked him into the bathroom.

I chuckled from the kitchen, “Enjoy yourself, Conner!” I waited for the coffee pot to fill up (it felt like a freaking hour), poured myself a cup of coffee
, and listened to the two of them singing in the shower.

When my ears were just about to start bleeding from their awful singing, the most beautiful creature quietly slipped into my sight.  She wore a tiny little black tank top and a pair of boy shorts. I gripped the table with my hands and forced my eyes to stay on hers and not leer at every other inch of her bare skin I could find. Trust me, I wanted to look at those gorgeous creamy legs and the way those tiny shorts wrapped themselves around her hips; but I didn
ʼt. 
I deserved some sort of a freakin’ medal for it, that’s how damn hard it was
.  That’s how damn hard
I
was.

“Morning, Sunshine!” I said; voice screeching as if I was just hitting puberty. 
Not embarrassing
at all
.

She poured a cup of coffee and stirred in some sweetener. I watched her hands as she made it
, burning the memory of how she took her coffee in my mind. Tilting her head shyly at me, she smiled.  “Good morning. Um, do you come here for coffee every day?” she asked.

My legs started nervously tapping against the legs of the table so I stood up and pushed my hands through my hair, trying to straighten my cloudy brain. “We were going on a run, but he slept late. I
ʼll be out of your way in a minute,” I explained.  Her beautiful eyes sparkled at me and of course, I couldn’t control my mouth, “Unless you feel up for running with me?”

The horrible singing echoed in the background and she gave me a questioning look in the direction of the bathroom.  It made me wonder how she would sound singing in the bathroom,
or really how she’d look
.

She smirked as if she could read my damn mind.

I laughed, “Why the hell are you looking at me like that? No strings attached. Iʼm seriously just asking if you want to go running with me. Nothing else.”

She pointed to herself, running her fingers quickly across her body. “And you
ʼre not going to start joking about me standing in front of you with this on,” she asked. 
Damn, girl.  Do you understand how hard it is not to freakin’ look at your body right now?

God, I wanted to look at where she pointed. I wanted to see all the details I was missing, but I just focused on her eyes. “Well, I
ʼm sure youʼll change if you want to go running.”  Voice.  Cracking. 
AGAIN
.

Bubbles of laughter burst out of her, “Who are you and what have you done with that male chauvinist pig called Shane?”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Har, har, har. You coming or not?”

“Sure. Let me just change.” She turned and walked away.

I froze and my heart thudded in my throat.
Never, never was I ever this aroused before
.  She walked away, and my eyes dropped to the creamy skin of the perfect roundness of her ass peeking out from the bottom of her shorts. Her long, dark, silky hair fell in a sexy mess that draped over her shoulders and back. My mouth went dry, and a soft muffled sigh escaped my lips.

When she was fully out of my sight, I ran to the kitchen sink and splashed icy cold water over my face. Conner and Lea continued their screeching melodies in the shower. I thought about garbage, dead people, hell; anything to erase the most perfect backside I just witnessed.  I needed to get this girl out of my system before she killed me.

Grace met me in the living room, dressed for running.
I still saw her half naked
. I opened the door for her and started stretching without a glance in her direction.

We ran for two hours in beautiful silence. Just the sound of her breath next to me was all I needed.

We ended the run by her apartment and she held the door open for me, walked straight to the refrigerator and threw me a bottle of water.

There was a subtle shimmer in her eye. “I
ʼm going to take a shower,” she said and left me standing alone in the kitchen.  I stood there like an idiot for a minute trying to decide what I should do. 
Do I just leave? Jump in the shower with her? Maybe stay and make her something to eat?
  We left to run without having anything but coffee this morning.

I leaned heavily on the counter, trying not to imagine her with a soapy lather all over her body. I busied myself making a lunch for us. I made turkey wraps with an olive salad. Then I sat and waited.

Twenty minutes. 
Chicks and their long showers, I don’t get it
.

Thirty minutes.  
Isn’t she going to be all pruney by now?

One hour. The shower still ran.
What.  The.  Hell
.

An hour and thirty minutes.
Thereʼs no way there was warm water for that long in a building this old
. I walked into the hallway to knock on the door to see if she was okay.

Before my knuckles could rap on the door, I heard the pipes squeal and the water shut off. I leaned against the wall by the kitchen, waiting to see if she was okay. She came out wrapped in a towel, shaking; water dripping from her hair. Her skin looked almost blue, but her eyes were red from crying. She looked lost.  Haunted. I couldn
ʼt hide the look of surprise on my face even if I tried. There was so much more to Grace than I knew about, and the more I got to know, the more I opened my heart for her.

“I made lunch, if you
ʼre hungry,” I whispered.
I wish I could take away your pain
.

Her cheeks colored, making her look alive again. “Yeah, sure. I
ʼll be right there.” 
If only I was still an angel.  Then I would have the power to take away her pain
.  I would never regret loving Selah, but I would always regret not fighting my punishment harder and not being able to be an angel any longer.

Five minutes later, she came into the kitchen. Her hair was still wet and she wore a purple shirt that made her eyes turn lavender.
Selahʼs used to do the same
. I cringed at the thought that I could ever compare someone to her.  Selah was gone, and I would never have the honor of feasting my eyes on hers again.

“Sorry, I took so long. I really didn
ʼt think you were going to stay,” she said hunching her shoulders. She looked like a little girl that got caught doing something wrong.

I laughed, but the sound had an edge to it that I couldn
ʼt hide. “Is that why you took so long, so Iʼd leave? All you have to do is ask me to, Grace. I just thought after a two hour run on an empty stomach, you would like some food.” 
This poor girl must think so little of me
.  Why did I have to end up in a worthless piece of shit’s body?

She rolled her purple eyes at me. “No, ass. I didn
ʼt stay in there because of you. Not everything in this world revolves around you, you know. And thanks, I am starving,” she said sitting down.

I was confused by her quick change of character. She was hiding stuff from me and I didn
ʼt understand what or why.  But, hell, I wanted to figure her out.

“Will you be joining me or are you just here to watch me eat? It
ʼs pretty good, by the way,” she smiled warmly.

I just stood there frozen and watched her eyes. I wanted to say so many things at that moment. I wanted to tell her everything I could about me, about my punishment, about hell. I wanted her to know exactly how much she looked like someone I gave up everything for, and how, without a doubt in my soul, I would do it all again.

Then she started choking on the food. I ran over to her. “Are you okay? Is it that bad?” 
What the hell?  I didn’t know what the first thing to do to help someone if they were choking
.

She burst out laughing, and wiped her eyes. “Oh God, Shane. It
ʼs delicious. Iʼm choking because youʼre sitting there, staring at me like the taste of your turkey wrap depends on your life.”

I tried my best to muster up a laugh and sat down to eat. 
I’m freakin’ losing it.  This girl is just too much like…

“Man, you made my eyes tear up,” she sighed.

“Those are such gorgeous eyes, there should never be tears in them,” I whispered. 
Shit, shit, shit!  I shouldn’t have said that
. “Your purple shirt is reflecting into them, and itʼs making them look lavender.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “No wonder you were staring at me like that. Yeah, I can change my eye color if I wear certain colors, but most of the time, they are dull gray.”

It was my turn to choke on my food. 
Was she kidding me?
“Grace, there is nothing dull about those eyes. And youʼre right, this shit is delicious. You’re welcome.” We ate the rest of our lunch in silence. When we finished, she helped me clean as if we were a well oiled machine.  I got my coat and my bag with all my running gear inside and I started for the door. I didnʼt want to leave though; I wanted to spend more time with her.  “Have anything planned today?” I asked.